We Told God Our Plans and He's Been Laughing Since

The "Third" Question

2012-01-28T21:00:00.000-06:00

The "Third" Question

Recently several of my friends have become pregnant with or given birth to their third child. Which has, in turn, caused some good natured teasing about when our third pregnancy will happen.

The truth is- I really don't know. Isaac was very much wanted, so much that after the months of infertility & miscarriage it hurt my heart too much to try any more. And 5 months of non-trying produced Isaac. The best surprise of my life. And Hope is what we refer to as our "one month miracle". We no more than decided to try and there she was. No drama. No fuss. No waiting. No miscarriage. Proof of God's healing in my once broken womb. Praise God.

How life has changed! Because of budget cuts resulting in decreased income for Ryland at work and my calling & choice to only work part time we are in a different place financially than we were with the other 2 pregnancies. I also have a rambunctious (almost) three year old, and a wide eyed curious one year old that I am chasing. My body has now been pregnant 5 times, twice were 40 week long ordeals. And I can't neglect the fact that I am a woman with past pregnancy issues who will be turning 30. The magic number for decreasing ease in becoming pregnant & having a healthy pregnancy.

Therefore I have all these thoughts swimming in my mind. All these reasons to wait or stop altogether. But I can't ignore the little ache I have to feel flutters and kicks and the roll of a little person inside my body, The joyful anticipation of a delivery, and the first glance of a face that you've never seen yet know so well, and the smell of a fuzzy newborn head.

In my heart I know I'm not ready yet, but I also know I'm not ready to be finished with this most precious season of my life.

This is a new experience- having my youngest child grow into toddlerhood with no new baby waiting in the wings. It makes me treasure Hope's milestones, and cry at just how big Isaac is.

I'm also aware of two things that are hard to swallow, but in different ways: 1) My body may never produce another baby. I know this. I accept this. And if this is God's will then I am ok. Not thrilled about it, but ok. God gave me more than I ever could have wanted with Isaac and Hope. Maybe I'm selfish to even want more. But I can't not want it. 2) God may surprise us with a pregnancy during a time when we are preventing it. I know several friends who have experienced this blessed surprise. God's plan and timing are perfect and this would be terrifying and wonderful. I hope in either circumstance I will have the strength to say, "thy will be done".

So as for now, I look forward to the future with Hope and Laughter- who knows what is to be?

Did I mention I might even want a fourth? That is another post entirely.

So, the third?

Yes, I hope so. I just don't know when.

2011- Year in Review

2011-12-30T23:57:00.003-06:00

Didn’t I just ring in the new year?

I know I say it every year but they just seem to keep getting faster. I heard an aged friend say that
when you believe in Santa Christmas comes every 5 years, when you are Santa it
comes every 5 months, and when you look like Santa, it comes every 5 days. I am
so thankful to “be” Santa right now and I am trying to savor all the sweet
wonder on the faces of my 2 sweet tots in their footy pajamas.

For the past several years I have been writing our “Russell
Family Digital Christmas Card”, it is my attempt at reflecting on and
summarizing the year in passing. So here I go……

In January, I woke up to a dream I had my whole life. I was
at DISNEY WORLD! That’s right, I spent the first day of 2011 in Disney World.
Ryland’s Grandmother Mary (Russell) Rose and her husband, Tom, loaded 40ish
family members onto a charter bus and took us to Florida for a week. In my dreams I probably wouldn’t have planned to take a 10 week old baby, but she was a great little traveler, she napped on and snuggled on her adoring aunts, uncles, grands, and cousins. Isaac was in
complete amazement of the rides, shows, and characters- I cry when I think of
the look on his face watching the light parade on our last night. It was pure
joy. It was one of the sweetest and most precious gifts I have ever been given.
I will treasure it forever. And I NEED to go back! (Praying for an
unrealistically huge tax return!)

We returned home from paradise intact and made plans for a
very special birthday weekend for my two sweet boys on the first weekend of
February. We were supposed to celebrate in Arkansas with Mimi and Poppy but 21
inches of snow and 2 weeks of blizzard like conditions cancelled our plans. We
hunkered down and spent two weeks watching movies and sitting in our pj’s. Isaac celebrated his second birthday and Ryland celebrated his 27th as snow continued to fall.

In March God answered a year- long prayer: our house in
Guthrie sold! We were glad to see it go after putting in piers, fixing a busted hot water
heater, and several months paying both rent and a mortgage. It was a tough
time, but God remained faithful and met all our needs. He’s always good about
that.

April brought our great Easter production at church. And on
Easter morning Isaac woke up with a very high fever which turned out to be the
flu. Which he passed to Hope. Which they passed to me. We spent a lot of time
at home in April. The highlight of April was paying off my student loans. It is
a goal of ours to be completely debt free. This was one step closer. We are one
car away!

In May we used part of our tax return to take a trip to
Branson with Jeje, Pawpa, and Uncle Lane. We swam indoors, Silver Dollar
Citied, showed, ate, and had fun. We traveled to Arkansas to see Ryland’s
sister, Hilary, graduate from high school. From there we took a short weekend
trip to OKC to watch Ryland lead worship for a revival, and we ended the month
at Bigheart Day and my (sigh) 10 year reunion. Yes, I’m old.

June began the camp season. We kissed Ryland goodbye and held
the fort down at home. I worked the summer session at the pre-school, so two
days a week I got to take school age kids on fun field trips, Isaac got to
splash with his buddies, and Hope got to snuggle with her Miss Tonya. Hope
decided she had spent enough time being immobile and started crawling.

July brought the heat. Weeks upon weeks of 100 degree days.
We stayed indoors most of the time, except for a week that we spent in Eureka
Springs with Mimi, Poppy, and our cousins. Mimi took Isaac to an alligator
farm. And we went to a fantastic water/amusement park. Isaac was exhausted, but
blissfully happy. He loves anything that involves his cousins. We had VBS at
church, Isaac loved the music. He is quite a dancer.

August was still hot. Again, we spent most of the time
indoors. I think that the heat stroke has erased most of my memory of this
month!

In September we went back to school…well…preschool, that is.
I am still teaching pre-school music at Grand Central Kids. I love my job. No
lesson plans, short classes, no grading, and cute kids. We get to sing about
Jesus and dance. It is sweet. We took Isaac to see “The Lion King” in 3D. It
was his first movie. He wore his glasses and sang all the songs. He is
enthusiastic about everything. This was no different. He even told his Dad that
Mufasa was his best friend.

October was kicked off at the Tulsa State Fair with Jeje and
Pawpa. Hope loved sampling the local flavors, Isaac rode the ferris wheel with
me. He asked me if he could scream when we went down, and scream he did! We
celebrated Hope’s first birthday, Mimi and Poppy showed up just in time to see
Hope walk across the living room for the first time. I’m afraid she might be
just a bit of a show off. We celebrated her first year and my 29th.
Ryland took me for a much needed overnight trip complete with shopping, movies,
and eating out. I was thoroughly loved.

November was a blur- we spent Thanksgiving in Chickasha, and
we met our new cousin, Dawit for the first time. He arrived from Ethiopia with
his proud new family, Kent, Georgia, and Blake Bush during the summer. Dawit is
in the process of learning English but he said, “baby!” over and over- he
really loved Hope and kept sneaking little hugs and kisses. We went to the
Festival of Light and worked on our Christmas shopping.

And sweet December. Ryland worked tirelessly to put on our
Christmas musical, complete with fog, snow, amazing music, a sleigh, a living
nativity, and a stomp style drum line. It was incredible. I was blessed to be
part of it. It was Isaac’s first time to sit in “big church”. He sat on the
front row and during my solo I could hear his little voice saying, “hi momma,
hi momma!”. We visited Santa at Bass Pro
Shop where Isaac asked for a “Dragon Happy Napper” and Hope screamed in terror
when we handed her to Santa. We also rode the Christmas train where we saw an
account of the life of Jesus. I had a yucky case of stomach flu the weekend
before Christmas and ended up dehydrated! Luckily I bounced back in time to
catch all the holiday fun. We hosted Christmas morning at our house with my
parents and Ryland’s. It was the first time I have ever been in my own house on
Christmas morning. I loved it- I can see why people get so defensive about
being home on Christmas. We traveled to Dewey, Barnsdall, and Chickasha to see
our Granndparents and celebrate. I even spent the wee hours of December 26th
at the hospital in Chickasha, Hope decided to run a high fever and scare me.
Isaac and Ryland snoozed in our hotel room until we returned.

And now here I am, just 24 hours from 2012. Putting to bed a
year that has been challenging and incredibly full of blessings. And in the short term, planning to cook several of our favorite dishes from Bahama Breeze (RIP, but thank God for pinterest!) for my family to ring in the new year.

This year marks the smallest income that we have known as a
couple. But it is also the year where we have paid off the most debts. It is
the year where we have had major needs that we couldn’t afford- but people and
unexpected providers showed up, and in turn we were able to give to many others
this year. It hasn’t been easy, my attitude has been crummy many times. I let
myself get bogged down in things beyond my control, but God is bigger and more
generous than I deserve and I am so blessed more than I deserve. And as we face
another year with no raises, and increasing expenses, I know God will still be
faithful as we strive to be good stewards of the gifts we’ve been given.

I have goals and dreams for 2012. I am hoping that this will
be the year that we become completely debt free. We are close! I pray that my
family stays healthy, that my extended family and friends who are fighting hard
ailments will find healing. And that Ryland and I will glorify God in our
parenting, decisions, and finances. We are going to do our best to plan time
off, and actually use it to rest! We are so bad about using time off to do
extra work. I am planning on doing a 5K before I turn 3o in October. And in the midst of child rearing, I want to remember to keep falling in love with the amazing baby daddy that God gave me in the first place- I love that guy!

My children are growing so fast. Isaac is so smart and
funny. And Hope is a happy little dancer. They bring me more joy than words can
express. I am weepy and nostalgic when I think of them this time last year-
Isaac was only talking a little, and Hope was a newborn. So different from the
two funny little people that I know now. I can’t believe that God thought that
I was good enough to deserve them. I hope I can live up to that responsibility.

I am also hoping to blog more next year. We’ll see…..

Happy belated holidays, beloved. Praying that 2011 was
sweet, and that 2012 holds blessings that are even sweeter.

Tears In My Eyes- Mushy Christmas Musings

2011-11-09T13:17:00.003-06:00

After a brief, sweet, cry as I was lost in nostalgia of past Christmases, I had a thought.

Why do memories make us so weepy?

My childhood memories are cluttered with images and sights and smells and people and laughs.

My earliest Christmas mornings in my Grandma's little living room, crammed with gifts, and cousins.

Getting a bride dress up gown and crying when my cousins told me they were going to take me to marry Johnny Smith.

The smell of coffee and biscuits and gravy.

The house littered with air mattresses and pallets and mammie quilts.

Christmas carols sang with much gusto by people of limited talented who were unaware of their limits.

Ornaments that belonged to Great Grandparents that I never met or don't remember.

Red apple ornaments bearing my name and all those I love.

Candies- home made and more wonderful than any ever purchased in a store.

Waiting anxiously as our Christmas baby, Jordan was born almost 18 years ago.

Being so mad that my family wanted to stay up and visit- Santa couldn't come until everyone was sleeping!!!!

Highly inappropriate Christmas gifts being exchanged on Christmas eve, only to be stolen by the right and left family!

The Elmer Fudd Chia Pet that would NOT DIE!

Games of spoons that often resluted in injury and crying.

How beautiful my grandparents were. How blissfully happy. How blessed. How favored by God.

The year that my Grandpa Corky met Jesus in this world.

The year that my Grandpa-in-love Alvin Russell met Jesus face to face in heaven. What a glorious day.

My destructo brother breaking treasured Precious Moments figurines and wisemen.

How my little hometown sparkled with lights on the lamp posts, and a cross shining from a water tower overlooking the town.

My Dad pointing out blinking red lights from plane towers and insisting that it was Santa. I BELIEVED!

Watching my cousins marry and bring a new generation of little ones to take part.

Socks and lifesavers from Grannie Grete or Big Granny as she was known.

The twinkle in the eyes of my Grandpa for who Christmas inspired poetry, pride, and happiness beyond measure.

The year Grannie Myrna burned the rolls and fire marshall Ralph saved the day!

Candlelight services and sweet hymns shared with my church family.

Hmmm.... I just noticed that I never mentioned a gift. Interesting.

I think I know the answer. Why does it make us weepy. I think the answer is simple. In those moments- we just don't realize how good it is. We don't think about the spot in the middle of a green sectional that will be empty, or a laugh that you'll never hear again, or stories that you've heard a thousand times that will never again cross the lips of someone you'll miss until Jesus comes back. I just didn't have any idea how wonderful it was. I do now. And I am so thankful that I had those moments, even if they only exist in my memory now.

But here I am, almost 30. I am Santa now, Mrs. Claus technically. I am orchestrating the memories of two little people that I love more than I ever thought it was possible to love another. And the sweetness continues. I think of my first Christmas as a wife thinking it was so weird to wake up with a boy in my bed! The Christmas we told our families we were preganant only to lose that baby. Being very pregnant with Isaac three years later, very Mary-esque. My first Christmas as a momma, starting a sweet day with my in-laws, and having high expectations that were dashed by 24 inches of snow and ending in a Super8 in Sapulpa with "the bomb" as my Christmas dinner. Then having 10 week old Hope in tow and taking a Griswold Style Christmas vacation on a charter bus to Disney World.

The memories continue. The tears still come.

So mock me if you will when I put up my tree at the first of November, then cry when my fingers find my sentimental ornaments, and laugh for no reason when I hear "Christmas Shoes" or "Where are You Christmas?", or always think that a children's Christmas musical would be better if Miss Debbie was running the show. I'm just getting lost in the past for a minute. I'm sure I'll be back soon, because I need to be present. I don't ever wanna miss anything. I may look back later and realize how good it was.

A Letter to the Birthday Girl

2011-10-11T21:20:00.003-05:00

Hopey,

How is it possible that a year has passed since we first met? How did you transform from my tiny baby into such a big girl so quickly? Didn't we agree that you would go slow and stay little?

I will not be able to say all that I want in one post- there aren't enough words for me to tell you how special you are or how blessed I am that God chose me to be your Momma. How could you possibly know that I dreamed and prayed for a daughter and God answered with you- and you are more precious and wonderful than I could even have imagined?!?!?

In a year's time you have been a spring day in the middle of a two week blizzard, and a breath of cool air in two months of desert. You have been joy in the midst of sorrow, and riches in a time of want. You were a smile when there were only tears. You are north on a compass that helps me find the direction of what's important.

You are a beauty. No doubt. But your beauty is not in your sweet little wisps of blonde hair, your long eyelashes, or sparkly blue eyes. Your beauty radiates from inside- I believe that God has given you a truly lovely heart. I hope that I can help you learn how to let your little light shine. Not so that people will love you, but so that people will love who made you- so that people will know your light giver.

You have a laugh that is music! Your giggle is contagious. You are so ready to walk but just haven't quite found your feet. You explore the world with joy, you think that there is no greater treasure than digging through your bubba's toys. You love food (that's my girl!) and will try anything. You are slowly growing 5 teeth (on top of your existing 3!) that will expand the foods you can eat. You love following your bubba and imitating him in whatever way is possible. You two are best friends, a prayer answered for Momma. You can say momma, da-da, bubba, dog, and you can mimic so many cute sounds, especially giggling and fake coughing and laughing.

Tunia, my prayer for both you and your brother is that even now, God is revealing himself to you- that you are already starting to know Him and see Him at work. I pray, more than anything, that you will answer Him when He calls someday, that you love Him with all your heart, and that you'll walk with Him all the days of your life. If this is the case, I'll never have to worry. You'll be in hands that are safer than mine could ever be. I hope I can point you in that direction.

I pray that you love others. I hope that people are more precious to you than beauty or stuff. I hope you see needs in others and rush to help.

I pray that God protects you from people, illnesses, and situations that would extinguish your little light. And that God will help me to protect you as well.

Sissy, a very wise man was quoted as saying, "I didn't want perfect children, I just wanted children." (God bless you Joe Don.) And that is so true! I don't expect perfection- but I hope you will be a "try-er". And there is no mistake or flaw that could ever make me stop loving you. Ever.

You are a gift from God. You are all that I could have ever wanted in a daughter. And on your first birthday, I just hope you know that you are special, you are loved so very much, and Lord willing we will celebrate many more happy years together. I hope we make many sweet memories and that I get to be around to watch as you take your first steps, learn, fall in love with all the sweetness life has to offer, and hopefully get to experience being a mommy someday to someone as wonderful as you are.

Happy Birthday, baby. Thank you for being mine.

I love you,
Momma

So Long, Summer

2011-10-11T21:14:00.001-05:00

(Originally written, September 4, 2011)

So Long, Summer

I go back to work tomorrow.

I am looking forward to it. I also look forward to the coolness of fall after 60 some days of 100 degree temperatures.

I have a job that I love. I have great co-workers and I feel tremendously blessed that my job allows me to be with my kids and be a mommy first.

But going back means that summer is officially gone. That always makes me nostalgic. Some of the happiest moments in my life have happened in the summer.

Growing up, my mom worked in the school system. So in the summer she was home with us. And she was fun. She made sure we were busy. She would take us to waterparks, amusement parks, zoos, ballgames, anything. She also joined us and anyone else we dragged along at our pool at home. She kept the fridge stocked, swimsuits and uniforms cleaned, and gas in the car, so that fun-having opportunities were set up for success. My Dad was a fisherman, there were many trips to our local lake in the evenings to fish. I grew to enjoy the quiet, solitude, and patience that I learned during these times. Mostly, like any little girl, I just liked the attention from my dad.

Both sets of my grandparents lived in my hometown growing up. It grieves me that my kids will never know what that is like. I will count that as one of the most precious blessings of my childhood. Anyways, there were tons of family events. There was always a lunch filled with cousins on Sunday after church. And many sporadic visits in between. My grandparents were at most of my sporting events. They were a constant sight in the background of all those memories.

I also went to Falls Creek. My mom started going as a sponsor the summer after I turned 6. I went every summer after that until I was married. God moved during those trips. Friendships were solidly built, God spoke into my life and revealed plans, and in summer 1998 I met a boy.

I went to Falls Creek with FBC Chickasha, the church where my friend Miriam was interning for the summer. Before I ever got there she told me about a boy she thought I would like.

I was immediately repulsed. The boy in question was cute, in a skinny baseball player, not smooth at all in flirting, sorta way. And he was very young, 14. Way to young for a mature 15 year old woman such as myself.

The week went on and the more we talked the more a crush grew in my heart. And at the end of the week, a very innocent, sweet, life altering kiss happened. The likes of which would never be repeated until the summer of 2005 when that skinny, immature, not smooth boy, kissed me again and made me his wife.

Summer past have brought a family trip to Alabama in 1995, the loss of my grandpa Corky and my first trip out of the country to Jamaica in the same week in 2005, the revelation of my pregnancy with Isaac in 2008, and our big move to Owasso last summer in 2010.

This present summer has been precious. Money has been tight. I did not have an income for the first summer ever. And because of cuts in Ryland's job, his bring home income is less than it was when we started here. But God is ever faithful and we have made it as we always do. This was my first summer as a mother of two. Hope started crawling, cruising, talking, and worming her way even more into the hearts of our family. Isaac enjoyed trips to Hot Springs and Branson, swimming, zoos, and playing with his friends and Grandparents. He started speaking in sentences and loving Disney movies. My time with them has been sweet. Ryland did several camps and got me out of the house for several dates all of which I loved.

Tomorrow it's back to work and routine. The dogs days of summer are gone once more. I look forward to what next summer will bring. No doubt it will be eventful.

Thank you God for all the life I have lived in the summertime. You are good.

Have I Thanked You? Fuzzy Wedding Day Memories

2011-08-22T12:10:00.001-05:00

Have I Thanked You? Fuzzy Wedding Day Memories

I took a long car trip recently and had a few hours to sit and think. I was driving through Osage county where the ghosts of my past reside. My mind went back to early summer of 2005. I had just graduated from college, was soon-to-be married and was in the process of saying goodbye to my Grandpa who was battling cancer.

As fate would have it, my Grandpa passed 5 days before my wedding. In fact, he told me the last time we spoke that he wouldn't be there. I told him that I understood and that it was ok for him to go.

It was my Grandma's wish that all go on as planned. We would spend Tuesday and Wednesday planning the funeral, we would celebrate Grandpa's life and lay him to rest on Thursday, have the wedding rehearsal on Friday, and get hitched on Saturday afternoon. The term emotional rollercoaster has never been more relevant.

God was good to my family. He gave us the fuel to get through the week. He gave us laughs when we desperately needed them and a tremendous amount of friends to lean on. And best of all- we were together. Something I miss now that two family pillars are missing and my cousins and I are in the throes of relocations and child rearing mania.

I thought of the days leading up to my wedding. Grief is no excuse for bad behavior. I hope I showed my gratitude to the friends and family. I am going to make a late at best attempt to mention some of you here. My sincere apologies if your name is absent. I am sure that there are holes in my memory.

Angie & Teresa- The Aunts everyone wants to inherit by marriage. If you were at my wedding you probably noticed the amazing Kentucky rose floral arrangements, center pieces, cake topper, bouquets, and boutineirres. Angie, Teresa, and Gram Mary worked tirelessly to transform FBC Barnsdall into something even more beautiful than I could ever have imagined or been able to afford. My reception had a custom made gazebo that turned a gym into something insanely lovely. I will never be able to repay their time and love that was put into every detail. They made my day. Everything beautiful was their doing. They created my fairy tale. Thank you.

Douglas Phillips- Hair god. Douglas did my hair and most of my bridal party. We were hotties. He also went above & beyond, he took time off to come to the ceremony and rescued me from a hair emergency when my veil fell off 20 minutes before go time. I also loved that my cousin Leigh and BFf Morgan helped save the day when I discovered my veil had been left at home on the way to have our hair done. Morgan and Carly retrieved it and Leigh & the girls took me to get started. What a fun memory! Thank you.

My MIL Cyndi- The hostess with the mostess. I had a beautiful "Tuscan" rehearsal dinner with candle dripped wine bottles, grapes & cheese, grapevines, and my favorite touch- framed wedding photos of all the married friends/family members in attendance. We ate pastas from Zio's. Speeches were given, tears shed, and two families came together. I loved every minute. Thank you.

Emily Atterberry- the faux bride. The bride never plays herself in rehearsal. I was "Emily" at her wedding so she could watch. Emily stepped in and was me. I grew up wanting to be like Emily, if only in wedding rehearsals, I was! Thanks, Em.

Chris Scully- My cousin/hero. Chris slipped me a wad of money on my way to our get away car and told me to spend it on something frivolous on our honeymoon. Maybe he knew what life is like as a broke newlywed. But I love that he did that. Thank you.

Aunt Glenda and Aunt Karla- Super Aunts. Along with (wo)man power from Grannie B and my cousins, my bridal luncheon was provided for the wedding party. We had chicken salad croissants, fruit salad, and strawberry lemonade. It was beautiful and delicious. It was above and beyond. Thank you. I wish Aunt Karla were here to read my blog. Hopefully it would make her laugh sometimes. I miss her laugh.

Highland Park Baptist Church- Our First. HPBC was our first experience in ministry. Those were the salad days! We loved that group so much. They brought a whole van full of people to our wedding 2 and a half hours away. That was so precious. They were great at support and celebrations. Thank you.

John, Kelly, Jamie, Staci, Jil, Haley, and Cory Lynne- Oklahoma's Got Talent. Thanks for making the trip and making my wedding so pleasant to listen to. It was like being at a concert. As a music lover it was everything I wanted. Maybe it was a little long but worth it! Thank you for preparing & performing. I watch you ever June 18 on DVD.

Kenyon- Reverend Uncle Geezer. Ryland's uncle did our counseling and our ceremony. It was heartfelt and funny. He did skip chapter six in our counseling. There are some topics uncles just don't want to talk about. Thank you.

Mom/Dad/Fred/Cyndi- Thanks for paying!

Maids/Men/Girls/Bearers/Ushers/Lighters- I hope you know we love you. Thanks for finding dresses, renting tuxes, and loving us despite having to stand on stage for 45 minutes.

Hilary- I'm so sorry you weren't a bridesmaid. I will forever regret that. If we ever renew our vows you are guaranteed the maid of honor spot! You saved the candle lighting day, but you are my sister now and I wish I would have had you standing on stage with me.

Steph- You were my sanity. That's all I can say. And we won't talk about what happened in the bathroom. All I can say is- I think we're even, pal.

I know I've neglected someone. I'm sincerely sorry.

To all the attendees, gift givers, supporters, friends- thank you all. I hope if anyone didn't get a thank you six years ago you are thanked now. I'm so glad to have such a sweet day in my memory. It was even made sweeter contrasted against the events if the wedding week. Regardless, God is good. I have more proof than one would ever need.

Magic Moments

2011-08-22T10:55:00.001-05:00

Magic Moments

My kids are amazing. Not to say that all kids aren't amazing, because they are. God blessed all humans with such an amazing capacity to learn and develop! Just think, we are born only with reflexes, we are immobile, helpless, unable to communicate, basically blind, and completely dependent on others. But then miraculously, we grow, we get bigger, our fingers begin to grasp, our mind absorbs the world, objects become words, thoughts; everything has a name. Then we learn to have conversations- we express our thoughts in an exchange with another. We learn to love, help, share.

I gush simply to say that my kids are learning life so rapidly and it is my joy to watch them do it.

Hope is 10 months old. She says "momma" and "da da". She is crawling everywhere. She is pulling up and cruising. She is feeding herself table food but wants to try everything on everyone's plate. She is happy. She loves being held. She is still bald. She claps. She waves. She babbles constantly. She thinks her brother walks on water and that her daddy is perfection. She's right. And she is very skinny. At her 9 month appointment she weighed 14 pounds and 15oz. She was under the growth chart. The doctor gave me instructions to fatten her up. I think she perfect. I think she sparkles. She's everything I dreamed a daughter would be and I love her unabashedly. She develops more of a personality all the time and I can't wait to see how she turns out. We are already planning her rainbow themed first birthday party. Tear. It all goes so quickly.

At 2 and a half, Isaac is hungry. In several ways in fact. He eats all the time. His big loves are blueberries, pizza, chicken and fries, and barettos (burritos). He is hungry to learn. He want to know what things are, what you are doing, where we're going, he wants to read read read. I love that! He chooses 3 bedtime books and often chooses one of his several children's bibles. He is always quick to identify the mean guy- like Goliath or Daniel's conspirators. I want to teach him. I always pray that God is showing himself to my kids even now. I believe he'll answer that prayer. We have conversations. It is not just merely a declaration of what he wants- we talk, we exchange. Sometimes we even argue. He also has expanded his love for people. He is crazy about his grandparents, aunts/uncles/cousins, bit he also has friends at church, and his favorite babysitter, Kara, that he talks about and looks forward to seeing. He is a singer! He picks up songs quickly and then performs when he thinks there is no audience. He also has a peculiar case of what we call "pretendonitis". Whether he is playing with stuffed animals or dinosaurs they are always named after someone and there is always a conversation between the toys that ends in violence. 100% boy.

God didn't owe me children who are healthy and of strong mind. And there is no guarantee that they always will be, but in this moment, I am so grateful for the blessings on their lives. I love being their mother. And as these magic moments pass I am trying to be grateful and cram my memory full of the precious snapshots that make up the beautiful scrapbook of these years. All praise be to God. He does all things well.

Project McChubbin

2011-07-25T08:13:00.001-05:00

Project McChubbin

I took Hope to the doctor last week for her (tear...) nine month well baby visit.

Hope has been very healthy besides having a few colds and one ear infection. Isaac had 6ish ear infections and got tubes and her age. Needless to say, I had no worries in regards to her health.

Her height and head circumference were in the 55th and 50th percentiles, respectively. But the doctor was concerned about her weight. She only weighs 14lbs and 15oz. For her age she has literally fallen off the chart. My doctor suggested more formula and more protein rich food.

So immediately the mommy guilt crashes down on me. I worry. I feel like I've given her too many veggies, not enough meat, kept her on my waning supply of breastmilk when she needed formula. Then I look at Isaac, who in my opinion, eats a ton, but you can count all of his ribs. What is she going to say about him next time I go in?

I try to do well in feeding my kids. Isaac eats tons of fruit: blueberries, strawberries, bananas, oranges, applesauce. He loves yogurt, cheese, and peanut butter sandwiches. I try to get him to drink at least 24 oz of whole milk a day, and he even indulges on some high calorie items like pizza and burritos. But he's tiny- just like Hope.

So suffice it to say- I have no idea what I'm doing and if it's wrong or right. I sat at the table with Isaac and prayed that God would give me wisdom and would make my kids adventurous eaters. That he would help me to fatten up my little bean poles in a project that I have codenamed "McChubbin". And as I said "Amen" Isaac looked at my plate and said, "Momma, I bite?" with is his way of asking for a bite. He had never tried what I was eating. God gave me a little glimpse of how much He cares even about the smallest things.

So I am putting my little shrimps in God's hands as I try to do the best I can for them, in their diets as well as on every area of their lives.

And I will say it again: I don't know how I got so lucky. God gave me the most incredible kids in the world, even if they are a little bit scrawny.

Cancer, Quitting, and Other Ponderings-Another List of Randoms

2011-07-12T10:52:00.001-05:00

Cancer, Quitting, and Other Ponderings - Another Group of Randoms

One of my favorite things is my last "walk through" of my house before I go to bed. I go in my kids rooms to check on them and say one last little prayer before turning in. Seeing them in such a peaceful state, making their sweet little sleep noises, comforts me.

Sometimes I wish I could have another "secret" blog just simply to write about family/work/church/friend/job/whatever stuff that annoys me. You know, the kind of stuff you are feeling when you make a cryptic facebook status update and no one knows what you really mean?Then I could anonymously vent and feel better. I also wish i had a bunch of readers who would take my side and validate all the injustices I experience in the comments: "That is so unfair." "How rude!" "I can't believe that they were so inconsiderate!" My fictional readers would always have my back. (My grannie always said I was dramatic!) Or I could try and be more Christlike and get over stuff. The secret blog idea is probably much easier than the Christlikeness. What's a girl to do?I'm sure I NEVER annoy any of my previously mentioned groups. Ha!

My stinking dogs have fleas and after 3 rounds of flea meds, the little suckers still WON'T DIE! I'm going crazy, help!

I am having the hardest time losing my "Hope" weight. I have 10 pounds that won't budge. I have been training to run a 5k, trying to eat right and it's not moving. It is discouraging. My metabolism is not what it used to be. RIP pre-baby body.

I am one of the 5 people that did not keep up with the Casey Anthony trial. In the court of public opinion she is guilty but she was found not guilty in court. (Major Jesus juking ahead...) I don't know if she did it. I am not her judge & jury & God is the only one who does know. I am sickened that people will get up in arms over this but give no thought to the MILLIONS of women who have now murdered an entire generation of unborn children. It is tragic that any child should die at the hands of a mother who's duty is to protect. I pray the the scales will fall off of the eyes of so many who are deceived by the lie of sex without consequence.

There is only one barbecue sauce: HEAD COUNTRY. All others are posers.

Facebook drama is so dumb. If you are mad at your kid talk to them. I don't need to know your business. But those of you who are certifiably crazy, keep on posting. Your neuroses and paranoia are entertaining!

My uncle has cancer. My heart is broken and the hurt echoes through the people I love. I can't put it into words adequately. But my cousin, Haley, has done a beautiful job. Visit her blog at www.gracefullyfrank.blogspot.com . Please keep my family in your prayers, this is the fourth time my family has faced cancer. We will do it as we always have: believing that God is good, he has a plan for all our days, and that healing will always come- not always the way we want- but it will happen.

My girl is 9 months old today. She laughs, says "Ma Ma and Da Da" and has started crawling and feeding herself, she has growth two little "puppy" teeth this month. She is a delight and I am so thrilled that God gave her to me. I am thrilled/heartbroken at the progress she is making. I can't wait to see who she becomes.

(Men beware) Speaking of Hope, I am going to be weaning sooner than I want to. I am only producing enough milk for about 2 feedings a day. This makes me sad. I was able to nurse Isaac for a year. I love that precious time with her. I wish it could have lasted longer and I'm not sure why it's so different this time. It's frustrating when I've committed myself so much to doing it. But fortunately I have enough of a stockpile frozen that hopefully when I do bite the bullet that I'll be able to supplement with breastmilk.

My big boy gets smarter all the time, he loves to sing, tell his colors, and quiz me on things. For example: "Momma, what's a duck say?" I answer with: "I don't know, Isaac. What does a duck say?" And then he'll proudly quack. He knows so many animal noises: sloths, Pygmy marmosets, tapirs, gorillas, and all the common ones too- thanks Diego. He makes me laugh. I love his curious heart- he wants to know all the answers. I hope I point him to the only one who has them all.

God is good. That's the best thing.

Grace My Feet, And Faith My Eyes

2011-07-08T00:18:00.000-05:00

Today I took a trip to my hometown. I go back several times a year to visit my grandmother.

There are times when I look at my old town and tell myself that I've evolved past what lies there. That I have no ties to the sheltered existence where I had no black/Jewish/not from this country/ DIFFERENT people in my life. That there is no part of me connected to the simplicity of the small place where I grew up.

Sure, it's easy to produce negativity. The vast majority of the homes are decaying, there is very little business and commerce to sustain employment and trade, the tap water is terrifying, and town politics can sometimes be laughable. It can be the butt of many small town jokes and fits every tiny town stereotype.

But I drove in today and before I even made it in to town I passed my grandparents old homeplace on the left side of the highway. Memories of three wheeler rides, cow pastures, and my cousin's broken arm from a wild horse flooded back. On the right side I passed my uncle's land where I took fishing trips and Bigheart Day turtles with my Dad. I passed a memorial marker for the man responsible for giving the world my cousins, Heath and Shawn, God rest his soul. I passed the entrance to the dirt roads leading to my best friend's house where I got whiplash on a trampoline and let a sheep into the house when Rusty the wonderdog went on a rampage. I passed a sign where my friend's name was printed after being crowned Oklahoma's Junior Miss. I was less than a mile from the final resting place of my beloved Pa and my Aunt Karla.

I drove in to see both of my childhood homes who are now raising other children. Remembering the wildflowers in many colors that grew across the street in the yard of an eccentric but fun neighbor, and the pool where I spent hours relaxing and listening to the music that is the background to my sweetest summer memories. I drove past my elementary school where I was in the inaugural class, my high school where I was student council president, and the empty lot where my very first school once stood before being demolished. I looked at the church that was built by hands of my father and grandfathers, where I met God for the first time, and where I said, "I do" to my husband.

I can lie to myself and pretend that I am separate. That I am somehow special because I was able to "get out". But the truth is there are ghosts in every corner and alleyway. The very fiber of my being is rooted there. My views, my thoughts, my heart have been shaped by my years there.

I know I can't ever go home again. I completed my time there many years ago. My parents aren't even there. But even when my last familial tie is severed. No matter how far I go or how much I resist, I am connected. And even though I am not always beaming with pride, there truly is no place like home. And I am so grateful that for 18 years, it was mine.

Worth Fighting For

2011-06-25T21:53:00.003-05:00

So. In the news this week some actor, that is 51, married a .......wait for it........ 16 year old!

16?!?!?

Yes, not old enough to vote, driving only for a few weeks, can't buy alcohol or a gun, can't work full time, truant officer if not at school, still young enough to spank, 16!!! Not to mention that this pedophile is probably older than her Dad. Blech!

I am repulsed, disgusted, GROSSED out, but mostly angry. And a little confused.

1) Why is she allowed to date solo? Let alone have permission to get engaged and married. I wasn't even allowed to drive to Tulsa at 16.

2) Where is she hanging out that she would even come in contact with a 51 year old predator that would have opportunity to "woo" her into any type of romantic relationship?

3) Where is this girl's Dad? Any 51 year old trying to get into 16 year old Mindy's pants would have had bullet holes in him courtesy of Mike Harmon. My Dad helped a bully tom-cat meet the Lord just for whipping Smoky, the family cat. A pedophile would have met a worse fate, I'm afraid. Actually, any bad intentioned boy would have had a hard time getting close to me, that's what Dads are supposed to do!

In the Peasant Princess sermon series from Mars Hill church (WHICH IS AMAZING-GO LISTEN TO IT NOW!!!), Mark Driscoll talks about defending your daughters and raising sons who are defenders of women. He speaks of Solomon's wife and her young days as a sister. In Song of Solomon chapter 8, verse 9, her brothers say, "If she is a wall we will build a silver parapet upon it. If she is a door we will enclose it with cedar planks."

Basically, there are 2 types of girls: walls & doors.

Girls who are walls can stand firm against those who would do harm. They aren't easily swayed by cute, smooth talking boys. A parapet is a protective wall at the top where Dads and brothers need to protectively watch who and what might be trying to enter.

Girls who are doors are the ones who are more inclined to let trouble in. They aren't discerning about who they date. They buy into lies about where sexual boundaries are. They let in experiences that ought not happen outside of the marriage bed. For these girls the Dads and brothers need to put planks over the door to keep out 51 year old creepers. They are the defense for a girl that has trouble defending herself.

I was (and am) not perfect, but for the most part I consider myself to be a wall. And I was fortunate enough to have had a father who was pacing my parapet, prayerfully scaring away any boys who shouldn't be there.

Several girls that I love were doors- and sadly did not have Dads and brothers enclosing them with cedar planks. And the creepers came in and stole things that were precious. As a Mom, my heart breaks even more for them now. Sure- different choices could have been made, but had they been more protected, they would not have had the opportunity to make a poor choice in the first place. They were let down and paid the price in a weak moment.

As I prayed over my kids tonight. I prayed for my beautiful, bald headed, innocent, Hope. I prayed that her natural inclination would be that of a wall- a wall stronger than I ever was. And if she isn't, I pray that our family unit will defend her with all that is within us. That she won't buy into lies of "its no big deal/there are no consequences/it feels good right now". I pray that there would be a little baby boy out there in the world that will grow into a man worthy of my family's blessing in 30 or so years. :)

And I prayed for my precocious, silly, innocent, curious, Isaac. I fear for him. Statistically, boys are exposed to pornography by age 11, if not sooner. The thought that his innocence can be so easily taken makes me ill. We watched the movie Antz and had to turn it off because one ant eluded to "erotic fantasies". I refuse to allow those notions into his mind in my home. The world will have ample chances soon enough. "Boys will be boys" is not acceptable. I pray that I will be discerning about his friends, movies, and will vigilantly guard his eyes. I am so grateful that Ryland is such a great role model and champion for having pure eyes and a pure heart, he truly exemplifies what is means to love and respect a woman. I pray that Isaac will also guard and protect Hope from harmful boys, in fact he may be able to spot them better than I can. I am also praying for the girl that will be his bride someday. I pray that her family is protecting her.

I know that they are tiny. I know that I don't ever put them in harm's way. It's amazing that my kids grandparents even pass my babysitting requirements! Ok, not really, but I just don't take risks with my kids. Especially when I see things on the news about children being sexually trafficked for drugs. God help this generation!

Maybe it makes me lame, and prude, and conservative- but I want my kids to have every blessing that there is to be had in their marriages. Ryland is my one and only- I wish I had never even kissed anyone else. I wish I had saved even that only for him. I want my kid's choices to honor God, and to keep them safe. Just as my choice to wait only for Ryland honored God and kept my heart and body safe.

Apologies if this is a tmi post. My heart is a deep ocean of concerns for my kids that I have to give to God daily. I'm sorry if this has been too much "real". But it is what it is. My kids purity will always be worth fighting for.

*Happy Late Father's Day to Mike Harmon, who guarded my wall, and helped me receive the blessings of his hard work in my marriage. Thanks for fighting for me, Dad. I love you.*

Worth 1000 Words

2011-06-11T11:23:00.014-05:00

Always Chewing.

Mom is #1!!!

Pool Pals.

2 Cuties in A Boat.

Rookie Sunbathing Beauty

First Four-Wheeler Ride

Llama Kiss.

Mooch.

Sleepy.

Sweet.

Exhilarated.

"I love you this much!"

Giggle.

Serious.

Thoughtful.

Coiffed.

Inquisitive.

Naughty.

Faux-hawked.

" I don't know, Momma."

PB&J remnants & snot. Cute.

"I wee!"

Snuggle Buds.

Night. Night.

Isaac and his GCK buddies being sleeping dinosaurs.

Talking religion and politics.

Isaac wondering and Hope watching. This is so them.

Cheetos and Sunglasses. All the World is Right.

I've heard it said that "time is a mother's enemy." I think that it is a true statement. My two formerly tiny babies are growing before my eyes. I hope you enjoyed my two blessings in photos. Real life is even sweeter. I'm off to enjoy that now.

Mindy

100th Blog!

2011-05-13T13:33:00.000-05:00

Yet again- The Quick and Dirty List Update

1) The Graduate- Ry's baby sister, Hilary, who was a spit-fire 5-year-old when I met her 13 years ago, is graduating. Hilary is a hard worker, is insanely beautiful, is smart, and is pretty in her heart more than anything. School hasn't always came easily for her but she has persevered. She is college bound and is capable of anything, if you ask me. I hope she uses these next years well. They are some of the most care free and fun, and they only last about 10 minutes. Congrats Hil, my sister. I love you and I am PROUD of the woman you are and I am excited to see where you go.

2) Hope- My sweet baby girl is 7 months old today. For a month she has been sitting up on her own. She loves her big brother, eating any and everything, and pulling hair. She is a serious snuggle bug, and is finally a good sleeper. She still doesn't have much hair on her head but luckily her back hair seems to have decreased. She is tiny like Isaac, not quite 14 pounds yet. She also has my little feet, she is still in a size 1 and they are big! She is 7 months old wearing 0-3 month shoes. She can wear 3&6 month clothing in the waist but needs 9 month pjs for her toes not to be squished into the footies. She is a dainty little thing. I was made to have a daughter. God uses her to remind me of how much He loves me. Time has flown so quickly, but I can't seem to remember life without her in it.

3) Igick- This is how Isaac says his name. Igick. It's so funny! I know I'm his mom. I know it's probably normal. But his vocabulary amazes me! I know I look at him through mommy goggles but I think it is incredible how much he says and comprehends. We just put him in his big boy toddler bed and he has done great! He stays in and has only fallen out once. I did catch him putting animals in his bed and turning on the tv during nap the other day- nothing a little "attitude adjustment" on his hiney didn't fix. He is also really into his bible or "Jesus Book" as he calls it. We read it every night before bed. He likes to read stories with animals or a mean guy. I love his hunger to hear stories and I love that I get to share it with him. May this love stay with him all his life!

4) A year in a nutshell- next week marks a year since I finished my job in Edmond and officially moved to Owasso. I got a new job, had a baby, sold a house after a crazy long wait, cried a lot, laughed a lot, had some HARD financial blows, but I'm still standing, because God was holding me up. I was reading Isaac the story about Elijah, the widow, and the oil and flour. It reminded me of what I have known all along: God is always faithful to provide when you are obedient. I am home, finally.

5) Branson - We took a long weekend and went to Branson with my parents and brother. We stayed in a resort with a waterpark, went to SDC, saw an amazing pets show, ate ate ate, played mini golf, outlet mall shopped, and fed sharks & stingrays. It was a great little short trip. We had a wonderful time. I feel so blessed that my kids have taken trips with both sets of grandparents in less than 6 months. I never did that!

6) High School Daze- Holy cow, I'm old. In 2 weeks I celebrate the 10 year anniversary of my high school graduation. Wow. That was quick. I am still sorting out my feelings. I haven't seen most of these people in years. We were in a small school and spent so many years together. I know I am not the person I was 10 years ago. I sincerely hope they have all found God and happiness and peace. I'm interested in the conversations that will happen. Looking forward to hugging & remembering with these long lost pals!

7) Summer- I have one week of work left until my summer break. Ryland will be gone most of June and I am babysitting for my friend's daughter 2 days a week in July and August. Looking forward to some pool time, lazy days, and not having to bear the heat in a pregnant body. Last summer dragged/flew by. I had so much on my mind that I didn't enjoy a lot of it. I am going to enjoy the normalcy & predictability of this summer. Can't wait!

8) Easter- My amazing husband had a custom projector screen built, made an amazing video, and lead our church in beautiful worship. You should check out our video at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lfcHitl_L-Y&feature=youtube_gdata_player

9) Goals before 30- I am saying them out loud. Well, I'm typing them out loud. This is scary. This is putting it out there where people will be able to see if I fail. Here goes nothing: before I turn 30, in 17 months, I want to run in and complete a 5k, and I want to be debt free. I haven't competed in any athletic anything since high school. I am not an athlete and frankly I hate running. This is a challenge for me. If I can find discipline in putting feet to pavement I think I can find the will power to do a lot of things. And debt free-ness, Ryland and I have been working since we got married to get here. We are paying off my student loans & Hope's birth next week. That ONLY leaves our car payment. Our goal is to pay it off & pay cash for any subsequent vehicles. My hardcore runner buddies & already debt free pals may think these are small potatoes, but I really want to try. We'll see. I'll let you know.

10) Temporarily Deaf- It started with my brats getting the flu the week of and after Easter. Then Ryland and I both started getting sick. We were snotty, we lost our voices, and were just cruddy in general. My sinuses plugged up so much that one of my ears plugged up and is still messed up. I have had a steroid shot & am finishing a round of antibiotics. I am waiting to finish the antibiotics before I go back to the doctor. My state high risk insurance is crappy at best and it is about $200 just to see a doctor. I can't hear out of my right ear and haven't been able to for 2 weeks and it is driving me crazy! Anyone know of any good home remedies? Don't say ear candles!

11) Baby Food Mama- I am the opposite of a crunchy mom. I always thought of making your own baby food as a crunchy mom thing. I have reconsidered.My friends Tonya & Erin have inspired me to make Hope's baby food. I decided to try for 2 reasons: 1) It sounded (and is!) really easy & quick. 2) It is crazy cheap! There is a great website that has recipes and directions. And my grandma bought me a fun new blender to use for purée-ing. I cook it (bake or boil) throw it in the blender, freeze it in ice trays, and defrost as needed. I am feeding Hope non-processed, organic baby food for a fraction of the cost of jars. If I can do it, ANYONE can. Seriously.

12) Bestie Babies- My two lifelong bestiest besties are due to have baby boys in June. One is having her first. One has an older daughter and is having this baby following a miscarriage and an insanely horrible year. I love these two like sisters and I can't wait to hold their baby boys, and have play dates, and sniff their newborn baby heads. This June may be the only thing that could derail my 5K dreams- baby fever could strike hard! I am praying safe deliveries and boatloads of blessings on my 2 pals. Can wait to meet to their cute little men!

13) Superstition, BIG 100! - Since today is Friday the 13th AND My 100th BLOG, I am going to celebrate by telling you, my friends, thanks for the prayers, the love, and the support over these years and trials. I don't plan on going anywhere. God is good and I plan to keep on talking about it here. Thanks for reading and being part of my bloggy family.

Love you all!

Mindy

God bringing home a son

2011-03-22T18:29:00.004-05:00

Ryland's aunt & uncle are waiting today. Kent & Georgia Bush are waiting for a phone call. A call to get on a plane and head to Ethiopia to get their son. Their son Dawitt is just a few documents away from legally being theirs. God calls us to care for orphans and widows- Kent and Georgia have answered this call and have blessed my life and countless others with their bravery, faith, and perseverance. This is a story that I will never be able to justly tell. Please follow the link to read the story- if you feel lead I can happily point you to ways you can help raise funds- not for this adoption, but for aid & help for those orphans who haven't been given a family yet. If you only read one look at "Unable to Forget the Orphans Cries". Reality hurts, but hopefully we can be the hands & feet of God to help & heal.

http://www.augustagazette.com/search?q=ethiopia&submit=Search

Closing

2011-03-22T09:58:00.000-05:00

Today is closing day on my house in Guthrie.

The house that took forever to sell. The house that sucked our savings dry. The house that had a stupid pipe burst when were totally broke. The house that had to have stupid piers put in because the stupid foundation was bad.

But as I make the 2 hour drive today to sign that house over I am teary and nostalgic. After all, that was the first home that my young husband and I bought together. We decorated it and made it ours. We brought our first child home to that house. We celebrated, grieved, healed, and prayed beautiful prayers in that house. We made memories there that we sweet- like being snowed in with ALL of Ryland's family for a few days one winter, Isaac's first tornado scare not to mention his first steps, finding out we were expecting Hope, new jobs, grieving loved ones, and knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that God was there with us.

Luckily that doesn't change just because you move.

But that tiny little starter house was home.

I look at our 2 renters that have lived in since. Both are wonderful in their own way but I still don't feel like I have been able to settle & grow roots yet. Lord willing that will come in time. My prayer is that God will help me to be content in all circumstances. That home can be wherever I am. Wherever my husband and kiddos are. Wherever I can unpack a suitcase.

I am thankful for our time in Guthrie. But as we sign it over & close that chapter of our lives, I pray that I can move forward, fondly remembering what is behind, but looking forward with hope to what lies ahead.

Goodbye 1616 E shadycreek. You were good to us.

Closing- A Haiku

2011-03-14T13:26:00.003-05:00

Home closing Friday?
Please please please please please please God!
Sanity come back.

I Am Stingy- And Not Really Sorry

2011-03-14T13:25:00.001-05:00

I am stingy when it comes to my kids. I admit it.

I have an extremely difficult time sharing them.

It's not that I don't trust others with them. I just feel that God gave them to me & I take the responsibility for their care & well being very seriously. It is MY job- and I may not be the best at it but I want to be the one doing it.

I hate leaving them with anyone. I worry constantly. I worry that I'll miss something, that they'll need me, that someone won't do it right. Or worse, that they'll do it better than me & win a piece of my kids' hearts that formerly was occupied by me. Whatever "it" is.

Next to my salvation & my husband- they are my treasure. It is scary to love like I love them. It is painful to think of a life without them- here or in eternity.

So don't be offended that I hold them too close or don't solicit bavysitters or won't let you help me out when one is screaming and the other is covered in a body fluid & I am carrying 5 bags. They are my responsibility & my privilege. And I am stingy when it comes to them.

10 Things I Love Today- The Munchkin Edition

2011-03-14T13:24:00.000-05:00

1. She rolls. Both ways.

2. He knows the noises that a tapir, sloth, humpback whale, jaguar, and cotton top tamarin make. Do you know what noises they make?

3. She is so so so bald.

4. He can kill the ABC song.

5. She gnaws my face & giggles about it.

6. He tackles me when I lay on the floor defenseless.

7. She has one tiny set of rolls on her thighs.

8. He gets in the car as we leave school, waves, and says, "bye, friends."

9. It took her 4 months, but she now sleeps like a champ.

10. He is amazingly good at saying stegosaurus.

Miss Mess- A Haiku

2011-02-15T21:27:00.001-06:00

It's been FOUR WHOLE MONTHS
Hope does not sleep through night
Mom is so tired

I am so sleep deprived that I actually thought that would be a funny and cute way of expressing my exhaustion .

But now that it's done I'm too tired to delete it and write a real post about it.

Oh, well.

You're welcome, world.

Blue Morpho Butterfly

2011-02-15T21:26:00.001-06:00

Okay, I know every mother thinks this, but my little boy is brilliant.

No, really.

We were at the pediatrician's office and our doc was doing a few developmental tests- block stacking, pointing to body parts, jumping, (all of which my little Einstein totally rocked!) then she showed him animals and asked him to name them. He got every one. Until she came to the butterfly. He looked at it and without skipping a beat said, "blue morpho butterfly".

Thanks to Diego my little guy thinks all butterflies are blue morphos. Some would say this is a wrong assumption. I think it showcases his brilliance.

Also, his head circumference is in the 95th percentile. I think it's because his little pumpkin head is full of big brains.

Seriously, I don't know how his 10th percentile in weight body holds it up.

Why Not Me?

2011-02-15T21:25:00.000-06:00

"Why not me? " Beautiful words spoken by a friend of mine who is fighting breast cancer for a second time. Instead of asking "why me, Lord" she asks "why not me?". In a moment that will forever be etched in my heart, my sweet friend spoke of how through her storm, she would have an opportunity to know God in a way that others around her wouldn't.

I thought of my house experience. Of how it is such a small thing in comparison to fighting cancer. But I have spent ENDLESS hours asking "why me?". Not to mention the crying. The weeping. The wailing. The gnashing of teeth. There has been nothing I could have physically done to make this house sell. I looked at the money in the bank that slowly disappeared in the costs of paying bills on, and maintaining two homes. I got to see God provide financially in a situation that looked impossible. It's not a way that I wish those I love will have to learn God's love and provision, but I am so fortunate that God got to hug me close, give me good gifts, and provide in ways I am unable.

Why not me? Indeed.

This Month

2011-02-08T21:22:00.002-06:00

In February:

Isaac's Birthday $$

Ryland's Birthday $$

Repairs on the Guthrie House $$$

Closing on the Guthrie House $$$

Foundation Inspection $$$

Foundation Repair and Piers $$$

Broken cell phone replacement $$

Car Tag & Late Fees (I didn't know they weren't sending the reminders anymore!)$$$

Unexpected House Costs $$$

Rent & Mortgage $$$$

All of these things add up to one month of financial impossibility.

Our monthly income is not enough $$$$ to cover all of these things.We had some extra money in savings, but not enough. Not even close. But then God showed up. Ryland had a gig and brought home more than twice the amount he was supposed to. Then our church family came to our rescue once more. We would have been okay. I was planning on cashing in some annuities from my teaching career to cover it all with no debt.(Dave Ramsey would have had a cow!) But God provided, 2 times before we even knew we had a need. To those nameless people who lovingly provided for us: Thank you. I can't even type without tears in my eyes. It is too much and I hope God blesses you a hundredfold for your generosity. My pride never would have allowed me to ask for help, but I am not too proud to humbly say thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. You have been the hands and feet of God to us. We will never forget God's faithfulness and how you allowed God to use you in blessing us.

A Letter "2" My Baby Guy

2011-02-02T21:02:00.002-06:00

Dear Sweet Sonno,

Today we are snowed in under 21 inches of snow. We were supposed to head to Arkansas to celebrate your birthday with your Mimi and Poppy. Sadly, those plans were changed by God and Mother Nature. So instead of a fun party planned by your Mimi, you'll have to settle for a homemade cake from me and a small, party of 4, birthday celebration in our living room.

I am bumfuzzled. I cannot believe that 2 years have passed since I held you in my arms and saw your face for the first time. My whole world has changed since then. I have changed jobs, location, family size, and clothing size since then. The time has raced by at breakneck speed.

You have grown up so much, you are such a big boy. You can say anything. Sometimes you are silly and do things for a laugh- like tickle your sister. You are tender hearted- when I cry you are very sweet to come and pat me with your sweet little hands. You are a hugger and a reluctant kisser. You love to sing and dance. You love animals, mostly dinos. You throw fits when you are frustrated and don't get what you want- but who doesn't. You are so beautiful. Your eyes sparkle, and your smile melts my heart. The thought that you will fall in love with some other woman someday hurts me!

In the coming year you will learn how to use the potty, transition to a toddler bed, speak in complete sentences, and learn more than you will at any other time in your life. I am so blessed that I get to be home with you to witness all of these things.

I hope that you know that I treasure you. You were a prayer answered and a promise from God fulfilled. I hope you know that God has a special plan for you- I pray that I am capable of preparing you. You are a miracle. You are a gift. And no matter where you go or what happens- you were so wanted.

Isaac, I love you more than I can ever tell you. Happy second birthday. I am so proud of you, and I always will be.

Love, Momma

Long Overdue

2011-01-22T20:48:00.002-06:00

Sometimes it takes a snowday to be able to form a coherent thought. Much less write it out. So here are some brief thoughts/updates as of late.

1) The house- Are you sick to death of me blogging about it yet? I am too. But praise God, we are under contract & pending an inspection Friday we will finally have it sold. This has without a doubt been the most challenging financial/spiritual/ emotional/ pride shattering situation I have encountered in a long time. We dropped our price $12,000, we will not make a penny on the sale of our home, and we have lost every cent we have ever invested into it. God has used many from our church to provide for us when there has been no other way we could make it. It is insanely humbling to have to ask for help, but I am so grateful that we have had church family members that will stand up for us, even though the price has been great. You know who you are. Thank you for standing in the gap for us. There is something gut wrenching about needing financial help. My heart has been humbled and God's provsion through individuals has been sweet beyond measure.

(Post script- inspection went well except for some cracks that the inspector wants a structural engineer to look at. We are praying that they are cosmetic, or else we will be throwing more money we don't have at this house!)

2) Isaacs singing voice- My son has found his voice. He loves to sing with his shows- Barney, Diego, Dora, Elmo- he sings with all of them. As his music teacher at school I also get to watch him learn the songs and motions to the songs I learned as a kid, as well as some new ones. He really likes a song called "We Are the Dinosaurs" where we march, eat our food, take a nap, and roar. As a Dino lover, it's right up his alley.

3) Milestones- My "not such a baby" boy turns two in 2 weeks. That means his age is no longer measured in months. That means that all traces of "baby" are gone. That means that he is one step closer to kindergarten, his high school diploma, getting his doctorate, and leaving me forever. I miss him already. Waaaaaaaa! Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself a little- I guess I'll let myself worry about that a little more once he's potty trained.

Speaking of milestones, my beautiful little daughter is somehow 3 months old already. How on earth is that possible? She smiles, giggles, holds her head up, and melts my heart. Everything about her makes me proud. I am so grateful that God gave me a daughter. I am thinking of piercing her ears now while I can easily clean them & let them heal without her grubby little hands touching them. I might regret this but- thoughts & opinions? I intend to research it with my pediatrician as well as my pal google.

4) Disneyworld- Ryland's wonderful grandma, Mary Russell Rose, invited us to go on an all expense (and I mean all!) paid vacation to Disneyworld. We rode with 40 family members to & from Orlando, Florida in a charter bus and spent 5 truly magical days at Disneyworld. I loved getting a vacation. We hadn't been on a REAL vacation in so long. I have good intentions of posting pics soon, but here are a few mental picture I will never forget:
* Seeing my kids love on & play with their cousins
* Isaac's first big boy ride- the triceratops ride at Animal Kingdom
* Isaac meeting Oso and Handy Manny
* Going out in the freezing cold with 5 little ones and spending a wonderful morning with Mimi, Poppy, and the Gardners
* Isaac's first 3D movie
It was amazing. I will never be able to thank Gram Mary and Tom for the memories that I will always carry of my kids.

5) Oh Lardy- After Isaac was born I lost all of my baby weight pretty quickly with very little effort. Hope is now 3 months old and I have only lost a little over half. I am not feeling very cute. And honestly I haven't tried very hard. I need to get serious & put down the Oreos. I think the stress of the last few months has made me hungry & hopefully my stress appetite will disappear with the Guthrie house.

6) Back to You- As I established a few posts back, my blog is my honest attempt to leave a legacy to my children and to chronicle what God has done for me. In any relationship with God or man, there are valleys and mountaintops. Sadly, the last few months have been a valley of my own makings. I have been far from where I need to be. I have been out of God's word, my prayers have been shallow, and I have been practicing my favorite sin of telling God how I want things to go. Sometimes He says no, and sometimes He gives me exactly what I want- which isn't always for my own good. One of the great thyings about being God's child is that if you are truly his- he will always call you back. Well, I am listening. I started a new bible study by Beth Moore called "Stepping Up" it deals with the psalms of ascent which are psalms written about a pilgrimmage to Jerusalem and the many fears, anxieties, and blessings along the way. I think it has not come at a more perfect time in my life. This whole year has been a pilgrimage for me. And as I said, I try so hard to find help and answers on my own but I am learning again, as if for the first time- "my help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth." Beth challenged me during this study to daily get on my face before God. I am rediscovering the power we have in prayer and the freedom in submitting to God's will. I am finding joy that has sadly been abesent for far to long.

7) Health Insurance- Another topic that has been the cause of much anxiety. I have finally found something that I think will work. If you have been rejected by 2 or more health insurance carriers on the basis of pre-existing conditions and cannot be added to a group policy (me!) then the state of Oklahoma offers insurance through the Oklahoma high risk pool. It is a little more expensive and not a phenominal plan, but it is insurance! I am working through the application process and am thankful that this many months long struggle is about to be over!

Thank you sweet blogosphere, for listening. My heart has been heavy, my joy has been absent, and I am not out of the woods yet. But I am facing whatever happens next in the arms of my protector who does not sleep or slumber, and who has not forgotten or missed one detail of the hard things we have lived through. I ask that you would pray for us over the next weeks that we can finally be free of our old house and that God would provide financially and fill in all the holes where we have needs.

Why I Didn't Get the Job

2010-12-21T12:29:00.001-06:00

Why I Didn't Get the Job

In studying the nativity story, my heart breaks everytime for Mary. She is just a normal kid. She's well behaved and godly. She doesn't have a messy past. She probably daydreams about getting married to her fiancee, but kids probably aren't even on her mind yet. And then one day an angel comes. Angels look like people in movies- but who knows what they actually look like. He tells this sweet innocent girl that she us about to experience a social taboo that could cost her life, not to mention her future husband. " Oh, and by the way- the kid is going to be the savior of all mankind. Good luck sister." Here is where my initial freakout would happen: "Dude, I'm a virgin! My Dad has paid this nice dowry, he's gonna kill me! What will my mom think? I'm gonna lose friends over this. People will make assumptions you know! My hot fiancee is not going to like this. I'm going to get fat- you only get to have a stretch mark free teenage existence for a short time! Am I really equipped to raise the MESSIAH? I sometimes say bad words, I like watching trash on tv, I like dancing, I'll probably feed him Oreos sometimes. Are you sure I'm your girl?"

But she doesn't give the Mindy Russell answer. She decided to be God's servant. Very un-me-like. She didn't flip out.

Here's the part I definitely don't get. She was a good Jewish girl. Her song was full of scripture- so I assume she knew the prophecies about the messiah. Did she know what was going to happen? It brings tears to my eyes to think about my children getting shots. Her son was going to die the mist gruesome death imaginable. I don't know that I could carry a child knowing that death on a cross was their ultimate fate. Yes, I'm sure she knew about the Resurrection, but is it possible she could have doubted? Even though she knew he'd return, it couldn't have hurt her any less watching him take the punishment for nations and generations that her eyes would never see- and people that were more evil than she would ever fathom. That's where I'd quit. I couldn't trade my child's life for a nice, good, and kind person, let alone the redemption of someone like Hitler.

Did she worry everyday of her life? Did she think about how it would all go down? He was her flesh and blood. She grew him in her womb. I think of how it felt when my babies moved inside of me. How it made me feel like I could move heaven and earth with the depth of my love for them. But she was only human, did carrying the divine make her feel that even more?

Most certainly Mary didn't have issues with anxiety and worry, or to put it out there plainly- she didn't lack the faith that makes one ask these questions. She was overjoyed, God chose her to carry, feed, bathe, clean, rock, teach, and protect our savior. She was his most intimate human relationship. No one would ever know and love the savior like his Mama.

God knew what He was doing when he passed me over for the job of being Jesus's mom. I am so thankful that he chose me to be a mother at all.

I don't believe that Mary was magical or divine. I think she was one of us, fighting the human condition, asked to do something extraordinary. I think she got through because she knew that even though she was his mom, Jesus wasn't hers. Just like I know in my heart that Isaac and Hope aren't mine. God has let me borrow them, so that I can give them back. And although I feel like my love for them can move heaven and earth- it can't. But I can choose to put their lives into the hands of the one who can. There is no safer place.

Jesus had a mother. And thank God it wasn't me.

2nd Annual Russell Digital Christmas Card

2010-12-20T22:48:00.004-06:00

Did that just happen?

I feel like that has been the theme this year. I rang in 2010 with some sweet friends & their kids at our house in Guthrie after missing ALL but one of our Christmas plans due to the freakish 2009 blizzard. We spent Christmas day in Super 8 in Sapulpa eating burritos called "the bomb" and candy from Isaac's stocking for our Christmas feast. 24 inches of snow on Christmas eve, did that just happen???

After Christmas Ryland & I met some of our now dearest friends for the first time. We met with our now pastor & his wife where Isaac proceeded to puke on the restaurant table right in front of them.We then met with a search committee from Central Baptist in Owasso. They came to see Ry lead worship and have a lunch meeting. And who did we run into at the restaurant? Yep- our pastor, Griff Henderson. Did that just happen? Luckily Griff was none the wiser and gracefully laughed about it with us later.

In January I chose to do a one word resolution. I chose the word "hope". Sadly, when things look bad, instead of trusting God, I tend to react with doom, gloom, and anxiety. Hope became my word to meditate on and to try and live out- there is always hope, no matter how grim things look. Our family grew with the birth of my favorite nephew Jantzen Russell Gardner, an adorable little curly haired roly poly. On the weekend he was born we made a trip to Owasso to meet the staff at Central and talk more about a potential future there.

In February my baby boy turned a year old. Did that just happen? It seemed like I had just brought home a baby from the hospital and he turned one. We celebrated with a monkey themed party for Isaac and Ryland on February 6th, Ryland's actual birthday. I gave Ryland a very special gift that day: a positive pregnancy test. After only one month of trying, I was expecting.

Early March brought morning sickness and a weekend trip in view of a call to Owasso. After a weekend of falling in love, Ryland was invited to take the job as Worship and Media Arts Pastor. Again, did that just happen? It amazes me how God has been preparing him for this job for years, just not in a classroom setting but in previous jobs & life! We put our Guthrie house on the market and prayed for a quick sale. My parents also made a big move- they moved from their lifelong home in Barnsdall to their dream home in Dewey. They have no doubt that God lead them there, even providing my mom with a great job.

In April as we prepared for Ryland to move to Owasso we noticed Isaac standing in the middle of the living room. We didn't put him there- my baby walked. Did that just happen? My tiny baby walked- and has been running since. Ryland moved to Owasso to start working the week after Easter. It was a 6 week separation for us- only seeing each other on the weekend. Ryland got custody of the dogs and I got Isaac. It was hard on all of us, but we skyped daily and made it through.

May came. I tearfully quit my job of 4 years at Will Rogers Elementary. Isaac and I packed some of our house and went to live with Ryland and the pups in Owasso. And the highlight came on a Saturday afternoon as we saw on an ultrasound screen that we would be welcoming a daughter into our family in October. Did that just happen?

June brought long days in rent house #1 and settling in to our new town & church. Isaac & I took lots of trips to the zoo where my little genius fostered his love of animals and perfected his animal sounds. I started subbing in Grand Central Kids pre-school. And my family grew again as my beautiful cousin Riann Dilbeck married her prince, Trent Swanson. It was a hot wedding, literally. The air conditioning went out in the beautiful little Lutheran church where they married- we all braved it to see them exchange vows. In late June I experienced one of my proudest moments as a wife, Ryland was ordained into the ministry. It feels so good to know that we will be spending the rest of our lives doing what we love & serving who we love.

July brought one of the worst heat waves ever in the history of the universe as I entered the third trimester of my pregnancy. We moved out of our Guthrie house into rent house #2. We continued to pray for our house to sell as we were finally able to unpack in Owasso & start working on a nursery. We also took Isaac to Arkansas to see his Mimi and Poppy. I got introduced to an amazing little cheesecake bakery, and had an amazing pedicure with my sweet mother in law Cyndi, and sister in law, Hilary.

I started my new job as a preschool music teacher in August and loved it more than I ever thought possible. I get to dance and sing Jesus songs and I get paid! I hoodwinked someone, because my job is awesome!

September brought lots of Braxton Hicks contractions and false labor scares but no baby. It can be summed up in 3 words: fat, miserable, hot. It was the longest month of my life! Isaac & I both had stomach flu and he had a second bout of pneumonia. We also had a visit from all of Ryland's family over Labor Day weekend.

October FINALLY came. And one night as I was doing dishes it appeared that my water broke. So I posted my happy news on facebook & Ryland & I headed to the hospital. Shamefully, my water had not broken, 9 1/2 months of pregnancy had weakened the ole bladder, and I told the whole cyber world. Did that just happen? A week and a half later, on October 12, 3 days shy of my due date, after 6 easy hours of labor, my baby girl was born. Isaac's "bay-bay" sister was named Hope Angeline Russell, weighed 7lbs 1oz, and was 21 and 1/2 inches long. How could we have named her anything else? Hope was the theme of my life this year. The fact that I could so easily conceive another child coupled with the blessings & changes we've experienced made it impossible for her name not to remind Us of God's goodness in our lives. We brought home our little princess and entertained many anxious family members including Ryland's parents & siblings who made sure our bellies were full & that Hope could immediately begin the spoiling process! Halloween came and we had our first post-baby outing with a cute elephant and tiny ladybug in tow.

November brought Thanksgiving and my return to work. I was a little sleep deprived, so I'm sure there are many parts that I'm blocking out. Like Isaac's fever of 104 degrees on Thanksgiving.

So here we are. December. A smiley , already teething, 2 month old, an adorable and smart almost terrible 2 year old, an overweight but gloriously happy mommy, and a tired & talented Daddy working on our awesome church Christmas musical where Hope played baby Jesus. We are also gearing up for my preschoolers to do their Christmas program. We are looking forward to the holidays followed by a trip to Disney World generously given to us by Ryland's grandma Mary with the whole Russell extended family.

In the midst of it all I need health insurance ( I've been rejected by 2 companies) and we desperately need the Guthrie house to sell in order to avoid some scary financial ordeals. But I look no further than Hope, laying in my arms. She is my life's second great miracle, and things like houses and insurance look so much smaller and less ominous. God has & will always take care of us. After all, God gave the world a miracle over 2000 when he sent us Jesus who would save all of us against all odds. Who am I to fear?

2011 will bring babies into the homes of 15 our couple friends, a little boy who will (hopefully) potty train, a little girl who will most likely walk by years end, my 10 year high school reunion ( Did that just happen???), our sixth year of marriage, 13th year of "togetherness", and a great year for Ryland & I in ministry in our new home. Every year brings it's own surprises, changes, and goodbyes. I pray that God will direct our path, just as he always has.

Merry Christmas with love. May the miracle of Christ's birth and the hope that it brings fill you with faith & comfort this holiday season.

It All Comes Back Around

2010-11-09T12:46:00.006-06:00

This is Lexus.

In January of 2007 I had just had my first miscarriage. I was devastated. I hadn't told any co-workers, so I had returned to work keeping my sad secret. I was approached by a co-worker that was a board member for Lucky Star Cavalier Rescue. They were in need of foster families for dogs who were waiting to be placed with a family. Having 2 beloved doggies at home, the time, and needing a distraction from the grief, I volunteered.

A day or so later I went to a local vet and picked up a female dog. She was malnourished and had just weaned a litter of puppies. She had been spayed a few days earlier. I put her in a little crate and put her in my car. I took her home and placed the crate in the floor and opened the door fully expecting her to run out and play with my other two friendly poodle mixes. Little did I know that it would take days for her to leave the safety of her crate to do anything other than to eat or potty quickly.

Lexus had obviously been neglected. A look at her rotten teeth and frail frame were proof of this. She had also been abused, she would stiffen and flinch with even the most gentle and slow touch. She was terrified of Ryland. It was months before she would allow him to approach her before cowering and running away. Her hips were in terrible shape from having litter upon litter of puppies and starting too young. She had baggage. She was a broken and sad little animal.

She slowly began to trust me, to come to me, and allow me to love on her. Slowly she bonded with my other two dogs and found safety and security in her little "pack". It broke my heart to know that I'd have to let her go soon.

As fate would have it, Lexus had a foot condition called grass awns, another easily preventable issue caused by neglect from her breeder. She had a surgery with my veterinarian to try and alleviate this. My vet was looking for a dog for his wife and was interested in Lexus. I struck gold! I cried my eyes out at the thought of losing her, but I was so happy! There would be no better home than that of a vet who would take care of her and keep her comfortable for the rest of her life.

I gave her away feeling good that I had helped to rehabilitate an animal and help her to trust people again.

6 weeks later I took my two doggies in to the vet for a routine set of vaccinations. My vet had tears in his eyes. He told me that Lexus was terrified of he and his wife. She would run from them and was never at ease. He asked if he could ask the organization to keep his donation, but return the dog. I arranged to pick her up. She ran to me and literally smiled. It was like we both knew she was home.

I sweet talked my husband into letting us keep her. He isn't her biggest fan, but she is my dog and I'm her person.

So when she disappeared two weekends ago, my heart broke. This dog was my distraction through 2 more miscarriages, surgeries, fertility treatments, and the death of my aunt. Some people would say its "just" a dog. I disagree. Actually, I take offense. This was therapy, something that took my mind off of me. On my worst day I was never beaten, starved, or neglected like she had been. It gave me something to pour love into.

I drove my neighborhood crying and looking for her for hours. I called the animal shelter, local vets, and Ryland put up posters. There was a freeze warning that night and I could think about was her being cold, or a "Michael Vick" picking her up and using her as pitbull bait. (Dramatic, yes... I saw a news special once and it FREAKED me out!) I resigned myself to the fact that maybe her time in our family was over. That God gave her to me on loan for that hard season of my life and maybe another family needed her more right now.

Two days later we found out that Lexus had crossed a major highway and ended up at Petsmart where she was put on the lost and found list and sent home with a foster family. We happily got their information and went to get her. When I went in to the 5000 sq feet gorgeous home, I found her lying on a leather couch on a chenille blanket and I swear she had GAINED weight. She wagged her tail but didn't get up to greet me. It was almost as if she was thinking, "well crap, back to skid row..."

That is the thanks I get for rescuing her. I know my place now.

But for the record, she belongs with me, and I am so glad she's home. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't wake up to her sneezing everyday.

Why Do I Do It?

2010-11-01T11:55:00.002-05:00

Why Do I Do It?

Recently I was thinking about my blog and why I do it.

I have a few followers, 10's maybe. I seriously doubt that I have 100 people read a post at any given time.

I was reading a person's blog a few years back and this person was so ego centric. They felt as if their blog was so special and unique that it literally could change everything! I don't even pretend to think that mine is interesting to anyone outside of my little circle of family and friends.

If anything I do believe it has given me a small ministry. I do sincerely try to glorify God by being honest in what I put in print. By my ministry is so different now than it was when I started this blog so many years ago.

My blog began as an outlet for me to share my infertility & adoption experiences with my family and friends. I think much harder about my written words and a blog was an easy way to share about topics that some might find it uncomfortable to ask about. God was bringing me through a hard time in my life and I felt like maybe someone out there could relate and connect to my experiences.

From there it evolved- it went from an adoption story to a surprise pregnancy story. It was a way to chronicle the miracle growing in me. Again, not exciting to strangers but a great way to share with our families who were living far away.

It evolved again to a new mommy blog where I unabashedly bragged on and showed off my first born. So cute!

Then it became a story of the Russells really becoming a family. Making hard choices, leaving for new things, and adding a little Hope into the mix.

So here I am today. Why do I do this? Why do I share intensely personal, private things?

My answer is two-fold. I can't tell an honest story if it is cleaned up, edited down, and missing pieces. Miscarriage, pregnancy, birth, and kid-raising are messy. The mess is part of the lesson and the beauty in the journey. I don't share other people's garbage without permission- my hubby & kids are fair game though. So my personal privacy is out there- judge me, love me, hate me, think less of me, be annoyed, be bored- but know I am being REAL. And by being real, and telling my story, I am telling a story authored by God. The glory, the credit, the laughs, tears, and smiles, all belong to God. He generously gave me the people and experiences in this blog. I hope that if you take anything away from my blog that you can see how crazy amazing & sweet Gods love is.

And my second reason is that I want my kids to have a record, a written love letter, of how precious and wanted they both are. Again, I want them to see in my words how Gods love, provision, and blessings were with them before they ever existed. I do this for my kids.
Regardless of who reads this- this blog is my legacy to my kids. I hope it makes them proud. And I hope they will see that God had a plan for their lives before they ever were- and He still has a plan and always will.

21st Century Birth Announcement

2010-10-26T20:02:00.007-05:00

This is what the digital world received on the day Hope was born. We made very few phone calls, but instead updated our friends and family via facebook and twitter.

Mindy Russell It's baby day! Please say a prayer that my Hope passes her first test (APGAR) with a perfect score!
October 12 at 4:58am via Twitter

(Tweeted from the car on the way to the hospital.)

Ryland Russell Today as I sit on the couch in labor and delivery, I am once again thankful I'm a man. http://yfrog.com/6gxpuoj 5:36 AM Oct 12th via Twitterrific

Ryland Russell Predictions? Length width and time. Winner gets to name her. 5:38 AM Oct 12th via Twitterrific

(We had 20ish people guess- but Ry got the closest.)

Mindy Russell Yeah, my day has been pretty rough so far....
October 12 at 9:33am via Facebook for iPhone

Ryland Russell Just punched Mindy in the leg. She laughed, this is fun. Hope will be here soon! 12:39 PM Oct 12th via Twitterrific

(I had just had my epidural and was feeling GREAT, so Ryland wanted to test it out and be sure we were getting out money's worth. We were!!! I didn't feel a thing.)

Ryland Russell Punched = barely tapped.October 12 at 12:41pm via Twitter ·

Mindy Russell Hope is here! Born at 1:08, 7 lbs,1 oz, 21 inches long, looks like her brother. Thank you Jesus!
October 12 at 1:27pm via Twitter

Ryland Russell And so it begins.
October 12 at 3:41pm

She- A Digital Scrapbook

2010-10-26T19:55:00.009-05:00

She

She made herself known on her daddy's 26th birthday.

She made me so sick that I lost 8 pounds in my first tri-mester. Don't worry, I gained it back.

She was nicknamed "cupcake" by my third graders.

She was gestating during the biggest transitional time of my life. Changing homes, churches, towns, and careers.
She is my second born, and first daughter.

She made me cry on ultrasound day. I kept saying how much I'd love another son, but I wanted a daughter so badly.

She was named "Hope" because my hope at one time was to be able to have children at all, having 2 has been icing on the cake. It was also my one word resolution for 2010.

She was given the middle name "Angeline" after my grandpa Corky's mother, Mahalia (Haley) Angeline Harmon. Haley was the spiritual leader in her family, she didn't make huge contributions in education or philosophy, but has a legacy of a woman of faith. Although I never met my "Mammie" I am proud that my daughter carries her name and hopefully the same great faith of her forerunner. Angeline also means "messenger of God" which has already proved true for her mama.

She made me worry that I couldn't love another child as much as I love Isaac. I have since had a grinch moment where my heart grew three sizes. No love was lost- only multiplied.

She has 4 great grandmas, 2 great grandpas, and all of her grandparents. I pray she has many many years with all of them.

She was born at 39 weeks and 5 days gestation.

She was born on Tuesday, October 12, at 1:08pm, after 6 short hours of labor.

She weighed 7lbs 1oz and was 21 inches long. Her APGAR was 9.9.

She didn't have a cone head like her brother.

She has a small stork bite on her neck, forehead & left eyelid.

She wrapped her daddy around her finger in the delivery room, she held on to his finger while the nurse cleaned, weighed & measured her.

She has lots of fuzz on her back. I may have to teach her to wax someday.

She is a good little sleeper- she wakes in the night only to eat & snuggle.

She looks just like her brother.

She makes me love God, Isaac, and Ryland even more.

She is an answer to prayer.

She is beautiful & innocent, the picture of sweetness.

She is the daughter I wished for & prayed for.

She is mine.

Hope's Birth Story

2010-10-26T19:51:00.002-05:00

Hope's Birth Story

This is going to be a 2 parter. I am going to give the narrative version now & then give the tweets & facebook statuses from our family & friends for the day. I loved being able to share it all so instantaneously. There are some drawbacks to technology, but on Hope's birthday I was very thankful for it.

But I digress....

On Friday, October 8, I went for what was my last routine OB appt. 1st- my blood pressure was way high- 135/92 when I am always a solid 120/80. I had only progressed to 4 with 80% effacement, but my cervix was ripe for delivery. So my doctor & I decided to go ahead & strip my membranes ( don't google if you don't wanna know, men) as a natural way to stimulate my labor. When she did this I had an unusually large amount of bleeding, so my doctor sent me to labor & delivery to be monitored. After my visit to the hospital 5 days earlier, I was sure we'd be leaving with a baby. 3 hours later I was discharged, again. But with orders to return Tuesday morning to be induced.

So, on Tuesday, October 12, we checked in at 5:30am to get the party started. We got there, got me hooked up to my pitocin drip & watched Law & Order SVU. All in all it was a very uneventful early morning. By 6:30, iv drips were in, vitals taken, etc etc. Dilated to 4, 80% effaced, no real contractions to speak of yet.

At 8:30ish my wonderful little doctor showed up. She checked me over & eventually broke my water. My cervix is really high so doctors always seem to have a hard time doing this.
Things progressed pretty quickly from here. My contractions got more regular & more painful. Since I was having a cyst removed from my old scar tissue immediately after delivery I had already planned to have an epidural. My nurse saw that my extremely painful contractions were 2 minutes apart, she checked me & noticed that i was 7cm dilated & 100% effaced. She told me that I was close to transitioning & that if I wanted an epidural it was now or never.

My anesthesiologist came in about 11:00 and started getting ready to use a huge needle to insert a catheter into my spine. He was a wonderfully nice man, but my contractions were so strong that I kept moving & he had to start 3 times. Ryland had to leave the room so my 90 pound labor & delivery nurse had me put my head on her shoulder and hold her arms. The poor girl had a sweat puddle on her shoulder where I had cried and sweated on her. But when that medicine kicked in life was happy and blissful.

About 12:15, my nurse checked and determined that we needed to page my doctor. It was push time. My doctor arrived at 12:45 and we got down to business. I used a mirror to watch the birth, and my epidural was light enough that I was able to feel when to push. I pushed for about 10 minutes and at 1:08 Hope arrived.

I can't quite put into words the mix of adrenaline, euphoria, and love that you feel when you see your baby for the first time. That moment is a precious gift from God, the sweetest reward for the hard work of labor. The doctor handed me my goo covered little girl. She cried a good healthy cry and all I could think was how much she looked like her brother. Beautiful was an understatement.

I had minimal 2nd degree tearing. It didn't stop me from texting my family when she arrived & twittering her birth stats while being stitched up. My recovery has been easy so far. So different from her fat headed brother.

Speaking of her brother, I also cannot describe how awful it was to be away from him, and how guilty I STILL feel that I have shattered his world with this new baby. In reality, he loves Hope. From the moment he met her, he has only tried to hug, kiss, and snuggle her- when he's not ignoring her that is. It's me that has changed to him. Sadly, he's not the center of my universe. The spotlight is now shared with a tiny, needy, helpless, person, who sometimes causes him to have to wait, which is a great life lesson for a kid, but he doesn't understand yet- so it makes him upset with me. I know it is all part of the journey, I don't know what I'm doing as far as acclimating new siblings goes- I just pray God gives me wisdom & gives Isaac security & understanding that he is no less loved, just that there is less mommy than there used to be.

Back to the story- we stayed in the hospital for 1 night and checked out the next day. Hope is the picture of health- 7lbs, 1oz, 21 inches, no jaundice, APGAR of 9.9- praise God, He does all things well, especially sweet baby girls.

Thank you God for one of the best days of my life. Looking forward to many more.

Hope's Nursery

2010-10-11T09:07:00.006-05:00

Hope's Nursery

It's been awhile since I finished Hope's nursery. It's just not as fun in a rental house. No painting, no shelving, and some really ugly wallpaper. But I am happy for now. Photog friends, forgive the awful shadows and bad angles- Focus on the cute subject matter in the room.

Hope's room is kind of and orchid/lilac/purply color and the decor is giraffes. I really like it. It's been fun to decorate a girl's room. It is actually the most decorated room in the house. Like I said- it's hard to want to put out all my cute things when I don't know how long we'll be here. Surely someday the Guthrie house will sell and then we can buy "our" home, right? Oh well, no time to worry about that this week.

My baby girl comes tomorrow!!!

The crib where she will spend many peaceful nights.

Dresser/changing table, wall decor, and bow holders.

The top of her armoire. Can't wait to fill the cute picture frames.

Blankie/ burp cloth basket.

Close up of the comforter on her bed.

The crib.

View from the door.

And just because there isn't quite enough cuteness.......

The future big brother.

If Hope is as cute as this guy, I'm done for.

Please pray for me.

You're Not Cool Unless You Pee Your Pants

2010-10-04T11:44:00.002-05:00

You're Not Cool Unless You Pee Your Pants

Between twitter and facebook, I have around 995 friends.

Some would consider me to be pretty popular. (Ha ha ha)

So last night when I thought my water broke, I made the announcement as anyone in the digital generation would have. I posted this as my twitter/facebook status: "According to the puddle on my floor- I'm having a baby! Holy cow!" I was so excited to share my joy with my closest friends!

Before this, I was standing next to the sink, getting a drink when I was suddenly standing in liquid. What else was I to assume when this happened? I thought that my moment had arrived. It was 10:15pm, Ryland and I went into action and enacted our plan. I showered, we finished packing, Isaac's supervision arrived, and we joyfully headed to the hospital to welcome our long awaited baby girl.

We arrived about 11:20, got to skip triage and went straight to a labor and delivery room. My vitals were checked, and as any thorough nurse would, we did a test to be sure that I had, in fact, "ruptured". How could I not be? An unexplained puddle on the floor, 9 and 1/2 months preggo, how could it be anything else?

First test, negative. Second test, negative. Third test: negative. Three strikes and they send your tired, pregnant, butt home.

Discharge papers signed. My heart broken that I would be pregnant for another day. And the knowledge that I had posted for nearly 1,000 people that I had peed my pants. Not to mention caused sleep loss for my friends and family- which could be dangerous. And it was 1:15am, not a good time to be me in general.

As we were leaving, Ryland did what he does when he's uncomfortable- he tried to make me laugh. As we were walking out he muttered "we're doing the walk of shame" underneath his breath. He also let me know that RevKev was trying to find a new nickname for me since "preggo" will be moot in a few days, and he thought that this situation would be very advantageous for RevKev.

So we got in the car. I cried a little and hatched a plot to go into hiding until Hope is born and play off this whole debacle. But then I put on my big girl pants, and an adult diaper, and decided to suck it up. I am not the first mommy this has happened to. I will deal with the shame and the name calling. And I will pray that Hope comes soon.

According to Billy Madison, "You're not cool unless you pee your pants." This is my mantra.

And when I give birth to Hope she is grounded. I haven't peed my pants in years. This is her fault, after all.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Letters

2010-10-04T11:15:00.002-05:00

Letters

Ry-

Wasn't 1998 like 3 weeks ago? Where did the scrawny little baseball player & small town cheerleader go? When did we turn into adults, let alone parents of 2?

Life over the past 12 years has had plenty of bumps & bruises, but there isn't one minute of it that I'd trade. I'm so glad that I've been lucky enough to get to do it all with you. It always seems to get sweeter.

On your worst days you are still the best husband in the universe, and I cannot imagine a better daddy than you. You are my best friend and I still get butterflies when you smile at me.

Thank you for putting up with my crazy, my irrational, my obsessive, and my fearful. Thank you for loving God and leading our family in that way. Thank you for the way you love our son- he will know what a Christlike man should be. I can't wait to see you with our baby girl, because of you she will know what it means to be treated with love & respect.

Thank you for picking me. Out of all the girls in the world I get to spend my life with you. I wish every woman could have it so good. I love you so much.

You are my favorite- it's me and you vs. the little crumb gobblers. Some day I'll have to let them go, but you- I get to keep. And that doesn't make it seem so bad.

Mindy

Isaac-

My beautiful first born- what a wild time we've had over the last few months. Three houses, a new town, a new daycare, 2 cases of pneumonia, and an ever expanding mommy. You've handled it all so well. You never cease to amaze me.

I know that I am your momma and that automatically makes me biased, but I think you are the most funny, smart, and downright exceptional kid I have ever met. I know the chances of you growing up to cure cancer or author world peace are probably slim. But I look at you and have no doubt that God has such a special plan for you. Even now, I know that God is preparing you and I will do my best to help you find God's will and do it. And even when you disappoint me, or fail, or just plain screw up - I will always always always and forever love you.

Your life is about to change in quite a big way. You are going to be Hope's big brother. Like it or not- it will be part of your identity. This means sharing your toys, your time, and your parents. I have so much mommy guilt for disrupting your life & security with a sibling at such a young age. But as a big sister myself, there are so very sweet parts of having a younger sibling: 1) no one will ever love you like your sibling 2) they know, appreciate, and occasionally be annoyed by all your quirks 3) they understand your jokes & will "get" you like no one else 4) believe it or not, some day you will be angry with me & she'll take your side. Who knows, you may even win sometime.

Just know that no matter who comes into our family, you are always going to be my precious first son, you were a promise from God fulfilled, and you are irreplaceable.

And don't tell your sister- but you are my favorite.

I love you more than you'll ever know.

Momma

Hope-

I cannot wait to meet you in week or so. I've dreamed about you- you are tiny and dark headed. I'm anxious to see your face. Are you going to look like your brother? Will you have the Russell feet, or maybe the Harmon nose? Will you be long & skinny like Isaac, or will you be a petite little princess? You will be mine & regardless of who you look like, no one will see your beauty like I do.

Regardless of the physical beauty you may have, my prayer is that you love God & that your beauty comes from your heart. Your great aunt Karla always said, "pretty is as pretty does", I hope that you "do" pretty more than look it.

You are already so different from Isaac. They way that you sit in my belly & the way you move is much more gentle. You are the second child which means more hand me downs, less undivided attention, more experienced & relaxed parents, & less attention to some detail.

You are however my first (and maybe only) daughter. I hope that we have lots in common. I'd be lying if I didn't say that I daydream of shopping trips, chick flicks, and pedicures. But if you are a tom boy, I won't be disappointed or love you any less. I want you to be whatever kind of woman that God has planned for you. I want you to be brave, and generous, and kind.

I am so excited to be your Momma. I can't wait to hold you in my arms and welcome you to this great world and to our family. I know I am not a perfect Mom. There will be many mistakes and apologies, but I love you so much already. You are a gift from God and you are very wanted.

And don't tell your brother- but you are my favorite.

I love you more than you'll ever know.

Momma

End of the Road Reflections

2010-10-04T11:12:00.000-05:00

End of the road reflections

My pregnancy with "Hopenstein", as her daddy has nicknamed her, is officially full term as of Friday. I cannot believe that it was 9 1/2 months ago, on Ryland's birthday that we found out that our little cupcake would be making her way into the world.

Reflecting on this makes me think back to how different our lives were at the beginning of this whole thing. Everything was different- our jobs, our finances, our plans, and our zip code just to name a few. Things felt secure and safe, no big risks, nothing to fear.

Then God called. He asked us to do some hard things. He asked us to leave the familiar for the wildly different. He asked us to leave our own financial margin in exchange for handing our finances to Him. He asked us to grow from a family of three to a party of 4. He asked Ry and me to live apart for 6 weeks. He asked us to move without selling our home.

And though there have been many tears, fears, dragging of my feet and bumps in the road, here I stand- protected, provided for, and reaping blessings that are too sweet to be missed.

So as I look back, I see God's hand in it all. I see His faithfulness and guidance, even as I doubted.
And as I look forward - I see my two children, laughter and hope, reminding me of where we are going: wherever He leads.

Everything I Need to Know: Lessons from Sunday School Music

2010-09-09T11:28:00.001-05:00

Everything I Need to Know: Lessons from Sunday School Music

If Isaac had not been home with stomach flu today I would have been at my 6th day of my new job, teaching music to preschoolers at our church's preschool program.

I love this job. I get paid to teach them cute songs, how to play rhythm instruments, and do some fun dances & movement games with them. My job is more FUN than any other that I've ever had. The lesson planning takes minimal time, the prep work is easy, it took me only 20 minutes to get ready for a sub today, and the best part: I get to talk about Jesus. No apology. No innuendo. I can say his name. I can say that I love him. I can openly express my belief in him. I have permission & an expectation that Jesus is in my classroom. That is the sweetest part.

I have been teaching the kiddos some of my childhood favorites over the past 2 weeks. It is really sweet to experience these songs again 20ish years later. Some of them contain more wisdom than I ever realized.

This Little Light of Mine- it comes from the verse " let your light so shine before men that they see your good deeds & glorify your Father in heaven." As a child I didn't realize that I was singing such powerful scripture. I am often so guilty of letting myself get so bogged down in busy & worry that my light is either "pfoofed" out by Satan or hidden under a bushel (or stack of bills, of perhaps a diaper bag). I have the light of the world inside of me & I am constantly robbed of it's power, sadly by my own devices.

Oh, Be Careful Little Eyes- Oh be careful little eyes, indeed. If you see too much real housewives of new jersey & look at your finances with no faith & look at your preggo body and worry on your own, where is your faith? If your little ears listen to fear, if your little mouth speaks hurtful & hateful things, if your little feet go shopping when you're broke, if your little heart puts it's trust in self rather than salvation, and if your mind thinks of anxiety rather than the awesomeness of our savior- how can you know that we have a father up above looking down in love? He desires good for us, all He asks is our obedience. Obedience with our lives is the greatest act of worship. Did you know that was the message behind that cute little song?

He's Got the Whole World in His Hands-I am the worst about trying to carry the world in my hands. That's an impossible task for someone with hands as small as mine. I can't hold it all together on my own. The verse about the "little tiny babies" gets me everytime. For one thing, I think of my three angels that are already with God, there is and never was a better place for them. They will never have stomach flu or have to do puke laundry. I think of my Isaac who is farther from babyhood every day. I am so glad that Isaac rests in God's hands. I can't protect him, love him, or teach him like God can. And my yet-to-be-seen Hope. In the last week I have thought that I was in pre-term labor twice. I have no control over when or how she gets here. But that little tiny baby is in God's hands. I'll see her when she gets here. Lastly, I think of my beloved sisters who are dealing with infertility & pregnancy loss- take comfort in knowing that He's got the little tiny babies - past, present, and yet to come- in His hands. If he can handle the WHOLE world, he can certainly handle what you are going through. He's a great big God, but close & small enough to have a plan just for you & your family.

I am so incredibly blessed that God provided me with a job I love, more time with my kids, and the musical reminders of the sweet truths that I have known for years, but have been given new life by my life's experiences.

Thoughts on Stomach Flu:

2010-09-09T11:22:00.003-05:00

Thoughts on stomach flu:

1) As a kid you think that being sick is the worst part. As a parent you are on clean up duty as well as having that feeling that you are doomed to start puking at any moment.

2) I feel like an awful mom today. I heard Isaac cry twice in the night for about 45 seconds, then I heard him cough. He's been a little congested so I didn't get up to check on him despite a very strong feeling that I should. I went in to wake him up at 7:45 and found him sleeping in a smelly bed full of puke. I felt terrible that I brushed off my God given motherly instincts in exchange for sleep.

3) Obviously, I am a little frightened that if I get sick it will send me into early labor. That's me, always worrying 10 steps ahead.

4) Even though I am positive that this is a highly contagious bug- how on earth can anyone with a heart deny their child the snuggling & closeness that they need when they are sick? Isaac is in my lap right now & even though it is scary, I have no intentions of moving him. I think mommy snuggles have magic healing powers.

5) I hate puke laundry.

6) I also hate cleaning the crib & bathtub after a pukey baby has wreaked havoc. Lysol is my bff today.

7) He ate french fries last night- let's just say that ANYONE would have been able to figure that one out.

8) If given a choice between a sick kid and work- work wins everytime.

9) Isaac & I are sitting in our loveseat, there are 5 towels under, next to, and around us. I have plenty of catching options if more puke should happen.

10) My mom used to spank my brother because he NEVER made it to the toilet to puke. I bet he did it on purpose. Those who know him will no doubt agree.

11) My dad has only had stomach flu 2 times in he & my mom's 34 year marriage. It reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where Jerry throws up & breaks a 13 year vomit free streak. Dad is a huge baby when he gets sick though, but only puking once every 15 years on average would definitely make it awful when it does happen.

12) I am sentenced to watch only Barney & Sesame Street today. Yuck. We have already watched two "Barteys" and one "Yelmo".

13) Is it possible to scrub off your skin from overwashing your hands? I will test this hypothesis today.

14) I am so grateful that this is just a virus & that my sweet boy isn't chronically ill. My heart goes out to my mommy friends who have been called to mother children that are constantly not well. I admire the strong hearts that God has grown in you to endure the heartbreak of watching your baby not feel well. For me today is a short lived annoyance. I am praying God's blessing on you and your children as you deal with daily difficulty.

15) If you think "don't puke, don't puke, don't puke" over and over and chant it like a mantra will it keep you well?? We'll see.

Psychobilly Freak Out

2010-09-03T22:13:00.002-05:00

This is a TMI kind of post. If you are a boy, someone who isn't comfortable with "female" things, or someone who hasn't ever given birth. This may not be the blog for you to read. I warned you fair and square.

I am officially 34 weeks 0r 8 and 1/2 months pregnant today.

That means I have 6 weeks left until I am at my due date.

This means I am 3 weeks from being considered "full term".

Well, I had a little surprise today. I HATE surprises.

I noticed that I had some light bleeding today. Not a completely normal thing for someone as pregnant as I am. So in the interest of being calm and composed I ran to the living room and yelled at Ry, "I'm bleeding, we need to GO TO THE HOSPITAL NOW!!!!"

His eyes got big as I explained all the nitty gritty details to him and we (he) rationally decided it would be best to call my doctor first.

I called her office and they asked a few more invasive questions. After determining that my water had not broken and I am not having regular contractions- the doctor recommended that I stay home, make sure the bleeding did not increase and try not to worry.

As soon as I got off the phone my "try not to worry" became a big house cleaning party and me reading 2 pregnancy books about late term bleeding, as well as me google-ing the survival rate as well as possible complications for babies born at 34 weeks. ( 97% survival rate, RDS is the most common complication, most have no long term ailments relating to premature birth. See, I did my homework.)

Long story short- the bleeding stopped a few hours later. I have had no more contractions than a normal day, and all seems to be fine.

I prayed many times today that above all else, God would take care of Hope. I know he will regardless of what day she comes to meet us here on the outside. I am asking though for the prayers of my friends out there in the blogosphere. Please pray that whenever Hope gets here that she is done "cooking", and can enter the world breathing and thriving on her own. Pray that this nervous freaker-outer of a mom can rest in God and his perfect plan for her arrival. And that the man married to me can reign me in and deal with all the craziness that I dish out on a daily basis- I am so lucky to have him.

Evidence

2010-08-25T21:12:00.011-05:00

Here is photographice evidence of God's goodness in my life over the last few months:

Isaac, his aunt Jil, and his sweet cousins.

This is the photo that Isaac and Joia will hate me for in 15 years- but seriously, how cute is this????

My little swimmer.

He didn't get the memo about not picking up gravel on the playground.

Rootbeer float and mommy's cell phone. He always has his priorities in order.

Squinty mommy and 2 cute boys breaking in Jeje's new pool.

Paw-pa makes sure he has plenty of toys.

Linus and his blankie- a sweet morning sight.

Tired blue eyes after a morning at the zoo with mommy.

Reading an Elmo book with Mommy at Grannie B's.

Blankie, milk, and dog (woof). This picture will make me cry when he gets older. It is so him.

MMMMwah!

My favorite in-laws. Isaac's Mimi and Poppy on a fun trip to Arkansas.

I've always thought he walks on water. Here's proof.

Dad is teaching him to skip rocks at Heber Lake.

Toes in the water with Mimi.

Poor attention starved child. :)

Do I have to take ANOTHER picture with my Mom?????

Got my puppy- ready to go!

Road trip with Dad and Aunt Hil.

Nana!

Fourth of July- a wash out.

He had a cute patriotic outfit that was promptly removed so he could carry around a fly swatter and play in the rain.

Love and Spongebob PJ's from Jeje.

First "summer buzz" haircut in process.

The "before the haircut" look.

Me and Reverend Russell at Ry's ordination service.

The fit face.

Cake batter- Isaac's first love.

Thank you Jesus for the people in my life that make it so beautiful. If only photographs did it justice...

As of Today

2010-08-24T15:07:00.002-05:00

As of Today...

My son has been with me on this planet for 81 weeks.

My daughter has been hiding in my tummy for 32 weeks and 4 days.

I have gained 28 pounds in this pregnancy.

I have been denied health insurance under my husband's group policy 3 times- but I am currently on a COBRA and keeping my old plan which is pretty good. I am okay with it all.

I have moved 2 times this summer to two different rent houses.

My house in Guthrie is STILL on the market with no lookers for several months.

I got my last EPS check last week and am nervous to see if we can really make it on a very reduced income.

I think I might have some depression and anxiety- new baby, new town, missing my old job, starting a new one, house not sold, less dollars in the bank, and on and on. Not that any of these are good reasons - I am not throwing a pity party- just keeping it real. This is more change than I have ever had at once in my whole life. I am done justifying it- I don't like it, I just don't want you to think I am batty.

As of now I have 8 pregnant friends, 2 friends dealing with miscarriages, 3 friends with new tiny babies, and 5ish friends who are battling infertility in various forms. I think of all of you often. I am praying for you and I have walked in all of your shoes. Know that God has a plan for all seasons- and all of these things are only for a time.

I got new, cute, red, glasses. I wonder how long until Isaac eats, throws, steals, mangles, cracks, or otherwise maims them in some way.

I am 52 days from my due date- whoa!

I miss teaching.

Isaac has started throwing fits. I have had to spank him more in the last 2 weeks than I have his whole life. But I see his sin nature already trying to win him. I refuse to let him grow up feeling entitled, never hearing "no", and thinking that there are no rules. It would be much easier just to let him do whatever he wants and hit and kick when he gets mad. But I love him too much. He is too wonderful for me to allow that part of him to grow and flourish. I want people to enjoy him and I want him to be able to learn to control himself.

I start my new job officially on Tuesday. My lesson plans are ready and I can't wait to sing with my preschool cuties!

I love my husband. He gets better every week as a worship leader. He is the kind of man every kid would want as a father and he lies to me and tells me that I don't look as bad and huge as I do. I am so blessed to have him.

I went to the zoo this morning. I also went to an event at our church and out to lunch. I haven't showered today... oops.

All three of my dogs are sleeping in various places in the living room. Isaac is in his bed napping. I feel guilty for saying this, but I love when my house is this quiet.

Isaac's new favorite movie is Charlotte's web. The one I watched as a kid. He asks for "Pig" when I give him the choice between pig movie, Barney, and Elmo.

I still am not unpacked. There are still tons of boxes in my house. It's been over a month. I am very "nesty" right now and this drives me nutso!

My parents take us to dinner at least once a week. I love it. Isaac loves it. And it has definitely contributed to my 28 pounds.

There are 2 churches that I love that are going thru some majorly ugly stuff right now. (Not Central!) You know who you are and I am praying for you. It breaks my heart that people will let opinion and preference destroy ministry.

All done.

Much love.

Mindy

Of Health Insurance and Perspective

2010-08-03T22:03:00.002-05:00

I have such good intentions. I really do. I have great ideas for blog posts, I roll them around in my mind, I plan what I want to say, then reality hits. There are things to do, places to go, bills to pay, diapers to change... and then the "freshness" of the idea is gone and I am left with a dusty idea that once seemed like much more fun. But I wanted to write today. I need to commemorate a special event and I need the therapy of being able to send a frustration out into the blogosphere where maybe the 10 people who read this will send out a prayer on my behalf.

First the frustration: As you know, I resigned my position as a third grade teacher last spring because me, the hubby, and my 1.5 children relocated. In resigning, I also forfeited my right to the free health insurance that Oklahoma teachers are entitled to. My coverage runs out on August 31. No problem, I thought. One of the many fantastic benefits to the hubs new job is that our family is provided with health insurance. All I have to do is apply and be added, afterall it is a group policy, no one is ever turned down. I thought wrong.

I have since been denied health care coverage by this not to be named company, not once, but twice. My first thought was obviously my pregnancy, which on a group policy should not be regarded as a pre-existing condition. But I was not rejected (ALLEGEDLY) because of my pregnancy. Wanna guess why? It's a really scary and expensive medical condition. Oh, and its very rare and exotic. C'mon guess. No, sicko. Not that! My condition (that allegedly has nothing to do with pregnancy) is: (Drumroll...)

Migraines.

Wow, wasn't that exciting.

This insurance company has denied me twice because I have migraines. I had my first migraine in elementary school. Every woman in my family has them. And honestly, it is probably one of the best ailments to have if you have to have one. (I just jinxed myself and will have a bad one within the week, I'm sure.) I have made a few (like, maybe 4) trips to the ER over the course of the last 17ish years for a shot when they get to be unbearable, but 99% of my headaches are cured by taking my prescription as soon as I feel it coming. That's it! Very rarely have I missed work or life because Of a headache. And for an insurance company, it is a cheap condition for me to have. I get my prescription filled about 3 times a year, and the meds are so inexpensive that insurance usually doesn't cover any of the cost. I have disclosed this plus a lot more detailed information to the insurance company along with 2 statements from my doctor, and I am still receiving the run around.

I am 10 weeks from my due date and am seriously flipping out at the thought of not being covered. Ry's job has assured us that we will be taken care of but I do not understand turning me away on the basis of a migraine. I think there may be some other reason why there is discrimination toward me. (PREGNANCY!!!!)

I am frustrated beyond belief, I am jumping through every hoop I can, but I cannot even discuss this without being completely in tears. If it weren't for my sweet Hope coming, this would not be a big deal. But a baby changes everything.

Just like it did 18 short months ago.

(segue)

18 months ago today I met Isaac for the very first time. He was so alert and wide-eyed. It was as if he really recognized that he was seeing the world for the first time. He watched and listened and completely captivated me. I was hooked. I was madly, deeply, crazy in love with that little blonde headed, pink, mullet that the doctor handed me. That was the tip of the ice berg. I have blinked and a year-and-a-half has passed at break neck speed. We have lived through the sleepless nights, a year of nursing, first holidays, sicknesses, words, steps, milestones, and hurts. We have seen a curious, playful, and always joyful little boy grow from that tiny baby. We have had our hearts break with him when he has felt pain, and been overcome with happiness when he is happy. He has been a magnifying glass to every emotion. He has made me fall in love with his Daddy in ways I never knew possible. And he made me want to have more babies much quicker than I could have ever anticipated. And now my child, no longer a baby, is going to be someone's brother. My heart is torn by the excitement and the love that I feel for Hope, along with the mourning for the days of only Isaac. I have prayed all along that even before they see each other that God will grow love in their hearts for each other.

I've heard it said that our siblings are our longest earthly relationship. We have them before we meet our friends and we have them after we lose our parents. It's no coincidence that the bible explains our savior as "closer than a brother". I want Isaac and Hope to be each other's best friends and to have a bond that will last a lifetime. I am scared of what having two kids will do to them both. I want them to have all of me that I can give. I pray I can do my best and make them both feel loved and secured.

As I count down the next 10 weeks to Hope's entry to the world, there are still blanks to fill in: Will I have insurance? What will this whole birth experience be like? Can I REALLY do this? Will she look like her brother? Will I have what I need?

Regardless, my perspective needs to be that I am blessed despite the insurance company's stupid policies, I am blessed despite the toll this all takes on my stress level, I am blessed despite the shortcomings I have as a mother. I begged God to give me children, and He poured out His love with a little boy 18 months ago and will do it again in 10 weeks. Who am I to complain about the small stuff? So many would trade places with me in a moment.

Perspective. It is a strange beast, but one I need more of on days like today.

Another List (Code for "life is too crazy for a real post")

2010-07-21T08:59:00.004-05:00

1. I am safely in my third trimester of my pregnancy with Hope. How did that happen so quickly?

2. I LOOK like I am in my third trimester. I am very walrus-like.

3. Have I mentioned how much I love love love love our new church? Even though we are living in chaos in so many ways, I am reminded everytime we step into the building that our ministry is the reason we were brought here. I am so thankful for the people we have the honor and privilege of serving alongside.

4. We moved! We now live with OUR THINGS in a new renter. It is big, and clean, and pretty, and most of all empty! It has been hard to settle in- especially for Isaac. He is confused, rightly so. He has been so clingy and nervous. I'm sure the mountains of boxes aren't helping.

5. No, we still have not sold our house in Guthrie. I wish.

6. I am in a weird funk. I don't know if it is third trimester anxiety, several consecutive months of transition, or (gut level honest) the fact that I am worrying so much that I am trying conquer it all on my own and pushing God out of the picture. I am crying A LOT, being impatient A LOT, and worrying like crazy. God has proven time and time again that He is so much better at ALL of this stuff then I could ever be, so why do I constantly fall back into trying to run the show? I'm a mess.

7. Speaking of anxiety: I get my last "school" paycheck next month and then we will see if we can REALLY make it on a reduced income, with an extra child.

8. I am praying for a season where I can coast for awhile. I feel guilty even typing that. I prayed for all this change! God forgive my ungrateful, fickle heart. Thank you for your blessings.

9. My lappy cursor jumps all over the page and it takes forever for me to type a blog entry. It is frustrating and makes me want to throw my computer into the wall.

10.My parents finally broke down and got a pool! They had one since I was in 5th grade and moved this spring to a new house. They missed it so much (and maybe my brother and I whined about it enough) that they bought a new one.

11. What has happened to my baby boy? He is so big. He runs, he climbs, he talks, he loves Barney. The helpless little thing I brought home from the hospital is a pop-tart eating, animal sound making, zoo loving, swimming, smiling, grandparent charming little monkey. I couldn't possibly love him anymore than I do. I am so excited to bring home his sister, but I am so scared that it will turn his world upside down.

(Note: As I was writing this Isaac woke up for the day. I saved my post, closed my lappy, and went to get my little angel out of his crib. Later in the morning I was in the next room cleaning, only to find that my precious darling had opened my computer, turned it on, and posted my unfinished blog post. Are they supposed to be this smart? I wasn't finished!)

12. I love e-mealz. It is seriously one of the best investments I have made in a long time. I am cooking more. My wal-mart trips are super easy. And I am saving on groceries.

13. Hope's room is going to be giraffes. I am so excited to really start working on it!

14. I am a little jealous when I hear my teacher friends talk about getting their classrooms ready. I think I am going to miss it more than I know.

15. I have a friend who had her 2nd round of in-vitro and is pregnant with twins! God is STILL in the miracle business and I am so excited!

16. We are doing VBS at church this week. I always dread it but end up having so much fun!

17. I love twitter, but I think I sound too self centered sometimes. Maybe I am , but I won't let that stop me from doing it. I like my facebook/twitterverse.

18. I love my in-laws. I am so thankful for the son they raised and let me marry. I am glad that I got them!

19. If being lazy were an Olympic sport, all three of my dogs would win gold. I love that about them. I don't think I could handle another high energy creature in my life.

20. I think I'm done. Hopefully next time I can post a "real" post. But realistically, I will probably never be less busy. Just different busy. Goodbye for now.

Reverend Russell

2010-06-30T21:01:00.004-05:00

*Post Script* This blog has been sitting in my box, waiting, since June 30. I have tried to upload a video of our dads no less than 5 times. So I quit. Here is the blog. Hope you enjoy.

Last Sunday night I experienced one of my proudest moments as a wife ever. My sweet husband, Ryland, was licenced and ordained into the ministry. Basically this means, on paper, that my hubby can legally perform weddings and is recognized differently according to tax purposes. But, in his heart it means something completely different. Ry has started his own blog (how cute is that?) and I thought I'd let him share in his own words. Here is a link.

http://www.rylandrussell.com/more-than-a-piece-of-paper/

Maybe I've shared this before but my hubs is a worship leader. Not a "my band can't make it at the moment so this gives me a paycheck guy" or a "I play in a bar on Saturday night and play in a church on Sunday guy" or even a "I write songs with ambiguous lyrics that are spiritual but don't directly reference God so they can be more mainstream guy". He is a guy whose heart and purpose is to use his voice, his songwriting, and his instruments, to give God glory and lead others into a worship experience with God. Let me be clear before I continue and get hateful e-mails. If those people truly have a heart in ministering to people then I am thankful beyond belief that they are out there in places that make me uncomfortable. (I am pretty positive that I am going to be in trouble with Ry for saying most of this stuff anyways.) But if the motivation is solely a paycheck, notoriety, or even an ego trip- then that is sad. God does NOT give musical talent to everyone. The least you can do is give it back to Him. (Stepping off soapbox- where did that come from? Pregnancy hormones, perhaps? I guess the apology e-mails will start soon)

Back to what I wanted to say before I detoured in crazy town: I am so proud of Ryland. I am so proud that he is unapologetically using all that he has for the glory of God. I am proud that he chose to share his life with a crazy, ranting, pregnant woman. I am proud that Hope and Isaac will be exposed to such a great example of obedience to God.

Ry was ordained at our new home church, CBC. We shared the evening with our church family, all of our grandparents, our parents, some dear friends, a few aunts, uncles, and cousins, and Ry's sister and her family. In a Baptist church it is a tradition for a member of the ordaining council to (WARNING: churchy term) preach a "charge" to the person being ordained. This is a fancy way of giving a challenge and good advice to the person who is entering the ministry. There were 2 people who preached Ryland's charge: My father, and his father. I can't recapture in words the precious things that we will treasure in our hearts so I am posting the videos here. (TRIED AND FAILED, SORRY. This is where they would have been.) I know that you will find them as inspiring and encouraging as we did. We are blessed with two very special Daddies.

More than anything, I am certain that Ry is doing exactly what God has called him to do. Does that mean that it will always be easy? No. Does that mean everyone will always like him/us? No. Does that mean that we will have the perfect marriage and raise perfect kids and never have financial troubles or make bad decisions? I wish, but no. All I know is that this ordination means that we have made a commitment to do our best to follow God's call on our lives to the best of our ability. That is a good place to be. It's the only place I wanna be.

Life in The New Town

2010-06-10T13:42:00.003-05:00

I apologize in advance. This one is going to be a list of randoms. Otherwise I would spend FOR E VER and probably several posts saying what I could have said a little easier in short bursts. I shall give it a try- and try not to be too wordy. No promises.

1. I quit- Well, I did it. On May 28th, with relatively few tears, I walked out of my classroom for the last time. After it was all said and done, I feel a tremendous amount of peace. I know leaving was the right thing. I will probably be fine until August until I start dreaming about getting my classroom ready, and I start seeing facebook posts about teachers going back- then I know I will miss it. But, then I will remember all my Monday morning guilt ridden tearfests over leaving Isaac all week and I will be fine.

2. Reverend Russell- Yes, that's right. On June 28th I will officially be the wife of a minister! The real thing. Ry is being ordained at our new church. I am so proud of him. We both know that he is called and we are ready and willing to give our lives to whatever God has in store. We know it won't always be that simple, but I'd rather rest in God's hand than be anywhere else. And the world needs more Rylands. He has such a great heart, he constantly amazes me and I am so proud of where he is leading our family. And the poor guy is stuck with me.

3. Hope- I met my new OB, Dr. Gibbens, who will be delivering Hope in October. I LOVED her. She was so attentive, thorough, patient, and professional. I felt very good about our choice to see her. She did a full exam and an ultrasound. We found that Hope is definitely a girl and we looked at all of her- her brain, her heart, her kidneys, her lungs, her spine, her bladder, her bones, her face- and she is perfect. She is growing right on time for her October 15th due date and is a very healthy, wiggly, little cupcake. I cannot describe how thankful I am that God put her together so well. He answered my prayers for a daughter and has made her healthy and complete. I am now praying that He will finish this good work that He has began in me & keep her cooking until she's done.

4. I moved- I am now living in our rent house with Ryland and Isaac. I am so thankful for the provision of a place we can stay for free- but it just does not feel like home. It is FULLY furnished and decorated, but as selfish as it is, it is just not my stuff. Its really hard to let yourself relax when you are worried about taking care of something that belongs to someone else. I did bring my own dishes, I am planning on shampooing the carpet, and I am going to try and put away some things that are in the way. I am hoping that I will settle in soon- I may just need more time. I wish we had room for family and guests. Ry's parents are coming up and I hate that they can't stay with us. I guess you just have to take the sweet with the bitter.

5. Isaac- I love him. I love him. I love him. It is hard for me to imagine how I can possibly love Hope this much. He runs full speed all the time, He says new words everyday- today he told me "more milk". He loves animals and knows tons of names and sounds. He loves baths, french fries, and tickling people. His name means laughter and he is full of it. He is a light in a dark world and I am so glad God chose me to be his Momma. He actually has a lung infection right now. He has had a yucky cough for about 6 weeks, no fever, no weird symptoms- we tried allergy medicine and cough syrup, but neither have worked. We went to our new pediatrician for the first time today and she said his lung capacity was only functioning at about 90 %. She compared it to walking pneumonia, he feels okay, but his lungs need some help. He'll be fine soon with the help of a nebulizer and some antibiotics.

6. Geeking Out- From time to time I will start indulging my self in some time wasting thing that is maybe a little nerdy. Right now Ryland and I are watching vlogs (video blogs) of this family in Idaho. They call themselves the Shaytards. They crack me up! They vlog and post their videos on Youtube. They do things like shoot guns, jump out of windows and roll their windows down with their 3 kids in the car wash. Yes it is geeky, yes it is a little voyeuristic, but they are hilarious.

7. Home- Our house is STILL on the market in Guthrie. We have only had one looker since last time I blogged. I am frustrated. I want to sell it so we can buy a place of our own here. I am so ready. I want to really live here, no strings attached. Please pray that our home will sell.

8. New Job- I am going to be working at our church's preschool this fall. I am going to be teaching music, 3 days a week, to kids from tiny little babies to 4 year olds. I am so excited! It is a departure from what I am trained to do, but it will be a fun challenge and NO DIAPERS! I can't wait to start.

9. Summer Plans- Since the Tulsa Zoo is 15 minutes away, we bought a year round pass so we will go on any cool days we can manage. Isaac's Mimi Cyndi is going to be up next week so we plan to soak up some Mimi time then. We have weddings for Riann and Trent & Steph and Todd planned, we are going to Arkansas to Ry's parent's for a weekend in July, we are going to Tenkiller for a few days in August, Ry is going to Falls Creek and Tulakogee, we will see my parents a lot, and hopefully have a home closing or two mixed in there. I am also committed to cooking more using e-mealz. For $5 a month, they plan my meals, send me a grocery list, save me money, and make my life easier. We have had 3 meals so far and really like it. It saves me time and money- both of which I always seem to be short on. :)

10. New Church- I love our new church. I have loved every church we've had an opportunity to serve in, but this is just different. Ry fits here better than he has anywhere else. He is able to use all of his talents and we are really making great friends here. I am so happy to see Ry like this. He is awesome and is so well received here- again, proud wife moment.

That's all folks!

Mindy

Goodbye

2010-05-25T21:14:00.003-05:00

The tears are on edge even as I type.

In the next 4 days:

1) I have to say goodbye to all of Isaac's babysitters, who have been with him for the majority of his life.
2) I have to say goodbye to my students, my co-workers, and my administrators, at my school where I have spent the best/worst 4 years of my life.
3) I have to say goodbye to the first home I have ever owned.

All of this on pregnancy hormones......

To my son's caretakers- Alana, Laurie, Kylee, Emily, and sometimes Darlene, Tracy, Lindsey, and Jennifer: I couldn't drag myself away everyday if I thought Isaac wasn't in the best possible hands. I am praying God's richest of blessings on your lives. I will never be able to say thank you enough for pouring love into my little boy. God has used you in a special way to make him even more perfect than he already is. I love you all- you will always hold a special place in my heart. I am so thrilled that in 4 days, my main occupation is Isaac's Mommy- I work part time, and Isaac goes to work with me. I am so grateful for this huge answer to prayer. I can't wait.

Will Rogers- My hiding place, my shelter in some big storms, my celebration hub, my support. My principal, Dr. Sheron House has been so supportive in me becoming a mommy. She is a godly woman who believes in family first. She loves her teachers, she will do anything for her students. I am so glad to call her a friend and I have loved working for her. My team past and present- these amazing woman walked next to me day to day- through three pregnancy losses, deaths in the family, doctor's appointments, morning sickness, postpartum work return, pumping pumping pumping, and so much more. These girls have taken care of me in my best and worst, encouraged me, and made me laugh! I will miss them. My students- they remind me of what being a Christian is all about. There are kids that encourage you, kids that you get to watch grow, and kids that break your heart. FERPA (blah blah blah) won't let me share much, but I am blessed that I got to be in the lives of 100ish kids for a season of their lives, I pray that I get an opportunity to someday see what becomes of them. I hope they all choose the good in life and live far beyond their potential.

My house- My first BIG adult purchase, the place where my babies were conceived, the place where I have celebrated and nursed heartbreak, Isaac's first home. More than mortar and brick- a house of memories. It's hard to leave and not take my stuff. It unsettles my hormones to go and live in a place that isn't my home yet. I know God has perfect timing for selling our home. I am trying to be patient, but honestly, not doing so well. I will miss our quiet neighborhood and the sweet memories we've made here.

Pray for me. I am a crying mess.

Mindy

My HOPE has come true....

2010-05-22T16:46:00.003-05:00

At the beginning of this year I chose the word "hope" as my one word resolution for the year. I never quite knew what amazing things would transpire as a result.

At the beginning of the year I prayed for several things:
1) That Ry would get a job back in music ministry
2) That I could stay home with Isaac
3) That maybe, just maybe, God would give us another baby

Did God show up or what?

I am not the mostly faithful, or devout, or holy person. I am in no way perfect. I do bad things, eat bad things, say bad words and worse sometimes. But I put my hope and faith in a holy, faithful, and perfect God who loves me so much that He would provide things that I am in no way worthy of. Like today.

I "met" my daughter, Hope Angeline Russell, on ultrasound for the first time. There is no way that I could have named her anything else. My hope in God, my hope that I COULD EVER have another child, my hope for our family's future culminated today when I was told that I was getting the daughter that I had hoped for the entire time. I can't wait to meet her in person, to hold her for the first time and to tell her the story of how she and her brother are miracles. I can't wait to see her wrap her daddy around her finger and play with her brother. God knew she is exactly what we need and even now He is perfecting her to fit in with the craziness of our lives.

Thank you God for today- I couldn't have HOPE'd for better. I can't wait for the chance to mother a daughter. I am truly blessed beyond my wildest of dreams.

Here is a link to Hope's ultrasound. I realize that it says "BABY NELSON" in the top left hand corner, the ultrasound tech apologized, but I assure you it is really our footage.

www.AnticipationBabyView.com/AUSTUL/Baby1005221326.asf

Love,
Mindy

Isaac and Hope's Over the Moon Mommy

Blog Vomit

2010-05-17T21:11:00.003-05:00

I am sooooo ready for summer. I am ready for rest, relaxation, sleeping in, and chilling out. I am ready to blog on a more regular basis and stay in my pj's until inappropriate times of the day.

I don't know why I do this to myself, but I wait until my head and heart are so full of things to say in a blog post that they just come busting out in a mega long post. So I apologize in advance to those of you suffer through my ramblings. This is just one of those times that I have a lot to say.

First, I am so excited, in 5 days, I will know the sex of my little Tator Tot who has so sweetly been hiding in my belly for the last 4 and a half months. People ask me what I want: boy or girl, son or daughter? And honestly, I fantasize being told both, and my reaction to either is sheer and absolute joy. When I think boy I think of Isaac having a baby brother, I think of tee ball games where they will play on the same team, brotherly wrestling matches and hijinks on their poor defenseless mother, I think of how I will remain the queen of the Russell castle for now. Then I think of a daughter, I think shopping trips, ruffles, bows, proms, chick flicks, and Barbie Dolls, I think of how much I LOVE my friendship with my Mom, and how I wouldn't mind Ryland having a "princess" sitting between him and his queen. More than anything, I think of how God blessed us at all with a second child. I don't deserve it. I wasn't worthy of the first child He gave me. But through God's mercy and compassion, He is blessing us again. I am so thankful. The "me" of three years ago ached for a baby, I was so broken by loss and heartache. Now more than ever I feel healed and perfected. My body is no longer my enemy, but a vessel for the miraculous. The Lord gives and the Lord takes away- blessed be His name.

Which brings me to the second part of my post. My heart is so broken right now. I have so many wonderful people in my life who are struggling so hard through seasons of infertility. I have two friends that suffered traumatic pregnancy losses, two who have had IVF and IUI fail them, one with a medical condition preventing pregnancy, several with PCOS who cannot conceive, and some that are still trying to even find a viable diagnosis as to why there is no child in their womb or their arms. I told one friend that infertility and pregnancy loss is like a sorority that you never wanted to be in. You get kicked around and hurt, but thankfully you are not alone, and there are so many out there just like you that are asking the same questions and going through the same trials. I hope that all of you know- even the ones of you that I have never met, that I don't see daily, or haven't seen in years- I am praying for you daily. I am praying that your Creator who made your body for a specific reason will reach down and heal all that is broken- body, mind, and spirit. I am praying for your peace and comfort from the Holy Spirit. I am praying that Jesus, who took on our flesh will walk beside you, grieve with you, and carry you when it all becomes too much. I am praying that God will guide you in how He wants to build your family. I am praying that you can let go of your desires and pray for yours to line up with His. There is a reason why. Stay the course, keep the faith. persevere. You are all amazing- I am joyfully anticipating the day that I will rejoice with each of you over all that God has done to provide exactly what you need.

Lastly, I have some prayer requests. My oldest and dearest friend has received the devastating news that her father has stage 4 cancer throughout his body. Please pray that God has the opportunity to love on their whole family during this time, and that God's voice will be heard above anything else. Also, our house in Guthrie is still on the market. We have not even had a showing in a month. The separation from Ryland has been hard. When we are together in Owasso we live in a furnished rent house. It is nice but it isn't our stuff and therefore, it doesn't feel like home. I constantly feel like someones guest and therefore I am never truly able to relax. We are ready to move on but this house makes us feel tied here. Please pray that God brings a buyer for our house. I am ready for it all to fall into place.

I will blog no more tonight. Thank you for sticking it out and reading to the end.

All My Love,

Mindy

Look for a "revealing" post on Saturday.

My 2nd Mother's Day

2010-05-09T20:06:00.005-05:00

Bittersweet. Bittersweet. Bittersweet.

Mother's day is always a roller coaster of grief and complete joy for me. I can't think of how totally crazy in love I am with Isaac and Tator Tot without being a little heartbroken over my three gone-too-soon angels that could have been. I can't fully rejoice in my blessings without thinking of so many in my life that because of pregnancy loss or infertility are not able to celebrate motherhood YET.

As my pastor read from Proverbs 31 in church today, "her children arise and call her blessed", I hope and pray that my children always fully know and understand that through them I am more blessed than I ever imagined. Yes, Isaac poops his pants a lot, cries at inconvenient times, and is sometimes downright naughty. Yes, Tator Tot makes me throw up, hurts my hips, and makes me swell like a balloon. But I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world. As my Sunday school teacher so beautifully stated today, " there is nothing more precious than being able to carry a baby inside of your body and experience those first moments of life, and I'm sorry that a man will never have that." There are definitely some big drawbacks to being a woman, but pregnancy, labor, birth, stretch marks, nursing, late nights, poopy diapers, colic, vomit,loss of bladder control, are battle marks that remind you of the precious gift that God gave you even if you don't deserve it.

To my kids- Thank you for making my life more full and beautiful than I will ever be able to describe to you. You were so wanted. You are immensely loved. I pray that your life is full of blessings. And more than good health, a good education, or an amazing spouse ( all of which I want for you!) I pray that you know the God who made you perfectly in His image. I'm not a perfect Mommy, but I promise to always do my best to find God's will for you and help you achieve it.

Isaac- Slow down the growing. You are walking, talking, learning, and laughing. I have had joy in my life, but you have made it fuller, brighter, and more complete. You are so special. Everyday I think I couldn't possibly love you any more than I do, then tomorrow comes and I do.

Tator Tot- In only 13 days you will have your name. Hope Angeline Russell or Ayden Lane Russell. You couldn't have possibly come during a more inconvenient time in our lives, but I have not been anything but overjoyed! You are the second miracle that God has given me and I am so excited to see your story unfold. I rejoice at the thought that you will never know what it feels like to have your Mommy work a whole work week. For a season and maybe forever you will be my "baby". Even though I don't know where you will live when you come home from the hospital, you will live in a house with a Mommy, Daddy, and brother who love you so much.

Ry- Thank you everyday for making me a Mommy. Thank you for the shoulder to cry on during the sad years, braving morning sickness and pregnancy insanity with patience and love, and for letting me sleep when it all gets tiresome. Thank you for passing your beautiful smile and handsome genes on to our son. Thank you for being mine. I can't IMAGINE doing this with anyone else. I am enjoying the journey. And someday when it's just us again, I know I am going to still be just as madly in love with you as I am right now.

My Momma- I hope your card said it all today. I love you. Thank you for feeling the way about me that I feel about my kids. I never understood mommy love before, but I do now.

To all of you who are dealing with miscarriage, infertility, or the call to adopt- I ran across a website that I thought might encourage you. I believe that God's word is powerful and alive. I hope this will strengthen your heart in what is no doubt the most discouragingly heartbreaking season of your life. Happy Mother's Day in advance- your day WILL come.

Here is an excerpt from Hannah's Prayer Ministries, an online support for infertility and adoption:

1) Many Christians like to claim, "Every promise in the Book (Bible) is mine." However, not all of the promises of the Bible are to be claimed and practiced by Christian believers. Before you stop reading, please consider the following:
* Many of the promises of the Old Testament are for the nation of Israel before Jesus Christ came to earth.
* Many of these Old Testament promises were given to Israel as a nation at that time, and were never promised to individuals, then or now.
* Many statements, especially in the Old Testament, that are claimed as promises by some Christians, were never given by God as promises, but only as a general statement or principle for living.
* Some of the promises of the Bible are to Satan and his followers concerning their doom. God never intended for Christians to claim these personally!
2) In Genesis 18, Sarah, Abraham's wife, laughed when God told Abraham they would have a baby in a year. It was not Sarah's faith, but God's working in spite of her lack of faith that produced the child, Isaac.
3) In Luke 1:6-7, Zechariah and Elizabeth, the parents of John the Baptist, were "upright in the sight of God. But they had no children because Elizabeth was barren." Notice that there was no particular sin in the life of either Zechariah or Elizabeth that was the cause of their childlessness. God kept Elizabeth childless until the proper time on His calendar. Notice also that when Elizabeth did finally conceive, she said the Lord had removed her shame "in the sight of PEOPLE" (Luke 1:25), not "in the sight of God."
4) Even Jesus, the night before His death, asked God to "take away the cup" of the crucifixion. The Father did not spare His Son the pain of the cross, and we have salvation today because of Christ's suffering and the resurrection. God's will is always more important than our own desires (see Matthew 26:39 and 42, Mark 14:35, and Luke 2:42).
5) Job was a righteous man. Even God said so! Yet God allowed Satan to take all of Job's physical blessings: health, wealth, prosperity, and all of his children. Job's suffering brought glory to God alone (see the book of Job).
6) The Apostle Paul, the human author of most of our New Testament books, had a physical problem of some kind. He repeatedly asked God to take this problem away. God's reply was, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness" (2 Corinthians 12:7-10).
7) In the book of Hebrews, the entire second half of the very "faith" chapter itself is devoted to those who did NOT receive promises on earth, yet trusted God anyway (Hebrews 11:36-39). They are held up as examples of faith for us to follow rather than as failure stories.
God's character is that of a Father who delights in giving good gifts to His children (Matthew 7:9-11; James 1:17), thus our hope is sustained when all seems grim. With such a loving Lord we can live in peace, knowing that His plans have our eternal best at heart (Jeremiah 29:11; Romans 8:28). God does say that our heart's desires will be fulfilled when we seek after Him (see Psalm 37:4), but truly seeking after Him requires allowing Him to change our human desires to align with His holy will for each of our lives. It is the view of Hannah's Prayer leadership that God does not promise pregnancy or a baby to every Christian walking in His ways. However, He does promise that He will direct our ways when we trust in Him (Proverbs 3:5-6) and that His grace will be sufficient for the times of trial.

If you would, please pray for our house to sell- I am ready to move back in with my hubby!!!

You Move Me

2010-04-17T21:16:00.002-05:00

This week coincidence (or God, perhaps?) brought a song to my memory that I hadn't thought of in YEARS. Like, since junior high. I downloaded it onto I-tunes on my new lappy and had a good listen and then a good cry. It was exactly what I so badly needed to hear right now in the midst of dealing with the following:

1) A new pregnancy
2) My hubby and I living apart for 6 weeks
3) My hubby's new job
4) Quitting my job
5) Leaving my home of nearly 9 years
6) Praying for our house to sell
7) Moving toward only one smaller income
(Are your freak out hormones raging like mine yet?)
8) Changing churches
9)Making new friends
10) Finding a new, affordable, decent home to live in
11) Being a psycho already even when things are sane in my life
12) Going from full time time career mommy to a very part time SAHM
13) Mother of one in diapers to mother of two in diapers

As you can see, I am struggling a bit. But as I listened to this song, there was a line that stuck out:

"I can't go with you
And stay where I am
So you move me "

The biggest blessings in my life have come out of obedience to God. I met Ryland after God asked me to break it off with a boy. I received a scholarship to UCO because I felt like God was leading me away from some others areas in high school and focusing me on leadership. I had Isaac after being obedient to God's call to trust him to build my family. God is at work and is moving all around in my life right now. Because He loves me He gives me a choice. I can stay in my safe little house, with my safe little job, and my safe little income. Or I can go with Him. After examining the last years of my life how can I come to any other conclusion. Going with Hiom is scary, its risky, and like therapy - there are truly no guarantees. But God has proven over and over that there are so many blessings waiting if I am obedient and I go with Him. So as he whistles in the dark and illuminates all the mysteries yet to be seen, I am choosing to follow with my heart- laughing all the way, even though there may be a few anxious tears in my eyes at the time.

If you actually go to my blog page, you can hear the song. If not, here are the lyrics.

You Move Me- Susan Ashton

This is how it seems to me
Life is only therapy
Real expensiveAnd no guarantee
So I lie here on the couch
With my heart hanging out
Frozen solid with fear
Like a rock in the ground

Oh but you move me
You give me courage
I didn't Know I had
You move me on
I can't go with you
And stay where I am
So you move me

Here is how love was to me
I could look and not see
Going through the emotions
Not knowin' what they mean
And it scared me so much
That I just wouldn't budge
I might have stayed there forever
If not for your touch

Oh but you move me
Out of myself and into the fire
You move me
Now I'm burning with love
And with hope and desire
How you move me

You go whistling in the dark
Making light of it
Making light of it
And I follow with my heart
Laughing all the way

Oh 'cause you move me
You get me dancing and youmake me sing
You move me
Now I'm taking delight
In every little thing
How you move me

Please keep me in your prayers during this season of change.

Happy note: We find out the sex of baby Russell #2 on May 22. Results will be posted here. Stay tuned!

Moving,
Mindy

ADHD List

2010-04-09T20:40:00.004-05:00

1. I am typing this post from my BRAND NEW LAPTOP!!!!! I cannot begin to tell you how flippin excited I am. I love it. It is pretty and black and shiny. And allegedly it is a really great computer. I don't do technology, so I trust my tech savvy hubby when he tells me things are good.

2. I have a new obsession. I know I am at least three years behind, but I have started following the pioneer woman's blog. For one thing, the background for all her stories take place in Bartlesville and Osage County. I can totally relate to all of her locational references. She recently talked about Murphy's Hot Hamburgers. My kinda girl. I just watched her on The View today via my new laptop. I love her. Maybe a little too much. Maybe a bit on the crazy obsessive fan way.

3. My hubby moves to Owasso in 5 days. I am freaking out a little bit. My house is not sold. There are some circumstances surrounding the move that I am less than thrilled with and I hate the idea that Isaac will not see his Daddy for 4 days out of each week. Please pray for us. Pray that God will sell our house SOON, that my life here as a single mom will be uneventful, that I will have peace, and that God will help (stubborn, hard-headed) me to be content in all our circumstances. And pray that the next 6 weeks will go FAST!!!

4. I could not possibly understand taxes any less than I do. Not by a long shot. The last 2 years, we were sure we would owe huge and we received in excess of $1300. This year after some hefty deductions such as a BABY, hospital & medical bills for a BABY, childcare credit for a BABY, and an ear tube surgery for the BABY, thousands and thousands of dollars- we owe. We owe only $270. Not a budget busting amount. But still, we owe. It may be my hormones or the fact that everything sound in my life is about to be stripped away, but I really would have liked to have a refund with a new baby coming, my future as a SAHM, and an impending move.

5. I am also 5 days away from my second trimester with this little cupcake growing in my belly. Ryland and I have chosen names for it that we really love and are looking forward to sharing them as soon as we find out the sex. Everything I read says that it is way too early but I really feel like I feel the little tator tot wiggling sometimes. Maybe it's just gas, but whatever it is, it is very reassuring. :)

6. How bout big Mike's kick off and save on Idol this week. Holy cow! Here's my top 4: Crystal, Big Mike, Casey, and Siobhan. What do you think?

7. I have a confession. I have shamefully, in secret, been playing a game called Papaya Farm on my i-phone. I didn't want to farm on facebook because I loathe/hate/detest getting 50 updates a day about people's farm. I understand their addiction, but I also don't want to alienate my friends. So I have been playing in secret. But thank God, I'm over it now. I am going to delete it from my phone soon. I think. Is there such a thing as free app hoarding? I think I just invented my own new mental illness.

8. To all my preggo buddies- If you do not have a bella band, you will be sorry. I have gotten fat so fast this time around. I haven't gained a pound but my belly is ginormous already. I am not fat enough for full on maternity pants, but I can't button my normal stuff. The bella band is saving my gut. You should consider shelling out the $30 to get one. Or borrow one from a momma who isn't using it. I can't believe I went my whole first pregnancy without it.

9. I pity vote for Kate Gosselin every week on DWTS. I want her to have money for her cute kids even if she is the worst dancer ever. She is not a perfect, or even a very nice person, but she has had a hard year and I feel like maybe a vote from a fellow sympathetic (or maybe just pathetic) mom may help her provide for her kids. I need to cut back on my reality TV time. DVR has ruined my life.

10. I am going to leave you with a video of the cutest little guy ever watching his DVD, "Curious Buddies on the Farm". The song he likes is called "Cows, Chickens, and Pigs". He is mooing along and even snorts like a pig at one point. For those who are judging my parenting, and the fact that I let my 14 month old watch TV, I have one question. Is your kid mooing???He loves mooing and he loves Sesame Street.

It's a hard knock life raising a baby genius. Click it and love it.

http://www.vimeo.com/10818206

All my love,

Mindy

Updates: A Comedy in 3 Acts

2010-03-17T09:38:00.003-05:00

Act 3: God Still Laughs

(BUT FIRST, A BRAGGADOCIOS SIDE NOTE)
Before I launch into this post, I need to brag on my baby boy. Again. He is 13 months old now and I somehow missed this big parenting tip that you are NEVER supposed to give whole milk in a bottle. That is supposed to only be a sippy cup thing. Formula and breastmilk go in bottles. Big boy whole milk goes in sippy cups. I missed the boat. I didn't read enough of my tips for everything in the world parenting e-mails that I get. I must have been too preoccupied with other things. So I have dreaded the switch to a sippy cup only existence. I decided to wait until spring break so that our babysitters don't have to bear the brunt of Isaac's frustration. So on Monday, we started the day with a sippy instead of a bottle. He hated it for the most part, but at naptime, he took his sippy like a champ without so much as a whimper. The evening bottle was uneventfully changed to a bottle with no complaining, and the dreaded night-night bottle was changed to a sippy with daddy and a little boy who drifted right to sleep. It was so easy! I have been praying about the transition since I knew it was coming soon and God just let him accept it so easily. He's such a good kid.

But even more exciting on Monday: HE WALKED! My baby took his first steps. Ryland and I were sitting on the couches, we looked over to see Isaac standing in the middle of the room smiling with no help. So being the big goofballs we are, we both started crying and spent the rest of the evening trying to get him to walk in between us. He did sometimes, but it had to be his idea. 2 milestones in a day. It's like he grew so much in 24 hours. We both work full time and both feel like we miss so much, so witnessing this miraculous first together was a gift from God. But in His grace and goodness, he let us both see it. And we will never forget it.

(THE REAL POST)

As my long-time blog followers know. I started this blog in 2008 to chronicle what I thought was going to be an adoption story, and the story of my struggle with infertility. But as I poured out my heart in text, God changed my course and blessed me with my biological son and made me happier than I ever thought I could be, while giving me a ministry to other women who were living the same things that I was. It also allowed me to heal and grieve the loss of my Aunt Karla and my three precious glory babies. I have been able to chronicle some of the most special times of my life and my sweet hubby has preserved them for me in a book that will be a legacy and a keepsake for my children. But my story is far from over.

Because I am pregnant again.

I am morning sickness, clothes too tight, giddy, ecstatic, pregnant.

At the end of last year my overly planning, control freak, too small faith side, started worrying. What if it takes another three years to have another baby? What if I can't ever have another baby? What if we lose more babies? What if it doesn't happen until after I turn 30 and my risk factors go up?

Have I learned NOTHING? God is so much bigger than all of that stuff. I should know that by now.

Ryland and I began to pray about how God would grow our family and if He would grow our family. We told him that our heart's desire was to have more children but that we trusted that He knew best for us. We felt that God had showed us that it was okay for us to begin trying. We decided that we would begin trying in January 2010.

On Ryland's birthday on February 6, after a long birthday party day, we came home and I took a positive pregnancy test. He didn't know that I was taking it. He was unloading the car. I came out of the bathroom and handed it to him saying, "happy birthday, daddy". We were overjoyed and completely shocked at how easy it was! I think I am healed.

I shared a LONG time ago in a previous post about the time that God gave me the passage in 2 Kings about the Shunnemite women who served Elisha and God gave her a son in a year's time. God spoke clearly to me then and that is when I really knew in my heart that our son was coming. Well, the God of no coincidences, put that very passage into our Sunday School lesson. I have never heard that passage preached on or spoken on in church, ever. It was divine confirmation that this pregnancy was a keeper and I didn't need to waste any time being scared of a miscarriage or anything else. God had already done the hard work. My job was just to bask in the blessing.

So as of today, I am 9 weeks pregnant. My sweet little tator tot has shown us its heartbeat twice. It is about an inch long and has arms and legs. I have been extremely sick, but not as sick as I was with Isaac. Very different sick. My projected due date is October 20. A week before my birthday. Ryland laughed and thinks it serves me right to have to share my birthday month with Tator since he has to share his with Isaac. And to help out my math conscious friends, my kids will be 20 and 1/2 months apart. I would have chosen to space them out farther than that, but God has always been much better at working those thing out so I think I'll trust him there too. But I might kick you if you make a comment such as "Wow, two under two" or "Two in diapers!". Just a warning.

So as you can see, my cup is full right now. We are praying for our house to sale, our upcoming move, and that God will carefully and perfectly form our new Tator Tot. It is all so far from over. And as I look forward with hope, resting in God's care, I can almost hear quiet laughter. God is still working. And I am joyfully anticipating the outcome.

Mindy

Updates: A Comedy in 3 Acts

2010-03-16T11:40:00.004-05:00

Act 2- Dare You to Move

As I stated in my last post. One of my biggest prayers over the last year has been that God would make it possible for me to spend more time at home with Isaac. Please don't get me wrong, I love my job. Teaching is my passion and calling. I am in a career where I get to witness miracles. As much as I love teaching, I love Isaac more. But at the same time, if God asks me to stay at work, I will, because He knows best. But I am happy to share that God has released me from teaching for a few seasons and is giving me more days with Isaac.

This post is dedicated to the amazing past and the bright future.

Last Septemberish there was a classified ad in the Baptist Messenger. Let me be quick to point out that we do not peruse the Baptist Messenger for career opportunities- we have never been that way. Ryland's jobs have come through recommendations from other people or word of mouth. Let me also point out that we are not unhappy with Ryland's current job. I don't want anyone to get that idea either. Anyways, I believe that God showed it to me for a reason. The way the description was written, it was seeking a "Worship and Media Arts Pastor" for a church that had everything form senior adults to a skate church. Something about it made me tell Ryland that the description sounded like it was perfect for him. He is amazing at media stuff and even more phenomenal as a musician. We were actual speaking with another church about a different position at the time and God very clearly told us that job was a "no". So several weeks later we came back to that ad and prayed about the possibility of looking into it. God confirmed to both of us that He desired for us to proceed. We dusted off Ry's resume and sent it in. Over several months, a few phone interviews, a meeting or two with the search team, and a lovely weekend meeting the church family, God called us to go to Central Baptist Church in Owasso, Oklahoma.

We have no doubt that God lead us every step of the way to this place. There are some amazing blessings that were wrapped in with this new job.
1) Ryland's income is increasing enough that I am going to be able to stay home part time. I am planning to work at the pre-school at their church three days a week and take Isaac with me. I get Mondays and Fridays to be a stay at home mommy. I am crying with joy as I type this. God is so good! Don't get me wrong, we are not going to be rich, we just have an opportunity to scale back in some areas and make it work.
2) My two childhood best friends live in Owasso. Charity, Aubrey, and I were born within 2 weeks of each other, grew up in church together, went to school together, have been through EVERYTHING together. And I have no doubt that God has planned for us to be back in each other's lives for a reason. My Morgan from my teenage years is also across town. I am so excited!
3) I am 40 minutes away from my parents and grandparents. I have missed family things for 9 years and I am looking forward to making up for lost time.

Things that are sacrifices:
1) Lane and Jilian- Ryland and I are both leaving siblings here in the OKC metro. I don't even think we know how much we are going to miss them yet. I have loved being part of my nieces and nephew's lives. I love that we can randomly meet for dinner or be together for any tragedy or celebration. This part hurts.
2) 9 years of familiarity- The Edmond area has been my home since Fall 2001 when I moved here as a little college Freshman. I know this area. I have many precious friends here, and I love it here. This place is the setting to so many sweet memories. My first job, our first married home, our church homes, our alma mater. I will always love Edmond.

People ask me how I feel about it all. The only word that really fits is bittersweet. I am so thrilled to go, but just as sad to leave. I know that there are challenges ahead and so many sweet changes. We would be wrong to stay when God has so clearly set this in our path.

To my UCO Broncho Brothers and Sisters, HPBC, Ignitioners, EPS co-workers, WRBC Family, and my beloved brother and sister-in-love- You have all worked together to weave a tapestry of beautiful memories that have changed and impacted me in so many ways. There is not enough time for me to write it all out- it would fill books upon books. Thank you for investing in me, supporting me, grieving with me, and rejoicing with me. I will never be able to repay all that has been given to me. May God bless you all. Thank you for filling my life with beauty.

To my new family at Central, and my long neglected friends and family- Get ready, this is going to be epic!

Gratefully and Tearfully,
Mindy

Updates: A Comedy in 3 Acts

2010-03-15T09:58:00.003-05:00

Act 1- Ponderings, Resolutions, and Lessons Learned

First, Apologies for my absence. I have truly missed the blog world. I am a full time working momma. Leaving my son all day to pay bills truly hurts my heart and the last thing I want to do when I come home is to not pay attention to him. I don't feel like there are enough hours in a day for me to love on him the way I want to. I have prayed for an opportunity to be able to be home more because as I look back on his first year, my only regret is that work has made me miss so many little things. But surely you will forgive me for choosing that relationship over my blog.

Speaking of my beautiful Isaac, he has grown so much since last August. He has six teeth that he got at about 10 1/2 months, he cruises furniture but has no desire to walk yet, I weaned him at 12 months and a week (I reached my goal!!!), he has a huge vocabulary and just learned the word "yellow", he loves Sesame Street, baths, dogs, playing ball, and eating any and everything, he hates sippy cups, carrots, and when other kids cry. He is amazing. I still can't look at him without seeing the absolute miracle that he is.

He turned 1 on February 3. We celebrated with 2 monkey birthday parties. We only invited family because if we invited friends too then we would have to book and arena! We were blessed to celebrate such an amazing milestone. Ryland and I celebrated by watching Isaac's birth video. I still cannot believe that my son is the same tiny baby we first brought home. We have learned so much about giving God control, trusting him to provide help, and leading us to people and situations that will take care of all our needs. We've also learned the finer points of removing poop and vomit stains from just about anything, juggling tough babysitting issues, and how to pray, pray, pray, over the mundane and the serious, it all matters.

Again, the name of my blog has proven so true in my life. For instance, let me tell you about Isaac's first Christmas. As a parent you tend to romanticize all of these "firsts". We had planned to spend a little bit of time with all grandparents and great grands over the Christmas holiday. But then the blizzard of 09 happened and crippled Oklahoma under two feet of snow. We had a picture perfect Christmas morning. We spent the night at Ryland's sister's house, snowed in with his parents and siblings. We had a wonderful time. Isaac's first Christmas morning was spent opening gifts with his cousins, he loved it. I will never forget him in his santa pj's, sitting amongst packages that towered over him. But alas, the day went south from there. We waited until early afternoon before we (STUPIDLY) attempted to drive to Barnsdall to spend time with my family. After 6 hours on the turnpike and only making it to Sapulpa, we gave up and spent the night in a Super 8. To make matters worse, Ryland left in search of our Christmas dinner because we hadn't eaten all day. He returned with a flaming hot beef burrito called "the Bomb". When I started crying so hard that I couldn't talk he left to find something more suitable, like a frozen microwave pizza. We will never do that again. We will accept defeat and go home where I could have at least had left overs for Christmas dinner.

I am not a fan of New Year's resolutions. I never have been. I think it is stupid to make promises to do things like lose weight or whatever. You should be doing these things anyways because we should be good stewards of all the things God gives us, including our bodies. But I stumbled across http://myoneword.org/ . This is not a typical NYR site. This is a challenge to take a word where you feel you are weak and make it a goal to improve who you are in Christ. My word for the year is "HOPE". I can get so tethered in fear and worry that I can't see thing for what they are. I am choosing this year to put my hope in the plans that God has for me and my family. Knowing that all things are working for my good, there is no need to fear the unknown because I am in God's hands.

It's nice to be back. I am on spring break this week, so hopefully Acts 2 & 3 will come soon. Depending on how long my first priority naps.

Love and Blessings!

Mindy

Long Time, No Bloggy

2009-08-31T18:18:00.006-05:00

Hi Blog friends. I have not forgotten you. I know that all my precious prayer partners are still out there. I hope you are all well. It has been very hard for me to sit at a computer and write for any length of time with a full time job and even more importantly, an almost 7 month old full time baby guy.

Currently, my not so little man weighs about 17ish pounds, is 28 inches long and is sitting up and rolling around like crazy. He is trying so hard to crawl! I think a tooth is in the near future as well. He love love loves all three of his puppies and thinks that bouncing in his jumparoo is way fun. He eats rice cereal, oatmeal, and any kind of #1 or #2 baby food as well as gerber puffs, cheerios, or mashed potatoes and other soft foods from Mommy and Daddy's plates. He is still nursing. I have outlasted many of the other Moms that started with me. For someone who feared nursing as much if not more than an epidural, I'd say that's pretty good! He is generally very happy, even though he has had a pretty rough cold and a case of thrush that he and Mommy have shared. (Ouch!)

Since I have returned to work full time for the fall semester (with tears in my eyes) Isaac spends two days a week with his wonderful babysitter, Miss Alana and her son Nathaniel, and two days a week at Mother's Day Out at church. He spends Fridays at home with Daddy having "guy time". Going back to work after spending all summer at home was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I am praying for a way to stay home, but God has me at work during this season for a purpose. And I am trusting Him for guidance and provision. But I know that even on Monday mornings when I cry because of the long week ahead, I remember that I am so blessed. I have a baby to leave at daycare! I would have given anything for that a few seasons ago.

A girl that Ryland went to high school with lost her little girl this morning. Her baby was a few weeks younger than Isaac and suffocated in her crib because of a blanket. I cannot even begin to fathom that kind of hurt. I literally had no peace until Isaac was in my arms today after work. It has taken me several hours to write this entry because I just couldn't put him down for very long tonight. As I have read "The Power of A Praying Parent" Stormie Omartian reminded me of something that I struggle with now more than I did. It was so much easier at the beginning of my pregnancy to put Isaac in God's hands and to recognize that Isaac IS God's. He is on loan to me, and I have no control over how long that will be. My prayer is that he grows up to be a man who follows God and lives to a ripe old age. But I have to daily put Isaac back into God's hands. I don't have what it takes to raise him the right way on my own. I can only protect him from so much- I have to trust God to do the rest. It's not easy when everything inside of me wants to micromanage and protect and control. Please keep the family who experienced loss in your prayers.

Isaac is going with Miss Alana and Nathaniel to the park tomorrow. Alana home schools Nathaniel and they have a show-and-tell day tomorrow with other home school families. Nathaniel asked me at church yesterday if he could take baby Isaac to show-and-tell. So Isaac will be on "display" tomorrow for a cute little group of home schooled kindergarteners. Nathaniel also informed me today that Isaac is his brother. He told me very matter-of-factly that he already has two sisters and he needs a brother. I told Nathaniel that Isaac could be his brother since Isaac doesn't have a big brother and he loves Nathaniel so much. It's great to know that Isaac is well looked after not only by his babysitter, but by his pseudo big brother.

My friend Miriam is traveling back to Guam tomorrow with her 7 month old son and two year old daughter. Her mother-in-law was sweet enough to make the 32 hour trip with them. You may remember her from an earlier post. Her son was at risk for having hemophilia and there are no hospitals capable of handling such a delivery in Guam. But baby William came out perfect and without hemophilia. Please keep them in your prayers also. It will be a LONG trip.

I hope you enjoyed Isaac's 6 month pictures that were once again done by my friend, Ashley Ofosu. Visit her at http://www.ashleyophoto.blogspot.com/ book her! She is amazing.

Love to you all. I'll try and visit blog land more often. It would be easier if the beautiful blue-eyed boy in the picture didn't spend so much time stealing my heart. :)

Mindy

A Super Summer Indeed

2009-06-07T21:25:00.004-05:00

I am sitting in Marshall, Texas on a college campus in a four bedroom shoe-box apartment listening to Pandora radio. I am munching on a pop-tart and I have just put Isaac to sleep for the night. It is 9:27 PM. The last time I was on a college campus at 9:27 PM my night would have been just beginning, on the best of nights it would have included good friends, a walk on campus, a little studying and probably a trip to IHOP. Life has come full circle in four years......

Ryland is leading worship for a session of Super Summer Texas. This is a dream come true for him. And I am so proud that me and Isaac got to witness it. I started crying during worship tonight. Ryland was doing his song "A Thousand Singing". (It's Amazing! Buy it on I-TUNES! - SHAMELESS PLUG!!!) I looked at the little man in the stroller and the big man on stage and I was just overcome with how generous God is. Ryland is so talented and more than that, his heart is in it for all the right reasons. He genuinely desires to worship God and to help others do the same. Good singer/musicians that seek their own glory and a paycheck are a dime a dozen, I know a few too many of those unfortunately. Ry, you are fantastic and I am so proud of you- but mostly proud of the heart inside you. I can't wait to see what other adventures that God has for you. I am so glad that I get to do life with you, my best friend.

We took Isaac to the doctor for his 4 month check-up last week. I cannot believe that we have had this sweet boy for 4 months already. Time flies. He is 25 and 1/2 inches long (75-90%) , He weighs 14.7lbs. (just under the 50% mark), and his head circumference is in the 90% range. The doctor said his brains must be growing a lot. :) He got shots which always hurts me to watch. And we got the green light to start him on rice cereal. He sleeps a 10-12 hour stretch through the night starting at about 9 Pm. He has also learned to roll from his tummy to his back, and uses his exersaucer to practice for the day when he will walk. He babbles a lot, we talk all the time. And EVERYTHING goes in his mouth. He is happy, full of laughs and smiles and absolutely charms me. I know all Mommas arfe probably enchanted by their children but I just look at him and melt. He is the most special thing I have ever laid eyes on, this side of heaven. I just wonder what God has planned for him. I pray that I get many years to watch and be a part of his life.

Our pastor spoke recently about using your gift to share the gift of salvation with others. I don't really know what my "gift" is, but he mentioned blogging specifically. I don't know who is out there in the world that reads my blog. I don't think that I write anything that is too terribly interesting that would make anyone outside of my friends and family take notice, but on the chance that there is, I just want to throw this out to the universe: There is a God, the one and only. He sent his son, Jesus into the world. Jesus was perfect. He never gossiped, or got snippy with his spouse. He never lied, cheated, stole or hurt anyone. He was without sin. He came to be a servant and to bring love. He died in the most heinous way imagineable. He did it because he loves me. He loves you too and wants to know you. He paid for every bad thing that you and I have ever done and will ever do. If you are interested in knowing the creator of the universe, please respond to this blog. I'd love to share with you. I am not crazy. I won't come to your house and make you wear a robe and shave your head and throw away your beer. I just want you to know and share in the best thing that has ever happened to me. I want to share the secret to eternal life with you. Interested???

On the topic of salvation, I have never quite thought about it as much as I have since Isaac was born. Obviously, it is the most important thing in this life, but it is the one thing that no matter what I do, or say, or buy, I cannot provide that for Isaac. But of all the things the world has to offer, it is the thing that I desire most for him. I pray all the time that even now, God shows himself to Isaac and whispers a call into his ears. While I was pregnant my Dad even made the point that Isaac can choose never to believe, never to follow. I can't even imagine the heartbreak that would overcome a parent that has to deal with an unbelieving child at any age. I pray that I never have to know how that feels, but my heart goes out to anyone out there dealing with this. Salvation is a precious gift, bought with a great price.

Good night with love from Texas. God is good and just keeps getting better. All my love,

Mindy :)

Mother's Day

2009-05-09T19:05:00.002-05:00

I am sitting in my living room tonight watching a SNL rerun. It's 9:22pm and Ryland is putting Isaac down for the night. My sweet baby has been sleeping through the night for several weeks now. And it has been great! It is amazing what a few more hours of sleep can do for you. He sleeps usually from 9:30 to about 7:15. I am so blessed to have a baby that sleeps and good books to help me sleep train my little guy!

As you know, tomorrow is Mother's Day. MY first Mother's Day. A day to celebrate mothers like ME. The last two Mother's Day holidays were so hard for me. They just served to remind me of what I didn't have. And tomorrow, I will no doubt rush around my house like crazy, be stressed out, forget something, and probably be late. But I will be taking MY son with me, because I am a Momma. I am so thankful for the gift God has given to me. My friend Stepheny gave me a packet of forget-me-nots to plant in memory of my three angels who have gone on to be with Jesus. I will carry them in my heart but know that Isaac is the perfect fulfillment of God's plan for me.

To My Fellow New Mothers: I am so glad to be sharing this sweet time with you. May we never take for granted the wonder and the miracle that brought our babies to us. I love knowing that Joia, Claire, Elliana, Mia and so many others will be sharing life with Isaac. We have so much to be thankful for. I pray that God blesses and guides us all as we raise a new generation.

To My Mother-in-law, Cyndi: Thank you so much for raising such a wonderful son. I am the luckiest woman in the world to get to share my life day in and day out with Ryland. My prayer since I was pregnant was that Isaac would be the kind of kind, loving, generous man that Ryland is. You did a great job and I am receiving the blessings from all of your hard work. Thank you for all you have done and for all the love that you have given over the years. I love you and I am so glad you are in my life.

To My Momma: Mom, I could write a novel and I couldn't say enough. Thank you for singing bye-o, bye-o to put me to sleep, for taking a car load of kids to big splash every summer, for letting the whole neighborhood swim in our pool, for letting cold kids come in for good food during snow days, for sending me to camp every summer, for paying for cheerleading uniforms, for letting me go to Chickasha, for (finally) accepting that I am a slob, for loving my dogs and for helping me transition into being a Momma myself. I love you so so so so much and I hope I can be half as much fun as you were and still are.

To all Moms past, present and future. I am so glad to be in your club. How blessed we are that God let us be women and be present during the act of creation. Happy Mother's Day.

To My Momma- Thank you so much for 26 years of fun and love. I hope I can be half as good as you were and still are.

Where's the Instruction Manual?

2009-04-23T18:32:00.006-05:00

The days just keep flying by and my baby boy just keeps growing and growing.......

At his 2 month appointment 3 weeks ago he weighed 11pounds, 11 ounces (50th percentile), and was 24 inches long (75th percentile). He is in the 25th percentile for head circumference. My Mom says he has the Clapp acorn head! I think he has flown past 12 pounds and just gets bigger all the time.

He is such a smiley face now. He is very generous with his big toothy grin and has charmed everyone from his great Grannie B to his babysitter with it. It is amazing to watch him react to things. He loves to play with the toys hanging from his mobile and will even smile and reach for our dogs if they get in his line of vision.

He is sleeping 6-7 hours a night. YES!!!! If he can do it for about 5 more days I am going to move him to his big boy crib and see if we can transition to it. I cannot believe it has almost been 3 months since I first met my sweet baby. I feel like I am going to blink and having a little boy and not a baby.

Going back to work has been very hard. I still have days when I cry after dropping him off. Fortunately, I have the BEST babysitters in the world and they love Isaac. That makes all the difference. They enjoy their time with him. I think they view it more as fun and less as a job, which is better for everyone!

(my apologies to any men who may be made uncomfortable.) I am breastfeeding. Before I had Isaac I told people that my biggest fears were the epidural and breastfeeding. Well, the epidural was FANTASTIC and I had no idea how wonderful breastfeeding would be. It just seemed weird and foreign to me. I decided I would try to do it until I went back to work. Now my goal is to do it for a year. God blessed me with a baby who is a good eater and I have a very abundant supply. The last week has been hard. Isaac went on a "nursing strike" where he didn't want me, he just wanted to the bottle. My milk supply started to wane a little and it hurt my feelings! It made me so sad that he would cry and push away from me. After calling a lactation nurse who suggested ways to help. I had a breaking point, and it happened to be my breatspump! My friend had given me a breastpump and I was the 7th person to use it. And it was in the process of breaking causing it to lose suction and decrease my milk supply. So I used what was left of my Target gift cards and bought myself a $300 breast pump. So I need to have at least 5 more babies to apy for it. :) I never thought that I would fight so hard to keep breastfeeding. I enjoy it so much and God is so good to provide for us and give us a bond in breastfeeding. What a great thing to be a mammal mommy!

I am continually asked about Gurt, the child that we are adopting. Are we still doing it? Where are we in the process? Etc.? Well, to answer the questions, we ARE DEFINITELY STILL ADOPTING. But we are on hold for now and I don't know how long we will be on hold. That is a big matter of prayer. We do not feel that God has released us from the call to adopt, but we feel that for now we need to focus on Isaac. He is such a precious gift from God and we don't want to make him share attention yet. Also, there are some considerations that weren't there before Isaac came. And honestly, it is a lot of work and daycare for two would be WAY expensive. We just want to be smart and fair to all our children and more than anything, we want God to lead us to Gurt and right now we feel that God is telling us to be still and wait. So please continue to pray for Gurt and that we will be sensitive to God when He tells us to move.

My little blessing is calling! I must be off to shower him with kisses.

I am more blessed than I can possibly tell you.

Mindy

Dedicated

2009-03-30T20:36:00.006-05:00

Yesterday we had parent/child dedication at our church. It was another emotional milestone that I am so thankful for.

We committed to raise Isaac to know and love God and to be examples of how to live. I know that I fall very short of being able to convey Christlikeness, but having Isaac makes me want to be better and to try harder.

You can watch the dedication ceremony on our church's website http://www.waterlooroad.org/live.html it will be on until sunday, after that you can view it on http://www.ustream.tv/channel/waterloo-road-baptist-church .

We were blessed to have several family members join us as well as several that had to watch live due to the lovely unseasonable snow storm that hit Saturday. One family member in attendance was Ryland's uncle Kent who has always held a special place in his heart. Kent and Ryland have never been a typical uncle/nephew relationship. It is something a little more special than that. Kent invested a lot of time and love into Ryland during his younger years and as a result Ryland was a state champion baseball player, a singer of great music (like the Indigo Girls), and in my opinion, a better man for having spent time with and another great man. Kent honored us by writing the following article for his two newspapers in the Augusta, Kansas area where he is a publisher for Gatehouse Media. I hope you enjoy it as much as we did:

When memories and activities converge it adds to the meaning of an event.As you turn the page at the end of a chapter of life only to reveal many blank pages still waiting to be filled, it leaves you anxiously waiting to see the story yet to be told.As my family prepared for a weekend trip to the Sooner State that would culminate with the dedication ceremony for the newest addition to our family, many items and incidents brought to mind the history that laid the foundation for the present.As a raging winter storm threatened to interrupt our plans to travel south, I looked in the closet for a coat and saw my leather coat that I hadn’t worn for years.That coat took me back to another winter storm that threatened to interrupt plans for two young lovebirds.About a decade ago, my nephew Ryland was at a Christmas dinner at my mother’s house while hoping a storm would leave his plans unchanged. But as snow began to fall, his parents were quick to tell him that his trip to see his girlfriend, who lived in the northeast corner of the state, was canceled. Crestfallen, the young man who always held a special place in my heart kept a smile on his face despite the circumstances that conspired to rob him of a rare opportunity to see his future wife.This was no ordinary uncle/nephew relationship. He sometimes called me Uncle Kent, but more often I answered to Buddy. It wasn’t a nickname, it was a title – like doctor or professor. I was his buddy.When his mother taught piano lessons, I watched her two children after I got out of school. We grew even closer as I coached his baseball team every summer.It wasn’t a normal relationship. So my response wasn’t normal when his plans were being short-circuited.I told him if his girlfriend could find a way to meet us half-way, I would get him there before the snow had a chance to pile up. Her mother agreed to leave a family Christmas dinner, as well, in order to complete the transaction. My future wife and I loaded him in my car and took him to his house to pack. He ran through his room grabbing everything he could to prepare for a few days snowed in away from home.We got to Stroud a couple of hours later as snow and the temperature continued to fall.As fate would have it, he had forgotten his coat. So much for any chance for fun in the snow.Thinking quickly, I took off my coat and dug through the trunk to find some gloves to help him keep warm.Needless to say, he had a great week and my position as Buddy was forever etched in stone.That young couple went on to marry and recently began trying to expand their family. The joy of pregnancy was snuffed out by miscarriage three times. The pain grew each time like an avalanche ripping through their hearts.Then came Isaac. He wasn’t affected by the same conditions that had hampered those who had come before. On February 3, he sprung forth as evidence of the faith that refused to die.As we prepared to spend a weekend in Oklahoma before his dedication ceremony, we rushed to beat the weather and saw that same old coat that had been part of this story from the start.As freezing rain and snow hit the windshield Friday, I thought about that night so many years ago.As I sat in their church, worshipping with so many friends and family members, that sweet little face seemed to overshadow all of the times in the past when pregnancies ended in sadness.His name means “laughter” and that laughter erased all of the tears that fallen before.I hope he continues to bring joy like his father brought me.He’s off to a good start.

We love you Kent- thank you for being there on Isaac's dedication day. We look forward to a new generation of fun memories.

Isaac Hates His Carseat

2009-03-18T21:42:00.004-05:00

I am officially the mother of a six week old baby. Time has flown and the days seem so short...

One week from today I head back to my classroom, only this time I won't be taking all of my heart with me. I swore I'd never be one of those mothers who got all bent out of shape having to leave their child to work. But I never knew that I'd worry every single minute about his health, safety and happiness and whether or not his caregiver would know what his cries mean and how he likes to be snuggled to fall asleep. I am one of those mothers and when I cry my way to work next week I will try and remember to thank God for my job and that I am in fact a mother to begin with. I am still amazed that Isaac is here at all, that I actually have the baby I always dreamed of.

Isaac smiled today. It wasn't a gassy smile, or the oh-so-cute " i'm falling asleep" smile, no, he looked at me wide awake and smiled a beautiful, toothless, smile. It surprised me so much that I squealed and it startled him enough to make him jump. It absolutely melted my heart.

Isaac went to church for the first of many times last Sunday. I heard so many people speculate on who he really looks like. Most of the time I hear Ryland or my brother, Lane. The truth is, I think that if God let me put Isaac together myself I couldn't have done a better job. I know he is mine but sometimes I just stare at him, he is so perfect, so healthy and beautiful. And I am obviously not biased at all.

Isaac hates riding in his carseat. He screams the majority of the time he has to be in it. But tonight as Ryland and I endured a 30 minute cryfest I just couldn't help but think how happy I am. After all this time, I have my baby in the backseat, and the crying just reminds me that he is here. And I am so blessed.

I love this kid.

My Beautiful Boy

2009-02-22T16:50:00.006-06:00

Isaac in his blankie basket.
Asleep in Daddy's guitar case.

Listening to a lullably.

Getting mad.

Peaceful.

Wide eyed.

Under his name in the nursery.

Bentley can't be left out.

Sleepy face.

Look alikes.

His favorite snuggle spot.

Our happy family.

Talking to momma.

How blessed we are.

I cannot believe it has almost been three weeks since I first held my sweet Isaac. I was told that time would fly as soon as he got here and that is so right. He is getting big so fast, eating well, sleeping decently well. I have never wanted to freeze time so badly before. I live in fear of March 25 and going back to work. I left Isaac with Ryland for 2 hours the other day and thought my heart was going to break. I love him so much. My Aunt Glenda described it as watching a piece of your heart parade around outside of your body. I am trying to savor every sweet moment that I can while he is little. We had our wonderful Ashley Ofosu come and take Isaac's pictures last Friday. Enjoy them and continue to keep us in your prayers.

Mindy

Also Congratulations to two other new mommies of sweet boys - September Wade with her son Jonas and Jessica Marshall with Jason.

The Birth and All the Fun After

2009-02-12T12:16:00.004-06:00

Yay! I finally feel coherent enough to update you all on what my life has been like for the last week and a half. If you are a mother, you can totally relate when I say that having a baby is like a break in a timeline of your life. From the moment that you are handed a wet little crying baby there is the life that you had before, and the life you have now. Kind of like when you find your "one true love", for me there was life before Ryland and life that came after. But the funny thing is, it seems like life has always been this way, somehow even though it is new and scary, it all fits, just like a perfect puzzle piece.

The Birth Experience
On February 3rd we checked into our room at approximately 7:41AM. At 7:42 Linda, the best nurse ever, came in and made me change into my lovely hospital gown. She hooked me up to an IV, took my vitals and did all the stuff they do. Dr. K came in shortly after 8 and tried unsuccessfully to break my water. I was dilated to a 2 and 50% effaced at this point. This was one of the most painful parts of the day. They started me on a pitocin drip and I started having a lot of little, non-painful contractions. The nurse kept asking me if I wanted to have my epidural but my goal was to dilate to a 5 before I got one.

Family started to trickle in during the late morning and early afternoon. My brother, Lane was the first to get there, followed by my parents, Ryland's parents with his siblings and nieces, Ryland's grandparents Kenneth and Rosalie Bush, his uncle Kenyon, my cousins Chris and Debbie. (Please forgive me if I forgot anyone, I was on drugs at this point.)

Dr. K came back about 1:45 and was able to successfully break my water and I quickly dilated to a 5. I asked for an epidural around 2:00. :) The epidural was the scariest part of the process but Ryland stayed with me and looked right in my eyes throughout the whole ordeal. I immediately felt better.

I started feeling really intense pressure around 3:45 and told my nurse that I felt like I wanted to push. The nurse told me that I was 9 and three quarters dilated and it made perfect sense that I would feel the need to push. (Sidenote: It is amazing that your body knows exactly what to do. My body is never going to look like my pre-pregnancy self, but I will never take for granted how amazing it is.) The pressure became so intense that I needed more of the good stuff in my epidural. The anesthesiologist gave me some really good stuff and I was completely numb from my waist down. I even fell asleep for a few minutes before I started pushing. At one point I was so loopy that I told my dog, Sadie, to "lay down".

The nurse had me try and push to move the baby down. I pushed unsuccessfully through several contractions and they called my doctor to come in. At one point Isaac's heart rate dropped because the umbilical cord was around his neck. The team moved me to my side and he quickly recovered.

Dr. K showed up around 5:00 and began having me push. Isaac was stuck on my pelvic bone and wasn't moving down like he should. Dr. K made the decision to use forceps to grab him and then I pushed him the rest of the way out. Ryland and my Mom were both there to witness Isaac's entrance into the world.

At 5:32 I laid my eyes on the most beautiful, slimy little creature that I have ever seen. They laid him on my chest and my whole world shifted. I saw all the tears and heartaches and bad days wash away and I saw God's mercy and goodness wash over me. God gave me my perfect, complete, nothing that I could have done on my own, Isaac.

Next to sealing my wedding vows with a kiss, it was one of the most perfect moments of my entire life.

The Aftermath

Our anxious clan of family members waited to meet Isaac but the doctors left him with us for about 45 minutes so that I could feed him and we could bond. It was a precious time to reflect on what had just happened.

Our families flooded in shortly there after and passed him around to get a good look. The nurses whisked him off to give him a bath and check him over.

On Wednesday were had tons of visitors and we appreciated all the love that has already been poured upon our sweet boy.

The Recovery

Having a forceps delivery has presented some interesting facets of getting better. I had to have an episiotomy and on top of that I had third degree tearing up into my muscle tissue. I was unaware of just how painful and long the recovery part would be. Today Isaac is 9 days old and it is the first day that I have not taken any prescription pain medication. Simple things such as going to the bathroom or sitting flat were intensely painful. Much more so than actually giving birth. Fortunately my wonderful Momma came home with us and stayed for 4 days taking care of cleaning and laundry so that Ryland and I could focus on Isaac. These four days were the worst pain wise and I don't know how we would have done it without her.

At Home

Isaac met our furry kids and they have all gotten along great. Sadie takes every opportunity to lick Isaac on the head. Lexus treats him like a puppy and lifts his bottom up with her nose if he has a dirty diaper, she also gets very upset if we don't get to him immediately if he is crying. Bentley ignores him for the most part which is fine since Bentley is the most spoiled of all my dogs. I think they are all going to get a along great.

Ryland and I are learning the finer points of sleep deprivation and caring for a helpless little person, but more than anything I think we are are constantly in awe of what God has done through us. Everytime Isaac smiles or cries or eats we are reminded of where we came from and that even at 4AM we need to be thankful for the opportunity to change a poopy diaper or rock a crying baby. There was a time we prayed for that. And God answered our prayers with Isaac.

Please keep us in your prayers as we learn and love our precious gift from God. Pray that time moves slowly and that we can enjoy every minute that we have with our sweet baby. Thank you for the prayers along the journey, we couldn't have made it without them. And sleep well tonight, most likely we will be awake taking care of the best thing God ever gave us. We love you all.

Mindy, Ryland, and Isaac

Pics of Isaac

2009-02-04T11:42:00.004-06:00

Here are a few snapshots from his first few hours....
Isaac and Joia, his 7 week old cousin. They are almost the same size.

Dr. K

Isaac Getting Weighed.

Ryland and his Mom and Dad with their first grandson.

Isaac Wade Russell is here!

2009-02-03T19:32:00.005-06:00

Mindy holding our prescious Isaac. 7 lbs 15 oz, 21 inches long. Born at 5:32 pm. Pictures to come soon!

Ryland

Ps. Thanks for all your prayers, he is perfect!

All My Dreams Come True Tomorrow

2009-02-02T13:50:00.003-06:00

Tomorrow is the day. My son will be here tomorrow.

As I think back about the things that have lead to tomorrow I can't help but be amazed at all that God laid the foundation for when I didn't even know He was doing it. In short:

10 1/2 years ago I laid eyes on a scrawny little singing baseball player that was too young and immature for me to waste my time on. I was too old and cool for him. But God laughed, and before I knew it I was head over heels in love with the little boy who is going to be the best father in the world come tomorrow.

7 years ago I went to college with dreams of becoming a print journalist. But God laughed, and guided me toward my life calling of becoming a teacher and loving kids who don't have parents at home who fill their little love tanks. These needy ones taught me more about the importance of being a parent than any book ever could.

3 1/2 years ago I got married to my sweetheart and I thought that life would be easy and perfect. But God laughed, and cried I think. He lovingly took us through 2 very hard years of praying for and trying to have a baby. My body failed, my faith wore thin and I lost hope many times over. But in the end, God gave us the desire of our heart to show us mercy and help us to have more for others.

4 hours ago I heard my son's heartbeat and I cry now because tomorrow I will see his face and see in the flesh how God has tied so many loose ends and given me the third greatest gift in my life. And tomorrow when the doctor hands Isaac to me for the first time, God will laugh. He'll see once more that my silly plans could never have amounted to the joy and gratitude that will stare me in the face at that moment, when I meet my Isaac, whose name is laughter.

In the weeks and months and years ahead, God will laugh as he watches Ryland and I transition from a duet to a trio and hopefully more someday as we wait for Gurt or whoever else God has planned for us.

Please Pray for the following:
1) A safe and easy delivery for Isaac above all else. We will check into Baptist tomorrow morning at 7:30AM to begin the festivities.
2) For my anxiety. I am scared of the delivery, but I also know that I am not the first person to have a baby, and that women seldom die anymore. :)
3) For Ryland and I as a team. We have a life adjustment coming, help us to stick together and hold each other up as we learn what it is going to take in the next few weeks and months.
4) For safe travel for both sets of our parents.
5) This one is frivolous - My dog Sadie has started chewing a big, yucky spot on her leg. I thought it was a hot spot but the vet said that she is reacting to stress in her environment and that it is a nervous habit. I wonder what he could be talking about???? I don't know where she could be encountering stress?????? Maybe a psycho cleaning nazi mom who cries a lot???? Pray that she calms down and that I don't make it worse for her. My furry babies are being boarded by the wonderful Miss Connie for a few days and I hope that doesn't make things worse.
6) For our attending doctors and nurses, that they will be able to troubleshoot and care for any complications that may arise.

So teach us to number our days, That we may present to You a heart of wisdom Psalm 90:12

My son's days begin tomorrow - may his life bring us closer to knowing God in all of his greatness as He continues to laugh at our plans.

Mindy

This Time Next Week....

2009-01-27T16:07:00.002-06:00

I went to see Dr. K yesterday in the middle of our lovely "ICE STORM 2009" (wind blowing sound effect) to have a pelvic exam to see how things are progressing.

After examing me.......sigh........ he told me that I am only dilated to a 1 and a half and that I am not progressed enough to be induced this week.

Of course I was bummed. I am the ultimate planner and in my mind I had already planned to be induced on Thursday when the weather was good enough for all of our family to get here. But alas, it is not to be that way.

Dr. K scheduled me to be induced next Tuesday, February 3, if Isaac hasn't decided to appear before then.

So in the mean time I am sitting at home, trying to count my blessings and wait on whatever is to come. This time next week I could be kissing my son and having all my dreams come true. I've waited 2 and a half years, one more week won't kill me, right?

I am taking Monday off of work and planning on just spending a quiet night at home with Ryland on Monday night. It may be our last night alone for quite some time and we are looking forward to enjoying it. I relish spending time alone. I have always been very content and happy to spend time by myself and that is REALLY about to change, but for the better, I think.

I will miss my students though, they have been such a fun group and it will be hard to say goodbye for so long on Friday. They are so vested in this pregnancy and feel such a sweet ownership and responsibility for this little guy. I can't wait for Isaac to meet my other 24 kids. I'm sure March 20something will be here before I know it and way before I am ready to send my Isaac to a caregiver during the day.

Please keep Ryland, Isaac and me in your prayers. Pray for an easy delivery for Isaac and that I can absorb all the hard stuff for him. Pray that Ryland will be the calm, strong, wonderful man that I can always depend on. And pray that our families can make it safely to meet Isaac. The journey is almost over and I hope that next Tuesday we are posting pictures of our miracle on this blog.

Stay tuned.

Mindy

BIG GIANT baby News

2009-01-20T19:32:00.003-06:00

I am not exaggerating about my BIG GIANT baby news. I saw Dr. K today. This was my last weigh-in, blood pressure, pee in the cup appointment. Next week I FINALLY get to find out if I am dilated and possibly schedule Isaac's arrival. I can barely wait!

I asked Dr. K if he had any idea how big Isaac might be. He pressed around on my belly and said, and I quote, "Oh, probably 8 pounds, well, maybe 7 and a half pounds." I am not done and Isaac gains roughly a half pound or more a week. Holy cow. If he for some reason stays in there until his due date then he is going to be a mammoth baby! I told my Mom that he will probably come out and ride his tri-cycle home.

Anyways, I am pumped and we are just a little closer to holding him. I can't wait!

Keep praying! All my love.

Mindy

2 Weeks, 3 Days - It feels like 2 months, 3 weeks

2009-01-19T08:49:00.002-06:00

I am a little self centered, I have to admit. I think that I am an exception to a lot of rules. That gets me in trouble a lot. I start thinking that I deserve special treatment and reprieves from stuff that happens to normal people and then I get mad when stuff happens to me. I thought that maybe since the first trimester of this pregnancy was so miserable that maybe the last two-thirds would be easy. Well, the second trimester was great, the beginning of the third was great. This last stretch is not as fun as I had imagined in my little pea brain. FATigue, sore hips, swollen everything, leg cramps, 2oz. capacity bladder, breathless, anxiety, psychotic bouts of cleaning and list making, and general discomfort, sounds like fun right? I find myself saying things like "I'm done", "I'm sick of being pregnant", "I'm soooo ready to have this baby". I rationalize it by thinking that it is okay. I have always felt sympathy for women that are "this" pregnant, no one is going to judge me for feeling like this, every woman that has ever had a baby knows exactly what this feels like. But God whispered in my ear and reminded me of something...

Last year on MLK day, I came home from a professional development day and found out that I was pregnant with number three. This was at the end of the 2 surgeries and six months of fertility drugs. I thought that number three was FINALLY the one. But that wasn't the case. God had Isaac for me. He lovingly reminded me of all of the tears and disappointments and prayers of rescue that I had prayed, asking for a baby. There was a time that I NEVER thought I would carry a baby to full term. And here I am, almost 38 weeks when 37 weeks is considered full term. And I am sorry for the complaints, it doesn't make the symptoms go away but I am going to try and concentrate on the blessing of being a big uncomfortable walrus. It means that all that I thought was broken has been repaired by a loving and merciful God. My once despised body has become the hiding place for a miracle, and as unworthy as I am, I get to participate in it. So as much as I want Isaac out of my belly and in my arms, I am so thrilled and full of hope for the future of our family.

There hasn't been a Gurt update from DHS yet this month but we are still praying and waiting. God has done such a great job in taking care of Isaac that we trust He will do the same in bringing our other sweet baby home.

A week ago Saturday I had a beautiful baby shower given to me by the women at my church, Waterloo Road Baptist Church. It was decorated in teddy bears, had wonderful breakfast food and I got so many precious things for Isaac. He is going to be a sharp dressed little guy, that is for sure! I didn't think dressing a boy would be very fun, but you would be amazed at the cute things they have for little boys. I got a bible from our new pastor's wife. It is a picture bible, which I love, and it has cute little bible stories that Ryland and I can read to him. We got a phase 2 car seat which will save us a ton of money in the future and it will also prepare us for Gurt if he comes and is bigger. I cannot express how special this group of women are to me. From Cindy Bergren sharing her maternity clothing, to Priscila and Emily sharing their pregnancies with me, to the prayers offered up for Isaac, to the words of encouragement and advice, and the days when I just needed to cry or talk, these women have ministered to me in a way that I can never express enough gratitude for. I am so blessed to get to be part of a unit that truly works as God's hands and feet. I can't wait to bring Isaac into his church family where he will have so many wonderful surrogate grannies and aunts. To all of you who follow my blog - I love you very much- thank you again for sharing this great season of life with me.

I may have put this in a previous post, but we bought a selfish gift for our parents (and ourselves) for Christmas. We bought webcams for my parents in Barnsdall and Ryland's parents in Cabot, AR. Since none of them live close enough for daily or even weekly visits we wanted Isaac to be able to see them all at least weekly. Ryland I both grew up with our grandparents being in the same town. We saw them at church every week, they came to sporting event, plays, anything that we did, really. It would be fantastic to be able to raise Isaac this way, but unlikely. So with the webcams we can see and hear them whenever we are all home. Just yesterday I sat and talked to my parents while I folded laundry, it was great! We have been able to talk to Fred Cyndi, Hil and Hayden and see what they are doing at any given time. I am so excited that they will be able to see Isaac and that he will know their voices and faces even though we can't always be together. Technology is a huge pain sometimes but I think that webcams are a great piece of equipment for this family!

I have a big praise to share. My friend Miriam from Guam had her baby boy last week. I shared in an earlier post that he was at risk for having hemophilia, a rare condition that cause blood not to clot and puts the person at risk for bleeding to death even with a minor cut. Her husband is in the Air Force and had to stay behind in Guam when she and her daughter had to move here last October because there were no facilities in Guam equipped to handle such a high-risk birth. Her husband, Rob, got here at the first of the month and was able to be there when his 9 pound, perfectly healthy, little William was born. It still brings tears to my eyes. Rob will be here for a few more weeks before he returns to Guam and then back to the Mid-East in a few months. Even though everything turned out great, please keep them in your prayers. Miriam, her 2 year old Maggie and baby William will be headed back to Guam at the end of the summer when William is old enough to travel. Rob won't be there when they get home and it will be a hard adjustment for them all. But Miriam is a terrific mother and God has blessed her with an amazing attitude and spirit and I have no doubt that she will be fine.

Please keep the following in your prayers:
1) Dr. K and the hospital staff we will be working with - that they will continue to make wise choices on behalf of Isaac and me.
2) Ryland - that God blesses him for all he has endured with me and that he will be able to deal with all the Daddy moments ahead. I am so blessed to get to share parenthood with him. Also that Isaac doesn't come during the United conference that Ryland has scheduled for the week Isaac is due- we could use the money- we are going to have so many new expenses!
3) That God will prepare my body to do what it needs to do to get Isaac here safely. And that I be brave and calm, not anxious and freaked out.
4) Traveling mercies for all of the traveling new grandparents who will be coming to meet Isaac.

Love to you all. I hope I am posting pictures of a sweet baby boy soon! I can't wait!

Mindy

Isaac's Room- A Virtual Tour - Sort of

2008-12-30T23:05:00.006-06:00

As promised, here are the pics of Isaac's nursery. I can't wait to bring him home and put him in it! Enjoy!

Mindy

This is Isaac's ultrasound picture from September in a frame from his Aunt Jilian. I sure hope he doesn't look like that anymore.

This is a sideways picture of Isaac's puppy dog hamper.

This is Bentley, he thinks we bought the rug for him. Boy is he going to be surprised.

This is the door to Isaac's room. His Jeje made the little animals for it.

Poor little guy. He won't have a thing to wear.

This is the wall over his crib. The letters are cardboard and held on the wall with velcro. I painted them myself.

A close- up of the bedding, pillows, and toys, which will all have to be removed once he starts sleeping in there. The book of blog entries in in there for now until we are ready to put the sequal in the crib. :)

This is his already packed diaper bag, his swing from his Aunt Aub & Aunt Charity and his rocking lion from Bree Menard, my friend from work.

This is the rocking chair and boppy.

This is the curtain and the huge basket "o" blankies. Most of them are home made which makes the extra sweet. Note the doggies on the TV stand. Two poodles and a cavalier, just like Bentley, Sadie and Lexus.

The dresser/changing table. We are putting two shelves above it so we can actually use it for changing.

It's all here, just waiting. We are ready. Come on Isaac!

Final Countdown: 5 Weeks, 3 Days Left!

2008-12-29T09:03:00.010-06:00

It's been so long since I've blogged that I have a million updates. I will try to give you the Reader's Digest condensed version. We will see how well that actually turns out. Again, Miss Logue says I could write a novel when a sentence would suffice. I agree but I have always had a lot to say, so I need my words!

I am going to go in no particular order:

Joia Leslie Gardner- My second beautiful little niece came into the world on December 11, 2008, weighing in at 6 pounds and 4 ounces. Ryland and I got to keep her big sister Jaisa and watch them meet for the first time. Ryland took Jaisa to Wal-Mart to pick out a gift for Joia. Jaisa picked a "Pooh" stuffed animal. We got in the car to go to the hospital and Jaisa changed her mind and kept saying that Pooh was hers and she was NOT going to share it with Joia. Thank God for technology because Ryland's I-phone saved the day. I pulled up some pictures that had been e-mailed that morning. I showed Jaisa the pictures of Jilian holding Joia and one of Joia crying. I told Jaisa that she was crying because she wanted to meet her big sister and a "Pooh" would probably make her feel better. ( A little fib never hurts right?) Jaisa's voice instantly softened, the light bulb went off and I watched my niece instantly love her sister. It was a precious moment. She told me that she would give Pooh to Joia. We went into the hospital and Jaisa held her baby sister and I watched my little family grow. I am ready for it to grow more and for my belly to shrink! I attached a picture of my beautiful nieces. Again, credit needs to be given to Ashley Ofosu. This was one of many gorgeous pictures from a photo shoot at Jilian's house. Joia is a little over a week old in this:

Baby Showers- I have been given two baby showers that were so sweet and generous. I am so unworthy of the generosity that has been shown to me by our friends and family. I can't say thank you enough for allowing God to use you in helping to provide for my Isaac. Baby stuff is EXPENSIVE and we have been generously provided for.

My first baby shower was November 22 in my hometown of Barnsdall. My lifelong best friends, Aubrey (Hibdon) Cramer and Charity (Carpenter) Duran had the cutest shower for me!
The theme was "boys are loads of fun". They decorated with dump trucks and yellow and black caution tape. We even had dirt cups with worms in lieu of a traditional cake. Both of my grandmothers were there as well as all of my Harmon cousins, even Haley came in from Fort Worth. I like to think it was for my shower but I suspect that she may have been there more for the Thanksgiving feast at Grannie B's after the shower. :) I can't say I blame her.

A few special highlights were the opening and closing prayers offered by my Grannie Myrna and my Dad, respectively. It was moving to hear prayers of safety and blessing offered up on behalf of my son. I pray those things all the time, but it was precious to hear them from the lips of people that I love so dearly. I got so many sweet gifts, everything from a stroller, to butt paste, to darling homemade blankets. Two of my favorites were the onesies from Aub and Charity: And Ryland, the sweetest husband in the world, compiled all of my blogs into a book. I'm published! Its is in full color and includes every single blog post I have ever entered. I love it that I will have a record to show Isaac and Gurt someday of what God lead us through to get them.

My second shower was at my school on December 4. It was given by my wonderful grade-level teammates, Flo Norman, Donna Burkey and Lynn Weathers and my AMAZING homeroom mothers. My co-workers have struggled with me through the last 2 1/2 years with infertility and miscarriages on a daily basis. They have provided so much encouragement and support. They have watched my pregnancy closer than maybe anyone else and have been wonderful. They have taken such good care of me and I can't wait to share my Isaac with them! It was also been wonderful to work with the group of mothers that I have this year. I have never been so so supported and edified by a group of parents before. I was so afraid that my pregnancy would be an automatic strike against me as a professional this year. But they have been so flexible and supportive and they are raising amazing kids, I get free parenting lessons everyday! This is probably my favorite class of my career. They already love Isaac and they ask everyday if he is happy and moving. They are very vested in my pregnancy. I loved having them be part of my baby shower. Unfortunately, I have no digital pictures of this shower. I have really cute print-outs in my purse if you ever want to see them though!

Gestational Diabetes- I went in to have the test for this condition the week before Thanksgiving. I drank some McNasty orange glucose stuff and had blood drawn an hour later. I got a call the next week telling me that I had failed. Great. I had to have the follow-up test which meant a bigger bottle of the orange drink and having my blood drawn 4 times. Let me just say for the record, I don't mind needles. This pregnancy ordeal has caused any fear I may have had of needles and pelvic exams to go away. They are necessary discomforts. But when I have blood drawn, my veins are tiny and they roll, which causes nurses to have to stick me multiple times and dig in my arm to find a vein. I DO NOT like this. My four sticks for this test turned into about 8. My arms were so sore and looked like those of a heroin junkie when I left. But I passed the test with instructions to "watch my sugars". I've been watching them all right, watching them go right into my mouth. Not to make excuses, but Christmas is not the easiest time to avoid sweets.

Isaac's Nursery- We painted last week and after returning two cribs that were recalled, we put together the one we are keeping. The nursery is finally finished! It is so cute, definitely my taste. I am nesting like crazy and it makes my hormones so happy to have it all completed. I will be posting pictures of it very soon.

I think that is all for now. Please keep me and my little ones in your prayers as we count down the days until they arrive. Happy 2009!

Mindy

Homestretch : Third Trimester

2008-11-16T18:09:00.003-06:00

Hope you enjoyed yesterday's pictures. It was a fun day. I am so glad we were able to document this wonderful experience.

I cannot believe I am already here in the seventh month. Time has crept by in some places and it now feels like its flying. I feel those hormones driving me to worry about silly things like giving birth, having a car seat, being able to afford another person, is my body ever going to be normal again, and do I have enough diapers to put on Isaac? But then I have to step back and tell God thank you for giving me a REASON to worry about these things. I am having a baby! God gave me the desire of my heart with Isaac, I am going to keep trusting him to provide for us.

When I last saw Dr. K I asked him if Isaac was three feet long. I feel like he is EVERYWHERE and he is strong! I love all the sweet little kicks and punches that I get. I am going to miss this when he is out in the real world. I love sitting a remote or cell phone on my belly and watching him wiggle it. I am taking little ninja kicks to the ribs even as I type. Briefly during the vomitous days of the first trimester if I wondered ever wanted to try for another pregnancy, it seemed too hard on the body, but this part is so sweet that I think if God allows I would love to do it again.

I am having my first baby shower on Saturday in my hometown of Barnsdall. My lifelong besties, Charity and Aubrey are hostessing. I am so excited. Not necessarily for the gifts, even though that will be a nice perk, but I am excited mostly because I never thought I would ever get to have a baby shower for MY baby. I thought I was doomed to a life of just being a guest at a shower. During the miscarriage and infertility days I skipped a lot of baby showers. It was too hard to go and watch the new mothers glow as they collected items that were chosen lovingly for their new babies. It was a painful reminder of what I thought I could never have. I am so excited to celebrate Isaac's coming in my town, with the friends and family that I love so dearly. There will be pictures!

I mentioned earlier that I am concerned about money. Me and everyone else right? But even now God is providing opportunities. My hubby, who is on his way home from St. Louis at the moment, is being given so many opportunities to earn money doing what he loves, his music. He is playing at the Oklahoma Baptist General Convention's Youth Ministry Forum this coming Thursday and Friday, and has booked three camps already for next summer. He even has a conference booked for the week Isaac is due - hope that one works out. He is so amazingly talented and has such a good heart. Just watching him talk to my belly makes me fall that much more in love with him. I think that not only did I marry the most wonderful man ever, but I think that Isaac hit the Daddy jackpot as well. There is no one on earth I would rather raise children with. It makes me wonder what I did right in this world to get such a wonderful man. It also makes me think that Ryland must have done something really bad to be stuck with me. :)

I have no new Gurt news. Just waiting..... praying....... patiently. Trusting that God will work it all out in his perfect time.

I always get asked the question, "How are you feeling?" It is so hard to answer. Because I am constantly dealing with some pregnancy related ailment. Nothing major, just things like extremely sore hips, swollen ankles, or fatigue. Nothing that is going to kill me, but annoyances nonetheless. So I want to say I feel great, but that is kind of a fib, but I also don't want people to think I am ungrateful for my pregnancy. It's a conundrum. I wish I knew the perfect answer.

I do have a few prayer requests:

1) I mentioned earlier that I have low lying placenta. I will have another ultrasound in a few weeks to make sure it moves up. If it doesn't it will block the birth canal and I will have to have a c-section. In 90% of women with this condition (placenta previa) it moves. So please pray that it does. I am not very worried, but the thought is in the back of my mind a little.

2) The holidays are here. This is my family's first holiday season without my Aunt Karla. It is hard to imagine my baby shower, Thanksgiving and Christmas without her. It will feel like something is missing. Please keep my family, especially my cousins, in your prayers. Pray that God will send a spirit of joy to rest with my family and that we will laugh and give thanks for all of the blessings God has given.

3) A friend of mine lost a baby this week. This is my first experience watching from the other side, it makes some of the old sadness creep in. The grief of my three glory babies is still very fresh sometimes. Please keep my friend and her husband in your prayers. Ask God to heal her body and heart, and that God will teach them through this and accomplish his purpose in their lives for building a family.

God bless you as you enjoy this beautiful fall season.

Love, Mindy

Maternity Pictures

2008-11-15T20:36:00.005-06:00

These are from a photo shoot with Ashley Ofosu. Visit her work at http://ashleyophotos.blogspot.com/

An update will be coming soon. Between parent-teacher conferences, open house, PTO activities, our 3rd Grade Oklahoma Land Run, church and creating a nursery I have had zero time (or energy) to blog.

A detail filled blog will be coming soon I promise. Okay, Fred :)

Love and best wishes - keep praying for the little man in my baby bump & the little Gurt in my heart.

Lovc, Mindy

My Dad described this picture as "disgusting", thanks Dad! But this is the first time I have ever loved having a belly.

This is a gift from Uncle Lane.

This is our inspiration for Isaac's name. Abraham and Sarah's Isaac was an unexpected blessing whose name means laughter, just like our baby.

This is my favorite.

This is Ry's sister Jilian, carrying our niece Joia, due 6 weeks before Isaac.

A cute quote from our photog.

Bleacher bums in Guthrie.

Love my baby.

6 Month Update

2008-10-15T17:35:00.003-05:00

It's because I hit the six month mark tomorrow, not because it will take 6 months to read...

Here I am, a mere 16 weeks away from mommyhood. I am so thrilled, excited, scared, eager, but mostly madly in love. I started crying the other day, (SHOCKER, I know) because I suddenly realized how much my Mom loves me. I underestimated the power of a mother's love. I didn't realize that it would be quite so all encompassing and far reaching. If Isaac comes out and is breathing and has a heartbeat everything else is negotiable. I don't care if he is ugly, disfigured, mean, stinky, or chronically ill. I couldn't possibly love him any more than I do, because he is MINE, A gift that God entrusted to undeserving me. The depth of my gratitude grows deeper with every baby stretch and sweet kick to the bladder, which happens to be Isaac's new favorite game. Mom, I finally get it. Thank you for loving me like you do even though it took me 26 years for me to get the "eyes" needed to see it clearly, even though they happen to be in my belly. :)

I think it also brings me a little bit closer to understanding the way that God loves us. I am not a being capable of creation on its own, but I am an instrument in the process, and just knowing that I am aiding in something so alive and so unique makes me want nothing but good and blessings for him all the days of his life. I even found myself praying that God would prevent him from ever experiencing any pain. But after I thought about it, I would be worthless if life handed me roses all the time. My pain has been good for my character, it has softened my heart to others and grown compassion in me. I don't want Isaac to hurt, but I pray that God puts a kind heart in him, even if his pain is going to hurt me.

Needless to say, motherhood is already an emotional job, even though I am not an official mom yet.

I see Dr. K on Wednesday the 22nd for a diagnostic ultrasound. I am so excited to see my sweet boy again. It will be the last time before I see his face for real. I just hope that when he is born I will be able to see through my tears. I can't imagine having dry eyes at the moment when so many prayers will be answered in flesh and blood....... I'm crying just thinking about it. Please pray that all goes well and that my sweet Isaac is as healthy and strong as he appears to be.

I have another exciting prayer request. After talking with my caseworker last month, I asked her to only sign us up for individual kids to adopt. This month there are 2 little individual boys up for adoption. There is a four year old named Malakai (like Malachai, the book in the bible), and a one year old name Treeshon (Tray-shawn). I am very excited by this possibility. Of course there is good chance that we won't even be considered for these boys but according to several people, they believe that Gurt might get here before Isaac, so who knows? I love the idea of Isaac having a big brother. We are open to whatever plan God has for building our family. It is scary to think that we could get two at one time, but God has clearly lead us here and we trust that he will not lead us astray now or ever. Please pray for these two boys, that God will bless them with a wonderful forever family where they will be adopted and loved forever. And pray for our Gurt- whoever he or she may be, that God will bring them into our life at the appointed time.

Keep us in your prayers as we wait for God's blessings. Thank you for the love and support, as always.

Mindy

I'm Not Dead

2008-10-08T17:07:00.002-05:00

Greetings Friends and Family.

I'm still here.

I have a GEEKY confession to make. I have not blogged in a long while because I have been rushing home and going straight to a book series that has had me hooked like a heroin addict since Labor Day weekend. I have been reading the "Twilight" series by Stephenie Meyer. They are about a mortal who falls in love with a vampire and then there is a love triangle with a werewolf and then the vampire government gets all bent out of shape, etc. etc. Before you judge my nerdiness, go check them out. I guarantee you will be hooked. That, or you will lose all respect for my taste in books. They are endorsed by my friend, Dr. Aub. She thinks they are good and she has a big degree. Good enough for me!

I went to the doctor today for my monthly check-up. My blood pressure was a tiny bit elevated, but the nurse told me it was probably due to the cold medicine I took this morning. I also gained 8 POUNDS. Granted, I have been eating like a truck driver. I feel hungry all the time and I get hungry for things like cheeseburgers and funfetti cake, not steamed veggies and broiled fish. But I am going to try and slow down, though I don't think Isaac minds. He always gives me happy kicks after I eat. I want to make him happy! It's not about me. :)

Speaking of my sweet Isaac, Ryland felt him kick for the first time a few weeks ago. I was laying on the couch and Isaac became my little ninja boy. He was kicking so hard! I told Ryland to come over and I pressed his hand to the spot. Isaac, of course, got very still. I talked to him though and asked him to kick for his Daddy. He obediently kicked Ryland's hand about three times. Since then it has become a nightly routine for Ryland to talk to him and for him to kick Ryland. I think he likes his Daddy's voice. He always responds to it. It is so precious to already see my boys bonding. All the books are telling me to keep exposing Isaac to noises that he will hear outside the womb like a vacuum cleaner and barking dogs so that he won't get startled. The barking dogs are easy, I've got three of those. Vacuuming though.... I need to do that more.

I have a Gurt update that makes me sad. I got a call from Maggie, our caseworker, yesterday. She told me that Ryland and I had been selected to move forward in pursuit of a sibling group of three: Twin boys-age 1 and a girl- age 3. I just cried. 6 months ago this would have been my dream come true. Perfect ages. Perfect everything. I told Maggie that we were expecting Isaac in a few months and that we really only have room for one more here in the Russell house. It broke my heart to be so close to what we wanted and have to say no. I know in my heart that these weren't the kids for us, but I am so ready for Gurt to be here. And to be that close and yet so far was just hard. Maggie will still be signing us up for kids, but just one. And I am praying that OUR Gurt will be here in God's perfect timing.

I will be taking maternity pics in a few weeks. I will post a few when we get them back. I am doing them with Ashley Ofosu, a friend of mine since college who is married to another "old" friend of our, Ray Ofosu. She also took Danna and Jim's wedding photos. You can check her stuff out at http://ashleyophotos.blogspot.com/ . She is insanely talented and hopefully she can make a chubby belly look cute.

I think you are all caught up now. Please keep my Isaac and Gurt in your prayers and also pray for their overeating Momma and sweet Daddy. I love you all and I am enjoying this sweet time that I believe is leading to an even sweeter time.

Mindy

20 weeks = 5 months

2008-09-18T19:12:00.002-05:00

Hello friends. All I have to say is.........

Whoa! We're halfway there! Whooooooa, livin on a prayer!
- the poet, Jovi

Today is the halfway mark in my pregnancy. I am thrilled to be here but the thought of waiting 20 more weeks to hold Isaac stinks. I know he's not done cooking yet, but I'd love to snuggle him for just 10 minutes.

Needless to say, I haven't yet come down from the high of the ultrasound. There were so many answered prayers and "God" promises that came true last Saturday.

I am ashamed to put this into words, but God gave me a promise last year on December 16. I was in the throes of fertility drugs and frankly, depression. We had, at that point been trying since April to get pregnant and no matter how many times I charted, took my temperature, or took drugs, we could not conceive. I went to the bible needing a pick me up. I had every intention to find something comforting to read. By God's design, I ended up in 2 Kings,
chapter 4. This is the passage God gave me that night:

8
One day Elisha came to Shunem, where there was a woman of influence, who urged him to dine with her. Afterward, whenever he passed by, he used to stop there to dine.
9
So she said to her husband, "I know that he is a holy man of God. Since he visits us often,
10
let us arrange a little room on the roof and furnish it for him with a bed, table, chair, and lamp, so that when he comes to us he can stay there."
11
Sometime later Elisha arrived and stayed in the room overnight.
12
Then he said to his servant Gehazi, "Call this Shunammite woman." He did so, and when she stood before Elisha,
13
he told Gehazi, "Say to her, 'You have lavished all this care on us; what can we do for you? Can we say a good word for you to the king or to the commander of the army?'" She replied, "I am living among my own people."
14
Later Elisha asked, "Can something be done for her?" "Yes!" Gehazi answered. "She has no son, and her husband is getting on in years."
15
"Call her," said Elisha. When she had been called, and stood at the door,
16
Elisha promised, "This time next year you will be holding a son in your arms." "Please, my lord," she protested, "you are a man of God; do not deceive your servant."
17
Yet the woman conceived, and by the same time the following year, in the same season she had given birth to a son, as Elisha had promised.

This is one of those rare and special times that God spoke a promise to me through his word. I can relate to parts of this woman. It was very stirring that the woman reacted by asking Elisha not to deceive her. At that point I felt very deceived; by doctors, by my hopes, by my emotions and even by my own body. All my heart wanted was to conceive and bear a child and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't make it happen. Not that I have ever entertained any holy prophets in my home, but I felt that at that time, God was telling me to hold on and to know that my son was coming. I also felt that God was asking me how big my faith was. Ashamedly, it wasn't very big.

As you know we lost a baby in February of this year. It seems like a lifetime ago. I thought that pregnancy was the answer to my prayer. When it turned out to be another baby in glory, I was crushed. The scripture haunted me. I thought that maybe I had misunderstood, or just let emotion cause me to see what I wanted in those verses. My faith ran low. I was an Israelite. God put his promise in black and white and yet I doubted. Even when I found out that I was pregnant with Isaac, I cried and feared, even though God brought those verses to my mind time after time.

When I say that I always thought that this baby was a boy, this is why. God promised me a son and when I saw him on the ultrasound, I saw God's promise in the flesh. My Isaac, the boy whose name is laughter. And as my friend pointed out, even the title of my blog refers to laughter. And I believe that as we see God's promise fulfilled in 20 weeks time, that there will be much laughter and glory to God for giving me the desires of my heart through my son.

The control freak side of me is hoping that Isaac won't be here on or before December 16. That is too early. I am just hoping that God is using that as a symbol and not a concrete thing. But I know that God is going to take care of Isaac no matter when he decides to come out and greet us all. But God gave me a promise, and I am done with doubt.

Prayer Focus:

1) My angels - Isaac and Gurt, that God would continue to grow them and keep them healthy.

2) My great uncle, Kenneth Reed passed away last weekend. Pray for my great Aunt Leora as well as their children and grandchildren as they deal with his loss. Pray for comfort and strength in the days ahead.

3) My friend Miriam. She and her hubby and daughter are stationed in Guam. She is expecting a son a few weeks before Isaac. Her son may have hemophilia so she is VERY high risk and she has to come back to the states until she gives birth next January. I am thrilled that she is coming but this means that she and her daughter and soon-to-be son will be away from her husband for all but 2 weeks out of possibly the next year. Pray that her son will NOT have hemophilia and that God will comfort and protect them as they are making plans.

4) My cousin Danna- she ties the knot Saturday! Pray that God will bless her marriage and maybe even bless her with an Isaac of her own someday.

5) Ryland- he just locked the keys in our new Chrysler Pacifica. He is stressed. Pray that he gets someone to drive out here to the boon docks to let him in his new car or else I am going to make him ride a bike tomorrow. Okay- just kidding.

Love you all,
Mindy

Ultrasound Video

2008-09-13T20:33:00.001-05:00

Turn off the music player and watch our ultrasound video. It is lengthy, but very fun! This is our boy in action. Enjoy!

Isaac Wade Russell from ryland russell on Vimeo.