31 Week Eden Update

I went back to the doctor today after my scary visit to labor and delivery a week ago.

I had an ultrasound first thing. We found out that Eden weighs 3 pounds and 11 ounces, she has her daddy's super kissable lips, and she was practicing her breathing. I cannot believe how clearly we can see her. It's incredible. Her EIF is still present, but no medical person seems to be concerned.

I saw my doctor who told me that he does not think that pre-eclampsia is an issue for me. My pee jug test came back within normal limits for a preggo. My blood pressure was still elevated but had gone down by the end of the visit. My cervix is still closed. Hallelu.

Since I tested positive for the fetal fibronectin protein, my doctor wants to see me weekly, with a weekly ultrasound to check for fetal well-being and growth. To me, that sounds very expensive. Anything for Eden. I was also released to work as long as I promise to sit every chance I get and to rest when I have contractions. I also have to rest after work days. Like lay down in the evening rest. He said we will take it week by week. He said that Eden's chances of survival are good if she were to come today, better in a week, and great if we can keep her in for 5 weeks. He lectured me on keeping my blood sugar in order and resting a lot.

I am optimistic that my high maintenance baby girl will come to us healthy and ready for life on the outside. I am so blessed to have problems that are this small. And even more blessed that my hope lies in hands more capable than mine. Eden's creator has already handled all that is out of my control. I am so thankful to be able to carry this darling girl, even though there are some inconveniences. Love is inconvenient- just ask my husband. But the reward at the end is so worth it. I find so much irony in Eden's name. Paradise. These last few weeks have been far from it, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. The end of this pregnancy and the beginning of Eden's life on the outside will be sweet.

Today I'm looking forward to what is to come, with great expectations.

And Along Went The Little Orange Jug

*Warning: If you are squeamish and easily offended by talk of lady things or body fluids, go play on facebook and don't read this. For real. I warned you.*

First, I want to thank my wonderful friends and family. There were too many texts, e-mails, and facebook messages for me to answer, so I hope you'll forgive me for not personally answering them all. Thank you for the concern, the offers of food, help and childcare, and mostly the prayers. I am so thankful for you. Honestly. It's humbling, and I don't deserve love like that, I am grateful.

The snowball started 2 weeks ago when I went in for a routine gestational diabetes test. I failed it.

No big. I failed with Isaac. Pass the cookies.

I re-tested doing the 3 hour fasting test the following Friday.

On our way to test drive minivans last Tuesday (oh the glamour!) I received a call that I had failed again and was thus labeled and diagnosed with gestational diabetes. Awesome. Things could be worse.

Last Thursday we bought a minivan. And I'm in love with it. Seriously. I'm embarrassed by how much I love it. It's huge. I do not have to lift a child in or out. The doors open and close at the push of a button. It's freaking wonderful. Even if it's a van. I love it.

 

 

Then came yesterday. I went in for my regularly scheduled, third tri-mester, every 2 week OB appointment. I had experience lots (and lots) of contractions yesterday, and had decided to ask my doctor how "normal" it was at this stage.

 

The nurse checked my blood pressure, it was elevated. She checked it again in ten minutes. Still elevated. Doctor Cox checked my cervix, it was closed. He tested me for a certain protein that is usually present after 34 weeks on the cervix, but can be an indication of pre-term labor in women early in the third tri-mester. I was whisked away to the lab for blood work and given a huge orange jug. Why you ask?

 



 

Because for the next 24 hours I was to pee in it and keep it refrigerated. Barf. The contents of this jug will help determine if I have pre-eclampsia or just high blood pressure. My doctor told me to take it easy yesterday because of the contractions and plan to see a dietitian and nurse to help me form a game plan for the gestational diabetes. I called my boss to tell her I'd be taking a day off.

 

So after an evening, night, and morning of jug peeing, I woke up, got dressed, and went in to take care of a few things at work today. I tried to hurry, so that my little orange friend wouldn't need to go with me. I returned home, and after an hour or so of mindless daytime TV my phone rang. The caller ID showed my doctor's office. "Great." I thought. "The call to tell me that the crazy cervix protein test is negative."

 

And the voice on the other end was a man's voice. Crap. No male nurses. It was my doctor. It's never good news when your doctor calls you in person.

 

Dr. Cox informed me that the dreaded cervical protein was present and due to the frequency and severity of the previous day's contractions that he wanted me to come in and be monitored. If going into labor was imminent, he wanted me to take a steroid shot to help Eden's lungs develop. And I was instructed to take this week off from work. So I hung up and went into freak out mode. I am only 30 weeks! I want Eden to be fully cooked before she pops out of my oven. I called the hubs to meet me at the hospital, put my pee jug on ice and hopped in my new van to go to the hospital. I called my mom to tell her what was going on and called my boss to arrange for a sub for the week.

 

I got to labor and delivery and God reminded me that he was still with me. My beloved former OB that delivered Hope, Dr. Gibbens, who devastated me by closing her practice, was the attending physician at L&D emergency today. I cannot tell you how glad I was to see a familiar, trusted face. After an hour of watching my blood pressure jump up and down, and seeing virtually no contractions, I was released with my orange jug to see a dietician for the gestational diabetes.

 

After nearly two hours of education on carbs, proteins, lancets, and glucose,  I returned to the lab from the previous day to bid good riddance to my orange jug. What a crazy 24 hours it has been.

 

So here's where I'm at, here are the prayers I'm asking for:

 

1) I have gestational diabetes. Please pray that I can manage it well, that I will not need insulin for it, and mostly that it won't affect Eden.

2) Pre-eclampsia. I won't know until later this week if I have it. Pray for my blood pressure to go down and stay down. Please pray that I don't have pre-E, but if I do that it can also be managed well, and won't hurt Eden or cause her to have to be born early.

3) Pre-Term Labor- Of all the things I don't want this is the biggest. Please pray that Eden stays in as long as possible. And that if she is born early that she'll be okay, and cared for by a team with the wisdom to keep her safe.

4) Bed rest- I want to be at work. I love my job. I love the support at my job. My family depends on the income from my job. Please pray that I can continue to work, but if I can't that God will provide for us financially, and in the inconvenient day to day, like child care, and keeping up my home.

 

As a sweet friend reminded me today, God is bigger than all these things. He made Eden. He knows her and loves her in ways greater than I can imagine. He is for her. He is her refuge and strength, even when my body fails, He will sustain and protect her. Pray that I can dwell on His strength and peace, rather than the shortcomings of my own body and the stress brought on by the dreaded "what-ifs".

 

And if it all goes south tomorrow, at least I won't be carrying around a jug of pee in a lunchbox full of ice. So I have that going for me...

 



Milk Comes From Cows!

My darling preschoolers bring me so much joy and laughter. There are a hundred funny and joyful moments during any given today. This sweet little conversation was the "gem of wisdom" for today.

The scene takes place in my music class with a precocious group of three-year-olds.

Tyler: Miss Mindy. Do you have a baby in your tummy?
Me: Yes! I'm going to have a little girl named Eden. She'll be here around Thanksgiving time.
Sam: Miss Mindy, whatcha gonna feed your baby?
Me: I'll feed her milk.
Sam: Oh, from your breast?
Me: (Flustered, not wanting to explain breast feeding during music time) Um....well..... I'll be feeding her...er,um, mommy milk....from my......body.
Presley: (Exasperated) Sam! (Rolling eyes) Milk comes from cows, silly!

 

 

Gotta love innocence, and correct anatomical vocabulary.



3rd Trimester News

Eight weeks ago we received the news that our new little one is a girl. All major body systems and measurements were in perfect, healthy working condition.  We also received news of placenta prévia that was blocking my cervix, presenting a risk of hemorrhage to me if a normal, vaginal delivery were to take place. And lastly, we learned that an echogenic intracardiac focus (EIF) was present in Eden's heart. An EIF presents no risk to Eden's health, but basically tells us there is a 1% chance that she could have a chromosomal abnormality, most likely Downs Syndrome. 

Today we had the fourth, and what I thought would be final ultrasound. We found out great things: 

* Eden is still a girl. I've had crazy pregnancy dreams that I've given birth to a boy, and the occasional puppy. I've never had an ultrasound this late in a pregnancy, so when a tech tells me a gender, I nod and trust them, but today I clearly saw lady parts. It's a girl!!!

* I found out that my little lady currently weighs 2.7 pounds, and is measuring perfectly for a December 2nd due date. 

* Baby girl is flexible! She had her foot on her forehead for part of the ultrasound. She will be the next Shannon Miller, look out world!

* She has hair! So far I've given birth to Isaac's skullet, and Hope's sweet little cue ball head. Maybe this is my chance to have a baby that has thick hair. 

* She looks like Hope. The ultrasound tech turned on the 4D and let us see her. She was so sweet. Her big sister squealed about how cute she was, and I reacted as I usually do- with happy tears.



* Isaac was mostly enamored with the blue gel on my tummy. "Mom! I really like that blue goo on your tummy!" He said excitedly. 

* My placenta moved to a safe 3cm away from the opening of my cervix, and Eden is head down, which means that I can proceed with my heart's desire of a normal delivery. Thank you Jesus. 

* Despite a healthy heart rate of 144 the EIF was still present. It was not as bright as bone tissue and was not as bright as before- both good signs. Often an EIF will stay until birth, but it will sometimes disappear in the third trimester. But the fact that it is still there has earned me another ultrasound in four weeks. I'm praying A) that it is gone, B) that if it still present that it is not a sign of any issue, C) that God will prepare my heart and my family if there is an issue. Regardless, I believe that Eden is exactly as God wants her to be, and if Downs is part of his great plan for her then I  honored that He chose our family for her. We all love her so much already. And I'm grateful that there is no threat to her health or life. There's a 99% chance that all is fine. Good odds if you ask me. 

All in all, it was a great encouraging visit. I can't believe that she'll be here in 12 weeks or less. We're so excited to hold her, kiss her, and make her part of us. If you would please pray that God would take care of Eden's EIF and give us faith and courage as we wait to meet her. 

Maternity Skinny Jeans: An Oxymoron

As a lover of fall- I am so happy with the recent trend of long (read: covering the hiney) cardigans, tunics, and baggy sweaters, paired with leggings or skinny jeans and boots. (English teacher friends: I am almost sure I just committed several punctuation crimes. Forgive me.)

From time to time I enjoy shopping and cruising pinterest for what the young folks are wearing, even though I am usually wearing a mom-i-form that is closer to yoga pants and t-shirts from high school. I am not super stylish, but I think I have occasional cute days with my limited resources and budget.

It is late August and I am due to have my last ever baby in December. Here in Oklahoma the only thing certain about our weather is its unpredictability. But I am hopeful that it will eventually cool off enough for me to want to wear my fall staple of skinny jeans and boots. So I purchased a pair of dark indigo maternity skinny jeans and black leggings online.

I was so excited to try them both on when they came in yesterday. I tried on the super soft, full panel, black leggings first and instantly declared them my new favorite pants. Soft, comfy, perfect with long tees and a jacket. Good to dress up for and evening out, or to kick around the house in. In short, I was in love. Pregnancy perfection. Naturally I was excited to proceed to my skinny jeans which were sure to be a hit.

Note: I own several other pairs of jeans, pants, and skinny jeans that are the same brand and size. They fit just fine. No problem.

I put on the jeans and attempted to pull them up. Attempted. They got stuck on my pregnant ham-hock thighs. Allegedly they were stretchy, but I found them not to budge at all. The top of the pants stopped somewhere around my hiney crack. They were so freakishly tight. So I made the choice to do whatever any self respecting woman would do. I pulled up the navy, stretchy, belly covering material and went to the kitchen to show my husband.

This is mean, but sometimes it is fun to wear something that you know is heinous to watch the man you love writhe uncomfortably as he tries not to say anything stupid. The conversation went something like this:

Me: Honey, do you like my new jeans?

Ryland: (Eyes huge, fear covering his face.) Those are cute.

Me: Are you serious? These are so tight that I look like someone who belongs in a "people of Wal-Mart" picture. I'm returning them.

Ryland: Ok. Thank goodness!

Y'all, they were an abomination. Skin tight with a major muffin top. Bad. Blech. Vom. Whatever you are imagining, it was worse.

Then I danced in them. It was a twerking/booty dance hybrid, except pregnant, and not sexy. My people laughed and then I crisco'd myself down enough to peel off the jeans so that I could breathe deeply again. Sweet freedom.

I will be returning them post-haste.

I told my sweet husband that I was planning to blog about this unfortunate experience, to which he timidly replied, "I don't really know how to say this, but, you aren't going to post a picture are you?".

"I'm too vain for that." I said. He exhaled, clearly relieved. And I threatened to punch him if he ever spoke of "the jeans" ever again.

Why couldn't I have been pregnant when gaucho pants were in style? Stretchy, loose, glorious, perfect for achieving a non-muffin-top style. Please ladies, for the love of future preggos everywhere, let's bring back the gauchos.

Maternity Skinny Jeans. Oxymoron.

What I Needed Most

The last 2 days have been sad. Some of the hardest minutes and hours that I've dealt with in awhile. I miss Lexus. I miss the noises that she made. I miss her bossy bark. I  miss the way she'd pace around the dog food bowls looking for left overs often prompting Sadie, my slow eater to growl at her. I miss the adoring way she looked at me. I miss touching her. There's a hole and I have spilled many tears, especially as I watch my kids and dogs notice her absence.

But at the kid's bedtime, after Hope and her Daddy bumped heads during the neck "snark" portion of the bedtime routine, I crawled into a tiny toddler bed with my crying 2-year-old. She rested her on my chest and I rubbed her back until she started to snore. I smelled her hair and thought about how small she is and how quickly she's growing. She'll be three in just 2 months, a big sister in four. And almost on cue Eden started to kick the big sister who was unknowingly squishing her.

And then the tears came, followed by gratitude. Even in the midst of grief, I have so much to be thankful for. I am so thankful for that moment, in this fleeting season. Thankful for the interaction between my daughters who were completely unaware. I love that I was the only one who knew. It was like a sweet secret. All too soon Hope will outgrow her tiny toddler bed and sleeping on her Mom, and all too soon my season of childbearing will come to an end and I'll never again feel the indescribable miracle of feeling your child from the inside. It was a sacred moment that I don't ever want to forget. My two girls, such gifts, so much love.

And in that moment, that little snippet of time, I know that what I needed most was to be reminded of my blessings, my home, my daughters. And while the waves of grief and guilt come, I pray that I find only gratitude. I pray that I remember that I am motivated by and surrounded with love. And that I have been given more than I deserve.

I still miss my Lex, and I anticipate more hard days to come, but I am thankful that God always provides what I need most, moment to moment, day by day. I am thankful.