31 Week Eden Update

I went back to the doctor today after my scary visit to labor and delivery a week ago.

I had an ultrasound first thing. We found out that Eden weighs 3 pounds and 11 ounces, she has her daddy's super kissable lips, and she was practicing her breathing. I cannot believe how clearly we can see her. It's incredible. Her EIF is still present, but no medical person seems to be concerned.

I saw my doctor who told me that he does not think that pre-eclampsia is an issue for me. My pee jug test came back within normal limits for a preggo. My blood pressure was still elevated but had gone down by the end of the visit. My cervix is still closed. Hallelu.

Since I tested positive for the fetal fibronectin protein, my doctor wants to see me weekly, with a weekly ultrasound to check for fetal well-being and growth. To me, that sounds very expensive. Anything for Eden. I was also released to work as long as I promise to sit every chance I get and to rest when I have contractions. I also have to rest after work days. Like lay down in the evening rest. He said we will take it week by week. He said that Eden's chances of survival are good if she were to come today, better in a week, and great if we can keep her in for 5 weeks. He lectured me on keeping my blood sugar in order and resting a lot.

I am optimistic that my high maintenance baby girl will come to us healthy and ready for life on the outside. I am so blessed to have problems that are this small. And even more blessed that my hope lies in hands more capable than mine. Eden's creator has already handled all that is out of my control. I am so thankful to be able to carry this darling girl, even though there are some inconveniences. Love is inconvenient- just ask my husband. But the reward at the end is so worth it. I find so much irony in Eden's name. Paradise. These last few weeks have been far from it, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. The end of this pregnancy and the beginning of Eden's life on the outside will be sweet.

Today I'm looking forward to what is to come, with great expectations.

And Along Went The Little Orange Jug

*Warning: If you are squeamish and easily offended by talk of lady things or body fluids, go play on facebook and don't read this. For real. I warned you.*

First, I want to thank my wonderful friends and family. There were too many texts, e-mails, and facebook messages for me to answer, so I hope you'll forgive me for not personally answering them all. Thank you for the concern, the offers of food, help and childcare, and mostly the prayers. I am so thankful for you. Honestly. It's humbling, and I don't deserve love like that, I am grateful.

The snowball started 2 weeks ago when I went in for a routine gestational diabetes test. I failed it.

No big. I failed with Isaac. Pass the cookies.

I re-tested doing the 3 hour fasting test the following Friday.

On our way to test drive minivans last Tuesday (oh the glamour!) I received a call that I had failed again and was thus labeled and diagnosed with gestational diabetes. Awesome. Things could be worse.

Last Thursday we bought a minivan. And I'm in love with it. Seriously. I'm embarrassed by how much I love it. It's huge. I do not have to lift a child in or out. The doors open and close at the push of a button. It's freaking wonderful. Even if it's a van. I love it.

 

 

Then came yesterday. I went in for my regularly scheduled, third tri-mester, every 2 week OB appointment. I had experience lots (and lots) of contractions yesterday, and had decided to ask my doctor how "normal" it was at this stage.

 

The nurse checked my blood pressure, it was elevated. She checked it again in ten minutes. Still elevated. Doctor Cox checked my cervix, it was closed. He tested me for a certain protein that is usually present after 34 weeks on the cervix, but can be an indication of pre-term labor in women early in the third tri-mester. I was whisked away to the lab for blood work and given a huge orange jug. Why you ask?

 



 

Because for the next 24 hours I was to pee in it and keep it refrigerated. Barf. The contents of this jug will help determine if I have pre-eclampsia or just high blood pressure. My doctor told me to take it easy yesterday because of the contractions and plan to see a dietitian and nurse to help me form a game plan for the gestational diabetes. I called my boss to tell her I'd be taking a day off.

 

So after an evening, night, and morning of jug peeing, I woke up, got dressed, and went in to take care of a few things at work today. I tried to hurry, so that my little orange friend wouldn't need to go with me. I returned home, and after an hour or so of mindless daytime TV my phone rang. The caller ID showed my doctor's office. "Great." I thought. "The call to tell me that the crazy cervix protein test is negative."

 

And the voice on the other end was a man's voice. Crap. No male nurses. It was my doctor. It's never good news when your doctor calls you in person.

 

Dr. Cox informed me that the dreaded cervical protein was present and due to the frequency and severity of the previous day's contractions that he wanted me to come in and be monitored. If going into labor was imminent, he wanted me to take a steroid shot to help Eden's lungs develop. And I was instructed to take this week off from work. So I hung up and went into freak out mode. I am only 30 weeks! I want Eden to be fully cooked before she pops out of my oven. I called the hubs to meet me at the hospital, put my pee jug on ice and hopped in my new van to go to the hospital. I called my mom to tell her what was going on and called my boss to arrange for a sub for the week.

 

I got to labor and delivery and God reminded me that he was still with me. My beloved former OB that delivered Hope, Dr. Gibbens, who devastated me by closing her practice, was the attending physician at L&D emergency today. I cannot tell you how glad I was to see a familiar, trusted face. After an hour of watching my blood pressure jump up and down, and seeing virtually no contractions, I was released with my orange jug to see a dietician for the gestational diabetes.

 

After nearly two hours of education on carbs, proteins, lancets, and glucose,  I returned to the lab from the previous day to bid good riddance to my orange jug. What a crazy 24 hours it has been.

 

So here's where I'm at, here are the prayers I'm asking for:

 

1) I have gestational diabetes. Please pray that I can manage it well, that I will not need insulin for it, and mostly that it won't affect Eden.

2) Pre-eclampsia. I won't know until later this week if I have it. Pray for my blood pressure to go down and stay down. Please pray that I don't have pre-E, but if I do that it can also be managed well, and won't hurt Eden or cause her to have to be born early.

3) Pre-Term Labor- Of all the things I don't want this is the biggest. Please pray that Eden stays in as long as possible. And that if she is born early that she'll be okay, and cared for by a team with the wisdom to keep her safe.

4) Bed rest- I want to be at work. I love my job. I love the support at my job. My family depends on the income from my job. Please pray that I can continue to work, but if I can't that God will provide for us financially, and in the inconvenient day to day, like child care, and keeping up my home.

 

As a sweet friend reminded me today, God is bigger than all these things. He made Eden. He knows her and loves her in ways greater than I can imagine. He is for her. He is her refuge and strength, even when my body fails, He will sustain and protect her. Pray that I can dwell on His strength and peace, rather than the shortcomings of my own body and the stress brought on by the dreaded "what-ifs".

 

And if it all goes south tomorrow, at least I won't be carrying around a jug of pee in a lunchbox full of ice. So I have that going for me...

 



3rd Trimester News

Eight weeks ago we received the news that our new little one is a girl. All major body systems and measurements were in perfect, healthy working condition.  We also received news of placenta prévia that was blocking my cervix, presenting a risk of hemorrhage to me if a normal, vaginal delivery were to take place. And lastly, we learned that an echogenic intracardiac focus (EIF) was present in Eden's heart. An EIF presents no risk to Eden's health, but basically tells us there is a 1% chance that she could have a chromosomal abnormality, most likely Downs Syndrome. 

Today we had the fourth, and what I thought would be final ultrasound. We found out great things: 

* Eden is still a girl. I've had crazy pregnancy dreams that I've given birth to a boy, and the occasional puppy. I've never had an ultrasound this late in a pregnancy, so when a tech tells me a gender, I nod and trust them, but today I clearly saw lady parts. It's a girl!!!

* I found out that my little lady currently weighs 2.7 pounds, and is measuring perfectly for a December 2nd due date. 

* Baby girl is flexible! She had her foot on her forehead for part of the ultrasound. She will be the next Shannon Miller, look out world!

* She has hair! So far I've given birth to Isaac's skullet, and Hope's sweet little cue ball head. Maybe this is my chance to have a baby that has thick hair. 

* She looks like Hope. The ultrasound tech turned on the 4D and let us see her. She was so sweet. Her big sister squealed about how cute she was, and I reacted as I usually do- with happy tears.



* Isaac was mostly enamored with the blue gel on my tummy. "Mom! I really like that blue goo on your tummy!" He said excitedly. 

* My placenta moved to a safe 3cm away from the opening of my cervix, and Eden is head down, which means that I can proceed with my heart's desire of a normal delivery. Thank you Jesus. 

* Despite a healthy heart rate of 144 the EIF was still present. It was not as bright as bone tissue and was not as bright as before- both good signs. Often an EIF will stay until birth, but it will sometimes disappear in the third trimester. But the fact that it is still there has earned me another ultrasound in four weeks. I'm praying A) that it is gone, B) that if it still present that it is not a sign of any issue, C) that God will prepare my heart and my family if there is an issue. Regardless, I believe that Eden is exactly as God wants her to be, and if Downs is part of his great plan for her then I  honored that He chose our family for her. We all love her so much already. And I'm grateful that there is no threat to her health or life. There's a 99% chance that all is fine. Good odds if you ask me. 

All in all, it was a great encouraging visit. I can't believe that she'll be here in 12 weeks or less. We're so excited to hold her, kiss her, and make her part of us. If you would please pray that God would take care of Eden's EIF and give us faith and courage as we wait to meet her. 

Maternity Skinny Jeans: An Oxymoron

As a lover of fall- I am so happy with the recent trend of long (read: covering the hiney) cardigans, tunics, and baggy sweaters, paired with leggings or skinny jeans and boots. (English teacher friends: I am almost sure I just committed several punctuation crimes. Forgive me.)

From time to time I enjoy shopping and cruising pinterest for what the young folks are wearing, even though I am usually wearing a mom-i-form that is closer to yoga pants and t-shirts from high school. I am not super stylish, but I think I have occasional cute days with my limited resources and budget.

It is late August and I am due to have my last ever baby in December. Here in Oklahoma the only thing certain about our weather is its unpredictability. But I am hopeful that it will eventually cool off enough for me to want to wear my fall staple of skinny jeans and boots. So I purchased a pair of dark indigo maternity skinny jeans and black leggings online.

I was so excited to try them both on when they came in yesterday. I tried on the super soft, full panel, black leggings first and instantly declared them my new favorite pants. Soft, comfy, perfect with long tees and a jacket. Good to dress up for and evening out, or to kick around the house in. In short, I was in love. Pregnancy perfection. Naturally I was excited to proceed to my skinny jeans which were sure to be a hit.

Note: I own several other pairs of jeans, pants, and skinny jeans that are the same brand and size. They fit just fine. No problem.

I put on the jeans and attempted to pull them up. Attempted. They got stuck on my pregnant ham-hock thighs. Allegedly they were stretchy, but I found them not to budge at all. The top of the pants stopped somewhere around my hiney crack. They were so freakishly tight. So I made the choice to do whatever any self respecting woman would do. I pulled up the navy, stretchy, belly covering material and went to the kitchen to show my husband.

This is mean, but sometimes it is fun to wear something that you know is heinous to watch the man you love writhe uncomfortably as he tries not to say anything stupid. The conversation went something like this:

Me: Honey, do you like my new jeans?

Ryland: (Eyes huge, fear covering his face.) Those are cute.

Me: Are you serious? These are so tight that I look like someone who belongs in a "people of Wal-Mart" picture. I'm returning them.

Ryland: Ok. Thank goodness!

Y'all, they were an abomination. Skin tight with a major muffin top. Bad. Blech. Vom. Whatever you are imagining, it was worse.

Then I danced in them. It was a twerking/booty dance hybrid, except pregnant, and not sexy. My people laughed and then I crisco'd myself down enough to peel off the jeans so that I could breathe deeply again. Sweet freedom.

I will be returning them post-haste.

I told my sweet husband that I was planning to blog about this unfortunate experience, to which he timidly replied, "I don't really know how to say this, but, you aren't going to post a picture are you?".

"I'm too vain for that." I said. He exhaled, clearly relieved. And I threatened to punch him if he ever spoke of "the jeans" ever again.

Why couldn't I have been pregnant when gaucho pants were in style? Stretchy, loose, glorious, perfect for achieving a non-muffin-top style. Please ladies, for the love of future preggos everywhere, let's bring back the gauchos.

Maternity Skinny Jeans. Oxymoron.

Mental Health Break

I may or may not have a list of hypothetical baby names on my phone.

I am not pregnant and do not expect to be anytime soon.

Also, if there is a third baby Russell I do not want to find out the gender or share the name we choose from the list that may or may not exist on my phone.

So you have now read this post and have basically no information, other than the fact that I am just a tiny bit of an overplanning, future fantasizing, control freak. Just a tiny bit.

Surely this has made you feel better about your own mental health.

You're welcome.

The "Third" Question

The "Third" Question

Recently several of my friends have become pregnant with or given birth to their third child. Which has, in turn, caused some good natured teasing about when our third pregnancy will happen.

The truth is- I really don't know. Isaac was very much wanted, so much that after the months of infertility & miscarriage it hurt my heart too much to try any more. And 5 months of non-trying produced Isaac. The best surprise of my life. And Hope is what we refer to as our "one month miracle". We no more than decided to try and there she was. No drama. No fuss. No waiting. No miscarriage. Proof of God's healing in my once broken womb. Praise God.

How life has changed! Because of budget cuts resulting in decreased income for Ryland at work and my calling & choice to only work part time we are in a different place financially than we were with the other 2 pregnancies. I also have a rambunctious (almost) three year old, and a wide eyed curious one year old that I am chasing. My body has now been pregnant 5 times, twice were 40 week long ordeals. And I can't neglect the fact that I am a woman with past pregnancy issues who will be turning 30. The magic number for decreasing ease in becoming pregnant & having a healthy pregnancy.

Therefore I have all these thoughts swimming in my mind. All these reasons to wait or stop altogether. But I can't ignore the little ache I have to feel flutters and kicks and the roll of a little person inside my body, The joyful anticipation of a delivery, and the first glance of a face that you've never seen yet know so well, and the smell of a fuzzy newborn head.

In my heart I know I'm not ready yet, but I also know I'm not ready to be finished with this most precious season of my life.

This is a new experience- having my youngest child grow into toddlerhood with no new baby waiting in the wings. It makes me treasure Hope's milestones, and cry at just how big Isaac is.

I'm also aware of two things that are hard to swallow, but in different ways: 1) My body may never produce another baby. I know this. I accept this. And if this is God's will then I am ok. Not thrilled about it, but ok. God gave me more than I ever could have wanted with Isaac and Hope. Maybe I'm selfish to even want more. But I can't not want it. 2) God may surprise us with a pregnancy during a time when we are preventing it. I know several friends who have experienced this blessed surprise. God's plan and timing are perfect and this would be terrifying and wonderful. I hope in either circumstance I will have the strength to say, "thy will be done".

So as for now, I look forward to the future with Hope and Laughter- who knows what is to be?

Did I mention I might even want a fourth? That is another post entirely.

So, the third?

Yes, I hope so. I just don't know when.

Updates: A Comedy in 3 Acts

Act 3: God Still Laughs

(BUT FIRST, A BRAGGADOCIOS SIDE NOTE)
Before I launch into this post, I need to brag on my baby boy. Again. He is 13 months old now and I somehow missed this big parenting tip that you are NEVER supposed to give whole milk in a bottle. That is supposed to only be a sippy cup thing. Formula and breastmilk go in bottles. Big boy whole milk goes in sippy cups. I missed the boat. I didn't read enough of my tips for everything in the world parenting e-mails that I get. I must have been too preoccupied with other things. So I have dreaded the switch to a sippy cup only existence. I decided to wait until spring break so that our babysitters don't have to bear the brunt of Isaac's frustration. So on Monday, we started the day with a sippy instead of a bottle. He hated it for the most part, but at naptime, he took his sippy like a champ without so much as a whimper. The evening bottle was uneventfully changed to a bottle with no complaining, and the dreaded night-night bottle was changed to a sippy with daddy and a little boy who drifted right to sleep. It was so easy! I have been praying about the transition since I knew it was coming soon and God just let him accept it so easily. He's such a good kid.

But even more exciting on Monday: HE WALKED! My baby took his first steps. Ryland and I were sitting on the couches, we looked over to see Isaac standing in the middle of the room smiling with no help. So being the big goofballs we are, we both started crying and spent the rest of the evening trying to get him to walk in between us. He did sometimes, but it had to be his idea. 2 milestones in a day. It's like he grew so much in 24 hours. We both work full time and both feel like we miss so much, so witnessing this miraculous first together was a gift from God. But in His grace and goodness, he let us both see it. And we will never forget it.

(THE REAL POST)

As my long-time blog followers know. I started this blog in 2008 to chronicle what I thought was going to be an adoption story, and the story of my struggle with infertility. But as I poured out my heart in text, God changed my course and blessed me with my biological son and made me happier than I ever thought I could be, while giving me a ministry to other women who were living the same things that I was. It also allowed me to heal and grieve the loss of my Aunt Karla and my three precious glory babies. I have been able to chronicle some of the most special times of my life and my sweet hubby has preserved them for me in a book that will be a legacy and a keepsake for my children. But my story is far from over.

Because I am pregnant again.

I am morning sickness, clothes too tight, giddy, ecstatic, pregnant.

At the end of last year my overly planning, control freak, too small faith side, started worrying. What if it takes another three years to have another baby? What if I can't ever have another baby? What if we lose more babies? What if it doesn't happen until after I turn 30 and my risk factors go up?

Have I learned NOTHING? God is so much bigger than all of that stuff. I should know that by now.

Ryland and I began to pray about how God would grow our family and if He would grow our family. We told him that our heart's desire was to have more children but that we trusted that He knew best for us. We felt that God had showed us that it was okay for us to begin trying. We decided that we would begin trying in January 2010.

On Ryland's birthday on February 6, after a long birthday party day, we came home and I took a positive pregnancy test. He didn't know that I was taking it. He was unloading the car. I came out of the bathroom and handed it to him saying, "happy birthday, daddy". We were overjoyed and completely shocked at how easy it was! I think I am healed.

I shared a LONG time ago in a previous post about the time that God gave me the passage in 2 Kings about the Shunnemite women who served Elisha and God gave her a son in a year's time. God spoke clearly to me then and that is when I really knew in my heart that our son was coming. Well, the God of no coincidences, put that very passage into our Sunday School lesson. I have never heard that passage preached on or spoken on in church, ever. It was divine confirmation that this pregnancy was a keeper and I didn't need to waste any time being scared of a miscarriage or anything else. God had already done the hard work. My job was just to bask in the blessing.

So as of today, I am 9 weeks pregnant. My sweet little tator tot has shown us its heartbeat twice. It is about an inch long and has arms and legs. I have been extremely sick, but not as sick as I was with Isaac. Very different sick. My projected due date is October 20. A week before my birthday. Ryland laughed and thinks it serves me right to have to share my birthday month with Tator since he has to share his with Isaac. And to help out my math conscious friends, my kids will be 20 and 1/2 months apart. I would have chosen to space them out farther than that, but God has always been much better at working those thing out so I think I'll trust him there too. But I might kick you if you make a comment such as "Wow, two under two" or "Two in diapers!". Just a warning.

So as you can see, my cup is full right now. We are praying for our house to sale, our upcoming move, and that God will carefully and perfectly form our new Tator Tot. It is all so far from over. And as I look forward with hope, resting in God's care, I can almost hear quiet laughter. God is still working. And I am joyfully anticipating the outcome.

Mindy

All My Dreams Come True Tomorrow

Tomorrow is the day. My son will be here tomorrow.

As I think back about the things that have lead to tomorrow I can't help but be amazed at all that God laid the foundation for when I didn't even know He was doing it. In short:

10 1/2 years ago I laid eyes on a scrawny little singing baseball player that was too young and immature for me to waste my time on. I was too old and cool for him. But God laughed, and before I knew it I was head over heels in love with the little boy who is going to be the best father in the world come tomorrow.

7 years ago I went to college with dreams of becoming a print journalist. But God laughed, and guided me toward my life calling of becoming a teacher and loving kids who don't have parents at home who fill their little love tanks. These needy ones taught me more about the importance of being a parent than any book ever could.

3 1/2 years ago I got married to my sweetheart and I thought that life would be easy and perfect. But God laughed, and cried I think. He lovingly took us through 2 very hard years of praying for and trying to have a baby. My body failed, my faith wore thin and I lost hope many times over. But in the end, God gave us the desire of our heart to show us mercy and help us to have more for others.

4 hours ago I heard my son's heartbeat and I cry now because tomorrow I will see his face and see in the flesh how God has tied so many loose ends and given me the third greatest gift in my life. And tomorrow when the doctor hands Isaac to me for the first time, God will laugh. He'll see once more that my silly plans could never have amounted to the joy and gratitude that will stare me in the face at that moment, when I meet my Isaac, whose name is laughter.

In the weeks and months and years ahead, God will laugh as he watches Ryland and I transition from a duet to a trio and hopefully more someday as we wait for Gurt or whoever else God has planned for us.

Please Pray for the following:
1) A safe and easy delivery for Isaac above all else. We will check into Baptist tomorrow morning at 7:30AM to begin the festivities.
2) For my anxiety. I am scared of the delivery, but I also know that I am not the first person to have a baby, and that women seldom die anymore. :)
3) For Ryland and I as a team. We have a life adjustment coming, help us to stick together and hold each other up as we learn what it is going to take in the next few weeks and months.
4) For safe travel for both sets of our parents.
5) This one is frivolous - My dog Sadie has started chewing a big, yucky spot on her leg. I thought it was a hot spot but the vet said that she is reacting to stress in her environment and that it is a nervous habit. I wonder what he could be talking about???? I don't know where she could be encountering stress?????? Maybe a psycho cleaning nazi mom who cries a lot???? Pray that she calms down and that I don't make it worse for her. My furry babies are being boarded by the wonderful Miss Connie for a few days and I hope that doesn't make things worse.
6) For our attending doctors and nurses, that they will be able to troubleshoot and care for any complications that may arise.

So teach us to number our days, That we may present to You a heart of wisdom Psalm 90:12

My son's days begin tomorrow - may his life bring us closer to knowing God in all of his greatness as He continues to laugh at our plans.

Mindy