Hiccups

This tiny little girl in my tummy, that I've yet to lay eyes on, except through some grainy ultrasound pictures, learned a new trick this week and has been performing it after dinner.

She hiccups.

Having been pregnant 6 times and carried 2 babies full term I have come to love the bouncing of a wiggly baby with hiccups in my belly. It is a sweet, comforting feeling. Something both foreign and familiar all rolled into one. It is one of the things I will miss when I cross the finish line of child bearing.

I've never felt any of my babies hiccup this early in any pregnancy, in fact I've never felt any of my babies move as early as I've felt Eden. I thought it was odd that the flutters of early pregnancy happened so soon, but just chalked it up to the fact that I know what I'm feeling because I've been pregnant so many times in recent years.

And then last week I had my ultrasound. I found answers. Mostly good ones. A few that I'm trusting God to take care of.

The ultrasound revealed several things:

1) I am having a sweet baby girl. She's already very lady-like. She kept her legs crossed almost the entire time. I got scared thinking she was never going to shows us her tiny baby parts. But alas, she did, and she is a she.

2) The ultrasound tech estimated that Eden is 2 ounces heavier than the average at this stage in development. This thrills me because I have always wanted a chubby, rolly poly baby. I love my two little string beans but Eden may be the child that gives me the chub I've always dreamed of. Stay chunky, baby girl.

3) My placenta is low and in the back. Therefore I am able to feel everything (like freakishly early hiccups) due to less cushion between my body and the baby. This also earned me a bonus ultrasound. The placenta can grow and move as pregnancy progresses, but if it doesn't then I could be at risk for placenta previa, which could or could not cause complications like (bed rest or c-section) at the end of my pregnancy. The same thing happened with Hope, and it moved. I am praying for the same thing this time.

4) EIF- Echogenic Intracardiac Focus- what the crap is that? It is basically a bright spot that shows up in the heart during ultrasound. It is very common, happening in an estimated 1 in 30 second trimester ultrasounds. When it is an isolated issue like mine, meaning no other abnormalities are present, there is usually no cause for concern. Most doctors don't do any follow up testing. It is considered a variation of normal. My doctor said that in his practice, he's never seen an isolated case of EIF result in a baby with any kind of issue. He said that on a freak out scale of 1 to 10 that this is maybe a 1. There is some debate among researchers that in a worst case scenario situation that EIF could be a risk factor for Down's Syndrome. I hope I've made a good case for why this will all be ok, but it is scary when your tiny baby's heart looks weird. There's a good chance that the EIF will not go away until delivery, so it may still be present at the next ultrasound, but again, I am choosing to literally leave Eden's heart in God's hands. He is her creator and maker, her form isn't hidden from Him, He loves her and sees her, and as I feel her little bouncy hiccups on the outside, he fully knows every cell and mechanism. I pray that it is nothing, but if it is something, I pray that God will prepare me to handle it. I will love Eden regardless, I already do.

So I praise Him. For the chance to feel Eden in my womb. For the potentially chubby little body He gave her. For the placenta that will keep her safe and fed until the day we meet. And for her little heart that I already pray will be filled with love for her Savior.

And for the hiccups. The reassurance that she's ok. That something normal is happening. And that for this season and this moment that I get to share it with her, just the two of us. Thank you Jesus. Thank you for the hiccups that help us to trust you even more.

My People in Photo

These are my people.

 

 

 

They shine up well.

 

 

Sometime we have a hard time behaving.

 

 

But if your boyfriend was this cute you'd have a hard time too.

 

 

And my cute boyfriend (who eventually became my husband) gave me these two cuties.

 

 This little lady smiles all the time, except in photos.

 

 This handsome little man absolutely makes me melt.

 

My sweet little Space Rangers.

 

Melt. Melt. Melt.

 

El Mustachio Gang. I love my People.

 

 

All photography by the lovely and talented Cecilia Hibdon

Tubular Well Check Combo

After a month long ear infection and two rounds of antibiotics for Tunia, we were referred to a ENT (ear-nose-throat) doctor today. She was running another fever and feeling crummy. It makes me sad.

We will no doubt discuss such gut wrenching topics as tubes and adenoids, and will most likely come to the concensus to "tube" her ears and allow her ears to drain correctly and remain infection free.

My baby guy had tubes at nine months, and although the surgery was uneventful and healing came quickly and easily, it is never easy on this momma's heart to send my kids under the knife.

As we sat in the doctor's office today, Hope screamed. A lot. Anytime someone in scrubs came near she cried and buried her head in my chest. Isaac sweetly came to her and said, "It's okay sissy. Don't cry. Dr. Boyd's your friend". Such a good brother.

Isaac had his three year well check today. He weighed 28lbs, 15th percentile, and was 36 inches tall, 20th percentile. He met all of his developmental milestones, except for a weird thing she wanted him to do with his thumbs.

As stressful as it will be to deal with a 15 minute, very expensive on our budget, surgery. I am so so so so sooooo thankful that our main health concern is an ear infection. God has been so good to bless my kids with good health. May I never take it for granted.

A Moment Made to Worship

Last night as I listened to my hubby sing "How He Loves" in a d-now worship experience, I held my little purple tutu'd princess and sang along in the back of a crowded room. She played with my hair and played peek-a-boo through my scarf, rubbing her face against mine and giggling happily.

It may seem that it would be a distraction but it was quite the opposite. As I sang the words "Oh, how he loves us..." I just couldn't help feeling that powerful love right down to my soul. It was a moment made for worship. God had my heart.

My kids are a source of stress, mess, exhaustion, and frustration, but I can't look at them as anything but a gift from God. And in a moment like that one, worshipping my creator who gave me my little princess and my funny guy, I felt loved. And so very grateful that God loved me enough to give me two little pieces of messy, chaotic, happiness to love and mother. Oh, how He loves.

Mental Health Break

I may or may not have a list of hypothetical baby names on my phone.

I am not pregnant and do not expect to be anytime soon.

Also, if there is a third baby Russell I do not want to find out the gender or share the name we choose from the list that may or may not exist on my phone.

So you have now read this post and have basically no information, other than the fact that I am just a tiny bit of an overplanning, future fantasizing, control freak. Just a tiny bit.

Surely this has made you feel better about your own mental health.

You're welcome.

Three.

Isaac,

Three.

The number of siblings waiting for you in heaven.

The number of times I've had my heart broken.

The trinity.

The amigos.

The stooges.

The number of times I think of you in any given hour when we're apart.

The number of years it has been since you made me a mommy.

I think about my life three years ago- quiet, calm, orderly. Then came you. You were born on a sunny 60ish degree Tuesday, and you were perfect. Since then my life has been loud, messy, unpredictable, and more fun and joyous than I could have ever dreamed. You brought a rainbow of colors into a world that was gray.

Baby guy, I am amazed that you've been here this long. You have now been here longer than the time I spent waiting for you. When I was pregnant, time crept, inched, seemed to stop. All I wanted was for time to speed up so I could get you in my arms. And now three years later I want it all to slow down so that I can keep you in my arms.

My favorite moments are when you climb in my lap, snuggle up, kiss my lips, and say the sweetest words on this side of heaven, " I love you momma". I wish I could bottle up that feeling and save it. I know that teenage days will come and the kisses and snuggles might be few to non-existent, but I hope you know how do and always will treasure you. My silly, sweet boy.

I think you are the funniest kid I know. You like to say things that you know will get a laugh. Dora has taught you that saying "bananapants" will make turkeys laugh, but it seems to work on everyone else too! You love dinosaurs, pretending, reading books, singing, and watching shows & movies. Some of your favorites are : Dinosaur Train, The Grinch, Octonauts, Mickey Mouse, Diego, Veggie Tales, Robin Hood, and The Lion King.

Some of my favorite mispronounced words of yours are: raindy punder, nilk, baghetti, dongal duck, sweet teef, marmie, and so many other cute words. You've never been much for baby talk, you've always liked to talk like a big boy. So your mispronunciations are often short lived.

This is a typical day for you: Wake up, invade our bed, watch YouTube videos ( badgers, the duck song, Rebecca Black's Friday, just to name a few favorites), eat breakfast, watch cartoons and snuggle, lunch, nap 2-3 hours if we can get you to sleep instead of destroying your room, wake up, snuggle more, play, dinner, bath, bed time books prayers hugs kisses super-shakes, and finally bed.

When you very first wake up, we ask you what you dreamed about. You always answer with, "I dream about Jesus". Then we ask you what else and it is always some kind of animals.

And speaking of animals- you know them all. Especially dinosaurs: deinonychus, parasauralophus, ankylosaurus, velocirapter, troodon. I am amazed that you can identify them! You are such a smart guy. You get hungry to learn when you get interested. I love this. I hope you will always love learning.

Bedtime is one of my favorite times of your day. Either Dad or I will read you a story or three, then we say our prayers. Some of your favorite books are: The Biggest Thing in the Ocean, The Spooky Old Tree, PJ Funny Bunny, The End, The Cat in the Hat Dinosaurs, Dinosaurs Love Underpants, and The Pigeon Wants a Puppy.

In your prayer, you say, "Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray-a Lord my soul to keep, if I should die before I wake, I pray-a Lord my soul to keep... Take! Sweet dreams for Isaac, Jesus name, Amen. And mommy loves you, and daddy loves, you and Hope loves you, and who else? Jesus loves you. Don't ever forget that."

After that you say, "Daddy say a prayer, go ahead Dad." Then Dad prayers, always making sure to thank God for the little and big things that we have to be thankful for that day. Then you say, "Momma say a prayer, go ahead Mom". I always tell God thanks for letting me be you and Hope's mom, and I pray that you and sissy will know God, love Him, and walk with Him all the days of your life.

You have recently decided you want to say a second, closing prayer. It goes, "Dear Jesus, I thank you so much for my Dad, and my Momma, and my Hope. And thank you for loving me. Jesus' name, Amen".

You love going to pre-school. You love Miss Brandie and Miss Tricia, your sweet teachers. You also have little friends that you enjoy: Axton, Max, Madison, Lily Kate, Landon, and Lola. You love playing, singing, doing crafts, and the routine of it all. You know letters, the pledge of allegiance, colors, and so many other things because of your early education. I don't love having to work, but isn't it grand that through my job you are able to get a great head start on learning and socialization?

You are a boy. All boy. You delight in the gross. You enjoy telling me, "Momma, I toot". You giggle. I try not to laugh, and you finally finish with "excuse me". Silly boy.

You are a family man. You LOVE your Jeje, Mimi, Pawpa, Poppy, and cousins. There is nothing that excites you more than spending time with your family. And they love you so much. How could they not?

I don't know if you'll ever potty train. You aren't interested. I hope when I write your 4 year letter, we are celebrating!

I just want you to know how sweet the last three years have been. Being your mom is more wonderful than I will ever be able to explain. I pray I am worthy of the gift of you.

Son, I have so many dreams for you. I want you to value education, to work hard, and to love others. I hope you will respect women, protect your sister, and be strong in your convictions. You crawled in my lap the other day as we watched the end of "Robin Hood" where he & maid Marion get married. You looked at me and said, "Momma, I'm going to get married and be a daddy". It melted my heart. I pray that you do! You have the best model in the world to follow.

More than anything, I hope that you find God- love him, learn about him, serve him, and share him. I hope I can show you how. God has such a special plan for your life. As much as I miss those sweet baby days, I am so excited to watch you grow and become a man. I hope you know that no matter where you go, what you choose, or what mistakes you make, I will always love you. You have brought more joy to me than I'll ever be able to describe. You are a gift from God, and I can't believe how lucky I am that God gave you to me.

Happy third birthday my big boy.

I'll love you forever,


Momma

The "Third" Question

The "Third" Question

Recently several of my friends have become pregnant with or given birth to their third child. Which has, in turn, caused some good natured teasing about when our third pregnancy will happen.

The truth is- I really don't know. Isaac was very much wanted, so much that after the months of infertility & miscarriage it hurt my heart too much to try any more. And 5 months of non-trying produced Isaac. The best surprise of my life. And Hope is what we refer to as our "one month miracle". We no more than decided to try and there she was. No drama. No fuss. No waiting. No miscarriage. Proof of God's healing in my once broken womb. Praise God.

How life has changed! Because of budget cuts resulting in decreased income for Ryland at work and my calling & choice to only work part time we are in a different place financially than we were with the other 2 pregnancies. I also have a rambunctious (almost) three year old, and a wide eyed curious one year old that I am chasing. My body has now been pregnant 5 times, twice were 40 week long ordeals. And I can't neglect the fact that I am a woman with past pregnancy issues who will be turning 30. The magic number for decreasing ease in becoming pregnant & having a healthy pregnancy.

Therefore I have all these thoughts swimming in my mind. All these reasons to wait or stop altogether. But I can't ignore the little ache I have to feel flutters and kicks and the roll of a little person inside my body, The joyful anticipation of a delivery, and the first glance of a face that you've never seen yet know so well, and the smell of a fuzzy newborn head.

In my heart I know I'm not ready yet, but I also know I'm not ready to be finished with this most precious season of my life.

This is a new experience- having my youngest child grow into toddlerhood with no new baby waiting in the wings. It makes me treasure Hope's milestones, and cry at just how big Isaac is.

I'm also aware of two things that are hard to swallow, but in different ways: 1) My body may never produce another baby. I know this. I accept this. And if this is God's will then I am ok. Not thrilled about it, but ok. God gave me more than I ever could have wanted with Isaac and Hope. Maybe I'm selfish to even want more. But I can't not want it. 2) God may surprise us with a pregnancy during a time when we are preventing it. I know several friends who have experienced this blessed surprise. God's plan and timing are perfect and this would be terrifying and wonderful. I hope in either circumstance I will have the strength to say, "thy will be done".

So as for now, I look forward to the future with Hope and Laughter- who knows what is to be?

Did I mention I might even want a fourth? That is another post entirely.

So, the third?

Yes, I hope so. I just don't know when.

A Super Summer Indeed

I am sitting in Marshall, Texas on a college campus in a four bedroom shoe-box apartment listening to Pandora radio. I am munching on a pop-tart and I have just put Isaac to sleep for the night. It is 9:27 PM. The last time I was on a college campus at 9:27 PM my night would have been just beginning, on the best of nights it would have included good friends, a walk on campus, a little studying and probably a trip to IHOP. Life has come full circle in four years......



Ryland is leading worship for a session of Super Summer Texas. This is a dream come true for him. And I am so proud that me and Isaac got to witness it. I started crying during worship tonight. Ryland was doing his song "A Thousand Singing". (It's Amazing! Buy it on I-TUNES! - SHAMELESS PLUG!!!) I looked at the little man in the stroller and the big man on stage and I was just overcome with how generous God is. Ryland is so talented and more than that, his heart is in it for all the right reasons. He genuinely desires to worship God and to help others do the same. Good singer/musicians that seek their own glory and a paycheck are a dime a dozen, I know a few too many of those unfortunately. Ry, you are fantastic and I am so proud of you- but mostly proud of the heart inside you. I can't wait to see what other adventures that God has for you. I am so glad that I get to do life with you, my best friend.



We took Isaac to the doctor for his 4 month check-up last week. I cannot believe that we have had this sweet boy for 4 months already. Time flies. He is 25 and 1/2 inches long (75-90%) , He weighs 14.7lbs. (just under the 50% mark), and his head circumference is in the 90% range. The doctor said his brains must be growing a lot. :) He got shots which always hurts me to watch. And we got the green light to start him on rice cereal. He sleeps a 10-12 hour stretch through the night starting at about 9 Pm. He has also learned to roll from his tummy to his back, and uses his exersaucer to practice for the day when he will walk. He babbles a lot, we talk all the time. And EVERYTHING goes in his mouth. He is happy, full of laughs and smiles and absolutely charms me. I know all Mommas arfe probably enchanted by their children but I just look at him and melt. He is the most special thing I have ever laid eyes on, this side of heaven. I just wonder what God has planned for him. I pray that I get many years to watch and be a part of his life.



Our pastor spoke recently about using your gift to share the gift of salvation with others. I don't really know what my "gift" is, but he mentioned blogging specifically. I don't know who is out there in the world that reads my blog. I don't think that I write anything that is too terribly interesting that would make anyone outside of my friends and family take notice, but on the chance that there is, I just want to throw this out to the universe: There is a God, the one and only. He sent his son, Jesus into the world. Jesus was perfect. He never gossiped, or got snippy with his spouse. He never lied, cheated, stole or hurt anyone. He was without sin. He came to be a servant and to bring love. He died in the most heinous way imagineable. He did it because he loves me. He loves you too and wants to know you. He paid for every bad thing that you and I have ever done and will ever do. If you are interested in knowing the creator of the universe, please respond to this blog. I'd love to share with you. I am not crazy. I won't come to your house and make you wear a robe and shave your head and throw away your beer. I just want you to know and share in the best thing that has ever happened to me. I want to share the secret to eternal life with you. Interested???



On the topic of salvation, I have never quite thought about it as much as I have since Isaac was born. Obviously, it is the most important thing in this life, but it is the one thing that no matter what I do, or say, or buy, I cannot provide that for Isaac. But of all the things the world has to offer, it is the thing that I desire most for him. I pray all the time that even now, God shows himself to Isaac and whispers a call into his ears. While I was pregnant my Dad even made the point that Isaac can choose never to believe, never to follow. I can't even imagine the heartbreak that would overcome a parent that has to deal with an unbelieving child at any age. I pray that I never have to know how that feels, but my heart goes out to anyone out there dealing with this. Salvation is a precious gift, bought with a great price.

Good night with love from Texas. God is good and just keeps getting better. All my love,

Mindy :)