Maternity Skinny Jeans: An Oxymoron

As a lover of fall- I am so happy with the recent trend of long (read: covering the hiney) cardigans, tunics, and baggy sweaters, paired with leggings or skinny jeans and boots. (English teacher friends: I am almost sure I just committed several punctuation crimes. Forgive me.)

From time to time I enjoy shopping and cruising pinterest for what the young folks are wearing, even though I am usually wearing a mom-i-form that is closer to yoga pants and t-shirts from high school. I am not super stylish, but I think I have occasional cute days with my limited resources and budget.

It is late August and I am due to have my last ever baby in December. Here in Oklahoma the only thing certain about our weather is its unpredictability. But I am hopeful that it will eventually cool off enough for me to want to wear my fall staple of skinny jeans and boots. So I purchased a pair of dark indigo maternity skinny jeans and black leggings online.

I was so excited to try them both on when they came in yesterday. I tried on the super soft, full panel, black leggings first and instantly declared them my new favorite pants. Soft, comfy, perfect with long tees and a jacket. Good to dress up for and evening out, or to kick around the house in. In short, I was in love. Pregnancy perfection. Naturally I was excited to proceed to my skinny jeans which were sure to be a hit.

Note: I own several other pairs of jeans, pants, and skinny jeans that are the same brand and size. They fit just fine. No problem.

I put on the jeans and attempted to pull them up. Attempted. They got stuck on my pregnant ham-hock thighs. Allegedly they were stretchy, but I found them not to budge at all. The top of the pants stopped somewhere around my hiney crack. They were so freakishly tight. So I made the choice to do whatever any self respecting woman would do. I pulled up the navy, stretchy, belly covering material and went to the kitchen to show my husband.

This is mean, but sometimes it is fun to wear something that you know is heinous to watch the man you love writhe uncomfortably as he tries not to say anything stupid. The conversation went something like this:

Me: Honey, do you like my new jeans?

Ryland: (Eyes huge, fear covering his face.) Those are cute.

Me: Are you serious? These are so tight that I look like someone who belongs in a "people of Wal-Mart" picture. I'm returning them.

Ryland: Ok. Thank goodness!

Y'all, they were an abomination. Skin tight with a major muffin top. Bad. Blech. Vom. Whatever you are imagining, it was worse.

Then I danced in them. It was a twerking/booty dance hybrid, except pregnant, and not sexy. My people laughed and then I crisco'd myself down enough to peel off the jeans so that I could breathe deeply again. Sweet freedom.

I will be returning them post-haste.

I told my sweet husband that I was planning to blog about this unfortunate experience, to which he timidly replied, "I don't really know how to say this, but, you aren't going to post a picture are you?".

"I'm too vain for that." I said. He exhaled, clearly relieved. And I threatened to punch him if he ever spoke of "the jeans" ever again.

Why couldn't I have been pregnant when gaucho pants were in style? Stretchy, loose, glorious, perfect for achieving a non-muffin-top style. Please ladies, for the love of future preggos everywhere, let's bring back the gauchos.

Maternity Skinny Jeans. Oxymoron.

A Tribute to My Friend

Lexus came into my house for the first time in a tiny dog carrier about a week after being spayed in the late spring of 2007. She was to be my foster dog.  She had just left a 12 week old litter of puppies and had a fear of everything. She also had a painful and chronic foot condition caused by grass awns. I reached into her crate to pet her and she flinched. When she finally came out she immediately had an accident on the floor only to quickly retreat back into the safety of her crate. She came to us through Lucky Star Cavalier Rescue who purchased her at a puppy mill auction in Missouri. I was dealing with the heartbreak of two miscarriages a few months earlier and fostering Lexus was to be my summer project, my distraction from the grief.

She was hot natured and loved a good vent.

It took Lexus a few days to feel safe enough to venture outside of her crate to do more than eat or potty, and it took her a few weeks to trust me enough to approach me for petting, months for Ryland, and years for strangers. I'd hold her everyday and pet her, showing her that despite the abuse she'd known in her former life, that people can be kind. Rehabilitating her was therapy for me too. Watching her progress thrilled me. And in some way helped me deal with my grief.

The time came for us to say goodbye to Lexus as we found a forever home for her. She was adopted by my veterinarian and his wife. I was relieved that she'd be going to live with a kind person who would always be able to care for her. I had grown attached to her and cried for a week after giving her away. I kind of felt like she had become mine. And that I was her person.

Always such a pretty girl.

After 6 weeks I took my 2 dogs in for a routine vet visit and in the course of the visit my vet tearfully told me how Lexus had failed to bond with he and his wife, she'd tried to escape, and had been very destructive. He said he felt terribly guilty and wanted to return her to the rescue organization for re-homing. I did a happy dance and bullied my husband into letting us keep her. She was mine and I couldn't bear to let go of her again.

I arranged to pick her up the next day, and when she saw me, I swear she smiled. There was tail wagging, happy noises, and dog-joy like I'd never seen before. She sat in my lap, tongue-out, head out the window as I took her HOME.

Younger and healthy.

Time passed and we made great memories:

* the time she tree'd a squirrel and nearly caught it- she was so proud!

* the way she'd collect all her dog toys and put them in her bed like puppies

* her chronic need to over-eat

* her Houdini like escape abilities

* her first time to see Isaac, she'd sniff his baby hiney and alert us to his dirty diapers, she also hated to hear him cry

* the way she never got aggressive or even attempted to bite- she was the most gentle dog I've ever known

* the way Hope talked to her in her "dog" voice

* the time a nest of baby bunnies fell victim to her even though she was already hard of hearing and vision. Traumatic for us- victory for her.

* the way she snored loud enough to rattle the walls

Those are the things that I'll keep in my heart as I face today and the days after without my dog.

Spot the real puppies.

For months I've been worried about her. Her body has been in decline. Between the episodes of grass awns, a heart murmur, and her hips that don't really function due to birthing too many pups too young, she doesn't have the joy and vigor that she once did. She has become increasingly dependent on me to move her from room to room and her separation anxiety is heart wrenching- she'll cry for me even though I'm only a room away. With her heart condition she is not a candidate for surgery and even if she was it would only prolong a life that no longer has much quality. She is confined only to the carpeted areas of our home which are small and not often close enough to me for her comfort. After reading about my friend Mandy's decision to let go of her Macy (http://soonerstospartans.blogspot.com/?m=1) , talking with my friend who is a vet, and hearing the relief in the voice of my mom when I told her my decision, I realized that the kindest thing I can do is to let go of Lexus.

I cannot medically do anymore to help her, and as I get more pregnant and soon wrapped in the demands of a newborn, I cannot give her relief from pain or enough of me to keep her happy. I firmly believe Lexus would go on for much longer for me. She loves me more than any other person or thing on earth. To her I am perfect and flawless- I am and always have been her person. So today as I say goodbye I am thankful. Thankful that she helped me in the darkest season of my life. Thankful that she endured the "love" inflicted on her by two toddlers. Thankful for her meekness, gentle demeanor, and the joy she received simply from sitting at my feet.

Resting with Isaac.

So I held her and kissed her head as she peacefully went to sleep this morning. My heart aches but I take comfort in knowing that her body is at rest. She'll never know pain again, and it's been a long time since she hasn't known pain.

Last nap in my lap.

Farewell my sweet friend. If lap dogs are allowed in heaven then I hope you'll wait by the fireplace in my house there. Goodness knows that you were a dog who'd deserve it.  You were very loved and will be greatly, greatly missed.

Hiccups

This tiny little girl in my tummy, that I've yet to lay eyes on, except through some grainy ultrasound pictures, learned a new trick this week and has been performing it after dinner.

She hiccups.

Having been pregnant 6 times and carried 2 babies full term I have come to love the bouncing of a wiggly baby with hiccups in my belly. It is a sweet, comforting feeling. Something both foreign and familiar all rolled into one. It is one of the things I will miss when I cross the finish line of child bearing.

I've never felt any of my babies hiccup this early in any pregnancy, in fact I've never felt any of my babies move as early as I've felt Eden. I thought it was odd that the flutters of early pregnancy happened so soon, but just chalked it up to the fact that I know what I'm feeling because I've been pregnant so many times in recent years.

And then last week I had my ultrasound. I found answers. Mostly good ones. A few that I'm trusting God to take care of.

The ultrasound revealed several things:

1) I am having a sweet baby girl. She's already very lady-like. She kept her legs crossed almost the entire time. I got scared thinking she was never going to shows us her tiny baby parts. But alas, she did, and she is a she.

2) The ultrasound tech estimated that Eden is 2 ounces heavier than the average at this stage in development. This thrills me because I have always wanted a chubby, rolly poly baby. I love my two little string beans but Eden may be the child that gives me the chub I've always dreamed of. Stay chunky, baby girl.

3) My placenta is low and in the back. Therefore I am able to feel everything (like freakishly early hiccups) due to less cushion between my body and the baby. This also earned me a bonus ultrasound. The placenta can grow and move as pregnancy progresses, but if it doesn't then I could be at risk for placenta previa, which could or could not cause complications like (bed rest or c-section) at the end of my pregnancy. The same thing happened with Hope, and it moved. I am praying for the same thing this time.

4) EIF- Echogenic Intracardiac Focus- what the crap is that? It is basically a bright spot that shows up in the heart during ultrasound. It is very common, happening in an estimated 1 in 30 second trimester ultrasounds. When it is an isolated issue like mine, meaning no other abnormalities are present, there is usually no cause for concern. Most doctors don't do any follow up testing. It is considered a variation of normal. My doctor said that in his practice, he's never seen an isolated case of EIF result in a baby with any kind of issue. He said that on a freak out scale of 1 to 10 that this is maybe a 1. There is some debate among researchers that in a worst case scenario situation that EIF could be a risk factor for Down's Syndrome. I hope I've made a good case for why this will all be ok, but it is scary when your tiny baby's heart looks weird. There's a good chance that the EIF will not go away until delivery, so it may still be present at the next ultrasound, but again, I am choosing to literally leave Eden's heart in God's hands. He is her creator and maker, her form isn't hidden from Him, He loves her and sees her, and as I feel her little bouncy hiccups on the outside, he fully knows every cell and mechanism. I pray that it is nothing, but if it is something, I pray that God will prepare me to handle it. I will love Eden regardless, I already do.

So I praise Him. For the chance to feel Eden in my womb. For the potentially chubby little body He gave her. For the placenta that will keep her safe and fed until the day we meet. And for her little heart that I already pray will be filled with love for her Savior.

And for the hiccups. The reassurance that she's ok. That something normal is happening. And that for this season and this moment that I get to share it with her, just the two of us. Thank you Jesus. Thank you for the hiccups that help us to trust you even more.

4: A Letter to My Big Boy

My Sweet Isaac,

Someday, many years from now, you'll look back on your life. If you are like me, it will naturally divide itself into very distinct chapters.

Less Than 2 Weeks Old You.

My chapters look like this:

Chapter 1: My Childhood: Mullets, Music, and Magic
Chapter 2: And Then There Was Ryland....
Chapter 3: College, Marriage, and Teaching
Chapter 4: The Infertility Fog
Chapter 5: God Gave Me You
Chapter 6: Tunia, the One Month Whirlwind
Chapter 7: (TBA, In Progress, Under Construction)

Beautiful new you.

6 -Month-Old, Sitting-Up, You.

 

9-Month-Old, Crawling, You.

Chapter 6, your chapter started exactly 4 years ago. I spent a day in labor with you amazing Dad. We had waited for years and figuratively climbed deserts and swam oceans to get to that sweet day. Then you came. Angels danced and a waiting room full of praying family members rejoiced. Years of saddness melted away for me, and you were one of the greatest gifts in my life.

1st Birthday, Cupcake Face, You.

I cannot believe that I've taken 4 rides around the sun with you. I will treasure those sweet first weeks and months of your life where my joy was to sit and hold you and talk to you for hours. What a gift it was as I watched you roll, sit up, crawl, walk, run! The sweetest music was the first "momma" you spoke. As you discovered your first books, tastes of food, movies, and friendships, you brought me along and I got to experience the thrill of rediscovering them with you.

20-Month-Old, Halloween Costume, You.

And now you are spelling words, recognizing and writing letters, loving your friends, playing sports, and growing. Your love for God and tender heart for people is inspiring. You love bigger than anyone I've ever known.

2-Year-Old, Painfully Cute, You.

 

You are excited about everything. You enjoy everything and make the best out of every situation. Sometimes you ask deep questions, and understand things far beyond your years. You are a constant reminder of God's goodness, and not a day goes by that I am not thankful that God chose me (ME!) to be your Mom. No one deserves a child as wonderful as you, but I am glad for the opportunity.

2-and-a-half, Silly, You.

My prayer for you is that you will be brave, that you will love God more than anything, and that you will become more and more like God as you grow. I pray that your innocence will stick for a LOOONG time, that life won't make you jaded, that you won't worry about the small stuff. I hope you'll find a girl that loves you (almost as much as me) and that you'll love her and care for you just like your Dad does for me. Speaking of your Dad- you already love music and are a song-bird like him. You are sweet like him. And you have the cutest little tushkin just like him. (Go ahead, be embarrassed, someone has to preserve your history!)

3rd Birthday, First Friend Party, You.

Isaac, I love you more than you'll ever know. I love that you are the one that made a Mom out of me 4 years ago. I love that I am the receipient of all of the hugs, questions, and memories, that will form your Chapter 1. It is an honor that I take seriously, I hope I help you to write it well.

You. 2 Weeks Ago. Perfect.

I hope that someday that my Chapter 6 ends with "......and he changed the world." My big boy, no longer a baby, I believe you can.

Love , Momma

New Years Expectations

I bet she doesn't even realize what an impact this had on me.

My SIL, Jilian, is a pretty amazing lady. She was the top selling realtor in her company last year, is a mother of three, and is a crazy talented singer. And between this, she sometimes drops out helpful life tidbits that change people's lives.

She told me several lifetimes ago how she and her husband wrote new years expectations for their family that was much smaller then. I don't know if their family still does that. But as I thought it over, I think that an expectation for yourself is much more powerful than an easily broken resolution.

Last year my hubby and I did this and hung our carefully handwritten on notebook paper list in our closet where we'd each see it everyday. We set goals for ourselves, "us" goals, and goals for each of our kids. When we'd reach a goal, I'd write the month we achieved it and mark it off of the list. We marked most items off, but there were a few that we let slide.

When I write my expectations, my inner teacher comes out. I think back to all the time I was asked to write SMART goals as an educator. SMART goals are goals that are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Time-bound. I tried to stick to this as I wrote my hopes for this year.

I don't feel that it's my place to share my hubby's goals but here is a (slightly) edited list of some of our goals for 2013. Again, this is not all- just a select few that don't open us up for as much judgement.

Here are some of mine:
1) Meal Plan a month at a time. January is hanging on my fridge as we speak. Check.
2) Blog once weekly, or roughly 52 times this year.
3) Run another 5K.
4) Memorize a new verse every month this year. I'm starting with Micah 6:8- "He has shown you, oh mortal, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.

We:
1) Are really praying that this year will be the year we become totally debt free. All we lack is some (stupid) medical debt.
2) Want to vacation again this year. It was too wonderful last year, not to mention great for the ole marriage.
3) Want to go on at least 15 dates this year. Very ambitious.

Isaac:
1) Learn to recognize every letter of the alphabet and number. He knows some, but my teacher heart wants more!

Hope:
OK, I lied. I'm sharing one of Ry's.
1) He wants to take Hope on a planned, monthly Daddy date. How sweet is that? How lucky is Hope?

Again, these are a few of a list of roughly 28 goals. I'm hoping that we end the year with a list full of highlighted items. But I also know that God could always have bigger and better plans. I'm optimistic about 2013. I hope you are too.

Do you make any resolutions? Goals? Expectations? If so, what are they?

2012 Russell Family Digital Christmas Card- the Late Edition

I usually post an end of year wrap up on my blog before Christmas as a "Russell Family Digital Christmas Card". And I usually do it before Christmas , but at the moment it is December 26 and I am in the car on my way to see my hubby's family in Chickasha. It has been a wonderfully busy Christmas season and I haven't had the time to sit and formulate ideas like I wanted to. As I have stated several times, my intent for my blog is to be a gift and a chronicle to my kids. The end of year letter is the "Cliff's Notes" version of each year, so it is important to me to finish it.


This makes me want to cry. She was so tiny in January!

A brother/sister moment.

A midwinter zoo trip.

January - We rang in the new year at home with my Mom and Dad. I tried my best to re-create some of my favorite dishes from the now defunct Bahama Breeze in OKC. I made jerk chicken pasta, Cuban bread, chocolate tres leches, and Mimi Cyndi's mandarin orange salad. I started the year with my sweet but still-in-diapers boy and my tiny, baby, pacifier sucking, barely walking/talking, diaper wearing baby girl. Ryland and I did something different this year with our New Years resolutions. We wrote family expectations. We wrote personal goals, marriage goals, and goals for our kids. Happily, we reached many of them and we made great progress towards many others. Being the visual person that I am, I highlighted/marked off each goal as we reached it. At year's end, I am happy to report that there are more things highlighted and marked off than left blank. The kids both had yucky ear infections most of this month which resulted in many doctor's visits and bills.

Tunia's surgery with her happy napper and paci.

Isaac cried when he found out we couldn't keep his tiger gown.

My husband indoctrinating our children early.

February- My honey turned 28 and my baby boy turned 3. We celebrated Isaac's birthday with an indoor pool party with his best buddies and we took our annual trip to Arkansas to celebrate with Mimi and Poppy. Isaac and Hope both received new tubes & lost their adenoids within 5 days of each other. That was not fun, but we were so glad to see them have relief after months of ear infections and the sickies.


Isaac grew out his stache for his party, but we made him shave it.

Isaac and his buddies at his party.


The birthday boy at Aunt C's homecoming.

 

March- We happily marked off several New Years Expectations! My Isaac finally became potty trained. We were overjoyed that after several hard-fought days he decided to be a big boy. He did great and has had very few accidents. We also paid off our last car in an effort to be completely debt free. Mimi, Poppy, Aunt Hilary, and Uncle Hayden came to visit us and we got to take Hil and Hay to see the Hunger Games on opening night. Isaac also started his first season of soccer. He did more sitting & flower picking than scoring and assisting but he looked adorable in his white sweatband and cleats. Hopey quit the paci for good. She really quit being a baby after this, she literally started speaking in complete sentences.

My soccer star.

April- I reached a personal goal by completing my first 5K. I finished at a time that was better than what I anticipated, and it felt great! We had our annual Easter service at Central and as usual, I was so proud of my husband's creativity and God given gift of leading others in worship.

First "tigtails".

May- It was the end of the kids & my school year at GCK. We left on the last day of school to celebrate the retirement of my sweet friend, Donna Burkey, and to attend high school graduation parties for our cousins/greatly loved ones- Dana, Carly, Jordan, Mary Ann, Mary Kathleen and we had to miss Brittany's but we love her too!

Mothers Day gifts.

June- Daddy left for a few weeks of camp season and the kids and I enjoyed summer session at GCK. We spent lots of time swimming at Miss Ash-a-ley's house and being lazy. We overnighted at KMAK with Daddy and grieved when our beloved OKC Thunder lost the NBA title to the Miami Heat.

Big girl bed.

The sweetest picture of Hope and her Daddy.

The big boy bed.

July- We celebrated Independence Day at the Kaiser Hood Pig Roast. Our friends Jase and Riley joined us two days a week to play. We spent a week at Greers Ferry in Arkansas with both sides of Ryland's family. We did a lot of boating, swimming, eating, and just being together.

Dock time.

Cousins at breakfast.

August- I got a wild hair and cleaned out and re-organized every closet, cabinet, and drawer in the house. It took the whole month. Geesh. I had a nasty case of strep throat. Yuck. We moved Hopey from her crib to a toddler bed, and Isaac from a toddler bed to a big bunk bed. My cousin Riann and her husband Trent, and big brother Parker welcomed their gorgeous baby girl, Karla "Sloan" at the end of the month. Isaac and Hope were immediately smitten with baby "Fwoan".

September- The kids and I packed our backpacks and headed back to school. The kids loved their teachers and were excited to be back with their friends. Sadly we lost our precious Pawpa Kenneth to a very rare brain disease. We miss him dearly but we are so thankful that we know that we will see him again someday. The theme of his life was quiet service to those who had needs. He gave generously of his time, talents, and treasure, and was truly the hands and feet of God. He is one of the kindest men I've ever known. I'm so proud that I had the privilege to marry into and raise a new generation of his legacy.

Us.

First day of school.

First day of school.

We miss you Kenneth.

October- My tiny, spicy, fun, little rinka (princess) turned 2. We celebrated with a pumpkin patch party with some of her dear friends. And I turned 29 again. Ok, I turned 30. My husband took me to Galveston where we boarded a cruise ship, set sail for Cozumel, and spent 4 glorious days on the ocean. It had been nearly 4 years since we had spent more than 1 night alone together and I had no idea how much I missed Ryland Russell, my best friend. At home we are so often mom, dad, music guy, preschool teacher, fixer, diaper changer, cook-er, clean-er, do-er. It was refreshing to be us, the old us, the us who fell in love and had a history before kids and jobs and lives. For the record, we are insanely thankful for the kids, jobs, and lives that we have, but a respite gave us time to reconnect, clear our minds, and come home refreshed. It was just what we needed. I'm sad we didn't do it sooner! We came home to our pukey boy. And a week later my sweet hubby planned a surprise party for me with some of my very best people. I was loved into my 30's for sure. We celebrated Halloween as grapes ( Ryland and I ) and the kids were Buzz Lightyear and Baby Buzz.



Cinderella and Grapes.

 

Hope's birthday hayride.

 

Hope's birthday cook-in

 

Me and my boyfriend.

 

Buzz and Baby Buzz.

November- I spent the first weekend in November helping my parents to move my baby brother to San Antonio. When the lovely (and by lovely I mean completely horrible) moving company, All Star Movers didn't do what they said they would do, we ended up having fun anyways. We're Harmons, that's what we do. At the Russell house we decked our halls early. The kids helped and absolutely loved having our home draped in the colors of the season. We spent Thanksgiving with all four sides of our families and came home stuffed, loved, and exhausted. My little girl came home and decided that she was over diapers and promptly potty trained herself. No joke. She started "going" on her own, has had very few accidents, and even stays dry most nights. I am simultaneously weirded out and completely amazed. Way to go baby! Her determination served her well this time. My sweet hubby went in to high gear with his preparations for our church Christmas musical.

Random, every day antics from these two.

December- December is always a marathon month for us. Holiday parties, family gatherings, Christmas musical, and other little fun bits. We loved watching "the Grunch", "necorating" Christmas trees in the kids rooms, and getting deliveries from our elf Sherry, to put in our nativity. Our church's Christmas musical was my husband's best ever. Everything was perfect from the music, to the special effects, the drama, the videography, it was amazing. You can watch it here: http://vimeo.com/55698999 . My preschool music program was the next week. The highlight was a 27 piece nativity made entirely of pre-k cuties as the sang a song called "Was He a Boy Like Me". Ryland and I took the kids to visit Santa at Bass Pro Shop. Isaac asked for a "whiting mckeen gi-tawr" and new Toy Story friends, Hope wanted "Anastic Inastics Dora". We ended the evening with a visit to the lights at Rhema and dinner at Teds. We attended the Owasso Christmas parade. We had parties with our staff, choir, Sunday school class, polar express at the preschool,and then had Christmas celebrations with (deep breath) ... The Harmon's at the Scully's, the Russell/Gardners at our House, the Clapp's at the Upton's, the Harmon's at my parents, and the stinking stupid snow that wasn't bad except for where we were headed delayed us for a day but then we celebrated with Gram Rosie at her place, and the Russell/Rose/Allen/ Burruss families at Angie's. I returned home with my husband, kids, a mountain of gifts, and a bad cold. Santa brought my kids all they wanted and even though it is a lot, and is rushed, we are so thankful that we have so many beloved family members that want to spend time with us. It is wonderful. And my kids are so blessed with family that adores them.

My favorite Christmas picture of '12.

The Russell babies with Mimi and Poppy.

Christmas eve with Jeje and Pawpa.

2012 has been a peaceful year. There have been some sad and stressful moments, but it has mostly been a season of good health, happy marriage, and uneventful life. I know that in the years where life has been stressful and hard that my character and faith have been strengthened, but in a year where there has been rest and sabbath I have been made keenly aware of how sweet and blissful the small moments are. God is in the small stuff- kids potty training, snuggling, dishes, laundry, running, pre-school, and vacations. The small stuff, and our gratitude for it, are just as important as the monumental life changers to God. He is in it all, He doesn't miss a thing, and it all passes through his hands. For that I am thankful.

 

I am finishing the editing process today: December 30, 2012. Less than 48 hours from 2013. I have no idea what my future holds. I have no idea what my letter will say this time next year, if I am blessed enough to be here to write it in a year. I hope it says that we prayerfully considered buying a home, that we are somewhere in a continuum of bringing a new person into our family (not an announcement- just a hope at the moment), that my kids and husband are healthy and well, and that I know then just as I know now that God is good, He is for me, and He loves you and I, whoever "you" may be.

Dear friends, God bless you in 2013. I pray that you'd find something in every day and hour and minute to be thankful for. I guarantee that you won't have to look far.

 Merry Late Christmas and Happy Early New Year.

From Me and My Forever Boyfriend.

 

 

Get By With a Little Help...

For a grown up like myself, there are lots of figurative giants out in the world- the economy, a mortgage, saving for retirement, college funds, your firstborn heading to kindergarten.

When you are two, there are literal giants- like the big slide on the playground.

Here you stand, 30 inches tall and this behemoth, yellow, curly slide looms over you. It is a literal Colossus at age 2. It may have well been a skyscraper to Hope's little eyes.

I watched something quite beautiful transpire between my kids at the park.

Hope climbed all the way to the top of the jungle gym and looked at me from the top of the slide. I shouted encouragements and promises to catch her from the ground that must have seemed miles away below her. And she climbed her way to the safety of a lower ledge. It wasn't enough for her this time that Momma was there waiting. It was still too risky.

Isaac, a seasoned playground veteran, watched his sister struggle. He slowed down, climbed the where she was and put his hand on the small of her back. He leaned down, like an adult talks to a child and talked to her. He said, "Sis, don't be scared to go down the big slide. It's not scary."

He lead her to the top of the slide, where she stopped, still not quite convinced. Isaac said, "Sissy, you can watch me do it." He slid down and yelled from the bottom, "See sis, I'm a big boy."

She hesitated at the top as Isaac climbed his way back up. He looked at her and said, "C'mon sis, we can do it together."

He patiently helped her sit down and folded his arms and legs around her and helped her slide down. They hit the bottom and he cheered for her, calling her a big girl. She beamed at the praise from her hero. I cheered too, through the tears under my sunglasses and the giant lump in my throat.

They aren't always sweet and encouraging to each other, quite the opposite sometimes, but I hope that long after their Daddy and I are gone that they still love each other, and encourage the other through their fears. It was one of those moments that this Momma never wants to forget.

My cup runneth over.

Even on their sweet days, they still don't pose for Mom's camera.