The "Third" Question

The "Third" Question

Recently several of my friends have become pregnant with or given birth to their third child. Which has, in turn, caused some good natured teasing about when our third pregnancy will happen.

The truth is- I really don't know. Isaac was very much wanted, so much that after the months of infertility & miscarriage it hurt my heart too much to try any more. And 5 months of non-trying produced Isaac. The best surprise of my life. And Hope is what we refer to as our "one month miracle". We no more than decided to try and there she was. No drama. No fuss. No waiting. No miscarriage. Proof of God's healing in my once broken womb. Praise God.

How life has changed! Because of budget cuts resulting in decreased income for Ryland at work and my calling & choice to only work part time we are in a different place financially than we were with the other 2 pregnancies. I also have a rambunctious (almost) three year old, and a wide eyed curious one year old that I am chasing. My body has now been pregnant 5 times, twice were 40 week long ordeals. And I can't neglect the fact that I am a woman with past pregnancy issues who will be turning 30. The magic number for decreasing ease in becoming pregnant & having a healthy pregnancy.

Therefore I have all these thoughts swimming in my mind. All these reasons to wait or stop altogether. But I can't ignore the little ache I have to feel flutters and kicks and the roll of a little person inside my body, The joyful anticipation of a delivery, and the first glance of a face that you've never seen yet know so well, and the smell of a fuzzy newborn head.

In my heart I know I'm not ready yet, but I also know I'm not ready to be finished with this most precious season of my life.

This is a new experience- having my youngest child grow into toddlerhood with no new baby waiting in the wings. It makes me treasure Hope's milestones, and cry at just how big Isaac is.

I'm also aware of two things that are hard to swallow, but in different ways: 1) My body may never produce another baby. I know this. I accept this. And if this is God's will then I am ok. Not thrilled about it, but ok. God gave me more than I ever could have wanted with Isaac and Hope. Maybe I'm selfish to even want more. But I can't not want it. 2) God may surprise us with a pregnancy during a time when we are preventing it. I know several friends who have experienced this blessed surprise. God's plan and timing are perfect and this would be terrifying and wonderful. I hope in either circumstance I will have the strength to say, "thy will be done".

So as for now, I look forward to the future with Hope and Laughter- who knows what is to be?

Did I mention I might even want a fourth? That is another post entirely.

So, the third?

Yes, I hope so. I just don't know when.