Have I Thanked You? Fuzzy Wedding Day Memories

Have I Thanked You? Fuzzy Wedding Day Memories

I took a long car trip recently and had a few hours to sit and think. I was driving through Osage county where the ghosts of my past reside. My mind went back to early summer of 2005. I had just graduated from college, was soon-to-be married and was in the process of saying goodbye to my Grandpa who was battling cancer.

As fate would have it, my Grandpa passed 5 days before my wedding. In fact, he told me the last time we spoke that he wouldn't be there. I told him that I understood and that it was ok for him to go.

It was my Grandma's wish that all go on as planned. We would spend Tuesday and Wednesday planning the funeral, we would celebrate Grandpa's life and lay him to rest on Thursday, have the wedding rehearsal on Friday, and get hitched on Saturday afternoon. The term emotional rollercoaster has never been more relevant.

God was good to my family. He gave us the fuel to get through the week. He gave us laughs when we desperately needed them and a tremendous amount of friends to lean on. And best of all- we were together. Something I miss now that two family pillars are missing and my cousins and I are in the throes of relocations and child rearing mania.

I thought of the days leading up to my wedding. Grief is no excuse for bad behavior. I hope I showed my gratitude to the friends and family. I am going to make a late at best attempt to mention some of you here. My sincere apologies if your name is absent. I am sure that there are holes in my memory.

Angie & Teresa- The Aunts everyone wants to inherit by marriage. If you were at my wedding you probably noticed the amazing Kentucky rose floral arrangements, center pieces, cake topper, bouquets, and boutineirres. Angie, Teresa, and Gram Mary worked tirelessly to transform FBC Barnsdall into something even more beautiful than I could ever have imagined or been able to afford. My reception had a custom made gazebo that turned a gym into something insanely lovely. I will never be able to repay their time and love that was put into every detail. They made my day. Everything beautiful was their doing. They created my fairy tale. Thank you.

Douglas Phillips- Hair god. Douglas did my hair and most of my bridal party. We were hotties. He also went above & beyond, he took time off to come to the ceremony and rescued me from a hair emergency when my veil fell off 20 minutes before go time. I also loved that my cousin Leigh and BFf Morgan helped save the day when I discovered my veil had been left at home on the way to have our hair done. Morgan and Carly retrieved it and Leigh & the girls took me to get started. What a fun memory! Thank you.

My MIL Cyndi- The hostess with the mostess. I had a beautiful "Tuscan" rehearsal dinner with candle dripped wine bottles, grapes & cheese, grapevines, and my favorite touch- framed wedding photos of all the married friends/family members in attendance. We ate pastas from Zio's. Speeches were given, tears shed, and two families came together. I loved every minute. Thank you.

Emily Atterberry- the faux bride. The bride never plays herself in rehearsal. I was "Emily" at her wedding so she could watch. Emily stepped in and was me. I grew up wanting to be like Emily, if only in wedding rehearsals, I was! Thanks, Em.

Chris Scully- My cousin/hero. Chris slipped me a wad of money on my way to our get away car and told me to spend it on something frivolous on our honeymoon. Maybe he knew what life is like as a broke newlywed. But I love that he did that. Thank you.

Aunt Glenda and Aunt Karla- Super Aunts. Along with (wo)man power from Grannie B and my cousins, my bridal luncheon was provided for the wedding party. We had chicken salad croissants, fruit salad, and strawberry lemonade. It was beautiful and delicious. It was above and beyond. Thank you. I wish Aunt Karla were here to read my blog. Hopefully it would make her laugh sometimes. I miss her laugh.

Highland Park Baptist Church- Our First. HPBC was our first experience in ministry. Those were the salad days! We loved that group so much. They brought a whole van full of people to our wedding 2 and a half hours away. That was so precious. They were great at support and celebrations. Thank you.

John, Kelly, Jamie, Staci, Jil, Haley, and Cory Lynne- Oklahoma's Got Talent. Thanks for making the trip and making my wedding so pleasant to listen to. It was like being at a concert. As a music lover it was everything I wanted. Maybe it was a little long but worth it! Thank you for preparing & performing. I watch you ever June 18 on DVD.

Kenyon- Reverend Uncle Geezer. Ryland's uncle did our counseling and our ceremony. It was heartfelt and funny. He did skip chapter six in our counseling. There are some topics uncles just don't want to talk about. Thank you.

Mom/Dad/Fred/Cyndi- Thanks for paying!

Maids/Men/Girls/Bearers/Ushers/Lighters- I hope you know we love you. Thanks for finding dresses, renting tuxes, and loving us despite having to stand on stage for 45 minutes.

Hilary- I'm so sorry you weren't a bridesmaid. I will forever regret that. If we ever renew our vows you are guaranteed the maid of honor spot! You saved the candle lighting day, but you are my sister now and I wish I would have had you standing on stage with me.

Steph- You were my sanity. That's all I can say. And we won't talk about what happened in the bathroom. All I can say is- I think we're even, pal.

I know I've neglected someone. I'm sincerely sorry.

To all the attendees, gift givers, supporters, friends- thank you all. I hope if anyone didn't get a thank you six years ago you are thanked now. I'm so glad to have such a sweet day in my memory. It was even made sweeter contrasted against the events if the wedding week. Regardless, God is good. I have more proof than one would ever need.

Magic Moments

Magic Moments

My kids are amazing. Not to say that all kids aren't amazing, because they are. God blessed all humans with such an amazing capacity to learn and develop! Just think, we are born only with reflexes, we are immobile, helpless, unable to communicate, basically blind, and completely dependent on others. But then miraculously, we grow, we get bigger, our fingers begin to grasp, our mind absorbs the world, objects become words, thoughts; everything has a name. Then we learn to have conversations- we express our thoughts in an exchange with another. We learn to love, help, share.

I gush simply to say that my kids are learning life so rapidly and it is my joy to watch them do it.

Hope is 10 months old. She says "momma" and "da da". She is crawling everywhere. She is pulling up and cruising. She is feeding herself table food but wants to try everything on everyone's plate. She is happy. She loves being held. She is still bald. She claps. She waves. She babbles constantly. She thinks her brother walks on water and that her daddy is perfection. She's right. And she is very skinny. At her 9 month appointment she weighed 14 pounds and 15oz. She was under the growth chart. The doctor gave me instructions to fatten her up. I think she perfect. I think she sparkles. She's everything I dreamed a daughter would be and I love her unabashedly. She develops more of a personality all the time and I can't wait to see how she turns out. We are already planning her rainbow themed first birthday party. Tear. It all goes so quickly.

At 2 and a half, Isaac is hungry. In several ways in fact. He eats all the time. His big loves are blueberries, pizza, chicken and fries, and barettos (burritos). He is hungry to learn. He want to know what things are, what you are doing, where we're going, he wants to read read read. I love that! He chooses 3 bedtime books and often chooses one of his several children's bibles. He is always quick to identify the mean guy- like Goliath or Daniel's conspirators. I want to teach him. I always pray that God is showing himself to my kids even now. I believe he'll answer that prayer. We have conversations. It is not just merely a declaration of what he wants- we talk, we exchange. Sometimes we even argue. He also has expanded his love for people. He is crazy about his grandparents, aunts/uncles/cousins, bit he also has friends at church, and his favorite babysitter, Kara, that he talks about and looks forward to seeing. He is a singer! He picks up songs quickly and then performs when he thinks there is no audience. He also has a peculiar case of what we call "pretendonitis". Whether he is playing with stuffed animals or dinosaurs they are always named after someone and there is always a conversation between the toys that ends in violence. 100% boy.

God didn't owe me children who are healthy and of strong mind. And there is no guarantee that they always will be, but in this moment, I am so grateful for the blessings on their lives. I love being their mother. And as these magic moments pass I am trying to be grateful and cram my memory full of the precious snapshots that make up the beautiful scrapbook of these years. All praise be to God. He does all things well.

Project McChubbin

Project McChubbin

I took Hope to the doctor last week for her (tear...) nine month well baby visit.

Hope has been very healthy besides having a few colds and one ear infection. Isaac had 6ish ear infections and got tubes and her age. Needless to say, I had no worries in regards to her health.

Her height and head circumference were in the 55th and 50th percentiles, respectively. But the doctor was concerned about her weight. She only weighs 14lbs and 15oz. For her age she has literally fallen off the chart. My doctor suggested more formula and more protein rich food.

So immediately the mommy guilt crashes down on me. I worry. I feel like I've given her too many veggies, not enough meat, kept her on my waning supply of breastmilk when she needed formula. Then I look at Isaac, who in my opinion, eats a ton, but you can count all of his ribs. What is she going to say about him next time I go in?

I try to do well in feeding my kids. Isaac eats tons of fruit: blueberries, strawberries, bananas, oranges, applesauce. He loves yogurt, cheese, and peanut butter sandwiches. I try to get him to drink at least 24 oz of whole milk a day, and he even indulges on some high calorie items like pizza and burritos. But he's tiny- just like Hope.

So suffice it to say- I have no idea what I'm doing and if it's wrong or right. I sat at the table with Isaac and prayed that God would give me wisdom and would make my kids adventurous eaters. That he would help me to fatten up my little bean poles in a project that I have codenamed "McChubbin". And as I said "Amen" Isaac looked at my plate and said, "Momma, I bite?" with is his way of asking for a bite. He had never tried what I was eating. God gave me a little glimpse of how much He cares even about the smallest things.

So I am putting my little shrimps in God's hands as I try to do the best I can for them, in their diets as well as on every area of their lives.

And I will say it again: I don't know how I got so lucky. God gave me the most incredible kids in the world, even if they are a little bit scrawny.

Cancer, Quitting, and Other Ponderings-Another List of Randoms

Cancer, Quitting, and Other Ponderings - Another Group of Randoms

One of my favorite things is my last "walk through" of my house before I go to bed. I go in my kids rooms to check on them and say one last little prayer before turning in. Seeing them in such a peaceful state, making their sweet little sleep noises, comforts me.

Sometimes I wish I could have another "secret" blog just simply to write about family/work/church/friend/job/whatever stuff that annoys me. You know, the kind of stuff you are feeling when you make a cryptic facebook status update and no one knows what you really mean?Then I could anonymously vent and feel better. I also wish i had a bunch of readers who would take my side and validate all the injustices I experience in the comments: "That is so unfair." "How rude!" "I can't believe that they were so inconsiderate!" My fictional readers would always have my back. (My grannie always said I was dramatic!) Or I could try and be more Christlike and get over stuff. The secret blog idea is probably much easier than the Christlikeness. What's a girl to do?I'm sure I NEVER annoy any of my previously mentioned groups. Ha!

My stinking dogs have fleas and after 3 rounds of flea meds, the little suckers still WON'T DIE! I'm going crazy, help!

I am having the hardest time losing my "Hope" weight. I have 10 pounds that won't budge. I have been training to run a 5k, trying to eat right and it's not moving. It is discouraging. My metabolism is not what it used to be. RIP pre-baby body.

I am one of the 5 people that did not keep up with the Casey Anthony trial. In the court of public opinion she is guilty but she was found not guilty in court. (Major Jesus juking ahead...) I don't know if she did it. I am not her judge & jury & God is the only one who does know. I am sickened that people will get up in arms over this but give no thought to the MILLIONS of women who have now murdered an entire generation of unborn children. It is tragic that any child should die at the hands of a mother who's duty is to protect. I pray the the scales will fall off of the eyes of so many who are deceived by the lie of sex without consequence.

There is only one barbecue sauce: HEAD COUNTRY. All others are posers.

Facebook drama is so dumb. If you are mad at your kid talk to them. I don't need to know your business. But those of you who are certifiably crazy, keep on posting. Your neuroses and paranoia are entertaining!

My uncle has cancer. My heart is broken and the hurt echoes through the people I love. I can't put it into words adequately. But my cousin, Haley, has done a beautiful job. Visit her blog at www.gracefullyfrank.blogspot.com . Please keep my family in your prayers, this is the fourth time my family has faced cancer. We will do it as we always have: believing that God is good, he has a plan for all our days, and that healing will always come- not always the way we want- but it will happen.

My girl is 9 months old today. She laughs, says "Ma Ma and Da Da" and has started crawling and feeding herself, she has growth two little "puppy" teeth this month. She is a delight and I am so thrilled that God gave her to me. I am thrilled/heartbroken at the progress she is making. I can't wait to see who she becomes.

(Men beware) Speaking of Hope, I am going to be weaning sooner than I want to. I am only producing enough milk for about 2 feedings a day. This makes me sad. I was able to nurse Isaac for a year. I love that precious time with her. I wish it could have lasted longer and I'm not sure why it's so different this time. It's frustrating when I've committed myself so much to doing it. But fortunately I have enough of a stockpile frozen that hopefully when I do bite the bullet that I'll be able to supplement with breastmilk.

My big boy gets smarter all the time, he loves to sing, tell his colors, and quiz me on things. For example: "Momma, what's a duck say?" I answer with: "I don't know, Isaac. What does a duck say?" And then he'll proudly quack. He knows so many animal noises: sloths, Pygmy marmosets, tapirs, gorillas, and all the common ones too- thanks Diego. He makes me laugh. I love his curious heart- he wants to know all the answers. I hope I point him to the only one who has them all.

God is good. That's the best thing.