A Little Scare

Today has been a yucky day. I have been muy sick and Ryland was at Falls Creek. I woke up this morning feeling decent, I went to the bathroom to find that I had started spotting. As you know, I have started spotting before only to lose all three previous pregnancies. So I flipped out, calmed down and called my doctor, then Ryland.

Ryland was offered a vehicle by a sweet friend from church. He headed home immediately. My Mom has been staying with me and she took me to see Dr. K. I got there and headed for the ultrasound room. Again, terror stricken. 1 good one out of 20something bad ones does not make for good odds. Dr. K began and I was ready again for bad news. But none to be had today. Tad is growing and had a perfect heartbeat, good speed and everything. Dr. K's nurse told me it must be a little boy being onery and trying to scare me.

I went into the waiting room where my Mom was waiting. I told her things were fine. She was shocked and we had a good cry right there. We met Ryland at the elevator and I told him that things are fine for right now. He is going to stay home with me tonight and tomorrow before he decides whether or not to head back to Falls Creek.

My bleeding has stopped for now but I am still crampy and that scares me. Please pray that God will sustain this pregnancy. But more than anything pray for his will to be done and for me and Ryland to accept that regardless. Pray also for the bleeding and cramping to stop. We are leaving Tad in his hands. All we can do is pray and wait. But we choose to put our hope in Tad's creator and life sustainer.

Love you all.

Mindy

Funny Little Jaisa

Jaisa, my 2 year old niece has stayed with us the past two nights. I showed her Tad's picture and said, "Do you know what this is?" She smiled really big and said, "Frog!". I guess I was right about calling him Tad...

The plot thickens.....

I don't quite know where to start this post. For one thing, I never thought I'd be posting this. At least, not right now anyways. It is so funny to me that the title of our blog is "we told God our plans and he's been laughing ever since". I had no idea how true that would come to be in our lives. So here we go again.

About two weeks ago I started feeling sick at my stomach. Nothing made it feel better. Everything tasted bad and I had no appetite. (Which is a BIG deal for those who know me well.) I thought that maybe it would eventually go away. It didn't. Last week I was sitting on the couch and it occurred to me that I wasn't sure when my last period was. You see, since we lost baby #3 I kind of swore off all of my obsessive charting, counting and temperature taking. I was ready to let it all go. After all, my sweet Gurt began to become reality. God had called us to adopt, no doubt, and I trusted Him for provision there. I think you can see where I'm going.

I got sick of feeling bad last week. I told Ryland that I thought I had an ulcer or acid reflux because I just couldn't get over feeling sick. Last Friday night we drove to Walgreen's and bought a pregnancy test. I wanted to confirm that I wasn't pregnant so that when I called a doctor to go in for my "ulcer" that there wasn't something else going on. I knew it was going to be negative. I just wanted peace of mind. Guess what. It wasn't! It was a BIG FAT POSITIVE!

I lost it. I cried until I thought I was empty and then I cried some more. Not because I was happy but out of sheer and utter terror. I didn't know when my last period was, I hadn't been taking vitamins, I had taken some medicines and other things, I was panicked! We've been down the road of getting really excited only to have the world crash in on us. But after I regained some composure I told God what I am going to tell him everyday. " I am putting this baby in your hands. It is NOT mine. It is yours and will remain yours whether I meet it in heaven or on earth. I am giving it to you."

I am still scared. I don't know how it will turn out. It could all be over tomorrow. But I have no control over it. Just like I had no control over the life that God so beautifully placed in my body. But I am choosing to rejoice over every pang of nausea and every stretch and pull that I feel in my abdomen. Because God put life there. And He did it all for His glory.

I went in on Monday and had bloodwork done to check for pregnancy and make sure all of my hormone levels are where they need to be. The nurse called me back that afternoon and told me I was "very" pregnant. My hcg level was 62,283 - the highest it has measured in any of my pregnancies. The one I carried the longest was only in the 15,000s. A good sign I should think. My progesterone levels were a little low so I am using a progesterone gel to help my body out. I still had no idea how far along I was though.

I went in today for an ultrasound. D-Day. In the 20something ultrasounds I have had, I have never had a good one. I never once have received good news. I was trying to be ready to receive the worst. I cried in the car on the way there. I cried in the room waiting for the doctor. Dr. K came in and we started. Then we saw it- the most beautiful blob of goo I have ever seen. And Dr. K said, "Look at it's heart, it's beating all over the place." We saw our baby. We saw its heart. Placed there by God for our viewing pleasure. I cried and cried. And even if it is over tomorrow, I will count it as one of the happiest minutes of my life. He told us that I am 6 weeks and 4 days pregnant. Halfway through the first trimester. Our tentative due date is February 8. Two days after Ryland's birthday.

Because you know how I am about referring to a child as "the child or the baby" this little tadpole is going to be known as "Tad" on my blogs from here on out. Tad is making his/her debut today.

I know that you are probably wondering, what about Gurt? Well we feel that Tad is a child conceived out of our obedience to God's call to adopt on our life. God has confirmed through scripture, prayer and other people that now is the time for us to adopt. We see no reason to think that God has changed his mind. Our circumstances, yes. It may not have been how we would have planned it. But God knows what he is doing. His plan is perfect and it all just got a little more complicated.

Prayer Focus:

1) All praise be to the God who is full of surprises and laugh at our plans as He takes them and perfects them.

2) Pray for me and my body. Pray that this pregnancy will be perfect and complete. That my body will have all of the progesterone and nutrients that it needs. Pray for Tad. Pray for a strong heart and that God will knit all of his inmost parts together in the secret place.

3) Pray for Gurt, the baby growing in my heart. That God will bless him and keep him safe. Pray that God guides our every footstep as we find him.

I love you all so much and I have included Tad's first baby picture. I know I am biased but Tad is the most perfect and gorgeous ball of goo that I have ever seen. The dark spot in the middle is Tad and the arrow is pointing to his little heart. I am in love and I hope we get to meet Tad someday.

Mindy

Gurt's Shopping Trip

I heard from our caseworker yesterday. In a week or so we should be getting our first list of available children. We are so excited to go through and see what and who is available. I know I am very demanding on your prayer lives and I cannot tell you how much we appreciate it, but again, I am going to ask that you pray specifically that God guides our eyes and our hearts to the names on that list that has has chosen for us. We see more and more with each passing day that God has his hand in all of this and we are amazed by how perfect and unexpected his plan is for us.





I went yesterday and bought Gurt's furniture for the baby room. I bought a crib, changing table, dresser and mattress. The crib is a convertible crib so it could also be a big boy/girl bed should Gurt be a non-baby. It is cherry wood and I think it will be beautiful. We will start putting it together soon and hopefully our marriage will be able to survive another project of that magnitude. I am going to try and post a picture but that may have to wait until my husband (the techno weenie as our pastor calls him) comes home.



Hey, it looks good from here. We'll see if it ends up posted correctly. This is the set we bought except the wood is cherry. That is me and Gurt in the picture being happy that Ryland put all of it together for us.

I have a very special shout-out to add. My cousin Danna Jo Brown just got engaged to her long-time boyfriend Jim Shaw last week. I am so happy for the two of you and I hope marriage is as fun for you as it has been for me and Ryland. There is something sublimely wonderful about having someone that loves you enough to deal with all of your craziness and still wants to be with you at the end of the day. (Not that the two of you are crazy, I can only speak for myself.) Congratulations. I am so happy for both of you. I'll be praying for you both as you get ready for the adventure that is marriage.

I love you all. Please keep Gurt's health and safety in your prayers as well as our caseworker, Maggie.

Ry, Happy 3rd anniversary tomorrow. It just keeps getting sweeter. I love you like a fat kid loves cake.

Mindy