28 Reasons

So maybe you know that I am married to this total hottie. I met him about 14 years ago and I've kinda gotten to know him a little.

In honor of his 28th birthday I give you 28 wonderful things about the love of my life. I hope he'll forgive me for not getting him a card, and I gave him his gifts early because I can't stand hiding gifts.

1) When I first met him he was singing. I love his voice, and more than that I love his humble heart, and desire to live a life in worship.

2)He is quietly hilarious. He is a smart mouth but only in private.

3)He is always always always willing to help others.

4) I know his mom will read this blog and maybe be disgusted, but 2 words: cute butt.

5) I am kind of a psycho sometimes. He let's me be and still loves me. Even when I ugly cry. Multiple times. In a day.

6) He is amazingly creative. One only has to hear his song writing or see his graphic work to know this.

7) He loves unlovely people. He has a heart for the down trodden, socially awkward, and misfit types of people. He is so patient and kind.

8) I have NEVER heard him say anyhting that objectifies a woman. I love that my daughter will see this example in a man.

9) He is so logical, he is not driven by emotions and stress. He has an amazingly big faith, especially when his psycho wife isn't so much this way.

10) He watches Project Runway with me. True love.

11) If I cook something and he hates it, he eats it first and tells me later.

12) When I have cold feet in bed, he lets me put my feet on him to warm them up.

13) I am not a great singer, but he pushes me to be better, and gives me opportunities to step out of my comfort zone.

14) He works hard so that I can have more time with my kids. This is a huge sacrifice. I am so grateful.

15) He's a great kisser. Sorry again, Cyndi.

16) He's forever on my team.

17) He doesn't read much, but he listens to me yak forever about what I am reading.

18) He wrote me a song for my birthday during the hardest year of my life. A love song. It will forever be my favorite and I can't even type about it without tearing up.

19) He is an amazing daddy. My kids are so lucky.

20) He drives. I love that. I was meant to be his passenger. I missing sitting in the middle of his truck. Not that I ever did that.... seriously, sorry Cyndi.

21) Every great memory involves him, my 16th birthday, proms, my wedding day, graduating, new jobs, moves, and our babies. He is the thread in the tapestry of my life.

22) We have had hard seasons, but he always fights through them with me. And at the end, we are always better for them.

23) I inherited his family. Be jealous. They are amazingly wonderful.

24) He doesn't make me listen to sports radio. Saint Ryland.

25) Divorce is not in our vocabulary. I trust him in every area of my life. I also don't worry that he will murder me. (We watch a lot of Dateline Mysteries- it's a valid concern!)

26) He does our taxes. Again- saint saint saint.

27) He hooks up and operates all things electronic. He allows me to lead a relatively tech-illiterate life.

28) He gave me these two:

Happy birthday to my very best friend. If only ever girl could marry someone as kind, generous, unselfish, and hard-working as my Ryland. I don't deserve you, but I am so very thankful that you fell in love with a 15 year old spazz all those years ago. I am more in love with you today than ever. God is good. You are evidence of that.

I sure do love you, Ry.

My Baby and My Baby

Almost 18 years ago my neighbors had a little, dark haired, chubby cheeked, ball of fire, and named her Carly.

Somehow they trusted me with her. They let me treat her like my personal baby doll. We did facials, hair-dos, make-up, fingernails, pedicures, watched movies, and hung out. She was the fun little sister I never had.

I grew up and moved to college, she came and visited a few times. (A seven year old in a college dorm? Were her parents crazy?!?!) I always made time for her when I was home, not because I felt obligated or charitable, I genuinely loved this little girl and enjoyed being in her life.

She is hilarious, she sparkles, she's enthusiastic, and ambitious, a tomboy in the body of a baby supermodel. Who wouldn't want to hang out with someone like that?On my wedding day I chose to have Carly be a flower girl. I picked her first thing that morning to go get our hair done. I ended up leaving my veil, changing vehicles, and she had to give an out-of-towner directions to the salon in the big city of Bartlesville. Did I mention she was 10 at the time? She was the last person I hugged and kissed when I got in my getaway car to leave my wedding.

I have done her hair and makeup for approximately 2 proms & 4 homecomings.Needless to say, God didn't give me a sister because he knew I was going to have Carly.

And last night, I watched my little Carly be crowned basketball homecoming queen. And to top it all off, she chose my little boy to carry her crown on his third birthday. It had all come full circle.

Needless to say, there were a few bittersweet tears. Between my long time pseudo sister and my big baby boy I was a little bit of a proud mess.I am so proud of my valedictorian, homecoming queen, short round doodlebug, beautiful, smart, full of potential, precious to me, Carly.

Reach for the stars, baby. You're future is bright.

Three.

Isaac,

Three.

The number of siblings waiting for you in heaven.

The number of times I've had my heart broken.

The trinity.

The amigos.

The stooges.

The number of times I think of you in any given hour when we're apart.

The number of years it has been since you made me a mommy.

I think about my life three years ago- quiet, calm, orderly. Then came you. You were born on a sunny 60ish degree Tuesday, and you were perfect. Since then my life has been loud, messy, unpredictable, and more fun and joyous than I could have ever dreamed. You brought a rainbow of colors into a world that was gray.

Baby guy, I am amazed that you've been here this long. You have now been here longer than the time I spent waiting for you. When I was pregnant, time crept, inched, seemed to stop. All I wanted was for time to speed up so I could get you in my arms. And now three years later I want it all to slow down so that I can keep you in my arms.

My favorite moments are when you climb in my lap, snuggle up, kiss my lips, and say the sweetest words on this side of heaven, " I love you momma". I wish I could bottle up that feeling and save it. I know that teenage days will come and the kisses and snuggles might be few to non-existent, but I hope you know how do and always will treasure you. My silly, sweet boy.

I think you are the funniest kid I know. You like to say things that you know will get a laugh. Dora has taught you that saying "bananapants" will make turkeys laugh, but it seems to work on everyone else too! You love dinosaurs, pretending, reading books, singing, and watching shows & movies. Some of your favorites are : Dinosaur Train, The Grinch, Octonauts, Mickey Mouse, Diego, Veggie Tales, Robin Hood, and The Lion King.

Some of my favorite mispronounced words of yours are: raindy punder, nilk, baghetti, dongal duck, sweet teef, marmie, and so many other cute words. You've never been much for baby talk, you've always liked to talk like a big boy. So your mispronunciations are often short lived.

This is a typical day for you: Wake up, invade our bed, watch YouTube videos ( badgers, the duck song, Rebecca Black's Friday, just to name a few favorites), eat breakfast, watch cartoons and snuggle, lunch, nap 2-3 hours if we can get you to sleep instead of destroying your room, wake up, snuggle more, play, dinner, bath, bed time books prayers hugs kisses super-shakes, and finally bed.

When you very first wake up, we ask you what you dreamed about. You always answer with, "I dream about Jesus". Then we ask you what else and it is always some kind of animals.

And speaking of animals- you know them all. Especially dinosaurs: deinonychus, parasauralophus, ankylosaurus, velocirapter, troodon. I am amazed that you can identify them! You are such a smart guy. You get hungry to learn when you get interested. I love this. I hope you will always love learning.

Bedtime is one of my favorite times of your day. Either Dad or I will read you a story or three, then we say our prayers. Some of your favorite books are: The Biggest Thing in the Ocean, The Spooky Old Tree, PJ Funny Bunny, The End, The Cat in the Hat Dinosaurs, Dinosaurs Love Underpants, and The Pigeon Wants a Puppy.

In your prayer, you say, "Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray-a Lord my soul to keep, if I should die before I wake, I pray-a Lord my soul to keep... Take! Sweet dreams for Isaac, Jesus name, Amen. And mommy loves you, and daddy loves, you and Hope loves you, and who else? Jesus loves you. Don't ever forget that."

After that you say, "Daddy say a prayer, go ahead Dad." Then Dad prayers, always making sure to thank God for the little and big things that we have to be thankful for that day. Then you say, "Momma say a prayer, go ahead Mom". I always tell God thanks for letting me be you and Hope's mom, and I pray that you and sissy will know God, love Him, and walk with Him all the days of your life.

You have recently decided you want to say a second, closing prayer. It goes, "Dear Jesus, I thank you so much for my Dad, and my Momma, and my Hope. And thank you for loving me. Jesus' name, Amen".

You love going to pre-school. You love Miss Brandie and Miss Tricia, your sweet teachers. You also have little friends that you enjoy: Axton, Max, Madison, Lily Kate, Landon, and Lola. You love playing, singing, doing crafts, and the routine of it all. You know letters, the pledge of allegiance, colors, and so many other things because of your early education. I don't love having to work, but isn't it grand that through my job you are able to get a great head start on learning and socialization?

You are a boy. All boy. You delight in the gross. You enjoy telling me, "Momma, I toot". You giggle. I try not to laugh, and you finally finish with "excuse me". Silly boy.

You are a family man. You LOVE your Jeje, Mimi, Pawpa, Poppy, and cousins. There is nothing that excites you more than spending time with your family. And they love you so much. How could they not?

I don't know if you'll ever potty train. You aren't interested. I hope when I write your 4 year letter, we are celebrating!

I just want you to know how sweet the last three years have been. Being your mom is more wonderful than I will ever be able to explain. I pray I am worthy of the gift of you.

Son, I have so many dreams for you. I want you to value education, to work hard, and to love others. I hope you will respect women, protect your sister, and be strong in your convictions. You crawled in my lap the other day as we watched the end of "Robin Hood" where he & maid Marion get married. You looked at me and said, "Momma, I'm going to get married and be a daddy". It melted my heart. I pray that you do! You have the best model in the world to follow.

More than anything, I hope that you find God- love him, learn about him, serve him, and share him. I hope I can show you how. God has such a special plan for your life. As much as I miss those sweet baby days, I am so excited to watch you grow and become a man. I hope you know that no matter where you go, what you choose, or what mistakes you make, I will always love you. You have brought more joy to me than I'll ever be able to describe. You are a gift from God, and I can't believe how lucky I am that God gave you to me.

Happy third birthday my big boy.

I'll love you forever,


Momma

The "Third" Question

The "Third" Question

Recently several of my friends have become pregnant with or given birth to their third child. Which has, in turn, caused some good natured teasing about when our third pregnancy will happen.

The truth is- I really don't know. Isaac was very much wanted, so much that after the months of infertility & miscarriage it hurt my heart too much to try any more. And 5 months of non-trying produced Isaac. The best surprise of my life. And Hope is what we refer to as our "one month miracle". We no more than decided to try and there she was. No drama. No fuss. No waiting. No miscarriage. Proof of God's healing in my once broken womb. Praise God.

How life has changed! Because of budget cuts resulting in decreased income for Ryland at work and my calling & choice to only work part time we are in a different place financially than we were with the other 2 pregnancies. I also have a rambunctious (almost) three year old, and a wide eyed curious one year old that I am chasing. My body has now been pregnant 5 times, twice were 40 week long ordeals. And I can't neglect the fact that I am a woman with past pregnancy issues who will be turning 30. The magic number for decreasing ease in becoming pregnant & having a healthy pregnancy.

Therefore I have all these thoughts swimming in my mind. All these reasons to wait or stop altogether. But I can't ignore the little ache I have to feel flutters and kicks and the roll of a little person inside my body, The joyful anticipation of a delivery, and the first glance of a face that you've never seen yet know so well, and the smell of a fuzzy newborn head.

In my heart I know I'm not ready yet, but I also know I'm not ready to be finished with this most precious season of my life.

This is a new experience- having my youngest child grow into toddlerhood with no new baby waiting in the wings. It makes me treasure Hope's milestones, and cry at just how big Isaac is.

I'm also aware of two things that are hard to swallow, but in different ways: 1) My body may never produce another baby. I know this. I accept this. And if this is God's will then I am ok. Not thrilled about it, but ok. God gave me more than I ever could have wanted with Isaac and Hope. Maybe I'm selfish to even want more. But I can't not want it. 2) God may surprise us with a pregnancy during a time when we are preventing it. I know several friends who have experienced this blessed surprise. God's plan and timing are perfect and this would be terrifying and wonderful. I hope in either circumstance I will have the strength to say, "thy will be done".

So as for now, I look forward to the future with Hope and Laughter- who knows what is to be?

Did I mention I might even want a fourth? That is another post entirely.

So, the third?

Yes, I hope so. I just don't know when.