Why I Didn't Get the Job
In studying the nativity story, my heart breaks everytime for Mary. She is just a normal kid. She's well behaved and godly. She doesn't have a messy past. She probably daydreams about getting married to her fiancee, but kids probably aren't even on her mind yet. And then one day an angel comes. Angels look like people in movies- but who knows what they actually look like. He tells this sweet innocent girl that she us about to experience a social taboo that could cost her life, not to mention her future husband. " Oh, and by the way- the kid is going to be the savior of all mankind. Good luck sister." Here is where my initial freakout would happen: "Dude, I'm a virgin! My Dad has paid this nice dowry, he's gonna kill me! What will my mom think? I'm gonna lose friends over this. People will make assumptions you know! My hot fiancee is not going to like this. I'm going to get fat- you only get to have a stretch mark free teenage existence for a short time! Am I really equipped to raise the MESSIAH? I sometimes say bad words, I like watching trash on tv, I like dancing, I'll probably feed him Oreos sometimes. Are you sure I'm your girl?"
But she doesn't give the Mindy Russell answer. She decided to be God's servant. Very un-me-like. She didn't flip out.
Here's the part I definitely don't get. She was a good Jewish girl. Her song was full of scripture- so I assume she knew the prophecies about the messiah. Did she know what was going to happen? It brings tears to my eyes to think about my children getting shots. Her son was going to die the mist gruesome death imaginable. I don't know that I could carry a child knowing that death on a cross was their ultimate fate. Yes, I'm sure she knew about the Resurrection, but is it possible she could have doubted? Even though she knew he'd return, it couldn't have hurt her any less watching him take the punishment for nations and generations that her eyes would never see- and people that were more evil than she would ever fathom. That's where I'd quit. I couldn't trade my child's life for a nice, good, and kind person, let alone the redemption of someone like Hitler.
Did she worry everyday of her life? Did she think about how it would all go down? He was her flesh and blood. She grew him in her womb. I think of how it felt when my babies moved inside of me. How it made me feel like I could move heaven and earth with the depth of my love for them. But she was only human, did carrying the divine make her feel that even more?
Most certainly Mary didn't have issues with anxiety and worry, or to put it out there plainly- she didn't lack the faith that makes one ask these questions. She was overjoyed, God chose her to carry, feed, bathe, clean, rock, teach, and protect our savior. She was his most intimate human relationship. No one would ever know and love the savior like his Mama.
God knew what He was doing when he passed me over for the job of being Jesus's mom. I am so thankful that he chose me to be a mother at all.
I don't believe that Mary was magical or divine. I think she was one of us, fighting the human condition, asked to do something extraordinary. I think she got through because she knew that even though she was his mom, Jesus wasn't hers. Just like I know in my heart that Isaac and Hope aren't mine. God has let me borrow them, so that I can give them back. And although I feel like my love for them can move heaven and earth- it can't. But I can choose to put their lives into the hands of the one who can. There is no safer place.
Jesus had a mother. And thank God it wasn't me.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Monday, December 20, 2010
2nd Annual Russell Digital Christmas Card
Did that just happen?
I feel like that has been the theme this year. I rang in 2010 with some sweet friends & their kids at our house in Guthrie after missing ALL but one of our Christmas plans due to the freakish 2009 blizzard. We spent Christmas day in Super 8 in Sapulpa eating burritos called "the bomb" and candy from Isaac's stocking for our Christmas feast. 24 inches of snow on Christmas eve, did that just happen???
After Christmas Ryland & I met some of our now dearest friends for the first time. We met with our now pastor & his wife where Isaac proceeded to puke on the restaurant table right in front of them.We then met with a search committee from Central Baptist in Owasso. They came to see Ry lead worship and have a lunch meeting. And who did we run into at the restaurant? Yep- our pastor, Griff Henderson. Did that just happen? Luckily Griff was none the wiser and gracefully laughed about it with us later.
In January I chose to do a one word resolution. I chose the word "hope". Sadly, when things look bad, instead of trusting God, I tend to react with doom, gloom, and anxiety. Hope became my word to meditate on and to try and live out- there is always hope, no matter how grim things look. Our family grew with the birth of my favorite nephew Jantzen Russell Gardner, an adorable little curly haired roly poly. On the weekend he was born we made a trip to Owasso to meet the staff at Central and talk more about a potential future there.
In February my baby boy turned a year old. Did that just happen? It seemed like I had just brought home a baby from the hospital and he turned one. We celebrated with a monkey themed party for Isaac and Ryland on February 6th, Ryland's actual birthday. I gave Ryland a very special gift that day: a positive pregnancy test. After only one month of trying, I was expecting.
Early March brought morning sickness and a weekend trip in view of a call to Owasso. After a weekend of falling in love, Ryland was invited to take the job as Worship and Media Arts Pastor. Again, did that just happen? It amazes me how God has been preparing him for this job for years, just not in a classroom setting but in previous jobs & life! We put our Guthrie house on the market and prayed for a quick sale. My parents also made a big move- they moved from their lifelong home in Barnsdall to their dream home in Dewey. They have no doubt that God lead them there, even providing my mom with a great job.
In April as we prepared for Ryland to move to Owasso we noticed Isaac standing in the middle of the living room. We didn't put him there- my baby walked. Did that just happen? My tiny baby walked- and has been running since. Ryland moved to Owasso to start working the week after Easter. It was a 6 week separation for us- only seeing each other on the weekend. Ryland got custody of the dogs and I got Isaac. It was hard on all of us, but we skyped daily and made it through.
May came. I tearfully quit my job of 4 years at Will Rogers Elementary. Isaac and I packed some of our house and went to live with Ryland and the pups in Owasso. And the highlight came on a Saturday afternoon as we saw on an ultrasound screen that we would be welcoming a daughter into our family in October. Did that just happen?
June brought long days in rent house #1 and settling in to our new town & church. Isaac & I took lots of trips to the zoo where my little genius fostered his love of animals and perfected his animal sounds. I started subbing in Grand Central Kids pre-school. And my family grew again as my beautiful cousin Riann Dilbeck married her prince, Trent Swanson. It was a hot wedding, literally. The air conditioning went out in the beautiful little Lutheran church where they married- we all braved it to see them exchange vows. In late June I experienced one of my proudest moments as a wife, Ryland was ordained into the ministry. It feels so good to know that we will be spending the rest of our lives doing what we love & serving who we love.
July brought one of the worst heat waves ever in the history of the universe as I entered the third trimester of my pregnancy. We moved out of our Guthrie house into rent house #2. We continued to pray for our house to sell as we were finally able to unpack in Owasso & start working on a nursery. We also took Isaac to Arkansas to see his Mimi and Poppy. I got introduced to an amazing little cheesecake bakery, and had an amazing pedicure with my sweet mother in law Cyndi, and sister in law, Hilary.
I started my new job as a preschool music teacher in August and loved it more than I ever thought possible. I get to dance and sing Jesus songs and I get paid! I hoodwinked someone, because my job is awesome!
September brought lots of Braxton Hicks contractions and false labor scares but no baby. It can be summed up in 3 words: fat, miserable, hot. It was the longest month of my life! Isaac & I both had stomach flu and he had a second bout of pneumonia. We also had a visit from all of Ryland's family over Labor Day weekend.
October FINALLY came. And one night as I was doing dishes it appeared that my water broke. So I posted my happy news on facebook & Ryland & I headed to the hospital. Shamefully, my water had not broken, 9 1/2 months of pregnancy had weakened the ole bladder, and I told the whole cyber world. Did that just happen? A week and a half later, on October 12, 3 days shy of my due date, after 6 easy hours of labor, my baby girl was born. Isaac's "bay-bay" sister was named Hope Angeline Russell, weighed 7lbs 1oz, and was 21 and 1/2 inches long. How could we have named her anything else? Hope was the theme of my life this year. The fact that I could so easily conceive another child coupled with the blessings & changes we've experienced made it impossible for her name not to remind Us of God's goodness in our lives. We brought home our little princess and entertained many anxious family members including Ryland's parents & siblings who made sure our bellies were full & that Hope could immediately begin the spoiling process! Halloween came and we had our first post-baby outing with a cute elephant and tiny ladybug in tow.
November brought Thanksgiving and my return to work. I was a little sleep deprived, so I'm sure there are many parts that I'm blocking out. Like Isaac's fever of 104 degrees on Thanksgiving.
So here we are. December. A smiley , already teething, 2 month old, an adorable and smart almost terrible 2 year old, an overweight but gloriously happy mommy, and a tired & talented Daddy working on our awesome church Christmas musical where Hope played baby Jesus. We are also gearing up for my preschoolers to do their Christmas program. We are looking forward to the holidays followed by a trip to Disney World generously given to us by Ryland's grandma Mary with the whole Russell extended family.
In the midst of it all I need health insurance ( I've been rejected by 2 companies) and we desperately need the Guthrie house to sell in order to avoid some scary financial ordeals. But I look no further than Hope, laying in my arms. She is my life's second great miracle, and things like houses and insurance look so much smaller and less ominous. God has & will always take care of us. After all, God gave the world a miracle over 2000 when he sent us Jesus who would save all of us against all odds. Who am I to fear?
2011 will bring babies into the homes of 15 our couple friends, a little boy who will (hopefully) potty train, a little girl who will most likely walk by years end, my 10 year high school reunion ( Did that just happen???), our sixth year of marriage, 13th year of "togetherness", and a great year for Ryland & I in ministry in our new home. Every year brings it's own surprises, changes, and goodbyes. I pray that God will direct our path, just as he always has.
Merry Christmas with love. May the miracle of Christ's birth and the hope that it brings fill you with faith & comfort this holiday season.
I feel like that has been the theme this year. I rang in 2010 with some sweet friends & their kids at our house in Guthrie after missing ALL but one of our Christmas plans due to the freakish 2009 blizzard. We spent Christmas day in Super 8 in Sapulpa eating burritos called "the bomb" and candy from Isaac's stocking for our Christmas feast. 24 inches of snow on Christmas eve, did that just happen???
After Christmas Ryland & I met some of our now dearest friends for the first time. We met with our now pastor & his wife where Isaac proceeded to puke on the restaurant table right in front of them.We then met with a search committee from Central Baptist in Owasso. They came to see Ry lead worship and have a lunch meeting. And who did we run into at the restaurant? Yep- our pastor, Griff Henderson. Did that just happen? Luckily Griff was none the wiser and gracefully laughed about it with us later.
In January I chose to do a one word resolution. I chose the word "hope". Sadly, when things look bad, instead of trusting God, I tend to react with doom, gloom, and anxiety. Hope became my word to meditate on and to try and live out- there is always hope, no matter how grim things look. Our family grew with the birth of my favorite nephew Jantzen Russell Gardner, an adorable little curly haired roly poly. On the weekend he was born we made a trip to Owasso to meet the staff at Central and talk more about a potential future there.
In February my baby boy turned a year old. Did that just happen? It seemed like I had just brought home a baby from the hospital and he turned one. We celebrated with a monkey themed party for Isaac and Ryland on February 6th, Ryland's actual birthday. I gave Ryland a very special gift that day: a positive pregnancy test. After only one month of trying, I was expecting.
Early March brought morning sickness and a weekend trip in view of a call to Owasso. After a weekend of falling in love, Ryland was invited to take the job as Worship and Media Arts Pastor. Again, did that just happen? It amazes me how God has been preparing him for this job for years, just not in a classroom setting but in previous jobs & life! We put our Guthrie house on the market and prayed for a quick sale. My parents also made a big move- they moved from their lifelong home in Barnsdall to their dream home in Dewey. They have no doubt that God lead them there, even providing my mom with a great job.
In April as we prepared for Ryland to move to Owasso we noticed Isaac standing in the middle of the living room. We didn't put him there- my baby walked. Did that just happen? My tiny baby walked- and has been running since. Ryland moved to Owasso to start working the week after Easter. It was a 6 week separation for us- only seeing each other on the weekend. Ryland got custody of the dogs and I got Isaac. It was hard on all of us, but we skyped daily and made it through.
May came. I tearfully quit my job of 4 years at Will Rogers Elementary. Isaac and I packed some of our house and went to live with Ryland and the pups in Owasso. And the highlight came on a Saturday afternoon as we saw on an ultrasound screen that we would be welcoming a daughter into our family in October. Did that just happen?
June brought long days in rent house #1 and settling in to our new town & church. Isaac & I took lots of trips to the zoo where my little genius fostered his love of animals and perfected his animal sounds. I started subbing in Grand Central Kids pre-school. And my family grew again as my beautiful cousin Riann Dilbeck married her prince, Trent Swanson. It was a hot wedding, literally. The air conditioning went out in the beautiful little Lutheran church where they married- we all braved it to see them exchange vows. In late June I experienced one of my proudest moments as a wife, Ryland was ordained into the ministry. It feels so good to know that we will be spending the rest of our lives doing what we love & serving who we love.
July brought one of the worst heat waves ever in the history of the universe as I entered the third trimester of my pregnancy. We moved out of our Guthrie house into rent house #2. We continued to pray for our house to sell as we were finally able to unpack in Owasso & start working on a nursery. We also took Isaac to Arkansas to see his Mimi and Poppy. I got introduced to an amazing little cheesecake bakery, and had an amazing pedicure with my sweet mother in law Cyndi, and sister in law, Hilary.
I started my new job as a preschool music teacher in August and loved it more than I ever thought possible. I get to dance and sing Jesus songs and I get paid! I hoodwinked someone, because my job is awesome!
September brought lots of Braxton Hicks contractions and false labor scares but no baby. It can be summed up in 3 words: fat, miserable, hot. It was the longest month of my life! Isaac & I both had stomach flu and he had a second bout of pneumonia. We also had a visit from all of Ryland's family over Labor Day weekend.
October FINALLY came. And one night as I was doing dishes it appeared that my water broke. So I posted my happy news on facebook & Ryland & I headed to the hospital. Shamefully, my water had not broken, 9 1/2 months of pregnancy had weakened the ole bladder, and I told the whole cyber world. Did that just happen? A week and a half later, on October 12, 3 days shy of my due date, after 6 easy hours of labor, my baby girl was born. Isaac's "bay-bay" sister was named Hope Angeline Russell, weighed 7lbs 1oz, and was 21 and 1/2 inches long. How could we have named her anything else? Hope was the theme of my life this year. The fact that I could so easily conceive another child coupled with the blessings & changes we've experienced made it impossible for her name not to remind Us of God's goodness in our lives. We brought home our little princess and entertained many anxious family members including Ryland's parents & siblings who made sure our bellies were full & that Hope could immediately begin the spoiling process! Halloween came and we had our first post-baby outing with a cute elephant and tiny ladybug in tow.
November brought Thanksgiving and my return to work. I was a little sleep deprived, so I'm sure there are many parts that I'm blocking out. Like Isaac's fever of 104 degrees on Thanksgiving.
So here we are. December. A smiley , already teething, 2 month old, an adorable and smart almost terrible 2 year old, an overweight but gloriously happy mommy, and a tired & talented Daddy working on our awesome church Christmas musical where Hope played baby Jesus. We are also gearing up for my preschoolers to do their Christmas program. We are looking forward to the holidays followed by a trip to Disney World generously given to us by Ryland's grandma Mary with the whole Russell extended family.
In the midst of it all I need health insurance ( I've been rejected by 2 companies) and we desperately need the Guthrie house to sell in order to avoid some scary financial ordeals. But I look no further than Hope, laying in my arms. She is my life's second great miracle, and things like houses and insurance look so much smaller and less ominous. God has & will always take care of us. After all, God gave the world a miracle over 2000 when he sent us Jesus who would save all of us against all odds. Who am I to fear?
2011 will bring babies into the homes of 15 our couple friends, a little boy who will (hopefully) potty train, a little girl who will most likely walk by years end, my 10 year high school reunion ( Did that just happen???), our sixth year of marriage, 13th year of "togetherness", and a great year for Ryland & I in ministry in our new home. Every year brings it's own surprises, changes, and goodbyes. I pray that God will direct our path, just as he always has.
Merry Christmas with love. May the miracle of Christ's birth and the hope that it brings fill you with faith & comfort this holiday season.
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