Why I Didn't Get the Job
In studying the nativity story, my heart breaks everytime for Mary. She is just a normal kid. She's well behaved and godly. She doesn't have a messy past. She probably daydreams about getting married to her fiancee, but kids probably aren't even on her mind yet. And then one day an angel comes. Angels look like people in movies- but who knows what they actually look like. He tells this sweet innocent girl that she us about to experience a social taboo that could cost her life, not to mention her future husband. " Oh, and by the way- the kid is going to be the savior of all mankind. Good luck sister." Here is where my initial freakout would happen: "Dude, I'm a virgin! My Dad has paid this nice dowry, he's gonna kill me! What will my mom think? I'm gonna lose friends over this. People will make assumptions you know! My hot fiancee is not going to like this. I'm going to get fat- you only get to have a stretch mark free teenage existence for a short time! Am I really equipped to raise the MESSIAH? I sometimes say bad words, I like watching trash on tv, I like dancing, I'll probably feed him Oreos sometimes. Are you sure I'm your girl?"
But she doesn't give the Mindy Russell answer. She decided to be God's servant. Very un-me-like. She didn't flip out.
Here's the part I definitely don't get. She was a good Jewish girl. Her song was full of scripture- so I assume she knew the prophecies about the messiah. Did she know what was going to happen? It brings tears to my eyes to think about my children getting shots. Her son was going to die the mist gruesome death imaginable. I don't know that I could carry a child knowing that death on a cross was their ultimate fate. Yes, I'm sure she knew about the Resurrection, but is it possible she could have doubted? Even though she knew he'd return, it couldn't have hurt her any less watching him take the punishment for nations and generations that her eyes would never see- and people that were more evil than she would ever fathom. That's where I'd quit. I couldn't trade my child's life for a nice, good, and kind person, let alone the redemption of someone like Hitler.
Did she worry everyday of her life? Did she think about how it would all go down? He was her flesh and blood. She grew him in her womb. I think of how it felt when my babies moved inside of me. How it made me feel like I could move heaven and earth with the depth of my love for them. But she was only human, did carrying the divine make her feel that even more?
Most certainly Mary didn't have issues with anxiety and worry, or to put it out there plainly- she didn't lack the faith that makes one ask these questions. She was overjoyed, God chose her to carry, feed, bathe, clean, rock, teach, and protect our savior. She was his most intimate human relationship. No one would ever know and love the savior like his Mama.
God knew what He was doing when he passed me over for the job of being Jesus's mom. I am so thankful that he chose me to be a mother at all.
I don't believe that Mary was magical or divine. I think she was one of us, fighting the human condition, asked to do something extraordinary. I think she got through because she knew that even though she was his mom, Jesus wasn't hers. Just like I know in my heart that Isaac and Hope aren't mine. God has let me borrow them, so that I can give them back. And although I feel like my love for them can move heaven and earth- it can't. But I can choose to put their lives into the hands of the one who can. There is no safer place.
Jesus had a mother. And thank God it wasn't me.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Monday, December 20, 2010
2nd Annual Russell Digital Christmas Card
Did that just happen?
I feel like that has been the theme this year. I rang in 2010 with some sweet friends & their kids at our house in Guthrie after missing ALL but one of our Christmas plans due to the freakish 2009 blizzard. We spent Christmas day in Super 8 in Sapulpa eating burritos called "the bomb" and candy from Isaac's stocking for our Christmas feast. 24 inches of snow on Christmas eve, did that just happen???
After Christmas Ryland & I met some of our now dearest friends for the first time. We met with our now pastor & his wife where Isaac proceeded to puke on the restaurant table right in front of them.We then met with a search committee from Central Baptist in Owasso. They came to see Ry lead worship and have a lunch meeting. And who did we run into at the restaurant? Yep- our pastor, Griff Henderson. Did that just happen? Luckily Griff was none the wiser and gracefully laughed about it with us later.
In January I chose to do a one word resolution. I chose the word "hope". Sadly, when things look bad, instead of trusting God, I tend to react with doom, gloom, and anxiety. Hope became my word to meditate on and to try and live out- there is always hope, no matter how grim things look. Our family grew with the birth of my favorite nephew Jantzen Russell Gardner, an adorable little curly haired roly poly. On the weekend he was born we made a trip to Owasso to meet the staff at Central and talk more about a potential future there.
In February my baby boy turned a year old. Did that just happen? It seemed like I had just brought home a baby from the hospital and he turned one. We celebrated with a monkey themed party for Isaac and Ryland on February 6th, Ryland's actual birthday. I gave Ryland a very special gift that day: a positive pregnancy test. After only one month of trying, I was expecting.
Early March brought morning sickness and a weekend trip in view of a call to Owasso. After a weekend of falling in love, Ryland was invited to take the job as Worship and Media Arts Pastor. Again, did that just happen? It amazes me how God has been preparing him for this job for years, just not in a classroom setting but in previous jobs & life! We put our Guthrie house on the market and prayed for a quick sale. My parents also made a big move- they moved from their lifelong home in Barnsdall to their dream home in Dewey. They have no doubt that God lead them there, even providing my mom with a great job.
In April as we prepared for Ryland to move to Owasso we noticed Isaac standing in the middle of the living room. We didn't put him there- my baby walked. Did that just happen? My tiny baby walked- and has been running since. Ryland moved to Owasso to start working the week after Easter. It was a 6 week separation for us- only seeing each other on the weekend. Ryland got custody of the dogs and I got Isaac. It was hard on all of us, but we skyped daily and made it through.
May came. I tearfully quit my job of 4 years at Will Rogers Elementary. Isaac and I packed some of our house and went to live with Ryland and the pups in Owasso. And the highlight came on a Saturday afternoon as we saw on an ultrasound screen that we would be welcoming a daughter into our family in October. Did that just happen?
June brought long days in rent house #1 and settling in to our new town & church. Isaac & I took lots of trips to the zoo where my little genius fostered his love of animals and perfected his animal sounds. I started subbing in Grand Central Kids pre-school. And my family grew again as my beautiful cousin Riann Dilbeck married her prince, Trent Swanson. It was a hot wedding, literally. The air conditioning went out in the beautiful little Lutheran church where they married- we all braved it to see them exchange vows. In late June I experienced one of my proudest moments as a wife, Ryland was ordained into the ministry. It feels so good to know that we will be spending the rest of our lives doing what we love & serving who we love.
July brought one of the worst heat waves ever in the history of the universe as I entered the third trimester of my pregnancy. We moved out of our Guthrie house into rent house #2. We continued to pray for our house to sell as we were finally able to unpack in Owasso & start working on a nursery. We also took Isaac to Arkansas to see his Mimi and Poppy. I got introduced to an amazing little cheesecake bakery, and had an amazing pedicure with my sweet mother in law Cyndi, and sister in law, Hilary.
I started my new job as a preschool music teacher in August and loved it more than I ever thought possible. I get to dance and sing Jesus songs and I get paid! I hoodwinked someone, because my job is awesome!
September brought lots of Braxton Hicks contractions and false labor scares but no baby. It can be summed up in 3 words: fat, miserable, hot. It was the longest month of my life! Isaac & I both had stomach flu and he had a second bout of pneumonia. We also had a visit from all of Ryland's family over Labor Day weekend.
October FINALLY came. And one night as I was doing dishes it appeared that my water broke. So I posted my happy news on facebook & Ryland & I headed to the hospital. Shamefully, my water had not broken, 9 1/2 months of pregnancy had weakened the ole bladder, and I told the whole cyber world. Did that just happen? A week and a half later, on October 12, 3 days shy of my due date, after 6 easy hours of labor, my baby girl was born. Isaac's "bay-bay" sister was named Hope Angeline Russell, weighed 7lbs 1oz, and was 21 and 1/2 inches long. How could we have named her anything else? Hope was the theme of my life this year. The fact that I could so easily conceive another child coupled with the blessings & changes we've experienced made it impossible for her name not to remind Us of God's goodness in our lives. We brought home our little princess and entertained many anxious family members including Ryland's parents & siblings who made sure our bellies were full & that Hope could immediately begin the spoiling process! Halloween came and we had our first post-baby outing with a cute elephant and tiny ladybug in tow.
November brought Thanksgiving and my return to work. I was a little sleep deprived, so I'm sure there are many parts that I'm blocking out. Like Isaac's fever of 104 degrees on Thanksgiving.
So here we are. December. A smiley , already teething, 2 month old, an adorable and smart almost terrible 2 year old, an overweight but gloriously happy mommy, and a tired & talented Daddy working on our awesome church Christmas musical where Hope played baby Jesus. We are also gearing up for my preschoolers to do their Christmas program. We are looking forward to the holidays followed by a trip to Disney World generously given to us by Ryland's grandma Mary with the whole Russell extended family.
In the midst of it all I need health insurance ( I've been rejected by 2 companies) and we desperately need the Guthrie house to sell in order to avoid some scary financial ordeals. But I look no further than Hope, laying in my arms. She is my life's second great miracle, and things like houses and insurance look so much smaller and less ominous. God has & will always take care of us. After all, God gave the world a miracle over 2000 when he sent us Jesus who would save all of us against all odds. Who am I to fear?
2011 will bring babies into the homes of 15 our couple friends, a little boy who will (hopefully) potty train, a little girl who will most likely walk by years end, my 10 year high school reunion ( Did that just happen???), our sixth year of marriage, 13th year of "togetherness", and a great year for Ryland & I in ministry in our new home. Every year brings it's own surprises, changes, and goodbyes. I pray that God will direct our path, just as he always has.
Merry Christmas with love. May the miracle of Christ's birth and the hope that it brings fill you with faith & comfort this holiday season.
I feel like that has been the theme this year. I rang in 2010 with some sweet friends & their kids at our house in Guthrie after missing ALL but one of our Christmas plans due to the freakish 2009 blizzard. We spent Christmas day in Super 8 in Sapulpa eating burritos called "the bomb" and candy from Isaac's stocking for our Christmas feast. 24 inches of snow on Christmas eve, did that just happen???
After Christmas Ryland & I met some of our now dearest friends for the first time. We met with our now pastor & his wife where Isaac proceeded to puke on the restaurant table right in front of them.We then met with a search committee from Central Baptist in Owasso. They came to see Ry lead worship and have a lunch meeting. And who did we run into at the restaurant? Yep- our pastor, Griff Henderson. Did that just happen? Luckily Griff was none the wiser and gracefully laughed about it with us later.
In January I chose to do a one word resolution. I chose the word "hope". Sadly, when things look bad, instead of trusting God, I tend to react with doom, gloom, and anxiety. Hope became my word to meditate on and to try and live out- there is always hope, no matter how grim things look. Our family grew with the birth of my favorite nephew Jantzen Russell Gardner, an adorable little curly haired roly poly. On the weekend he was born we made a trip to Owasso to meet the staff at Central and talk more about a potential future there.
In February my baby boy turned a year old. Did that just happen? It seemed like I had just brought home a baby from the hospital and he turned one. We celebrated with a monkey themed party for Isaac and Ryland on February 6th, Ryland's actual birthday. I gave Ryland a very special gift that day: a positive pregnancy test. After only one month of trying, I was expecting.
Early March brought morning sickness and a weekend trip in view of a call to Owasso. After a weekend of falling in love, Ryland was invited to take the job as Worship and Media Arts Pastor. Again, did that just happen? It amazes me how God has been preparing him for this job for years, just not in a classroom setting but in previous jobs & life! We put our Guthrie house on the market and prayed for a quick sale. My parents also made a big move- they moved from their lifelong home in Barnsdall to their dream home in Dewey. They have no doubt that God lead them there, even providing my mom with a great job.
In April as we prepared for Ryland to move to Owasso we noticed Isaac standing in the middle of the living room. We didn't put him there- my baby walked. Did that just happen? My tiny baby walked- and has been running since. Ryland moved to Owasso to start working the week after Easter. It was a 6 week separation for us- only seeing each other on the weekend. Ryland got custody of the dogs and I got Isaac. It was hard on all of us, but we skyped daily and made it through.
May came. I tearfully quit my job of 4 years at Will Rogers Elementary. Isaac and I packed some of our house and went to live with Ryland and the pups in Owasso. And the highlight came on a Saturday afternoon as we saw on an ultrasound screen that we would be welcoming a daughter into our family in October. Did that just happen?
June brought long days in rent house #1 and settling in to our new town & church. Isaac & I took lots of trips to the zoo where my little genius fostered his love of animals and perfected his animal sounds. I started subbing in Grand Central Kids pre-school. And my family grew again as my beautiful cousin Riann Dilbeck married her prince, Trent Swanson. It was a hot wedding, literally. The air conditioning went out in the beautiful little Lutheran church where they married- we all braved it to see them exchange vows. In late June I experienced one of my proudest moments as a wife, Ryland was ordained into the ministry. It feels so good to know that we will be spending the rest of our lives doing what we love & serving who we love.
July brought one of the worst heat waves ever in the history of the universe as I entered the third trimester of my pregnancy. We moved out of our Guthrie house into rent house #2. We continued to pray for our house to sell as we were finally able to unpack in Owasso & start working on a nursery. We also took Isaac to Arkansas to see his Mimi and Poppy. I got introduced to an amazing little cheesecake bakery, and had an amazing pedicure with my sweet mother in law Cyndi, and sister in law, Hilary.
I started my new job as a preschool music teacher in August and loved it more than I ever thought possible. I get to dance and sing Jesus songs and I get paid! I hoodwinked someone, because my job is awesome!
September brought lots of Braxton Hicks contractions and false labor scares but no baby. It can be summed up in 3 words: fat, miserable, hot. It was the longest month of my life! Isaac & I both had stomach flu and he had a second bout of pneumonia. We also had a visit from all of Ryland's family over Labor Day weekend.
October FINALLY came. And one night as I was doing dishes it appeared that my water broke. So I posted my happy news on facebook & Ryland & I headed to the hospital. Shamefully, my water had not broken, 9 1/2 months of pregnancy had weakened the ole bladder, and I told the whole cyber world. Did that just happen? A week and a half later, on October 12, 3 days shy of my due date, after 6 easy hours of labor, my baby girl was born. Isaac's "bay-bay" sister was named Hope Angeline Russell, weighed 7lbs 1oz, and was 21 and 1/2 inches long. How could we have named her anything else? Hope was the theme of my life this year. The fact that I could so easily conceive another child coupled with the blessings & changes we've experienced made it impossible for her name not to remind Us of God's goodness in our lives. We brought home our little princess and entertained many anxious family members including Ryland's parents & siblings who made sure our bellies were full & that Hope could immediately begin the spoiling process! Halloween came and we had our first post-baby outing with a cute elephant and tiny ladybug in tow.
November brought Thanksgiving and my return to work. I was a little sleep deprived, so I'm sure there are many parts that I'm blocking out. Like Isaac's fever of 104 degrees on Thanksgiving.
So here we are. December. A smiley , already teething, 2 month old, an adorable and smart almost terrible 2 year old, an overweight but gloriously happy mommy, and a tired & talented Daddy working on our awesome church Christmas musical where Hope played baby Jesus. We are also gearing up for my preschoolers to do their Christmas program. We are looking forward to the holidays followed by a trip to Disney World generously given to us by Ryland's grandma Mary with the whole Russell extended family.
In the midst of it all I need health insurance ( I've been rejected by 2 companies) and we desperately need the Guthrie house to sell in order to avoid some scary financial ordeals. But I look no further than Hope, laying in my arms. She is my life's second great miracle, and things like houses and insurance look so much smaller and less ominous. God has & will always take care of us. After all, God gave the world a miracle over 2000 when he sent us Jesus who would save all of us against all odds. Who am I to fear?
2011 will bring babies into the homes of 15 our couple friends, a little boy who will (hopefully) potty train, a little girl who will most likely walk by years end, my 10 year high school reunion ( Did that just happen???), our sixth year of marriage, 13th year of "togetherness", and a great year for Ryland & I in ministry in our new home. Every year brings it's own surprises, changes, and goodbyes. I pray that God will direct our path, just as he always has.
Merry Christmas with love. May the miracle of Christ's birth and the hope that it brings fill you with faith & comfort this holiday season.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
It All Comes Back Around
This is Lexus.In January of 2007 I had just had my first miscarriage. I was devastated. I hadn't told any co-workers, so I had returned to work keeping my sad secret. I was approached by a co-worker that was a board member for Lucky Star Cavalier Rescue. They were in need of foster families for dogs who were waiting to be placed with a family. Having 2 beloved doggies at home, the time, and needing a distraction from the grief, I volunteered.
A day or so later I went to a local vet and picked up a female dog. She was malnourished and had just weaned a litter of puppies. She had been spayed a few days earlier. I put her in a little crate and put her in my car. I took her home and placed the crate in the floor and opened the door fully expecting her to run out and play with my other two friendly poodle mixes. Little did I know that it would take days for her to leave the safety of her crate to do anything other than to eat or potty quickly.
Lexus had obviously been neglected. A look at her rotten teeth and frail frame were proof of this. She had also been abused, she would stiffen and flinch with even the most gentle and slow touch. She was terrified of Ryland. It was months before she would allow him to approach her before cowering and running away. Her hips were in terrible shape from having litter upon litter of puppies and starting too young. She had baggage. She was a broken and sad little animal.
She slowly began to trust me, to come to me, and allow me to love on her. Slowly she bonded with my other two dogs and found safety and security in her little "pack". It broke my heart to know that I'd have to let her go soon.
As fate would have it, Lexus had a foot condition called grass awns, another easily preventable issue caused by neglect from her breeder. She had a surgery with my veterinarian to try and alleviate this. My vet was looking for a dog for his wife and was interested in Lexus. I struck gold! I cried my eyes out at the thought of losing her, but I was so happy! There would be no better home than that of a vet who would take care of her and keep her comfortable for the rest of her life.
I gave her away feeling good that I had helped to rehabilitate an animal and help her to trust people again.
6 weeks later I took my two doggies in to the vet for a routine set of vaccinations. My vet had tears in his eyes. He told me that Lexus was terrified of he and his wife. She would run from them and was never at ease. He asked if he could ask the organization to keep his donation, but return the dog. I arranged to pick her up. She ran to me and literally smiled. It was like we both knew she was home.
I sweet talked my husband into letting us keep her. He isn't her biggest fan, but she is my dog and I'm her person.
So when she disappeared two weekends ago, my heart broke. This dog was my distraction through 2 more miscarriages, surgeries, fertility treatments, and the death of my aunt. Some people would say its "just" a dog. I disagree. Actually, I take offense. This was therapy, something that took my mind off of me. On my worst day I was never beaten, starved, or neglected like she had been. It gave me something to pour love into.
I drove my neighborhood crying and looking for her for hours. I called the animal shelter, local vets, and Ryland put up posters. There was a freeze warning that night and I could think about was her being cold, or a "Michael Vick" picking her up and using her as pitbull bait. (Dramatic, yes... I saw a news special once and it FREAKED me out!) I resigned myself to the fact that maybe her time in our family was over. That God gave her to me on loan for that hard season of my life and maybe another family needed her more right now.
Two days later we found out that Lexus had crossed a major highway and ended up at Petsmart where she was put on the lost and found list and sent home with a foster family. We happily got their information and went to get her. When I went in to the 5000 sq feet gorgeous home, I found her lying on a leather couch on a chenille blanket and I swear she had GAINED weight. She wagged her tail but didn't get up to greet me. It was almost as if she was thinking, "well crap, back to skid row..."
That is the thanks I get for rescuing her. I know my place now.
But for the record, she belongs with me, and I am so glad she's home. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't wake up to her sneezing everyday.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Why Do I Do It?
Why Do I Do It?
Recently I was thinking about my blog and why I do it.
I have a few followers, 10's maybe. I seriously doubt that I have 100 people read a post at any given time.
I was reading a person's blog a few years back and this person was so ego centric. They felt as if their blog was so special and unique that it literally could change everything! I don't even pretend to think that mine is interesting to anyone outside of my little circle of family and friends.
If anything I do believe it has given me a small ministry. I do sincerely try to glorify God by being honest in what I put in print. By my ministry is so different now than it was when I started this blog so many years ago.
My blog began as an outlet for me to share my infertility & adoption experiences with my family and friends. I think much harder about my written words and a blog was an easy way to share about topics that some might find it uncomfortable to ask about. God was bringing me through a hard time in my life and I felt like maybe someone out there could relate and connect to my experiences.
From there it evolved- it went from an adoption story to a surprise pregnancy story. It was a way to chronicle the miracle growing in me. Again, not exciting to strangers but a great way to share with our families who were living far away.
It evolved again to a new mommy blog where I unabashedly bragged on and showed off my first born. So cute!
Then it became a story of the Russells really becoming a family. Making hard choices, leaving for new things, and adding a little Hope into the mix.
So here I am today. Why do I do this? Why do I share intensely personal, private things?
My answer is two-fold. I can't tell an honest story if it is cleaned up, edited down, and missing pieces. Miscarriage, pregnancy, birth, and kid-raising are messy. The mess is part of the lesson and the beauty in the journey. I don't share other people's garbage without permission- my hubby & kids are fair game though. So my personal privacy is out there- judge me, love me, hate me, think less of me, be annoyed, be bored- but know I am being REAL. And by being real, and telling my story, I am telling a story authored by God. The glory, the credit, the laughs, tears, and smiles, all belong to God. He generously gave me the people and experiences in this blog. I hope that if you take anything away from my blog that you can see how crazy amazing & sweet Gods love is.
And my second reason is that I want my kids to have a record, a written love letter, of how precious and wanted they both are. Again, I want them to see in my words how Gods love, provision, and blessings were with them before they ever existed. I do this for my kids.
Regardless of who reads this- this blog is my legacy to my kids. I hope it makes them proud. And I hope they will see that God had a plan for their lives before they ever were- and He still has a plan and always will.
Recently I was thinking about my blog and why I do it.
I have a few followers, 10's maybe. I seriously doubt that I have 100 people read a post at any given time.
I was reading a person's blog a few years back and this person was so ego centric. They felt as if their blog was so special and unique that it literally could change everything! I don't even pretend to think that mine is interesting to anyone outside of my little circle of family and friends.
If anything I do believe it has given me a small ministry. I do sincerely try to glorify God by being honest in what I put in print. By my ministry is so different now than it was when I started this blog so many years ago.
My blog began as an outlet for me to share my infertility & adoption experiences with my family and friends. I think much harder about my written words and a blog was an easy way to share about topics that some might find it uncomfortable to ask about. God was bringing me through a hard time in my life and I felt like maybe someone out there could relate and connect to my experiences.
From there it evolved- it went from an adoption story to a surprise pregnancy story. It was a way to chronicle the miracle growing in me. Again, not exciting to strangers but a great way to share with our families who were living far away.
It evolved again to a new mommy blog where I unabashedly bragged on and showed off my first born. So cute!
Then it became a story of the Russells really becoming a family. Making hard choices, leaving for new things, and adding a little Hope into the mix.
So here I am today. Why do I do this? Why do I share intensely personal, private things?
My answer is two-fold. I can't tell an honest story if it is cleaned up, edited down, and missing pieces. Miscarriage, pregnancy, birth, and kid-raising are messy. The mess is part of the lesson and the beauty in the journey. I don't share other people's garbage without permission- my hubby & kids are fair game though. So my personal privacy is out there- judge me, love me, hate me, think less of me, be annoyed, be bored- but know I am being REAL. And by being real, and telling my story, I am telling a story authored by God. The glory, the credit, the laughs, tears, and smiles, all belong to God. He generously gave me the people and experiences in this blog. I hope that if you take anything away from my blog that you can see how crazy amazing & sweet Gods love is.
And my second reason is that I want my kids to have a record, a written love letter, of how precious and wanted they both are. Again, I want them to see in my words how Gods love, provision, and blessings were with them before they ever existed. I do this for my kids.
Regardless of who reads this- this blog is my legacy to my kids. I hope it makes them proud. And I hope they will see that God had a plan for their lives before they ever were- and He still has a plan and always will.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
21st Century Birth Announcement
This is what the digital world received on the day Hope was born. We made very few phone calls, but instead updated our friends and family via facebook and twitter.
Mindy Russell It's baby day! Please say a prayer that my Hope passes her first test (APGAR) with a perfect score!
October 12 at 4:58am via Twitter
(Tweeted from the car on the way to the hospital.)
Mindy Russell Hope is here! Born at 1:08, 7 lbs,1 oz, 21 inches long, looks like her brother. Thank you Jesus!
October 12 at 1:27pm via Twitter
Mindy Russell It's baby day! Please say a prayer that my Hope passes her first test (APGAR) with a perfect score!
October 12 at 4:58am via Twitter
(Tweeted from the car on the way to the hospital.)
Ryland Russell Today as I sit on the couch in labor and delivery, I am once again thankful I'm a man. http://yfrog.com/6gxpuoj 5:36 AM Oct 12th via Twitterrific
Ryland Russell Predictions? Length width and time. Winner gets to name her. 5:38 AM Oct 12th via Twitterrific
(We had 20ish people guess- but Ry got the closest.)
Mindy Russell Yeah, my day has been pretty rough so far....
October 12 at 9:33am via Facebook for iPhone
Ryland Russell Just punched Mindy in the leg. She laughed, this is fun. Hope will be here soon! 12:39 PM Oct 12th via Twitterrific
(I had just had my epidural and was feeling GREAT, so Ryland wanted to test it out and be sure we were getting out money's worth. We were!!! I didn't feel a thing.)
Ryland Russell Punched = barely tapped.October 12 at 12:41pm via Twitter ·
Mindy Russell Hope is here! Born at 1:08, 7 lbs,1 oz, 21 inches long, looks like her brother. Thank you Jesus!
October 12 at 1:27pm via Twitter
Ryland Russell And so it begins.
October 12 at 3:41pm
She- A Digital Scrapbook
She
She made herself known on her daddy's 26th birthday.
She made me so sick that I lost 8 pounds in my first tri-mester. Don't worry, I gained it back. 
She was nicknamed "cupcake" by my third graders.
She was gestating during the biggest transitional time of my life. Changing homes, churches, towns, and careers.
She is my second born, and first daughter.
She made me cry on ultrasound day. I kept saying how much I'd love another son, but I wanted a daughter so badly.
She was named "Hope" because my hope at one time was to be able to have children at all, having 2 has been icing on the cake. It was also my one word resolution for 2010.
She was given the middle name "Angeline" after my grandpa Corky's mother, Mahalia (Haley) Angeline Harmon. Haley was the spiritual leader in her family, she didn't make huge contributions in education or philosophy, but has a legacy of a woman of faith. Although I never met my "Mammie" I am proud that my daughter carries her name and hopefully the same great faith of her forerunner. Angeline also means "messenger of God" which has already proved true for her mama.
She made herself known on her daddy's 26th birthday.
She made me so sick that I lost 8 pounds in my first tri-mester. Don't worry, I gained it back.
She was nicknamed "cupcake" by my third graders.
She was gestating during the biggest transitional time of my life. Changing homes, churches, towns, and careers.
She is my second born, and first daughter.She made me cry on ultrasound day. I kept saying how much I'd love another son, but I wanted a daughter so badly.
She was named "Hope" because my hope at one time was to be able to have children at all, having 2 has been icing on the cake. It was also my one word resolution for 2010.
She was given the middle name "Angeline" after my grandpa Corky's mother, Mahalia (Haley) Angeline Harmon. Haley was the spiritual leader in her family, she didn't make huge contributions in education or philosophy, but has a legacy of a woman of faith. Although I never met my "Mammie" I am proud that my daughter carries her name and hopefully the same great faith of her forerunner. Angeline also means "messenger of God" which has already proved true for her mama.
She made me worry that I couldn't love another child as much as I love Isaac. I have since had a grinch moment where my heart grew three sizes. No love was lost- only multiplied.
She has 4 great grandmas, 2 great grandpas, and all of her grandparents. I pray she has many many years with all of them.
She was born at 39 weeks and 5 days gestation.
She was born on Tuesday, October 12, at 1:08pm, after 6 short hours of labor.
She weighed 7lbs 1oz and was 21 inches long. Her APGAR was 9.9.
She didn't have a cone head like her brother.
She has a small stork bite on her neck, forehead & left eyelid.
She wrapped her daddy around her finger in the delivery room, she held on to his finger while the nurse cleaned, weighed & measured her.
She has lots of fuzz on her back. I may have to teach her to wax someday.
She is a good little sleeper- she wakes in the night only to eat & snuggle.
She is an answer to prayer.
She is beautiful & innocent, the picture of sweetness.
She is the daughter I wished for & prayed for.
She is mine.
She has 4 great grandmas, 2 great grandpas, and all of her grandparents. I pray she has many many years with all of them.She was born at 39 weeks and 5 days gestation.
She was born on Tuesday, October 12, at 1:08pm, after 6 short hours of labor.
She weighed 7lbs 1oz and was 21 inches long. Her APGAR was 9.9.
She didn't have a cone head like her brother.
She has a small stork bite on her neck, forehead & left eyelid.
She wrapped her daddy around her finger in the delivery room, she held on to his finger while the nurse cleaned, weighed & measured her.
She has lots of fuzz on her back. I may have to teach her to wax someday.
She is a good little sleeper- she wakes in the night only to eat & snuggle.
She looks just like her brother.
She makes me love God, Isaac, and Ryland even more.
She is an answer to prayer.
She is beautiful & innocent, the picture of sweetness.
She is the daughter I wished for & prayed for.
She is mine.
Hope's Birth Story
Hope's Birth Story
This is going to be a 2 parter. I am going to give the narrative version now & then give the tweets & facebook statuses from our family & friends for the day. I loved being able to share it all so instantaneously. There are some drawbacks to technology, but on Hope's birthday I was very thankful for it.
But I digress....
On Friday, October 8, I went for what was my last routine OB appt. 1st- my blood pressure was way high- 135/92 when I am always a solid 120/80. I had only progressed to 4 with 80% effacement, but my cervix was ripe for delivery. So my doctor & I decided to go ahead & strip my membranes ( don't google if you don't wanna know, men) as a natural way to stimulate my labor. When she did this I had an unusually large amount of bleeding, so my doctor sent me to labor & delivery to be monitored. After my visit to the hospital 5 days earlier, I was sure we'd be leaving with a baby. 3 hours later I was discharged, again. But with orders to return Tuesday morning to be induced.
So, on Tuesday, October 12, we checked in at 5:30am to get the party started. We got there, got me hooked up to my pitocin drip & watched Law & Order SVU. All in all it was a very uneventful early morning. By 6:30, iv drips were in, vitals taken, etc etc. Dilated to 4, 80% effaced, no real contractions to speak of yet.
At 8:30ish my wonderful little doctor showed up. She checked me over & eventually broke my water. My cervix is really high so doctors always seem to have a hard time doing this.
Things progressed pretty quickly from here. My contractions got more regular & more painful. Since I was having a cyst removed from my old scar tissue immediately after delivery I had already planned to have an epidural. My nurse saw that my extremely painful contractions were 2 minutes apart, she checked me & noticed that i was 7cm dilated & 100% effaced. She told me that I was close to transitioning & that if I wanted an epidural it was now or never.
My anesthesiologist came in about 11:00 and started getting ready to use a huge needle to insert a catheter into my spine. He was a wonderfully nice man, but my contractions were so strong that I kept moving & he had to start 3 times. Ryland had to leave the room so my 90 pound labor & delivery nurse had me put my head on her shoulder and hold her arms. The poor girl had a sweat puddle on her shoulder where I had cried and sweated on her. But when that medicine kicked in life was happy and blissful.
About 12:15, my nurse checked and determined that we needed to page my doctor. It was push time. My doctor arrived at 12:45 and we got down to business. I used a mirror to watch the birth, and my epidural was light enough that I was able to feel when to push. I pushed for about 10 minutes and at 1:08 Hope arrived.
I can't quite put into words the mix of adrenaline, euphoria, and love that you feel when you see your baby for the first time. That moment is a precious gift from God, the sweetest reward for the hard work of labor. The doctor handed me my goo covered little girl. She cried a good healthy cry and all I could think was how much she looked like her brother. Beautiful was an understatement.
I had minimal 2nd degree tearing. It didn't stop me from texting my family when she arrived & twittering her birth stats while being stitched up. My recovery has been easy so far. So different from her fat headed brother.
Speaking of her brother, I also cannot describe how awful it was to be away from him, and how guilty I STILL feel that I have shattered his world with this new baby. In reality, he loves Hope. From the moment he met her, he has only tried to hug, kiss, and snuggle her- when he's not ignoring her that is. It's me that has changed to him. Sadly, he's not the center of my universe. The spotlight is now shared with a tiny, needy, helpless, person, who sometimes causes him to have to wait, which is a great life lesson for a kid, but he doesn't understand yet- so it makes him upset with me. I know it is all part of the journey, I don't know what I'm doing as far as acclimating new siblings goes- I just pray God gives me wisdom & gives Isaac security & understanding that he is no less loved, just that there is less mommy than there used to be.
Back to the story- we stayed in the hospital for 1 night and checked out the next day. Hope is the picture of health- 7lbs, 1oz, 21 inches, no jaundice, APGAR of 9.9- praise God, He does all things well, especially sweet baby girls.
Thank you God for one of the best days of my life. Looking forward to many more.
This is going to be a 2 parter. I am going to give the narrative version now & then give the tweets & facebook statuses from our family & friends for the day. I loved being able to share it all so instantaneously. There are some drawbacks to technology, but on Hope's birthday I was very thankful for it.
But I digress....
On Friday, October 8, I went for what was my last routine OB appt. 1st- my blood pressure was way high- 135/92 when I am always a solid 120/80. I had only progressed to 4 with 80% effacement, but my cervix was ripe for delivery. So my doctor & I decided to go ahead & strip my membranes ( don't google if you don't wanna know, men) as a natural way to stimulate my labor. When she did this I had an unusually large amount of bleeding, so my doctor sent me to labor & delivery to be monitored. After my visit to the hospital 5 days earlier, I was sure we'd be leaving with a baby. 3 hours later I was discharged, again. But with orders to return Tuesday morning to be induced.
So, on Tuesday, October 12, we checked in at 5:30am to get the party started. We got there, got me hooked up to my pitocin drip & watched Law & Order SVU. All in all it was a very uneventful early morning. By 6:30, iv drips were in, vitals taken, etc etc. Dilated to 4, 80% effaced, no real contractions to speak of yet.
At 8:30ish my wonderful little doctor showed up. She checked me over & eventually broke my water. My cervix is really high so doctors always seem to have a hard time doing this.
Things progressed pretty quickly from here. My contractions got more regular & more painful. Since I was having a cyst removed from my old scar tissue immediately after delivery I had already planned to have an epidural. My nurse saw that my extremely painful contractions were 2 minutes apart, she checked me & noticed that i was 7cm dilated & 100% effaced. She told me that I was close to transitioning & that if I wanted an epidural it was now or never.
My anesthesiologist came in about 11:00 and started getting ready to use a huge needle to insert a catheter into my spine. He was a wonderfully nice man, but my contractions were so strong that I kept moving & he had to start 3 times. Ryland had to leave the room so my 90 pound labor & delivery nurse had me put my head on her shoulder and hold her arms. The poor girl had a sweat puddle on her shoulder where I had cried and sweated on her. But when that medicine kicked in life was happy and blissful.
About 12:15, my nurse checked and determined that we needed to page my doctor. It was push time. My doctor arrived at 12:45 and we got down to business. I used a mirror to watch the birth, and my epidural was light enough that I was able to feel when to push. I pushed for about 10 minutes and at 1:08 Hope arrived.
I can't quite put into words the mix of adrenaline, euphoria, and love that you feel when you see your baby for the first time. That moment is a precious gift from God, the sweetest reward for the hard work of labor. The doctor handed me my goo covered little girl. She cried a good healthy cry and all I could think was how much she looked like her brother. Beautiful was an understatement.
I had minimal 2nd degree tearing. It didn't stop me from texting my family when she arrived & twittering her birth stats while being stitched up. My recovery has been easy so far. So different from her fat headed brother.
Speaking of her brother, I also cannot describe how awful it was to be away from him, and how guilty I STILL feel that I have shattered his world with this new baby. In reality, he loves Hope. From the moment he met her, he has only tried to hug, kiss, and snuggle her- when he's not ignoring her that is. It's me that has changed to him. Sadly, he's not the center of my universe. The spotlight is now shared with a tiny, needy, helpless, person, who sometimes causes him to have to wait, which is a great life lesson for a kid, but he doesn't understand yet- so it makes him upset with me. I know it is all part of the journey, I don't know what I'm doing as far as acclimating new siblings goes- I just pray God gives me wisdom & gives Isaac security & understanding that he is no less loved, just that there is less mommy than there used to be.
Back to the story- we stayed in the hospital for 1 night and checked out the next day. Hope is the picture of health- 7lbs, 1oz, 21 inches, no jaundice, APGAR of 9.9- praise God, He does all things well, especially sweet baby girls.
Thank you God for one of the best days of my life. Looking forward to many more.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Hope's Nursery
Hope's Nursery
It's been awhile since I finished Hope's nursery. It's just not as fun in a rental house. No painting, no shelving, and some really ugly wallpaper. But I am happy for now. Photog friends, forgive the awful shadows and bad angles- Focus on the cute subject matter in the room.
Hope's room is kind of and orchid/lilac/purply color and the decor is giraffes. I really like it. It's been fun to decorate a girl's room. It is actually the most decorated room in the house. Like I said- it's hard to want to put out all my cute things when I don't know how long we'll be here. Surely someday the Guthrie house will sell and then we can buy "our" home, right? Oh well, no time to worry about that this week.
My baby girl comes tomorrow!!!
The crib where she will spend many peaceful nights.
Dresser/changing table, wall decor, and bow holders.
The top of her armoire. Can't wait to fill the cute picture frames.
Blankie/ burp cloth basket.
Close up of the comforter on her bed.
The crib.
View from the door.
And just because there isn't quite enough cuteness.......
The future big brother.
It's been awhile since I finished Hope's nursery. It's just not as fun in a rental house. No painting, no shelving, and some really ugly wallpaper. But I am happy for now. Photog friends, forgive the awful shadows and bad angles- Focus on the cute subject matter in the room.
Hope's room is kind of and orchid/lilac/purply color and the decor is giraffes. I really like it. It's been fun to decorate a girl's room. It is actually the most decorated room in the house. Like I said- it's hard to want to put out all my cute things when I don't know how long we'll be here. Surely someday the Guthrie house will sell and then we can buy "our" home, right? Oh well, no time to worry about that this week.
My baby girl comes tomorrow!!!
The crib where she will spend many peaceful nights.
Dresser/changing table, wall decor, and bow holders.
The top of her armoire. Can't wait to fill the cute picture frames.
Blankie/ burp cloth basket.
The crib.
View from the door.And just because there isn't quite enough cuteness.......
The future big brother.
If Hope is as cute as this guy, I'm done for.
Please pray for me.
Monday, October 4, 2010
You're Not Cool Unless You Pee Your Pants
You're Not Cool Unless You Pee Your Pants
Between twitter and facebook, I have around 995 friends.
Some would consider me to be pretty popular. (Ha ha ha)
So last night when I thought my water broke, I made the announcement as anyone in the digital generation would have. I posted this as my twitter/facebook status: "According to the puddle on my floor- I'm having a baby! Holy cow!" I was so excited to share my joy with my closest friends!
Before this, I was standing next to the sink, getting a drink when I was suddenly standing in liquid. What else was I to assume when this happened? I thought that my moment had arrived. It was 10:15pm, Ryland and I went into action and enacted our plan. I showered, we finished packing, Isaac's supervision arrived, and we joyfully headed to the hospital to welcome our long awaited baby girl.
We arrived about 11:20, got to skip triage and went straight to a labor and delivery room. My vitals were checked, and as any thorough nurse would, we did a test to be sure that I had, in fact, "ruptured". How could I not be? An unexplained puddle on the floor, 9 and 1/2 months preggo, how could it be anything else?
First test, negative. Second test, negative. Third test: negative. Three strikes and they send your tired, pregnant, butt home.
Discharge papers signed. My heart broken that I would be pregnant for another day. And the knowledge that I had posted for nearly 1,000 people that I had peed my pants. Not to mention caused sleep loss for my friends and family- which could be dangerous. And it was 1:15am, not a good time to be me in general.
As we were leaving, Ryland did what he does when he's uncomfortable- he tried to make me laugh. As we were walking out he muttered "we're doing the walk of shame" underneath his breath. He also let me know that RevKev was trying to find a new nickname for me since "preggo" will be moot in a few days, and he thought that this situation would be very advantageous for RevKev.
So we got in the car. I cried a little and hatched a plot to go into hiding until Hope is born and play off this whole debacle. But then I put on my big girl pants, and an adult diaper, and decided to suck it up. I am not the first mommy this has happened to. I will deal with the shame and the name calling. And I will pray that Hope comes soon.
According to Billy Madison, "You're not cool unless you pee your pants." This is my mantra.
And when I give birth to Hope she is grounded. I haven't peed my pants in years. This is her fault, after all.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Between twitter and facebook, I have around 995 friends.
Some would consider me to be pretty popular. (Ha ha ha)
So last night when I thought my water broke, I made the announcement as anyone in the digital generation would have. I posted this as my twitter/facebook status: "According to the puddle on my floor- I'm having a baby! Holy cow!" I was so excited to share my joy with my closest friends!
Before this, I was standing next to the sink, getting a drink when I was suddenly standing in liquid. What else was I to assume when this happened? I thought that my moment had arrived. It was 10:15pm, Ryland and I went into action and enacted our plan. I showered, we finished packing, Isaac's supervision arrived, and we joyfully headed to the hospital to welcome our long awaited baby girl.
We arrived about 11:20, got to skip triage and went straight to a labor and delivery room. My vitals were checked, and as any thorough nurse would, we did a test to be sure that I had, in fact, "ruptured". How could I not be? An unexplained puddle on the floor, 9 and 1/2 months preggo, how could it be anything else?
First test, negative. Second test, negative. Third test: negative. Three strikes and they send your tired, pregnant, butt home.
Discharge papers signed. My heart broken that I would be pregnant for another day. And the knowledge that I had posted for nearly 1,000 people that I had peed my pants. Not to mention caused sleep loss for my friends and family- which could be dangerous. And it was 1:15am, not a good time to be me in general.
As we were leaving, Ryland did what he does when he's uncomfortable- he tried to make me laugh. As we were walking out he muttered "we're doing the walk of shame" underneath his breath. He also let me know that RevKev was trying to find a new nickname for me since "preggo" will be moot in a few days, and he thought that this situation would be very advantageous for RevKev.
So we got in the car. I cried a little and hatched a plot to go into hiding until Hope is born and play off this whole debacle. But then I put on my big girl pants, and an adult diaper, and decided to suck it up. I am not the first mommy this has happened to. I will deal with the shame and the name calling. And I will pray that Hope comes soon.
According to Billy Madison, "You're not cool unless you pee your pants." This is my mantra.
And when I give birth to Hope she is grounded. I haven't peed my pants in years. This is her fault, after all.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Letters
Letters
Ry-
Wasn't 1998 like 3 weeks ago? Where did the scrawny little baseball player & small town cheerleader go? When did we turn into adults, let alone parents of 2?
Life over the past 12 years has had plenty of bumps & bruises, but there isn't one minute of it that I'd trade. I'm so glad that I've been lucky enough to get to do it all with you. It always seems to get sweeter.
On your worst days you are still the best husband in the universe, and I cannot imagine a better daddy than you. You are my best friend and I still get butterflies when you smile at me.
Thank you for putting up with my crazy, my irrational, my obsessive, and my fearful. Thank you for loving God and leading our family in that way. Thank you for the way you love our son- he will know what a Christlike man should be. I can't wait to see you with our baby girl, because of you she will know what it means to be treated with love & respect.
Thank you for picking me. Out of all the girls in the world I get to spend my life with you. I wish every woman could have it so good. I love you so much.
You are my favorite- it's me and you vs. the little crumb gobblers. Some day I'll have to let them go, but you- I get to keep. And that doesn't make it seem so bad.
Mindy
Isaac-
My beautiful first born- what a wild time we've had over the last few months. Three houses, a new town, a new daycare, 2 cases of pneumonia, and an ever expanding mommy. You've handled it all so well. You never cease to amaze me.
I know that I am your momma and that automatically makes me biased, but I think you are the most funny, smart, and downright exceptional kid I have ever met. I know the chances of you growing up to cure cancer or author world peace are probably slim. But I look at you and have no doubt that God has such a special plan for you. Even now, I know that God is preparing you and I will do my best to help you find God's will and do it. And even when you disappoint me, or fail, or just plain screw up - I will always always always and forever love you.
Your life is about to change in quite a big way. You are going to be Hope's big brother. Like it or not- it will be part of your identity. This means sharing your toys, your time, and your parents. I have so much mommy guilt for disrupting your life & security with a sibling at such a young age. But as a big sister myself, there are so very sweet parts of having a younger sibling: 1) no one will ever love you like your sibling 2) they know, appreciate, and occasionally be annoyed by all your quirks 3) they understand your jokes & will "get" you like no one else 4) believe it or not, some day you will be angry with me & she'll take your side. Who knows, you may even win sometime.
Just know that no matter who comes into our family, you are always going to be my precious first son, you were a promise from God fulfilled, and you are irreplaceable.
And don't tell your sister- but you are my favorite.
I love you more than you'll ever know.
Momma
Hope-
I cannot wait to meet you in week or so. I've dreamed about you- you are tiny and dark headed. I'm anxious to see your face. Are you going to look like your brother? Will you have the Russell feet, or maybe the Harmon nose? Will you be long & skinny like Isaac, or will you be a petite little princess? You will be mine & regardless of who you look like, no one will see your beauty like I do.
Regardless of the physical beauty you may have, my prayer is that you love God & that your beauty comes from your heart. Your great aunt Karla always said, "pretty is as pretty does", I hope that you "do" pretty more than look it.
You are already so different from Isaac. They way that you sit in my belly & the way you move is much more gentle. You are the second child which means more hand me downs, less undivided attention, more experienced & relaxed parents, & less attention to some detail.
You are however my first (and maybe only) daughter. I hope that we have lots in common. I'd be lying if I didn't say that I daydream of shopping trips, chick flicks, and pedicures. But if you are a tom boy, I won't be disappointed or love you any less. I want you to be whatever kind of woman that God has planned for you. I want you to be brave, and generous, and kind.
I am so excited to be your Momma. I can't wait to hold you in my arms and welcome you to this great world and to our family. I know I am not a perfect Mom. There will be many mistakes and apologies, but I love you so much already. You are a gift from God and you are very wanted.
And don't tell your brother- but you are my favorite.
I love you more than you'll ever know.
Momma
Ry-
Wasn't 1998 like 3 weeks ago? Where did the scrawny little baseball player & small town cheerleader go? When did we turn into adults, let alone parents of 2?
Life over the past 12 years has had plenty of bumps & bruises, but there isn't one minute of it that I'd trade. I'm so glad that I've been lucky enough to get to do it all with you. It always seems to get sweeter.
On your worst days you are still the best husband in the universe, and I cannot imagine a better daddy than you. You are my best friend and I still get butterflies when you smile at me.
Thank you for putting up with my crazy, my irrational, my obsessive, and my fearful. Thank you for loving God and leading our family in that way. Thank you for the way you love our son- he will know what a Christlike man should be. I can't wait to see you with our baby girl, because of you she will know what it means to be treated with love & respect.
Thank you for picking me. Out of all the girls in the world I get to spend my life with you. I wish every woman could have it so good. I love you so much.
You are my favorite- it's me and you vs. the little crumb gobblers. Some day I'll have to let them go, but you- I get to keep. And that doesn't make it seem so bad.
Mindy
Isaac-
My beautiful first born- what a wild time we've had over the last few months. Three houses, a new town, a new daycare, 2 cases of pneumonia, and an ever expanding mommy. You've handled it all so well. You never cease to amaze me.
I know that I am your momma and that automatically makes me biased, but I think you are the most funny, smart, and downright exceptional kid I have ever met. I know the chances of you growing up to cure cancer or author world peace are probably slim. But I look at you and have no doubt that God has such a special plan for you. Even now, I know that God is preparing you and I will do my best to help you find God's will and do it. And even when you disappoint me, or fail, or just plain screw up - I will always always always and forever love you.
Your life is about to change in quite a big way. You are going to be Hope's big brother. Like it or not- it will be part of your identity. This means sharing your toys, your time, and your parents. I have so much mommy guilt for disrupting your life & security with a sibling at such a young age. But as a big sister myself, there are so very sweet parts of having a younger sibling: 1) no one will ever love you like your sibling 2) they know, appreciate, and occasionally be annoyed by all your quirks 3) they understand your jokes & will "get" you like no one else 4) believe it or not, some day you will be angry with me & she'll take your side. Who knows, you may even win sometime.
Just know that no matter who comes into our family, you are always going to be my precious first son, you were a promise from God fulfilled, and you are irreplaceable.
And don't tell your sister- but you are my favorite.
I love you more than you'll ever know.
Momma
Hope-
I cannot wait to meet you in week or so. I've dreamed about you- you are tiny and dark headed. I'm anxious to see your face. Are you going to look like your brother? Will you have the Russell feet, or maybe the Harmon nose? Will you be long & skinny like Isaac, or will you be a petite little princess? You will be mine & regardless of who you look like, no one will see your beauty like I do.
Regardless of the physical beauty you may have, my prayer is that you love God & that your beauty comes from your heart. Your great aunt Karla always said, "pretty is as pretty does", I hope that you "do" pretty more than look it.
You are already so different from Isaac. They way that you sit in my belly & the way you move is much more gentle. You are the second child which means more hand me downs, less undivided attention, more experienced & relaxed parents, & less attention to some detail.
You are however my first (and maybe only) daughter. I hope that we have lots in common. I'd be lying if I didn't say that I daydream of shopping trips, chick flicks, and pedicures. But if you are a tom boy, I won't be disappointed or love you any less. I want you to be whatever kind of woman that God has planned for you. I want you to be brave, and generous, and kind.
I am so excited to be your Momma. I can't wait to hold you in my arms and welcome you to this great world and to our family. I know I am not a perfect Mom. There will be many mistakes and apologies, but I love you so much already. You are a gift from God and you are very wanted.
And don't tell your brother- but you are my favorite.
I love you more than you'll ever know.
Momma
End of the Road Reflections
End of the road reflections
My pregnancy with "Hopenstein", as her daddy has nicknamed her, is officially full term as of Friday. I cannot believe that it was 9 1/2 months ago, on Ryland's birthday that we found out that our little cupcake would be making her way into the world.
Reflecting on this makes me think back to how different our lives were at the beginning of this whole thing. Everything was different- our jobs, our finances, our plans, and our zip code just to name a few. Things felt secure and safe, no big risks, nothing to fear.
Then God called. He asked us to do some hard things. He asked us to leave the familiar for the wildly different. He asked us to leave our own financial margin in exchange for handing our finances to Him. He asked us to grow from a family of three to a party of 4. He asked Ry and me to live apart for 6 weeks. He asked us to move without selling our home.
And though there have been many tears, fears, dragging of my feet and bumps in the road, here I stand- protected, provided for, and reaping blessings that are too sweet to be missed.
So as I look back, I see God's hand in it all. I see His faithfulness and guidance, even as I doubted.
And as I look forward - I see my two children, laughter and hope, reminding me of where we are going: wherever He leads.
My pregnancy with "Hopenstein", as her daddy has nicknamed her, is officially full term as of Friday. I cannot believe that it was 9 1/2 months ago, on Ryland's birthday that we found out that our little cupcake would be making her way into the world.
Reflecting on this makes me think back to how different our lives were at the beginning of this whole thing. Everything was different- our jobs, our finances, our plans, and our zip code just to name a few. Things felt secure and safe, no big risks, nothing to fear.
Then God called. He asked us to do some hard things. He asked us to leave the familiar for the wildly different. He asked us to leave our own financial margin in exchange for handing our finances to Him. He asked us to grow from a family of three to a party of 4. He asked Ry and me to live apart for 6 weeks. He asked us to move without selling our home.
And though there have been many tears, fears, dragging of my feet and bumps in the road, here I stand- protected, provided for, and reaping blessings that are too sweet to be missed.
So as I look back, I see God's hand in it all. I see His faithfulness and guidance, even as I doubted.
And as I look forward - I see my two children, laughter and hope, reminding me of where we are going: wherever He leads.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Everything I Need to Know: Lessons from Sunday School Music
Everything I Need to Know: Lessons from Sunday School Music
If Isaac had not been home with stomach flu today I would have been at my 6th day of my new job, teaching music to preschoolers at our church's preschool program.
I love this job. I get paid to teach them cute songs, how to play rhythm instruments, and do some fun dances & movement games with them. My job is more FUN than any other that I've ever had. The lesson planning takes minimal time, the prep work is easy, it took me only 20 minutes to get ready for a sub today, and the best part: I get to talk about Jesus. No apology. No innuendo. I can say his name. I can say that I love him. I can openly express my belief in him. I have permission & an expectation that Jesus is in my classroom. That is the sweetest part.
I have been teaching the kiddos some of my childhood favorites over the past 2 weeks. It is really sweet to experience these songs again 20ish years later. Some of them contain more wisdom than I ever realized.
This Little Light of Mine- it comes from the verse " let your light so shine before men that they see your good deeds & glorify your Father in heaven." As a child I didn't realize that I was singing such powerful scripture. I am often so guilty of letting myself get so bogged down in busy & worry that my light is either "pfoofed" out by Satan or hidden under a bushel (or stack of bills, of perhaps a diaper bag). I have the light of the world inside of me & I am constantly robbed of it's power, sadly by my own devices.
Oh, Be Careful Little Eyes- Oh be careful little eyes, indeed. If you see too much real housewives of new jersey & look at your finances with no faith & look at your preggo body and worry on your own, where is your faith? If your little ears listen to fear, if your little mouth speaks hurtful & hateful things, if your little feet go shopping when you're broke, if your little heart puts it's trust in self rather than salvation, and if your mind thinks of anxiety rather than the awesomeness of our savior- how can you know that we have a father up above looking down in love? He desires good for us, all He asks is our obedience. Obedience with our lives is the greatest act of worship. Did you know that was the message behind that cute little song?
He's Got the Whole World in His Hands-I am the worst about trying to carry the world in my hands. That's an impossible task for someone with hands as small as mine. I can't hold it all together on my own. The verse about the "little tiny babies" gets me everytime. For one thing, I think of my three angels that are already with God, there is and never was a better place for them. They will never have stomach flu or have to do puke laundry. I think of my Isaac who is farther from babyhood every day. I am so glad that Isaac rests in God's hands. I can't protect him, love him, or teach him like God can. And my yet-to-be-seen Hope. In the last week I have thought that I was in pre-term labor twice. I have no control over when or how she gets here. But that little tiny baby is in God's hands. I'll see her when she gets here. Lastly, I think of my beloved sisters who are dealing with infertility & pregnancy loss- take comfort in knowing that He's got the little tiny babies - past, present, and yet to come- in His hands. If he can handle the WHOLE world, he can certainly handle what you are going through. He's a great big God, but close & small enough to have a plan just for you & your family.
I am so incredibly blessed that God provided me with a job I love, more time with my kids, and the musical reminders of the sweet truths that I have known for years, but have been given new life by my life's experiences.
If Isaac had not been home with stomach flu today I would have been at my 6th day of my new job, teaching music to preschoolers at our church's preschool program.
I love this job. I get paid to teach them cute songs, how to play rhythm instruments, and do some fun dances & movement games with them. My job is more FUN than any other that I've ever had. The lesson planning takes minimal time, the prep work is easy, it took me only 20 minutes to get ready for a sub today, and the best part: I get to talk about Jesus. No apology. No innuendo. I can say his name. I can say that I love him. I can openly express my belief in him. I have permission & an expectation that Jesus is in my classroom. That is the sweetest part.
I have been teaching the kiddos some of my childhood favorites over the past 2 weeks. It is really sweet to experience these songs again 20ish years later. Some of them contain more wisdom than I ever realized.
This Little Light of Mine- it comes from the verse " let your light so shine before men that they see your good deeds & glorify your Father in heaven." As a child I didn't realize that I was singing such powerful scripture. I am often so guilty of letting myself get so bogged down in busy & worry that my light is either "pfoofed" out by Satan or hidden under a bushel (or stack of bills, of perhaps a diaper bag). I have the light of the world inside of me & I am constantly robbed of it's power, sadly by my own devices.
Oh, Be Careful Little Eyes- Oh be careful little eyes, indeed. If you see too much real housewives of new jersey & look at your finances with no faith & look at your preggo body and worry on your own, where is your faith? If your little ears listen to fear, if your little mouth speaks hurtful & hateful things, if your little feet go shopping when you're broke, if your little heart puts it's trust in self rather than salvation, and if your mind thinks of anxiety rather than the awesomeness of our savior- how can you know that we have a father up above looking down in love? He desires good for us, all He asks is our obedience. Obedience with our lives is the greatest act of worship. Did you know that was the message behind that cute little song?
He's Got the Whole World in His Hands-I am the worst about trying to carry the world in my hands. That's an impossible task for someone with hands as small as mine. I can't hold it all together on my own. The verse about the "little tiny babies" gets me everytime. For one thing, I think of my three angels that are already with God, there is and never was a better place for them. They will never have stomach flu or have to do puke laundry. I think of my Isaac who is farther from babyhood every day. I am so glad that Isaac rests in God's hands. I can't protect him, love him, or teach him like God can. And my yet-to-be-seen Hope. In the last week I have thought that I was in pre-term labor twice. I have no control over when or how she gets here. But that little tiny baby is in God's hands. I'll see her when she gets here. Lastly, I think of my beloved sisters who are dealing with infertility & pregnancy loss- take comfort in knowing that He's got the little tiny babies - past, present, and yet to come- in His hands. If he can handle the WHOLE world, he can certainly handle what you are going through. He's a great big God, but close & small enough to have a plan just for you & your family.
I am so incredibly blessed that God provided me with a job I love, more time with my kids, and the musical reminders of the sweet truths that I have known for years, but have been given new life by my life's experiences.
Thoughts on Stomach Flu:
Thoughts on stomach flu:
1) As a kid you think that being sick is the worst part. As a parent you are on clean up duty as well as having that feeling that you are doomed to start puking at any moment.
2) I feel like an awful mom today. I heard Isaac cry twice in the night for about 45 seconds, then I heard him cough. He's been a little congested so I didn't get up to check on him despite a very strong feeling that I should. I went in to wake him up at 7:45 and found him sleeping in a smelly bed full of puke. I felt terrible that I brushed off my God given motherly instincts in exchange for sleep.
3) Obviously, I am a little frightened that if I get sick it will send me into early labor. That's me, always worrying 10 steps ahead.
4) Even though I am positive that this is a highly contagious bug- how on earth can anyone with a heart deny their child the snuggling & closeness that they need when they are sick? Isaac is in my lap right now & even though it is scary, I have no intentions of moving him. I think mommy snuggles have magic healing powers.
5) I hate puke laundry.
6) I also hate cleaning the crib & bathtub after a pukey baby has wreaked havoc. Lysol is my bff today.
7) He ate french fries last night- let's just say that ANYONE would have been able to figure that one out.
8) If given a choice between a sick kid and work- work wins everytime.
9) Isaac & I are sitting in our loveseat, there are 5 towels under, next to, and around us. I have plenty of catching options if more puke should happen.
10) My mom used to spank my brother because he NEVER made it to the toilet to puke. I bet he did it on purpose. Those who know him will no doubt agree.
11) My dad has only had stomach flu 2 times in he & my mom's 34 year marriage. It reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where Jerry throws up & breaks a 13 year vomit free streak. Dad is a huge baby when he gets sick though, but only puking once every 15 years on average would definitely make it awful when it does happen.
12) I am sentenced to watch only Barney & Sesame Street today. Yuck. We have already watched two "Barteys" and one "Yelmo".
13) Is it possible to scrub off your skin from overwashing your hands? I will test this hypothesis today.
14) I am so grateful that this is just a virus & that my sweet boy isn't chronically ill. My heart goes out to my mommy friends who have been called to mother children that are constantly not well. I admire the strong hearts that God has grown in you to endure the heartbreak of watching your baby not feel well. For me today is a short lived annoyance. I am praying God's blessing on you and your children as you deal with daily difficulty.
15) If you think "don't puke, don't puke, don't puke" over and over and chant it like a mantra will it keep you well?? We'll see.
1) As a kid you think that being sick is the worst part. As a parent you are on clean up duty as well as having that feeling that you are doomed to start puking at any moment.
2) I feel like an awful mom today. I heard Isaac cry twice in the night for about 45 seconds, then I heard him cough. He's been a little congested so I didn't get up to check on him despite a very strong feeling that I should. I went in to wake him up at 7:45 and found him sleeping in a smelly bed full of puke. I felt terrible that I brushed off my God given motherly instincts in exchange for sleep.
3) Obviously, I am a little frightened that if I get sick it will send me into early labor. That's me, always worrying 10 steps ahead.
4) Even though I am positive that this is a highly contagious bug- how on earth can anyone with a heart deny their child the snuggling & closeness that they need when they are sick? Isaac is in my lap right now & even though it is scary, I have no intentions of moving him. I think mommy snuggles have magic healing powers.
5) I hate puke laundry.
6) I also hate cleaning the crib & bathtub after a pukey baby has wreaked havoc. Lysol is my bff today.
7) He ate french fries last night- let's just say that ANYONE would have been able to figure that one out.
8) If given a choice between a sick kid and work- work wins everytime.
9) Isaac & I are sitting in our loveseat, there are 5 towels under, next to, and around us. I have plenty of catching options if more puke should happen.
10) My mom used to spank my brother because he NEVER made it to the toilet to puke. I bet he did it on purpose. Those who know him will no doubt agree.
11) My dad has only had stomach flu 2 times in he & my mom's 34 year marriage. It reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where Jerry throws up & breaks a 13 year vomit free streak. Dad is a huge baby when he gets sick though, but only puking once every 15 years on average would definitely make it awful when it does happen.
12) I am sentenced to watch only Barney & Sesame Street today. Yuck. We have already watched two "Barteys" and one "Yelmo".
13) Is it possible to scrub off your skin from overwashing your hands? I will test this hypothesis today.
14) I am so grateful that this is just a virus & that my sweet boy isn't chronically ill. My heart goes out to my mommy friends who have been called to mother children that are constantly not well. I admire the strong hearts that God has grown in you to endure the heartbreak of watching your baby not feel well. For me today is a short lived annoyance. I am praying God's blessing on you and your children as you deal with daily difficulty.
15) If you think "don't puke, don't puke, don't puke" over and over and chant it like a mantra will it keep you well?? We'll see.
Friday, September 3, 2010
Psychobilly Freak Out
This is a TMI kind of post. If you are a boy, someone who isn't comfortable with "female" things, or someone who hasn't ever given birth. This may not be the blog for you to read. I warned you fair and square.
I am officially 34 weeks 0r 8 and 1/2 months pregnant today.
That means I have 6 weeks left until I am at my due date.
This means I am 3 weeks from being considered "full term".
Well, I had a little surprise today. I HATE surprises.
I noticed that I had some light bleeding today. Not a completely normal thing for someone as pregnant as I am. So in the interest of being calm and composed I ran to the living room and yelled at Ry, "I'm bleeding, we need to GO TO THE HOSPITAL NOW!!!!"
His eyes got big as I explained all the nitty gritty details to him and we (he) rationally decided it would be best to call my doctor first.
I called her office and they asked a few more invasive questions. After determining that my water had not broken and I am not having regular contractions- the doctor recommended that I stay home, make sure the bleeding did not increase and try not to worry.
As soon as I got off the phone my "try not to worry" became a big house cleaning party and me reading 2 pregnancy books about late term bleeding, as well as me google-ing the survival rate as well as possible complications for babies born at 34 weeks. ( 97% survival rate, RDS is the most common complication, most have no long term ailments relating to premature birth. See, I did my homework.)
Long story short- the bleeding stopped a few hours later. I have had no more contractions than a normal day, and all seems to be fine.
I prayed many times today that above all else, God would take care of Hope. I know he will regardless of what day she comes to meet us here on the outside. I am asking though for the prayers of my friends out there in the blogosphere. Please pray that whenever Hope gets here that she is done "cooking", and can enter the world breathing and thriving on her own. Pray that this nervous freaker-outer of a mom can rest in God and his perfect plan for her arrival. And that the man married to me can reign me in and deal with all the craziness that I dish out on a daily basis- I am so lucky to have him.
I am officially 34 weeks 0r 8 and 1/2 months pregnant today.
That means I have 6 weeks left until I am at my due date.
This means I am 3 weeks from being considered "full term".
Well, I had a little surprise today. I HATE surprises.
I noticed that I had some light bleeding today. Not a completely normal thing for someone as pregnant as I am. So in the interest of being calm and composed I ran to the living room and yelled at Ry, "I'm bleeding, we need to GO TO THE HOSPITAL NOW!!!!"
His eyes got big as I explained all the nitty gritty details to him and we (he) rationally decided it would be best to call my doctor first.
I called her office and they asked a few more invasive questions. After determining that my water had not broken and I am not having regular contractions- the doctor recommended that I stay home, make sure the bleeding did not increase and try not to worry.
As soon as I got off the phone my "try not to worry" became a big house cleaning party and me reading 2 pregnancy books about late term bleeding, as well as me google-ing the survival rate as well as possible complications for babies born at 34 weeks. ( 97% survival rate, RDS is the most common complication, most have no long term ailments relating to premature birth. See, I did my homework.)
Long story short- the bleeding stopped a few hours later. I have had no more contractions than a normal day, and all seems to be fine.
I prayed many times today that above all else, God would take care of Hope. I know he will regardless of what day she comes to meet us here on the outside. I am asking though for the prayers of my friends out there in the blogosphere. Please pray that whenever Hope gets here that she is done "cooking", and can enter the world breathing and thriving on her own. Pray that this nervous freaker-outer of a mom can rest in God and his perfect plan for her arrival. And that the man married to me can reign me in and deal with all the craziness that I dish out on a daily basis- I am so lucky to have him.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Evidence
Here is photographice evidence of God's goodness in my life over the last few months:
Isaac, his aunt Jil, and his sweet cousins.
This is the photo that Isaac and Joia will hate me for in 15 years- but seriously, how cute is this????
My little swimmer.
He didn't get the memo about not picking up gravel on the playground.
Rootbeer float and mommy's cell phone. He always has his priorities in order.
Squinty mommy and 2 cute boys breaking in Jeje's new pool.
Paw-pa makes sure he has plenty of toys.
Linus and his blankie- a sweet morning sight.
Tired blue eyes after a morning at the zoo with mommy.
Reading an Elmo book with Mommy at Grannie B's.
Blankie, milk, and dog (woof). This picture will make me cry when he gets older. It is so him. 
MMMMwah!
My favorite in-laws. Isaac's Mimi and Poppy on a fun trip to Arkansas.
I've always thought he walks on water. Here's proof.
Dad is teaching him to skip rocks at Heber Lake.
Toes in the water with Mimi.
Poor attention starved child. :)
Do I have to take ANOTHER picture with my Mom?????
Got my puppy- ready to go!
Road trip with Dad and Aunt Hil.
Nana!
Fourth of July- a wash out.
He had a cute patriotic outfit that was promptly removed so he could carry around a fly swatter and play in the rain.
Love and Spongebob PJ's from Jeje.
First "summer buzz" haircut in process.
The "before the haircut" look.
Me and Reverend Russell at Ry's ordination service.
The fit face.
Cake batter- Isaac's first love.Thank you Jesus for the people in my life that make it so beautiful. If only photographs did it justice...
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