Saturday, October 12, 2013

20 Questions: Hope, age 3

20 Questions: Hope, age 3

1. What is your favorite color? Pink and Purple
2. What is your favorite toy? Baby Belle
3. What is your favorite fruit? Buddy Fruit
4. What is your favorite tv show? Dora
5. What is your favorite thing to eat for lunch? Pizza
6. What is your favorite outfit? My Cinderella dress
7. What is your favorite game? Turbo on the Leap Pad
8. What is your favorite snack? Gummies
9. What is your favorite animal? Butterfly
10. What is your favorite song? The Roar Song (Roar by Katy Perry)
11. What is your favorite book? A Dora Book
12. Who is your best friend? My brother
13. What is your favorite cereal? Pink Cereal
14. What is your favorite thing to do outside? Picking flowers for you.
15. What is your favorite drink? Water
16. What is your favorite holiday? Valentines Day
17. What do you like to take to bed with you at night? Mermaid, puppy, Baby Belle, Baby Rora
18. What is your favorite thing to eat for breakfast? Yogurt and eggs
19. What do you want for dinner on your birthday? Cake
20. What do you want to be when you grow up? A Cat

Hope: The Third

Sissy,

Three birthdays. I can't believe it. My baby is three.

You've had one incredible year, baby. A few weeks after you turned two you gave me the surprise of a lifetime by potty-training yourself. I would catch you going in the bathroom, undressing yourself and going! I'm so proud of you. You even mastered staying dry overnight in a matter of weeks. I love that about you. You are so determined.

You are a lover of all things girly. You love pink and purple. You love princesses. You love tutus, sparkles, bows, ribbons, nail polish, dress up clothes, and big girl make-up. We catch you in frilly dresses all the time. Every day after you get dressed you run to your Daddy to spin for him and show him your outfit. You are the apple of his eye. His affection makes you sparkle. I love the way you two love each other.

You really enjoy your friends from pre-school, especially Michaela, Burel, Parker, and Kalob. You love your teachers and love learning. You are a participant in life. You don't want to miss anything- games, conversations, or food. You are brave and love to try new things.

You are a song bird. You love music and often sing yourself to sleep or sing during play. You love Dora songs, the "Sofia the First" theme song, Katy Perry's "Firework", and any funny song. You have a sweet, chirpy voice that I love. And sometimes I even catch you lip-syncing in the back seat. Your animated facial expressions are equal parts adorable and hilarious.

The only thing in this world that you truly hate is bedtime. You are a professional at finding reasons to get up- water, flashlight, one of your two noise-machines, potty-break, missing babies, you name it. You are grumpy and very seldom go to sleep without tears. But once you are down you sleep for a good ten hours. You still nap during the day for a few hours too. Keep napping strong!

You love to "paint" in your imagine-ink books. You are also becoming very interested in drawing, coloring, and stickers. You have started tracing your name. I'm amazed at how your fine motor skills are progressing so quickly.

You are hilarious. You have the most expressive little face. You can sass, you can make jokes with perfect timing, and you can break hearts when you cry. You are both sweet and spicy. You are one of my favorite people, and I love your personality. Even when you get bossy and wag your finger, forcing me to retreat somewhere to laugh before I scold you. You have a magnetism that draws people to you. And I hope you are a leader who loves people.

I am excited for the next leg of our journey as a family. You've been my baby for three years, and in just a few weeks you'll hand that title to your new sister, Eden. I will always cherish the season where you were my baby. I love the way you like to snuggle up to my belly and talk into my belly button to Baby Eden. You tell her how you are the big sister, you sing her songs, and you "baby talk" her, just like you do our dogs. You also pray for her without fail every night. You are going to be an amazing big sister. I can't wait to see you two girls, my two girls, together. And you are excited to tell EVERYONE that you and Eden have matching rainbow swimsuits.

Hope, I'm so proud of you. I'm proud of how you let your light shine. I'm proud of your confidence and bravery. And I'm proud that you never let fear keep you from doing life. I am honored to be your mom, and even though mistakes are inevitable for us both, I will always love you. God gave me exactly what I needed when he gave me you. You will always be my big girl. I love you so much more than words can express. Happy third birthday.

Love,
Momma












Monday, September 30, 2013

31 Week Eden Update

I went back to the doctor today after my scary visit to labor and delivery a week ago.

I had an ultrasound first thing. We found out that Eden weighs 3 pounds and 11 ounces, she has her daddy's super kissable lips, and she was practicing her breathing. I cannot believe how clearly we can see her. It's incredible. Her EIF is still present, but no medical person seems to be concerned.

I saw my doctor who told me that he does not think that pre-eclampsia is an issue for me. My pee jug test came back within normal limits for a preggo. My blood pressure was still elevated but had gone down by the end of the visit. My cervix is still closed. Hallelu.

Since I tested positive for the fetal fibronectin protein, my doctor wants to see me weekly, with a weekly ultrasound to check for fetal well-being and growth. To me, that sounds very expensive. Anything for Eden. I was also released to work as long as I promise to sit every chance I get and to rest when I have contractions. I also have to rest after work days. Like lay down in the evening rest. He said we will take it week by week. He said that Eden's chances of survival are good if she were to come today, better in a week, and great if we can keep her in for 5 weeks. He lectured me on keeping my blood sugar in order and resting a lot.

I am optimistic that my high maintenance baby girl will come to us healthy and ready for life on the outside. I am so blessed to have problems that are this small. And even more blessed that my hope lies in hands more capable than mine. Eden's creator has already handled all that is out of my control. I am so thankful to be able to carry this darling girl, even though there are some inconveniences. Love is inconvenient- just ask my husband. But the reward at the end is so worth it. I find so much irony in Eden's name. Paradise. These last few weeks have been far from it, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. The end of this pregnancy and the beginning of Eden's life on the outside will be sweet.

Today I'm looking forward to what is to come, with great expectations.

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

And Along Went The Little Orange Jug

*Warning: If you are squeamish and easily offended by talk of lady things or body fluids, go play on facebook and don't read this. For real. I warned you.*

First, I want to thank my wonderful friends and family. There were too many texts, e-mails, and facebook messages for me to answer, so I hope you'll forgive me for not personally answering them all. Thank you for the concern, the offers of food, help and childcare, and mostly the prayers. I am so thankful for you. Honestly. It's humbling, and I don't deserve love like that, I am grateful.

The snowball started 2 weeks ago when I went in for a routine gestational diabetes test. I failed it.

No big. I failed with Isaac. Pass the cookies.

I re-tested doing the 3 hour fasting test the following Friday.

On our way to test drive minivans last Tuesday (oh the glamour!) I received a call that I had failed again and was thus labeled and diagnosed with gestational diabetes. Awesome. Things could be worse.

Last Thursday we bought a minivan. And I'm in love with it. Seriously. I'm embarrassed by how much I love it. It's huge. I do not have to lift a child in or out. The doors open and close at the push of a button. It's freaking wonderful. Even if it's a van. I love it.

 
 
Then came yesterday. I went in for my regularly scheduled, third tri-mester, every 2 week OB appointment. I had experience lots (and lots) of contractions yesterday, and had decided to ask my doctor how "normal" it was at this stage.
 
The nurse checked my blood pressure, it was elevated. She checked it again in ten minutes. Still elevated. Doctor Cox checked my cervix, it was closed. He tested me for a certain protein that is usually present after 34 weeks on the cervix, but can be an indication of pre-term labor in women early in the third tri-mester. I was whisked away to the lab for blood work and given a huge orange jug. Why you ask?
 


 
Because for the next 24 hours I was to pee in it and keep it refrigerated. Barf. The contents of this jug will help determine if I have pre-eclampsia or just high blood pressure. My doctor told me to take it easy yesterday because of the contractions and plan to see a dietitian and nurse to help me form a game plan for the gestational diabetes. I called my boss to tell her I'd be taking a day off.
 
So after an evening, night, and morning of jug peeing, I woke up, got dressed, and went in to take care of a few things at work today. I tried to hurry, so that my little orange friend wouldn't need to go with me. I returned home, and after an hour or so of mindless daytime TV my phone rang. The caller ID showed my doctor's office. "Great." I thought. "The call to tell me that the crazy cervix protein test is negative."
 
And the voice on the other end was a man's voice. Crap. No male nurses. It was my doctor. It's never good news when your doctor calls you in person.
 
Dr. Cox informed me that the dreaded cervical protein was present and due to the frequency and severity of the previous day's contractions that he wanted me to come in and be monitored. If going into labor was imminent, he wanted me to take a steroid shot to help Eden's lungs develop. And I was instructed to take this week off from work. So I hung up and went into freak out mode. I am only 30 weeks! I want Eden to be fully cooked before she pops out of my oven. I called the hubs to meet me at the hospital, put my pee jug on ice and hopped in my new van to go to the hospital. I called my mom to tell her what was going on and called my boss to arrange for a sub for the week.
 
I got to labor and delivery and God reminded me that he was still with me. My beloved former OB that delivered Hope, Dr. Gibbens, who devastated me by closing her practice, was the attending physician at L&D emergency today. I cannot tell you how glad I was to see a familiar, trusted face. After an hour of watching my blood pressure jump up and down, and seeing virtually no contractions, I was released with my orange jug to see a dietician for the gestational diabetes.
 
After nearly two hours of education on carbs, proteins, lancets, and glucose,  I returned to the lab from the previous day to bid good riddance to my orange jug. What a crazy 24 hours it has been.
 
So here's where I'm at, here are the prayers I'm asking for:
 
1) I have gestational diabetes. Please pray that I can manage it well, that I will not need insulin for it, and mostly that it won't affect Eden.
2) Pre-eclampsia. I won't know until later this week if I have it. Pray for my blood pressure to go down and stay down. Please pray that I don't have pre-E, but if I do that it can also be managed well, and won't hurt Eden or cause her to have to be born early.
3) Pre-Term Labor- Of all the things I don't want this is the biggest. Please pray that Eden stays in as long as possible. And that if she is born early that she'll be okay, and cared for by a team with the wisdom to keep her safe.
4) Bed rest- I want to be at work. I love my job. I love the support at my job. My family depends on the income from my job. Please pray that I can continue to work, but if I can't that God will provide for us financially, and in the inconvenient day to day, like child care, and keeping up my home.
 
As a sweet friend reminded me today, God is bigger than all these things. He made Eden. He knows her and loves her in ways greater than I can imagine. He is for her. He is her refuge and strength, even when my body fails, He will sustain and protect her. Pray that I can dwell on His strength and peace, rather than the shortcomings of my own body and the stress brought on by the dreaded "what-ifs".
 
And if it all goes south tomorrow, at least I won't be carrying around a jug of pee in a lunchbox full of ice. So I have that going for me...
 


Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Milk Comes From Cows!

My darling preschoolers bring me so much joy and laughter. There are a hundred funny and joyful moments during any given today. This sweet little conversation was the "gem of wisdom" for today.

The scene takes place in my music class with a precocious group of three-year-olds.

Tyler: Miss Mindy. Do you have a baby in your tummy?
Me: Yes! I'm going to have a little girl named Eden. She'll be here around Thanksgiving time.
Sam: Miss Mindy, whatcha gonna feed your baby?
Me: I'll feed her milk.
Sam: Oh, from your breast?
Me: (Flustered, not wanting to explain breast feeding during music time) Um....well..... I'll be feeding her...er,um, mommy milk....from my......body.
Presley: (Exasperated) Sam! (Rolling eyes) Milk comes from cows, silly!

 
 
Gotta love innocence, and correct anatomical vocabulary.


Saturday, September 7, 2013

3rd Trimester News


Eight weeks ago we received the news that our new little one is a girl. All major body systems and measurements were in perfect, healthy working condition.  We also received news of placenta prĂ©via that was blocking my cervix, presenting a risk of hemorrhage to me if a normal, vaginal delivery were to take place. And lastly, we learned that an echogenic intracardiac focus (EIF) was present in Eden's heart. An EIF presents no risk to Eden's health, but basically tells us there is a 1% chance that she could have a chromosomal abnormality, most likely Downs Syndrome. 

Today we had the fourth, and what I thought would be final ultrasound. We found out great things: 

* Eden is still a girl. I've had crazy pregnancy dreams that I've given birth to a boy, and the occasional puppy. I've never had an ultrasound this late in a pregnancy, so when a tech tells me a gender, I nod and trust them, but today I clearly saw lady parts. It's a girl!!!

* I found out that my little lady currently weighs 2.7 pounds, and is measuring perfectly for a December 2nd due date. 

* Baby girl is flexible! She had her foot on her forehead for part of the ultrasound. She will be the next Shannon Miller, look out world!

* She has hair! So far I've given birth to Isaac's skullet, and Hope's sweet little cue ball head. Maybe this is my chance to have a baby that has thick hair. 

* She looks like Hope. The ultrasound tech turned on the 4D and let us see her. She was so sweet. Her big sister squealed about how cute she was, and I reacted as I usually do- with happy tears.



* Isaac was mostly enamored with the blue gel on my tummy. "Mom! I really like that blue goo on your tummy!" He said excitedly. 

* My placenta moved to a safe 3cm away from the opening of my cervix, and Eden is head down, which means that I can proceed with my heart's desire of a normal delivery. Thank you Jesus. 

* Despite a healthy heart rate of 144 the EIF was still present. It was not as bright as bone tissue and was not as bright as before- both good signs. Often an EIF will stay until birth, but it will sometimes disappear in the third trimester. But the fact that it is still there has earned me another ultrasound in four weeks. I'm praying A) that it is gone, B) that if it still present that it is not a sign of any issue, C) that God will prepare my heart and my family if there is an issue. Regardless, I believe that Eden is exactly as God wants her to be, and if Downs is part of his great plan for her then I  honored that He chose our family for her. We all love her so much already. And I'm grateful that there is no threat to her health or life. There's a 99% chance that all is fine. Good odds if you ask me. 

All in all, it was a great encouraging visit. I can't believe that she'll be here in 12 weeks or less. We're so excited to hold her, kiss her, and make her part of us. If you would please pray that God would take care of Eden's EIF and give us faith and courage as we wait to meet her. 


Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Maternity Skinny Jeans: An Oxymoron

As a lover of fall- I am so happy with the recent trend of long (read: covering the hiney) cardigans, tunics, and baggy sweaters, paired with leggings or skinny jeans and boots. (English teacher friends: I am almost sure I just committed several punctuation crimes. Forgive me.)

From time to time I enjoy shopping and cruising pinterest for what the young folks are wearing, even though I am usually wearing a mom-i-form that is closer to yoga pants and t-shirts from high school. I am not super stylish, but I think I have occasional cute days with my limited resources and budget.

It is late August and I am due to have my last ever baby in December. Here in Oklahoma the only thing certain about our weather is its unpredictability. But I am hopeful that it will eventually cool off enough for me to want to wear my fall staple of skinny jeans and boots. So I purchased a pair of dark indigo maternity skinny jeans and black leggings online.

I was so excited to try them both on when they came in yesterday. I tried on the super soft, full panel, black leggings first and instantly declared them my new favorite pants. Soft, comfy, perfect with long tees and a jacket. Good to dress up for and evening out, or to kick around the house in. In short, I was in love. Pregnancy perfection. Naturally I was excited to proceed to my skinny jeans which were sure to be a hit.

Note: I own several other pairs of jeans, pants, and skinny jeans that are the same brand and size. They fit just fine. No problem.

I put on the jeans and attempted to pull them up. Attempted. They got stuck on my pregnant ham-hock thighs. Allegedly they were stretchy, but I found them not to budge at all. The top of the pants stopped somewhere around my hiney crack. They were so freakishly tight. So I made the choice to do whatever any self respecting woman would do. I pulled up the navy, stretchy, belly covering material and went to the kitchen to show my husband.

This is mean, but sometimes it is fun to wear something that you know is heinous to watch the man you love writhe uncomfortably as he tries not to say anything stupid. The conversation went something like this:

Me: Honey, do you like my new jeans?

Ryland: (Eyes huge, fear covering his face.) Those are cute.

Me: Are you serious? These are so tight that I look like someone who belongs in a "people of Wal-Mart" picture. I'm returning them.

Ryland: Ok. Thank goodness!

Y'all, they were an abomination. Skin tight with a major muffin top. Bad. Blech. Vom. Whatever you are imagining, it was worse.

Then I danced in them. It was a twerking/booty dance hybrid, except pregnant, and not sexy. My people laughed and then I crisco'd myself down enough to peel off the jeans so that I could breathe deeply again. Sweet freedom.

I will be returning them post-haste.

I told my sweet husband that I was planning to blog about this unfortunate experience, to which he timidly replied, "I don't really know how to say this, but, you aren't going to post a picture are you?".

"I'm too vain for that." I said. He exhaled, clearly relieved. And I threatened to punch him if he ever spoke of "the jeans" ever again.

Why couldn't I have been pregnant when gaucho pants were in style? Stretchy, loose, glorious, perfect for achieving a non-muffin-top style. Please ladies, for the love of future preggos everywhere, let's bring back the gauchos.

Maternity Skinny Jeans. Oxymoron.





Saturday, August 3, 2013

What I Needed Most

The last 2 days have been sad. Some of the hardest minutes and hours that I've dealt with in awhile. I miss Lexus. I miss the noises that she made. I miss her bossy bark. I  miss the way she'd pace around the dog food bowls looking for left overs often prompting Sadie, my slow eater to growl at her. I miss the adoring way she looked at me. I miss touching her. There's a hole and I have spilled many tears, especially as I watch my kids and dogs notice her absence.

But at the kid's bedtime, after Hope and her Daddy bumped heads during the neck "snark" portion of the bedtime routine, I crawled into a tiny toddler bed with my crying 2-year-old. She rested her on my chest and I rubbed her back until she started to snore. I smelled her hair and thought about how small she is and how quickly she's growing. She'll be three in just 2 months, a big sister in four. And almost on cue Eden started to kick the big sister who was unknowingly squishing her.

And then the tears came, followed by gratitude. Even in the midst of grief, I have so much to be thankful for. I am so thankful for that moment, in this fleeting season. Thankful for the interaction between my daughters who were completely unaware. I love that I was the only one who knew. It was like a sweet secret. All too soon Hope will outgrow her tiny toddler bed and sleeping on her Mom, and all too soon my season of childbearing will come to an end and I'll never again feel the indescribable miracle of feeling your child from the inside. It was a sacred moment that I don't ever want to forget. My two girls, such gifts, so much love.

And in that moment, that little snippet of time, I know that what I needed most was to be reminded of my blessings, my home, my daughters. And while the waves of grief and guilt come, I pray that I find only gratitude. I pray that I remember that I am motivated by and surrounded with love. And that I have been given more than I deserve.

I still miss my Lex, and I anticipate more hard days to come, but I am thankful that God always provides what I need most, moment to moment, day by day. I am thankful.

Friday, August 2, 2013

A Tribute to My Friend

Lexus came into my house for the first time in a tiny dog carrier about a week after being spayed in the late spring of 2007. She was to be my foster dog.  She had just left a 12 week old litter of puppies and had a fear of everything. She also had a painful and chronic foot condition caused by grass awns. I reached into her crate to pet her and she flinched. When she finally came out she immediately had an accident on the floor only to quickly retreat back into the safety of her crate. She came to us through Lucky Star Cavalier Rescue who purchased her at a puppy mill auction in Missouri. I was dealing with the heartbreak of two miscarriages a few months earlier and fostering Lexus was to be my summer project, my distraction from the grief.

She was hot natured and loved a good vent.

It took Lexus a few days to feel safe enough to venture outside of her crate to do more than eat or potty, and it took her a few weeks to trust me enough to approach me for petting, months for Ryland, and years for strangers. I'd hold her everyday and pet her, showing her that despite the abuse she'd known in her former life, that people can be kind. Rehabilitating her was therapy for me too. Watching her progress thrilled me. And in some way helped me deal with my grief.

The time came for us to say goodbye to Lexus as we found a forever home for her. She was adopted by my veterinarian and his wife. I was relieved that she'd be going to live with a kind person who would always be able to care for her. I had grown attached to her and cried for a week after giving her away. I kind of felt like she had become mine. And that I was her person.


Always such a pretty girl.

After 6 weeks I took my 2 dogs in for a routine vet visit and in the course of the visit my vet tearfully told me how Lexus had failed to bond with he and his wife, she'd tried to escape, and had been very destructive. He said he felt terribly guilty and wanted to return her to the rescue organization for re-homing. I did a happy dance and bullied my husband into letting us keep her. She was mine and I couldn't bear to let go of her again.

I arranged to pick her up the next day, and when she saw me, I swear she smiled. There was tail wagging, happy noises, and dog-joy like I'd never seen before. She sat in my lap, tongue-out, head out the window as I took her HOME.


Younger and healthy.

Time passed and we made great memories:

* the time she tree'd a squirrel and nearly caught it- she was so proud!

* the way she'd collect all her dog toys and put them in her bed like puppies

* her chronic need to over-eat

* her Houdini like escape abilities

* her first time to see Isaac, she'd sniff his baby hiney and alert us to his dirty diapers, she also hated to hear him cry

* the way she never got aggressive or even attempted to bite- she was the most gentle dog I've ever known

* the way Hope talked to her in her "dog" voice

* the time a nest of baby bunnies fell victim to her even though she was already hard of hearing and vision. Traumatic for us- victory for her.

* the way she snored loud enough to rattle the walls

Those are the things that I'll keep in my heart as I face today and the days after without my dog.


Spot the real puppies.

For months I've been worried about her. Her body has been in decline. Between the episodes of grass awns, a heart murmur, and her hips that don't really function due to birthing too many pups too young, she doesn't have the joy and vigor that she once did. She has become increasingly dependent on me to move her from room to room and her separation anxiety is heart wrenching- she'll cry for me even though I'm only a room away. With her heart condition she is not a candidate for surgery and even if she was it would only prolong a life that no longer has much quality. She is confined only to the carpeted areas of our home which are small and not often close enough to me for her comfort. After reading about my friend Mandy's decision to let go of her Macy (http://soonerstospartans.blogspot.com/?m=1) , talking with my friend who is a vet, and hearing the relief in the voice of my mom when I told her my decision, I realized that the kindest thing I can do is to let go of Lexus.

I cannot medically do anymore to help her, and as I get more pregnant and soon wrapped in the demands of a newborn, I cannot give her relief from pain or enough of me to keep her happy. I firmly believe Lexus would go on for much longer for me. She loves me more than any other person or thing on earth. To her I am perfect and flawless- I am and always have been her person. So today as I say goodbye I am thankful. Thankful that she helped me in the darkest season of my life. Thankful that she endured the "love" inflicted on her by two toddlers. Thankful for her meekness, gentle demeanor, and the joy she received simply from sitting at my feet.


Resting with Isaac.

So I held her and kissed her head as she peacefully went to sleep this morning. My heart aches but I take comfort in knowing that her body is at rest. She'll never know pain again, and it's been a long time since she hasn't known pain.


Last nap in my lap.

Farewell my sweet friend. If lap dogs are allowed in heaven then I hope you'll wait by the fireplace in my house there. Goodness knows that you were a dog who'd deserve it.  You were very loved and will be greatly, greatly missed.

Sunday, July 14, 2013

Hiccups

This tiny little girl in my tummy, that I've yet to lay eyes on, except through some grainy ultrasound pictures, learned a new trick this week and has been performing it after dinner.

She hiccups.

Having been pregnant 6 times and carried 2 babies full term I have come to love the bouncing of a wiggly baby with hiccups in my belly. It is a sweet, comforting feeling. Something both foreign and familiar all rolled into one. It is one of the things I will miss when I cross the finish line of child bearing.

I've never felt any of my babies hiccup this early in any pregnancy, in fact I've never felt any of my babies move as early as I've felt Eden. I thought it was odd that the flutters of early pregnancy happened so soon, but just chalked it up to the fact that I know what I'm feeling because I've been pregnant so many times in recent years.

And then last week I had my ultrasound. I found answers. Mostly good ones. A few that I'm trusting God to take care of.

The ultrasound revealed several things:

1) I am having a sweet baby girl. She's already very lady-like. She kept her legs crossed almost the entire time. I got scared thinking she was never going to shows us her tiny baby parts. But alas, she did, and she is a she.

2) The ultrasound tech estimated that Eden is 2 ounces heavier than the average at this stage in development. This thrills me because I have always wanted a chubby, rolly poly baby. I love my two little string beans but Eden may be the child that gives me the chub I've always dreamed of. Stay chunky, baby girl.

3) My placenta is low and in the back. Therefore I am able to feel everything (like freakishly early hiccups) due to less cushion between my body and the baby. This also earned me a bonus ultrasound. The placenta can grow and move as pregnancy progresses, but if it doesn't then I could be at risk for placenta previa, which could or could not cause complications like (bed rest or c-section) at the end of my pregnancy. The same thing happened with Hope, and it moved. I am praying for the same thing this time.

4) EIF- Echogenic Intracardiac Focus- what the crap is that? It is basically a bright spot that shows up in the heart during ultrasound. It is very common, happening in an estimated 1 in 30 second trimester ultrasounds. When it is an isolated issue like mine, meaning no other abnormalities are present, there is usually no cause for concern. Most doctors don't do any follow up testing. It is considered a variation of normal. My doctor said that in his practice, he's never seen an isolated case of EIF result in a baby with any kind of issue. He said that on a freak out scale of 1 to 10 that this is maybe a 1. There is some debate among researchers that in a worst case scenario situation that EIF could be a risk factor for Down's Syndrome. I hope I've made a good case for why this will all be ok, but it is scary when your tiny baby's heart looks weird. There's a good chance that the EIF will not go away until delivery, so it may still be present at the next ultrasound, but again, I am choosing to literally leave Eden's heart in God's hands. He is her creator and maker, her form isn't hidden from Him, He loves her and sees her, and as I feel her little bouncy hiccups on the outside, he fully knows every cell and mechanism. I pray that it is nothing, but if it is something, I pray that God will prepare me to handle it. I will love Eden regardless, I already do.

So I praise Him. For the chance to feel Eden in my womb. For the potentially chubby little body He gave her. For the placenta that will keep her safe and fed until the day we meet. And for her little heart that I already pray will be filled with love for her Savior.

And for the hiccups. The reassurance that she's ok. That something normal is happening. And that for this season and this moment that I get to share it with her, just the two of us. Thank you Jesus. Thank you for the hiccups that help us to trust you even more.

Monday, July 8, 2013

It's A............

It's A........

Girl! A sweet little baby sister girl!

I had many, many dreams about a baby girl, and Isaac and Hope predicted a baby sister about 95% of the time. Naturally, we are thrilled. So bring on 2 prom dress wearers, 2 dancers, 2 weddings, 2 sweet little girls in matching dresses and bows. As much as I love my brother, I always wanted a sister and it thrills me that my girls will have each other. And they already have the best big brother in the world looking out for them. 

And her name.....

We have a kind of formula that we like in baby names. 

We choose the first name based on an attribute of our faith. Isaac was named for the biblical Isaac, who was born to parents who couldn't conceive a baby, and whose faith took some hard hits. Hope was named for the Hope that we have in Christ, that even when things are scary and uncertain, that hope can carry you through, knowing that God is for you. 

Our middle names are family names: Isaac's middle name, Wade, is after Ryland and his father Freddy Wayne, who modernized the "Wayne" to "Wade" when Ryland was born. And Hope's middle name is Angeline (An-juh-leen) after my (Grand) Pa's mother, Mahalia Angeline (An-juh-line) Cobb Harmon, who was a woman of faith who touched lives even after she left this earth. 

So this sweet little girl will be: 

Eden Kenlie Russell

We chose Eden for several reasons: 1) Eden means "delight" and since our plan is for this to be our last baby we want to remember to delight in her and not rush the time. It also reminds us of how God delights in us, and to live a life worthy of that delight. 2) Eden was also named for the biblical Garden of Eden, where creation happened, and where God walked with man. People call it paradise. We want Eden to walk with her creator. And after the loss of three babies, getting to be the parents of three children is our own version of paradise. 3) I don't like names that are trendy, super popular, or spelled weird. (Note: I love lots of kids who have trendy names, have lots of kids in their class with the same name, or names that are spelled weird. And I love the parents who named those kids! Just a preference thing!) Eden is neither trendy, overused (I don't even know an Eden), or spelled weird. I didn't break any of my rules. 

The middle name, Kenlie, is in honor of two people that we love very much, Ryland's late Grandfather, Kenneth Bush, and his grandmother Rosalie. It's a mash-up of their names. Together they created an amazing legacy of serving God and others, generosity, and a love for family that we hope will be part of our little girl's legacy. 

Through the coming months we are excited to pray for our girl by name. We are so in love already and I can't wait to start decorating her peacock nursery. 

Eden, our baby, we can't wait to hold you, and welcome you into this crazy family. 

Saturday, June 29, 2013

The 2 Biggies

I had a goal of 52 blog posts this year- 1 per week.

I think it is safe to say- RIP blog goal.

It's not that I haven't had material. I actually have lots of announcements, sweet moments, and treasured memories. I'm just going to have to tell some of them from hindsight. Which is ok. There's still plenty of love in them.

So without any further adieu..... Here are the two big most memorable moments/announcements/updates of the last four months.

1) Swizzle Malarkey Russell:

This sweet little blob of goo is my sweet baby that will be coming to a bassinet near me around December 2. This pregnancy has been so different from the other two. I don't know if it is my age, I don't know if it is the fact that I've been pregnant 6 times in 6 years, or if it is the fact that I'm already a mother of two very active preschoolers, but this has been hard. I hesitate to complain because I know very well that there are thousands of women that would trade places with me in a heartbeat- two healthy kids and a viable, healthy pregnancy to boot. But in honesty, it has been hard. My morning sickness started early than ever before (at 5 and a half weeks), the fatigue and nausea have been brutal, and I am still at 18 weeks throwing up and dealing with migraines. And my favorite part is that every time I throw up, I wet my pants. It's awesome. But when I lie down and can feel this little person wiggle in my belly, I am grateful. Beyond grateful. I remember how God has restored my body that was not able to produce and sustain life at one time. I remember the three losses of babies who faces I'll only see in glory. I remember that with this child, God is returning all that was taken. And even through the dry heaves and headaches, I ask God to give me perspective, and fill me with thankfulness.

Ryland and I had planned to not find out Swizzle's gender, but one night as my fingers wandered through the baby bedding selections on Target.com, I had an epiphany. My plan was to complete a nursery after the baby comes. In December. Maybe for you December is a calming and relaxing month. Not in my house. It is delusional for me to think that with a newborn I am even going to be taking regular showers, let alone complete shopping, family traditions, sleep at all, and do a nursery. And I am not a gender neutral person. I just can't. So, on July 8th, we will have an ultrasound where we will hopefully find out if the nursery will be monster or peacock themed. 

The kids change their minds daily on whether they want a brother or sister, but 95% of the time, they vote for a sister. And I constantly dream of a little baby girl. So my money is on girl, but I'll be excited to have either.

2) Home Sweet Home-


After 2 and-a-half years of renting following the fiasco of selling our last home, we finally recovered enough to purchase a home. I wish I was showing you pictures of how I have it completed, decorated, and exactly as I want it. But alas, I am not. I found out that Swizzle was on the way the day before moving and I have spent time since then puking, cat napping, and surviving in general. I am hoping that I will get that second trimester burst of energy, I'm waiting patiently. I hope it gets here soon. Maybe someday I can show you pictures. 


There you have it. Those are the two biggest events that have consumed my life and time lately. There will be more to come. If nothing else. There are lots of cute pictures of my kids to come. Thank you Lord for this busy but oh so sweet season of life in the Russell house.


Saturday, February 16, 2013

Apologies

I apologize to all you LADIES out there that only got flowers, chocolates, or even jewelry for valentines day.

'Cause my boyfriend bought me a house! Oh Yeah!

 
On the soon-to-be-ours front porch.
 
 
Details later!

Monday, February 4, 2013

20 Questions: Isaac, age 4

20 Questions: Isaac, age 4

1. What is your favorite color? Green
2. What is your favorite toy? My Woody Doll and my Buzz Doll too.
3. What is your favorite fruit? A Strawberry
4. What is your favorite tv show? Toy Story 2
5. What is your favorite thing to eat for lunch? Pizza
6. What is your favorite outfit? Underwear
7. What is your favorite game? Basketball
8. What is your favorite snack? Cranella (Grainola) Bar
9. What is your favorite animal? Frog
10. What is your favorite song? Old McDonald
11. What is your favorite book? The Cat in the Hat
12. Who is your best friend? Axton
13. What is your favorite cereal? Cheerios
14. What is your favorite thing to do outside? Play hide and seek
15. What is your favorite drink? Doose (Juice)
16. What is your favorite holiday? Halloween Day
17. What do you like to take to bed with you at night? Toy Story Friends, Dream Light!
18. What is your favorite thing to eat for breakfast? Sandwich
19. What do you want for dinner on your birthday? Cupcakes
20. What do you want to be when you grow up? I want to climb walls at the park and slide down at McDonald's. Oooooo-kay.

(Please let it be know that the interviewee tooted on my foot and laughed, showed me a hangnail, and asked for his Leap Pad no less than 3 times during the course of the interview.)

Sunday, February 3, 2013

4: A Letter to My Big Boy

My Sweet Isaac,

Someday, many years from now, you'll look back on your life. If you are like me, it will naturally divide itself into very distinct chapters.
Less Than 2 Weeks Old You.

My chapters look like this:

Chapter 1: My Childhood: Mullets, Music, and Magic
Chapter 2: And Then There Was Ryland....
Chapter 3: College, Marriage, and Teaching
Chapter 4: The Infertility Fog
Chapter 5: God Gave Me You
Chapter 6: Tunia, the One Month Whirlwind
Chapter 7: (TBA, In Progress, Under Construction)
Beautiful new you.

6 -Month-Old, Sitting-Up, You.
 
9-Month-Old, Crawling, You.
Chapter 6, your chapter started exactly 4 years ago. I spent a day in labor with you amazing Dad. We had waited for years and figuratively climbed deserts and swam oceans to get to that sweet day. Then you came. Angels danced and a waiting room full of praying family members rejoiced. Years of saddness melted away for me, and you were one of the greatest gifts in my life.

1st Birthday, Cupcake Face, You.
I cannot believe that I've taken 4 rides around the sun with you. I will treasure those sweet first weeks and months of your life where my joy was to sit and hold you and talk to you for hours. What a gift it was as I watched you roll, sit up, crawl, walk, run! The sweetest music was the first "momma" you spoke. As you discovered your first books, tastes of food, movies, and friendships, you brought me along and I got to experience the thrill of rediscovering them with you.

20-Month-Old, Halloween Costume, You.

And now you are spelling words, recognizing and writing letters, loving your friends, playing sports, and growing. Your love for God and tender heart for people is inspiring. You love bigger than anyone I've ever known.

2-Year-Old, Painfully Cute, You.
 
You are excited about everything. You enjoy everything and make the best out of every situation. Sometimes you ask deep questions, and understand things far beyond your years. You are a constant reminder of God's goodness, and not a day goes by that I am not thankful that God chose me (ME!) to be your Mom. No one deserves a child as wonderful as you, but I am glad for the opportunity.
2-and-a-half, Silly, You.

My prayer for you is that you will be brave, that you will love God more than anything, and that you will become more and more like God as you grow. I pray that your innocence will stick for a LOOONG time, that life won't make you jaded, that you won't worry about the small stuff. I hope you'll find a girl that loves you (almost as much as me) and that you'll love her and care for you just like your Dad does for me. Speaking of your Dad- you already love music and are a song-bird like him. You are sweet like him. And you have the cutest little tushkin just like him. (Go ahead, be embarrassed, someone has to preserve your history!)

3rd Birthday, First Friend Party, You.

Isaac, I love you more than you'll ever know. I love that you are the one that made a Mom out of me 4 years ago. I love that I am the receipient of all of the hugs, questions, and memories, that will form your Chapter 1. It is an honor that I take seriously, I hope I help you to write it well.

You. 2 Weeks Ago. Perfect.

I hope that someday that my Chapter 6 ends with "......and he changed the world." My big boy, no longer a baby, I believe you can.

Love , Momma









Tuesday, January 8, 2013

New Years Expectations

I bet she doesn't even realize what an impact this had on me.

My SIL, Jilian, is a pretty amazing lady. She was the top selling realtor in her company last year, is a mother of three, and is a crazy talented singer. And between this, she sometimes drops out helpful life tidbits that change people's lives.

She told me several lifetimes ago how she and her husband wrote new years expectations for their family that was much smaller then. I don't know if their family still does that. But as I thought it over, I think that an expectation for yourself is much more powerful than an easily broken resolution.

Last year my hubby and I did this and hung our carefully handwritten on notebook paper list in our closet where we'd each see it everyday. We set goals for ourselves, "us" goals, and goals for each of our kids. When we'd reach a goal, I'd write the month we achieved it and mark it off of the list. We marked most items off, but there were a few that we let slide.

When I write my expectations, my inner teacher comes out. I think back to all the time I was asked to write SMART goals as an educator. SMART goals are goals that are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Time-bound. I tried to stick to this as I wrote my hopes for this year.

I don't feel that it's my place to share my hubby's goals but here is a (slightly) edited list of some of our goals for 2013. Again, this is not all- just a select few that don't open us up for as much judgement.

Here are some of mine:
1) Meal Plan a month at a time. January is hanging on my fridge as we speak. Check.
2) Blog once weekly, or roughly 52 times this year.
3) Run another 5K.
4) Memorize a new verse every month this year. I'm starting with Micah 6:8- "He has shown you, oh mortal, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.

We:
1) Are really praying that this year will be the year we become totally debt free. All we lack is some (stupid) medical debt.
2) Want to vacation again this year. It was too wonderful last year, not to mention great for the ole marriage.
3) Want to go on at least 15 dates this year. Very ambitious.

Isaac:
1) Learn to recognize every letter of the alphabet and number. He knows some, but my teacher heart wants more!

Hope:
OK, I lied. I'm sharing one of Ry's.
1) He wants to take Hope on a planned, monthly Daddy date. How sweet is that? How lucky is Hope?

Again, these are a few of a list of roughly 28 goals. I'm hoping that we end the year with a list full of highlighted items. But I also know that God could always have bigger and better plans. I'm optimistic about 2013. I hope you are too.

Do you make any resolutions? Goals? Expectations? If so, what are they?