Isaac's Room- A Virtual Tour - Sort of

As promised, here are the pics of Isaac's nursery. I can't wait to bring him home and put him in it! Enjoy!

Mindy

This is Isaac's ultrasound picture from September in a frame from his Aunt Jilian. I sure hope he doesn't look like that anymore.

This is a sideways picture of Isaac's puppy dog hamper.

This is Bentley, he thinks we bought the rug for him. Boy is he going to be surprised.

This is the door to Isaac's room. His Jeje made the little animals for it.

Poor little guy. He won't have a thing to wear.

This is the wall over his crib. The letters are cardboard and held on the wall with velcro. I painted them myself.

A close- up of the bedding, pillows, and toys, which will all have to be removed once he starts sleeping in there. The book of blog entries in in there for now until we are ready to put the sequal in the crib. :)

This is his already packed diaper bag, his swing from his Aunt Aub & Aunt Charity and his rocking lion from Bree Menard, my friend from work.

This is the rocking chair and boppy.

This is the curtain and the huge basket "o" blankies. Most of them are home made which makes the extra sweet. Note the doggies on the TV stand. Two poodles and a cavalier, just like Bentley, Sadie and Lexus.

The dresser/changing table. We are putting two shelves above it so we can actually use it for changing.

It's all here, just waiting. We are ready. Come on Isaac!

Final Countdown: 5 Weeks, 3 Days Left!

It's been so long since I've blogged that I have a million updates. I will try to give you the Reader's Digest condensed version. We will see how well that actually turns out. Again, Miss Logue says I could write a novel when a sentence would suffice. I agree but I have always had a lot to say, so I need my words!

I am going to go in no particular order:

Joia Leslie Gardner- My second beautiful little niece came into the world on December 11, 2008, weighing in at 6 pounds and 4 ounces. Ryland and I got to keep her big sister Jaisa and watch them meet for the first time. Ryland took Jaisa to Wal-Mart to pick out a gift for Joia. Jaisa picked a "Pooh" stuffed animal. We got in the car to go to the hospital and Jaisa changed her mind and kept saying that Pooh was hers and she was NOT going to share it with Joia. Thank God for technology because Ryland's I-phone saved the day. I pulled up some pictures that had been e-mailed that morning. I showed Jaisa the pictures of Jilian holding Joia and one of Joia crying. I told Jaisa that she was crying because she wanted to meet her big sister and a "Pooh" would probably make her feel better. ( A little fib never hurts right?) Jaisa's voice instantly softened, the light bulb went off and I watched my niece instantly love her sister. It was a precious moment. She told me that she would give Pooh to Joia. We went into the hospital and Jaisa held her baby sister and I watched my little family grow. I am ready for it to grow more and for my belly to shrink! I attached a picture of my beautiful nieces. Again, credit needs to be given to Ashley Ofosu. This was one of many gorgeous pictures from a photo shoot at Jilian's house. Joia is a little over a week old in this:

Baby Showers- I have been given two baby showers that were so sweet and generous. I am so unworthy of the generosity that has been shown to me by our friends and family. I can't say thank you enough for allowing God to use you in helping to provide for my Isaac. Baby stuff is EXPENSIVE and we have been generously provided for.

My first baby shower was November 22 in my hometown of Barnsdall. My lifelong best friends, Aubrey (Hibdon) Cramer and Charity (Carpenter) Duran had the cutest shower for me!
The theme was "boys are loads of fun". They decorated with dump trucks and yellow and black caution tape. We even had dirt cups with worms in lieu of a traditional cake. Both of my grandmothers were there as well as all of my Harmon cousins, even Haley came in from Fort Worth. I like to think it was for my shower but I suspect that she may have been there more for the Thanksgiving feast at Grannie B's after the shower. :) I can't say I blame her.

A few special highlights were the opening and closing prayers offered by my Grannie Myrna and my Dad, respectively. It was moving to hear prayers of safety and blessing offered up on behalf of my son. I pray those things all the time, but it was precious to hear them from the lips of people that I love so dearly. I got so many sweet gifts, everything from a stroller, to butt paste, to darling homemade blankets. Two of my favorites were the onesies from Aub and Charity: And Ryland, the sweetest husband in the world, compiled all of my blogs into a book. I'm published! Its is in full color and includes every single blog post I have ever entered. I love it that I will have a record to show Isaac and Gurt someday of what God lead us through to get them.

My second shower was at my school on December 4. It was given by my wonderful grade-level teammates, Flo Norman, Donna Burkey and Lynn Weathers and my AMAZING homeroom mothers. My co-workers have struggled with me through the last 2 1/2 years with infertility and miscarriages on a daily basis. They have provided so much encouragement and support. They have watched my pregnancy closer than maybe anyone else and have been wonderful. They have taken such good care of me and I can't wait to share my Isaac with them! It was also been wonderful to work with the group of mothers that I have this year. I have never been so so supported and edified by a group of parents before. I was so afraid that my pregnancy would be an automatic strike against me as a professional this year. But they have been so flexible and supportive and they are raising amazing kids, I get free parenting lessons everyday! This is probably my favorite class of my career. They already love Isaac and they ask everyday if he is happy and moving. They are very vested in my pregnancy. I loved having them be part of my baby shower. Unfortunately, I have no digital pictures of this shower. I have really cute print-outs in my purse if you ever want to see them though!

Gestational Diabetes- I went in to have the test for this condition the week before Thanksgiving. I drank some McNasty orange glucose stuff and had blood drawn an hour later. I got a call the next week telling me that I had failed. Great. I had to have the follow-up test which meant a bigger bottle of the orange drink and having my blood drawn 4 times. Let me just say for the record, I don't mind needles. This pregnancy ordeal has caused any fear I may have had of needles and pelvic exams to go away. They are necessary discomforts. But when I have blood drawn, my veins are tiny and they roll, which causes nurses to have to stick me multiple times and dig in my arm to find a vein. I DO NOT like this. My four sticks for this test turned into about 8. My arms were so sore and looked like those of a heroin junkie when I left. But I passed the test with instructions to "watch my sugars". I've been watching them all right, watching them go right into my mouth. Not to make excuses, but Christmas is not the easiest time to avoid sweets.

Isaac's Nursery- We painted last week and after returning two cribs that were recalled, we put together the one we are keeping. The nursery is finally finished! It is so cute, definitely my taste. I am nesting like crazy and it makes my hormones so happy to have it all completed. I will be posting pictures of it very soon.

I think that is all for now. Please keep me and my little ones in your prayers as we count down the days until they arrive. Happy 2009!

Mindy

Homestretch : Third Trimester

Hope you enjoyed yesterday's pictures. It was a fun day. I am so glad we were able to document this wonderful experience.

I cannot believe I am already here in the seventh month. Time has crept by in some places and it now feels like its flying. I feel those hormones driving me to worry about silly things like giving birth, having a car seat, being able to afford another person, is my body ever going to be normal again, and do I have enough diapers to put on Isaac? But then I have to step back and tell God thank you for giving me a REASON to worry about these things. I am having a baby! God gave me the desire of my heart with Isaac, I am going to keep trusting him to provide for us.

When I last saw Dr. K I asked him if Isaac was three feet long. I feel like he is EVERYWHERE and he is strong! I love all the sweet little kicks and punches that I get. I am going to miss this when he is out in the real world. I love sitting a remote or cell phone on my belly and watching him wiggle it. I am taking little ninja kicks to the ribs even as I type. Briefly during the vomitous days of the first trimester if I wondered ever wanted to try for another pregnancy, it seemed too hard on the body, but this part is so sweet that I think if God allows I would love to do it again.

I am having my first baby shower on Saturday in my hometown of Barnsdall. My lifelong besties, Charity and Aubrey are hostessing. I am so excited. Not necessarily for the gifts, even though that will be a nice perk, but I am excited mostly because I never thought I would ever get to have a baby shower for MY baby. I thought I was doomed to a life of just being a guest at a shower. During the miscarriage and infertility days I skipped a lot of baby showers. It was too hard to go and watch the new mothers glow as they collected items that were chosen lovingly for their new babies. It was a painful reminder of what I thought I could never have. I am so excited to celebrate Isaac's coming in my town, with the friends and family that I love so dearly. There will be pictures!

I mentioned earlier that I am concerned about money. Me and everyone else right? But even now God is providing opportunities. My hubby, who is on his way home from St. Louis at the moment, is being given so many opportunities to earn money doing what he loves, his music. He is playing at the Oklahoma Baptist General Convention's Youth Ministry Forum this coming Thursday and Friday, and has booked three camps already for next summer. He even has a conference booked for the week Isaac is due - hope that one works out. He is so amazingly talented and has such a good heart. Just watching him talk to my belly makes me fall that much more in love with him. I think that not only did I marry the most wonderful man ever, but I think that Isaac hit the Daddy jackpot as well. There is no one on earth I would rather raise children with. It makes me wonder what I did right in this world to get such a wonderful man. It also makes me think that Ryland must have done something really bad to be stuck with me. :)

I have no new Gurt news. Just waiting..... praying....... patiently. Trusting that God will work it all out in his perfect time.

I always get asked the question, "How are you feeling?" It is so hard to answer. Because I am constantly dealing with some pregnancy related ailment. Nothing major, just things like extremely sore hips, swollen ankles, or fatigue. Nothing that is going to kill me, but annoyances nonetheless. So I want to say I feel great, but that is kind of a fib, but I also don't want people to think I am ungrateful for my pregnancy. It's a conundrum. I wish I knew the perfect answer.

I do have a few prayer requests:

1) I mentioned earlier that I have low lying placenta. I will have another ultrasound in a few weeks to make sure it moves up. If it doesn't it will block the birth canal and I will have to have a c-section. In 90% of women with this condition (placenta previa) it moves. So please pray that it does. I am not very worried, but the thought is in the back of my mind a little.

2) The holidays are here. This is my family's first holiday season without my Aunt Karla. It is hard to imagine my baby shower, Thanksgiving and Christmas without her. It will feel like something is missing. Please keep my family, especially my cousins, in your prayers. Pray that God will send a spirit of joy to rest with my family and that we will laugh and give thanks for all of the blessings God has given.

3) A friend of mine lost a baby this week. This is my first experience watching from the other side, it makes some of the old sadness creep in. The grief of my three glory babies is still very fresh sometimes. Please keep my friend and her husband in your prayers. Ask God to heal her body and heart, and that God will teach them through this and accomplish his purpose in their lives for building a family.

God bless you as you enjoy this beautiful fall season.

Love, Mindy

Maternity Pictures

These are from a photo shoot with Ashley Ofosu. Visit her work at http://ashleyophotos.blogspot.com/

An update will be coming soon. Between parent-teacher conferences, open house, PTO activities, our 3rd Grade Oklahoma Land Run, church and creating a nursery I have had zero time (or energy) to blog.

A detail filled blog will be coming soon I promise. Okay, Fred :)

Love and best wishes - keep praying for the little man in my baby bump & the little Gurt in my heart.

Lovc, Mindy

My Dad described this picture as "disgusting", thanks Dad! But this is the first time I have ever loved having a belly.

This is a gift from Uncle Lane.

This is our inspiration for Isaac's name. Abraham and Sarah's Isaac was an unexpected blessing whose name means laughter, just like our baby.

This is my favorite.

This is Ry's sister Jilian, carrying our niece Joia, due 6 weeks before Isaac.

A cute quote from our photog.

Bleacher bums in Guthrie.

Love my baby.

6 Month Update

It's because I hit the six month mark tomorrow, not because it will take 6 months to read...

Here I am, a mere 16 weeks away from mommyhood. I am so thrilled, excited, scared, eager, but mostly madly in love. I started crying the other day, (SHOCKER, I know) because I suddenly realized how much my Mom loves me. I underestimated the power of a mother's love. I didn't realize that it would be quite so all encompassing and far reaching. If Isaac comes out and is breathing and has a heartbeat everything else is negotiable. I don't care if he is ugly, disfigured, mean, stinky, or chronically ill. I couldn't possibly love him any more than I do, because he is MINE, A gift that God entrusted to undeserving me. The depth of my gratitude grows deeper with every baby stretch and sweet kick to the bladder, which happens to be Isaac's new favorite game. Mom, I finally get it. Thank you for loving me like you do even though it took me 26 years for me to get the "eyes" needed to see it clearly, even though they happen to be in my belly. :)

I think it also brings me a little bit closer to understanding the way that God loves us. I am not a being capable of creation on its own, but I am an instrument in the process, and just knowing that I am aiding in something so alive and so unique makes me want nothing but good and blessings for him all the days of his life. I even found myself praying that God would prevent him from ever experiencing any pain. But after I thought about it, I would be worthless if life handed me roses all the time. My pain has been good for my character, it has softened my heart to others and grown compassion in me. I don't want Isaac to hurt, but I pray that God puts a kind heart in him, even if his pain is going to hurt me.

Needless to say, motherhood is already an emotional job, even though I am not an official mom yet.

I see Dr. K on Wednesday the 22nd for a diagnostic ultrasound. I am so excited to see my sweet boy again. It will be the last time before I see his face for real. I just hope that when he is born I will be able to see through my tears. I can't imagine having dry eyes at the moment when so many prayers will be answered in flesh and blood....... I'm crying just thinking about it. Please pray that all goes well and that my sweet Isaac is as healthy and strong as he appears to be.

I have another exciting prayer request. After talking with my caseworker last month, I asked her to only sign us up for individual kids to adopt. This month there are 2 little individual boys up for adoption. There is a four year old named Malakai (like Malachai, the book in the bible), and a one year old name Treeshon (Tray-shawn). I am very excited by this possibility. Of course there is good chance that we won't even be considered for these boys but according to several people, they believe that Gurt might get here before Isaac, so who knows? I love the idea of Isaac having a big brother. We are open to whatever plan God has for building our family. It is scary to think that we could get two at one time, but God has clearly lead us here and we trust that he will not lead us astray now or ever. Please pray for these two boys, that God will bless them with a wonderful forever family where they will be adopted and loved forever. And pray for our Gurt- whoever he or she may be, that God will bring them into our life at the appointed time.

Keep us in your prayers as we wait for God's blessings. Thank you for the love and support, as always.

Mindy

I'm Not Dead

Greetings Friends and Family.

I'm still here.

I have a GEEKY confession to make. I have not blogged in a long while because I have been rushing home and going straight to a book series that has had me hooked like a heroin addict since Labor Day weekend. I have been reading the "Twilight" series by Stephenie Meyer. They are about a mortal who falls in love with a vampire and then there is a love triangle with a werewolf and then the vampire government gets all bent out of shape, etc. etc. Before you judge my nerdiness, go check them out. I guarantee you will be hooked. That, or you will lose all respect for my taste in books. They are endorsed by my friend, Dr. Aub. She thinks they are good and she has a big degree. Good enough for me!

I went to the doctor today for my monthly check-up. My blood pressure was a tiny bit elevated, but the nurse told me it was probably due to the cold medicine I took this morning. I also gained 8 POUNDS. Granted, I have been eating like a truck driver. I feel hungry all the time and I get hungry for things like cheeseburgers and funfetti cake, not steamed veggies and broiled fish. But I am going to try and slow down, though I don't think Isaac minds. He always gives me happy kicks after I eat. I want to make him happy! It's not about me. :)

Speaking of my sweet Isaac, Ryland felt him kick for the first time a few weeks ago. I was laying on the couch and Isaac became my little ninja boy. He was kicking so hard! I told Ryland to come over and I pressed his hand to the spot. Isaac, of course, got very still. I talked to him though and asked him to kick for his Daddy. He obediently kicked Ryland's hand about three times. Since then it has become a nightly routine for Ryland to talk to him and for him to kick Ryland. I think he likes his Daddy's voice. He always responds to it. It is so precious to already see my boys bonding. All the books are telling me to keep exposing Isaac to noises that he will hear outside the womb like a vacuum cleaner and barking dogs so that he won't get startled. The barking dogs are easy, I've got three of those. Vacuuming though.... I need to do that more.

I have a Gurt update that makes me sad. I got a call from Maggie, our caseworker, yesterday. She told me that Ryland and I had been selected to move forward in pursuit of a sibling group of three: Twin boys-age 1 and a girl- age 3. I just cried. 6 months ago this would have been my dream come true. Perfect ages. Perfect everything. I told Maggie that we were expecting Isaac in a few months and that we really only have room for one more here in the Russell house. It broke my heart to be so close to what we wanted and have to say no. I know in my heart that these weren't the kids for us, but I am so ready for Gurt to be here. And to be that close and yet so far was just hard. Maggie will still be signing us up for kids, but just one. And I am praying that OUR Gurt will be here in God's perfect timing.

I will be taking maternity pics in a few weeks. I will post a few when we get them back. I am doing them with Ashley Ofosu, a friend of mine since college who is married to another "old" friend of our, Ray Ofosu. She also took Danna and Jim's wedding photos. You can check her stuff out at http://ashleyophotos.blogspot.com/ . She is insanely talented and hopefully she can make a chubby belly look cute.

I think you are all caught up now. Please keep my Isaac and Gurt in your prayers and also pray for their overeating Momma and sweet Daddy. I love you all and I am enjoying this sweet time that I believe is leading to an even sweeter time.

Mindy

20 weeks = 5 months

Hello friends. All I have to say is.........

Whoa! We're halfway there! Whooooooa, livin on a prayer!
- the poet, Jovi

Today is the halfway mark in my pregnancy. I am thrilled to be here but the thought of waiting 20 more weeks to hold Isaac stinks. I know he's not done cooking yet, but I'd love to snuggle him for just 10 minutes.

Needless to say, I haven't yet come down from the high of the ultrasound. There were so many answered prayers and "God" promises that came true last Saturday.

I am ashamed to put this into words, but God gave me a promise last year on December 16. I was in the throes of fertility drugs and frankly, depression. We had, at that point been trying since April to get pregnant and no matter how many times I charted, took my temperature, or took drugs, we could not conceive. I went to the bible needing a pick me up. I had every intention to find something comforting to read. By God's design, I ended up in 2 Kings,
chapter 4. This is the passage God gave me that night:

8
One day Elisha came to Shunem, where there was a woman of influence, who urged him to dine with her. Afterward, whenever he passed by, he used to stop there to dine.
9
So she said to her husband, "I know that he is a holy man of God. Since he visits us often,
10
let us arrange a little room on the roof and furnish it for him with a bed, table, chair, and lamp, so that when he comes to us he can stay there."
11
Sometime later Elisha arrived and stayed in the room overnight.
12
Then he said to his servant Gehazi, "Call this Shunammite woman." He did so, and when she stood before Elisha,
13
he told Gehazi, "Say to her, 'You have lavished all this care on us; what can we do for you? Can we say a good word for you to the king or to the commander of the army?'" She replied, "I am living among my own people."
14
Later Elisha asked, "Can something be done for her?" "Yes!" Gehazi answered. "She has no son, and her husband is getting on in years."
15
"Call her," said Elisha. When she had been called, and stood at the door,
16
Elisha promised, "This time next year you will be holding a son in your arms." "Please, my lord," she protested, "you are a man of God; do not deceive your servant."
17
Yet the woman conceived, and by the same time the following year, in the same season she had given birth to a son, as Elisha had promised.

This is one of those rare and special times that God spoke a promise to me through his word. I can relate to parts of this woman. It was very stirring that the woman reacted by asking Elisha not to deceive her. At that point I felt very deceived; by doctors, by my hopes, by my emotions and even by my own body. All my heart wanted was to conceive and bear a child and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't make it happen. Not that I have ever entertained any holy prophets in my home, but I felt that at that time, God was telling me to hold on and to know that my son was coming. I also felt that God was asking me how big my faith was. Ashamedly, it wasn't very big.

As you know we lost a baby in February of this year. It seems like a lifetime ago. I thought that pregnancy was the answer to my prayer. When it turned out to be another baby in glory, I was crushed. The scripture haunted me. I thought that maybe I had misunderstood, or just let emotion cause me to see what I wanted in those verses. My faith ran low. I was an Israelite. God put his promise in black and white and yet I doubted. Even when I found out that I was pregnant with Isaac, I cried and feared, even though God brought those verses to my mind time after time.

When I say that I always thought that this baby was a boy, this is why. God promised me a son and when I saw him on the ultrasound, I saw God's promise in the flesh. My Isaac, the boy whose name is laughter. And as my friend pointed out, even the title of my blog refers to laughter. And I believe that as we see God's promise fulfilled in 20 weeks time, that there will be much laughter and glory to God for giving me the desires of my heart through my son.

The control freak side of me is hoping that Isaac won't be here on or before December 16. That is too early. I am just hoping that God is using that as a symbol and not a concrete thing. But I know that God is going to take care of Isaac no matter when he decides to come out and greet us all. But God gave me a promise, and I am done with doubt.

Prayer Focus:

1) My angels - Isaac and Gurt, that God would continue to grow them and keep them healthy.

2) My great uncle, Kenneth Reed passed away last weekend. Pray for my great Aunt Leora as well as their children and grandchildren as they deal with his loss. Pray for comfort and strength in the days ahead.

3) My friend Miriam. She and her hubby and daughter are stationed in Guam. She is expecting a son a few weeks before Isaac. Her son may have hemophilia so she is VERY high risk and she has to come back to the states until she gives birth next January. I am thrilled that she is coming but this means that she and her daughter and soon-to-be son will be away from her husband for all but 2 weeks out of possibly the next year. Pray that her son will NOT have hemophilia and that God will comfort and protect them as they are making plans.

4) My cousin Danna- she ties the knot Saturday! Pray that God will bless her marriage and maybe even bless her with an Isaac of her own someday.

5) Ryland- he just locked the keys in our new Chrysler Pacifica. He is stressed. Pray that he gets someone to drive out here to the boon docks to let him in his new car or else I am going to make him ride a bike tomorrow. Okay- just kidding.

Love you all,
Mindy

Ultrasound Video

Turn off the music player and watch our ultrasound video. It is lengthy, but very fun! This is our boy in action. Enjoy!



Isaac Wade Russell from ryland russell on Vimeo.

Isaac's Pictures

My baby boy!

Here are some pictures of our beautiful boy. Our blog is now blue in honor of our coming son, Isaac Wade Russell. We will be adding video or at least a link as soon as we figure out how. We love you all, this has been one of the happiest days of our lives. Pray that as we are finding out Isaac's identity that God would keep bringing us closer to finding Gurt. We truly serve a great God who has blessed me beyond all I could ask for or imagine.

Love to you all,

Mindy

Drumroll Please!!!!

IT'S A BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Look for pictures and video to come soon!

Quickie Update

The doctor's appointment today went great. My blood pressure was a perfect 120 over 80. Urine sample was perfect. This was my first appointment to gain weight, I am up 2 pounds in my pregnancy so far. Not bad for being nearly 5 months. My uterus is growing and we heard Tad's heartbeat loud and clear. Praise the Lord. I am thankful for a good report.

This weekend instead of doing productive things like cleaning my house or grading papers, I chose the bedding for Tad and Gurt's room and I started my baby registries at Target.com and Walmart.com. I am so excited to start putting together the nursery. I attached a picture so you can see my inspiration picture.

I love it! It is neutral, but totally cute. I think Tad and Gurt will look great in it.

I am also excited because my wonderful sis-in-law went to a baby consignment sale and bought a car seat & base, gliding rocker & ottoman, and several baby exercisers for us for dirt cheap. It is all really nice stuff that is going to be fun for our sweet kiddos to use. I love buying stuff for these two! I can't wait until we have faces and names to go with them!

Keep me and my two angels in your prayers.

Check in on Saturday - we'll find out Tad's sex!

Mindy

18 weeks and counting, thats 4 1/2 months for the non-pregnant readers

Hello all. Life is back in full swing again. New class. New year. New strains of the stomach flu. That's right. The good ole stomach flu. And if it isn't bad enough just to have it, I have had it twice, yes, two times in the last week. I called Dr. K's office because it makes me worry about little Tad. Dr. K's nurse told me that the baby is fine, your body builds up fat stores for times like that. But even at 4 and 1/2 months, it still scares me. I still have minutes where I am so scared to lose this baby. But again, the voice of fear is not of God and not what I will listen to.

Tad has started to occasionally kick me. Especially around meal time, which I am loving. It isn't all the time yet, but I am enjoying feeling those sweet little jerks in my belly.

I have an awesome class this year. They are such sweet kids. A little boy in my class told me today that he had noticed my belly but "you aren't supposed to ask girls if they are pregnant in case they are just chubby." It was cute. And I am chubby, just not usually this chubby.

We should be getting a new "Gurt" list next week. I have been really Gurt-sick lately. I have been thinking about Gurt so much. I am ready for that sweet kid to be here. We have so many fun days to look forward to.

I need to brag on my hubs. Ryland just booked Texas Super Summer for June of next year. This is his biggest gig to date and I am so incredibly proud. Tad and I will be going as "roadies" or baggage, whatever. We will just be glad to support Ry. I have a feeling that Ryland will have to make a lot more trips to Texas after they see how wonderful he is, which is fine by me.

We go back to see Dr. K next Monday (9/8), and we have our 3D ultrasound on Saturday (9/13). We finally get to give Tad a real name when we see his/her real face. I am so excited and I will post all of that fun information as soon as we know something. I can't wait to share it with you all.

Prayer Focus:
1) Pray that all of my sickness hasn't affected Tad. Pray that Tad continues to grow big and strong.
2) Pray for protection safety and good health for Gurt and that God will bring him to us when it is time.
3) Pray that my immune system is strong and that I don't burn up anymore of my sick leave.
4) Praise- for my wonderful new class.
5) Dr. K - a good report on Monday
6) 3D Ultrasound - that Tad shows his/her goodies to the camera. We need to know whether to buy baby dolls or footballs!
7) Ry- that God continues to prepare him for all the big things ahead.

I love you all- thanks for remembering us.

Mindy

It's A...........

Drumroll please (think christmas vacation style)...........It's a............... POST FROM RYLAND! Sorry to get your hopes up, but no we don't know whether our baby is going to be an nfl star or wnba player yet. We will soon though! We are going to have a 3d ultrasound done on Sept. 13th to find out the sex of our tad. So we all shall soon find out.

I am posting to ask you all to say a prayer for my prescious wife today. It is the first day of school for Edmond teachers and I know it will probably be an exhausting day for her. Just ask God to give her strength and to feel good. I know she is really excited about getting back in the classroom, but it also means being on your feet all day and dealing with crazy third graders. We have been so blessed to have you praying for us. God is so good.

This is a picture that we took at 12 weeks or so. Our friend Stephanie gave us this little baby doll that is the size of a 12 week old baby. Kinda weird, but also really amazing to think that our little tad doesn't really resemble a tadpole anymore. I think Mindy might feel like the baby looks more like this now though..............................

Just like it's Daddy. Well, thanks for reading my post. Have a great day everybody!

-Ryland-

Another One of My Crazy Dreams

This is hard to share because my emotions are still a little raw about this topic. I mentioned in my very first post how we lost my Aunt Karla the same day that we lost our third baby.

Yesterday would have been my Aunt Karla's 56th birthday. All of the firsts after losing someone are hard. I know it was especially hard for her three daughters.

I went to bed last night and she was one of the last things on my mind. During the night she visited me in my dreams. I dreamed of the "old" her. Her hair was done, her make-up was on, she was dressed in bright colors and she had her old body. She was radiant. She held my hand and we walked and talked for what seemed like hours. I don't remember much of what we said but I do remember how good it felt just to be with her again. The only thing I remember her saying was a message about her daughters that I feel is best shared with them personally.

I loved that dream. I have also dreamed of my Pa (Grandpa Corky) like this before. It is like getting to visit with an old friend for the evening. You always wake up missing them, but you know they are just on the other side of heaven. Its not far away but the journey is long for a lot of us.

I woke up and had one thought on my mind. I thought of Aunt Karla leaving us on January 31, and how I found out that I lost my baby that same day. I thought of my due date for this baby, February 4. That doesn't seem like a coincidence to me. In my mind (which is not scripture based) I think Aunt Karla got to heaven, saw my three babies instead of two and marched straight into the throne room and worked out a deal thus sending me this little one in my belly. I think it was just a cherry on top that she knew we would all be sad during that time and wanted to send some joy to us to help us all heal. Catholics believe that the saints that have gone before us intercede to the Father on our behalf. She was never canonized, but I think within our family we could all agree that she possessed a lot of saint-like qualities and I wouldn't be surprised to know that she interceded for this baby. What a great way to celebrate her first "homecoming" , with the celebration of new life. God does it like that all the time.

Please keep our family and especially my Aunt Karla's three daughters in your prayers. There are a lot of hard days still to come. But even though her body is gone, she is still with us. And as far as I am concerned, still giving gifts that are eternal.

Mindy

The Appointment 8/12/08

As you know, I had very high hopes that I would have another ultrasound today. It did not happen. BUMMITY BUM BUMMER.

Oh well.

We got to Dr. K's office. I went in and got weighed. I was not excited about stepping on the scales. Since I stopped throwing up everyday I have grown a bit of a pot belly. (Understatement) I knew I was about to get in trouble. I haven't exactly been the queen of eating healthy. Don't get me wrong, I am eating lots of fruits and veggies and drinking my water, but I am chasing those good things with lots of carb-alicious things like noodles and reese's peanut butter puffs cereal. And I feel like Tad likes those things better anyways. He is my child afterall. :) Do you think Dr. K will buy that? Anyways, I got on the scale and amazingly, I weighed the same as 4 and 1/2 weeks ago and had even lost a few ounces. I was shocked and amazed. I told the nurses that my theory is this: I puked off my butt and my muffin top and when the weight came back it all went straight to my belly. They found it quite humorous, but I really think thats what happened. I bet next time my weight gain will be in the positive.

We went to the exam room and they tested my urine, which had sickeningly been stored inside of two ziplock bags and a Wal-Mart bag inside my purse all day. I get to do this everytime, GAG. Everything looked great. My blood pressure was lower than usual. Good stuff. Dr. K came in and pressed on my belly to measure it. He said growth looked good. Then he got out a little machine that looked like a wireless lapel microphone to listen for the heartbeat. He jammed it into my fat belly. It took him too long for my comfort to find the heartbeat. I think Tad was not loving being poked with a cold microphone, so he tried to swim way back in my tummy. In reality it was probably more like 45 seconds but when you are a freaker outer such as myself, your mind starts to panic thinking that something is wrong. Well, he found it, we heard it, and he said it was good and strong. Praise the Lord.

We did not get to have an ultrasound, but Ryland asked when we could find out the sex. Dr. K said it would be at 22 weeks. That is 8 stinking weeks away! BLAH! We were disappointed but looking forward to an October surprise. Until then I can look longingly at pink and blue things and dream of dressing Tad in them.

Praise God for another good report.

Thanks again for your prayers and encouragements. I love you all.

Mindy

Update: 14 weeks, 4 days

I feel like I have been on a blogging hiatus lately and considering that I am going back to work (blerg) on Thursday my posts may be a little shorter and farther in between for a little while. August thru September are pretty exhausting in the life of a school teacher. So, my apologies, but I promise if there is any news, good or bad, I will put it on the blog as soon as I possibly can.

Where to start......

Gurt. There should have been a statewide staffing a week ago, but we haven't received a list which makes me think that probably the staffing is today. So be in prayer as we again wait to be signed up for potential Gurts. My friend Gail, from work, told me the neatest thing the other day. She talked about how she knew that God has created Tad and Gurt especially for Ryland and I, but she also talked about how God was getting Tad and Gurt ready for EACH OTHER. I have always compartmentalized the two. It made me cry, the thought of how God creates our siblings as a gift of love for us. I thought of Ryland's aunts. One who is a Tad and one who is a Gurt. They are best friends regardless of who gave birth to them. I also thought of Lane, Jilian, Hilary and Hayden. Ryland and I have irreplaceable, wonderful siblings that God blessed us with. We have such great relationships and I am so excited to watch my kids play together, laugh together, have inside jokes and maybe even get in trouble. Just another little blessing that I look forward to.

Tad. Tad has finally decided to be nice to Mommy. The second trimester has been great so far. I am amazed at how quickly my belly has grown, now that I have stopped vomiting everyday. I am still nauseated here and there but it is much much better. Even the headaches and nosebleeds have relaxed. Which for a psycho worry wort like myself, I start thinking crazy thoughts like "Ohmygosh! I am feeling too good- something must be wrong!" I know that it is NORMAL to feel good at this point but it is a constant struggle with myself. In faith, I am choosing to believe that Tad is good and happy and getting big. I look obviously pregnant all of a sudden. My secret is out even more than it was before. I have never had a belly like this before. I am in fat-girl denial right now. I really should be leaning toward maternity clothes but I just keep rubber-band tricking all my old pants, squashing them onto myself. I will be in full panel maternity clothes land in no time I'm sure, so I will be vain until my pant start digging into my chub.

Joia Gardner. Ryland's sister Jilian is pregnant also. She is due about 6 weeks ahead of me. All of Ryland's family (minus the Arkansas crew- we missed you!) gathered at his Grandma Mary's house Friday night to witness a cake cutting. Jilian and Jonathan went to the doctor Thursday to find out the sex of their baby. They asked the doctor not to tell them, but instead to write it inside a card and seal it in an envelope. They took the envelope to a bakery and asked them to bake a cake that had either a pink inside for a girl and a blue inside for a boy. They were expecting blue - after all the pencil test predicted blue and Jilian's pregnancy has been very different this time. Jilian cut the cake and pulled out a PINK piece. SO Tad and Gurt will have another sweet baby girl cousin in December. Her name will be Joia (pronounced Joy-uh). Hope I am spelling it right, Jil. Congratulations. We are thrilled for Jaisa the sequel.

Gifts. I got my first two baby gifts yesterday. The first one came at church via my friend Cindy B. she told me that she saw it at Target and had to get it, and after she got it decided that it was too cute and couldn't wait to give it to me. I opened the bag and she had bought a pink onesie that had guitars all over it. I LOVED it. If Tad is a girl I am sure there will be pictures with Daddy and his guitar. The second gift was from Flo, Shannon, Donna and Lynn- the teachers from school on my team. They bought me green burp cloths, a soft green polka dotted blanket and a Baby Einstein "Wake-Up/ Goodnight" CD for the nursery. Again, I LOVED it! I got a few gifts in my previous pregnancies, but I have long since packed those away and honestly, I have been a little afraid to get those out. There are a lot of hard memories attached to those. They represent loss in many ways. But, after my doctor's appointment tomorrow, I am bravely going to take them out and let myself feel whatever I need to feel. And then I am going to look at them as symbols of the future, and symbols of God's faithfulness and provision. I am going to believe that a baby will wear those soon.

Dr. K tomorrow- I have my next appointment tomorrow. As always, my nerves get a little fragile right before a visit. I have NO reason at all to suspect bad news. I am ready to receive all good news, but fear just gets me sometimes. I know that I am guilty of listening to that voice of doubt that whispers in my ear, I know that it is not the voice of God. I just don't quite know how to tell it to shut up! Please keep me and Ry in your prayers as we head in tomorrow for our next monthly check-up. We are also hoping that Dr. K will tell us the sex of the baby. All of my baby books say that you can see the sex at 12-13 weeks and I am almost 15 weeks. I know Dr. K will be able to see it, I just don't know if he will tell me. It is still a little risky to tell this early, but I am chomping at the bits! We'll see. I'll tell you one thing- there will be no cake party. I won't be able to wait 5 minutes before shouting it from a mountain top. Jilian and Jon have an amazing amount of restraint that I do NOT have. So stay tuned.

Back to School. I go back to work on Thursday. Again I have a few worries. I haven't been in the district all that long, and have mad some pretty major medical issues in the last two years between 3 miscarriages, one stomach flu and one regular flu. I only have enough sick leave for ONE maternity leave this year, but I do have disability that kicks in after sick days but I don't know if it covers adoptions. I know we will be fine financially, but it is scary. I am also not thrilled to be away from my class that long. I know that my kids will have a great certified sub that will take good care of everything, but I feel like I am letting people down. I never would have planned to get 2 kids in a year, and if I had tried to, it would never happen that way! - but God planned that for me, so I know it is better than any plan I could make on my own. Pray for my future students and their parents, they they will be flexible and understanding of my unique position. ON A POSITIVE NOTE: I had my most difficult class of my career last year. I just got my test scores back. I had 100% of my students pass the state test in reading. I only had 2 students not pass in math. The test scores were also the best of my career. I felt like I had won the lottery! God has shown me several times the impact that I have had on that group. I would be happy to share those things in person, they would reveal too much personal info in this platform, but God has proven again that my classroom is part of my ministry and I am ready to get back.

Love to you all! Goodbye to Summer.

Mindy

We're Back!

Hello all. Thank you so much for your prayers. I was only sick once, in Dallas, after our flight home. It was great! Just wanted to tell you that we are here and me, Ry and Tad are all doing great. Look for a new post soon. I am going to bed early tonight!

This is Whiny- Be Warned

Okay, for those who think I am too whiny (Mom & Lane amongst others I am sure), you might want to stop reading now. Just fair warning.

I am being selfish.

Ryland and I leave for our vacation on Tuesday night. I am nervous. Last Wednesday I spotted a teeny tiny bit. I immediately rested and it only happened once. No big deal, everything is fine. In the last week I have had 2 migraine headaches. Yesterday it was so bad that I did not get out of bed and I had to take 3 of my (high risk pregnancy doctor prescribed) pills before it worked, which scares me anyways. I don't want to take anything so I wait until I am miserable and usually by that point I am too sick for just one pill to work. Then I feel guilty for taking them, it is a vicious cycle. I threw up twice, which I am not sure if it was from the headache or morning sickness. Luckily, that is the only time this whole week that I have thrown up, so that's a positive. I also have had nosebleeds and dry sinuses about everyday, which doesn't really hurt, its just annoying. Maybe as annoying as my whining.

Anyways, back to me being selfish. I selfishly want to ask for your prayers while we are away. We are going to Mexico and I (again) selfishly want to enjoy myself and not ruin the trip for my husband. If you can squeeze me in this week, please pray first and foremost that God will protect Tad and my body from any germs or food that would make us sick or hurt us. And pray that my morning sickness and migraine issues would be minimal. Mexico is nice and humid, so maybe my sinus stuff will feel better. Also pray for no spotting, I think that if I am that far away I could very easily freak out even if it is over nothing. Pray for my silly anxiety, that God will lovingly remind me over and over that he is taking care of me. And pray for my Gurt, wherever he may be.

PRAISE! I have passed the 12 week mark. I finish my first tri-mester on Thursday. Hallelujah! Now in only 27 1/2 weeks I will hopefully have a sweet little Tad tagging along with me.

Again, my dear blogland readers, I cannot in this lifetime thank you enough for all of your prayers and well wishes. It does my heart so much good to get your e-mails, facebook posts, and encouraging words - I feel more loved than I deserve. Thank you for allowing God to send you as an encourager to me. On my yuckiest days I am so thankful that you accept me in all of my whiny-ness, and that you let me be real and honest about how I feel, even though it is usually not so good lately. I love you all dearly, and I hope my sincere gratitude shows.

I hope you know that even as annoying as all these pregnancy side effects are, I already love the reason (Tad) more than I can ever put into words. I will feel bad everyday if it means this little one comes to me in good shape in a few months.

I apologize for being Debbie downer - thanks for listening and praying.

God IS Love,
Mindy

P.S.- Miriam B. - it did my heart good to talk to you the other day. I hope today is sunny in Guam. I love you.

Things I Love Right Now...

1. Zofran -My morning sickness is FINALLY starting to wane. I only threw up 3 times last week as opposed to 5-6 times per week. Thank you Jesus, keep the good days coming. Zofran is an anti-nausea medication that my Dr. gave me. It is mega-expensive, but if I am feeling bad it almost always works beautifully. And my pharmacist friends tell me it is a category 2 drug which is very safe for little Tad.

2. My new bracelet- My friend from church, Kim, made me a super cute bracelet. It has blue, white and pink beads and says Tad & Gurt's names on it. I have been wearing it everyday and I love when people ask me about it. It gives me a great opportunity to brag on how good God is.

3. Cindy Bergren and her big closet.- On Sunday nights this summer, me and Ry are attending the bible study, "Men are Like Waffles, Women are Like Spaghetti". It is at Steven and Cindy's house and last Sunday Cindy generously took me to her big closet and gave me a ton of maternity clothes. She is short like me and after an hour long try-on session, I will be able to use 90% of it. Why only 90%, because honestly some of it was heinous on me. I figured if it is not cute on my body at 3 months, it won't be cute when I am a giant walrus. So a HUGE thank you to Cindy. Someday I hope I will be returning the favor.

4. My tummy- I woke up last Saturday to discover that I have "popped". I have never made it this far before in a pregnancy, so I haven't experienced the joyous day that everything gets tight. Ryland and my friend Lynnse swear that I don't look different but I am thinking they are just being sweet. It really gets big at night. The only thing is, it doesn't quite look like a baby bump, it just looks like I have been hitting the Krispy Kremes too hard. Oh well, I have never been happier to be a chubber. Someday when I actually like eating again I am sure I will enjoy it.

5. My husband- I have not been the easiest person to live with over the past few months. I am a vomitous, cranky mess a lot. But Ryland has been so sweet and patient with me and all my high maintenance antics. He wakes up and asks me every morning if he can do anything for me. Usually I ask for a bottle of water and buttered toast and he always fetches it for me. He takes very good care of me and I am the luckiest girl ever.

6.Project Runway - Yes, it is back. It is my FAVORITE show and the people on this season are even crazier than usual. I am not fashionable, I do not sew, but I love to see these nutcases make designer gowns out of trash in 2 hours. It is amazing.

7. Kind strangers- Today I blew a tire in my car. Not three minutes later a nice man pulled up and offered to change my tire. In five minutes I was set. I asked if I could pay him, he said no. Not many people will stop on a 100 degree day and change a tire for someone. God bless Marion for his kindness.

8. Baby Boy Crow- My friend Chalea who will be Tad and Gurt's babysitter is expecting a baby boy. This may not seem earth shattering but Chalea has had many of the same pregnancy issues that I have had. Chalea has three darling girls and has experienced a lot of losses. And she is finally getting a boy! I am so excited for this family.

9. Mexico- countdown.. 8 days! -I am so pumped about heading off on vacation with Ryland for 5 nights. I am ready for sandy beaches and lazy days. It will be a great little escape before going back to work.

As always, keep my 2 babies, Tad and Gurt, in your prayers. I hit 12 weeks on Thursday. Have a great week. Love to you all.

Mindy

Update - 11 weeks!

2 weeks until the end of the first tri-mester, YAY!

I promised a new Tad picture. Here it is. My clever little husband has cleverly labeled it so that you can tell what exactly you are looking at.

We have Gurt news as well. Last Saturday night we came home from Barnsdall and found our list of available children in our mailbox. We were only signed up for three children this month. A sibling group that was a one year old girl named Angelina and three year old boy named Brandon. (Brangelina) In my current condition, I feel that I can't take on two children in addition to Tad so I immediately knew that they wouldn't work out. We were signed up for a 14 month old boy named Evan. The only issue is that Evan was the ONLY kid on the WHOLE list that had a stipulation of no pets. Those who know us know that we have three dogs and we like them more than some people. I e-mailed my caseworker and asked if that was negotiable or if he had allergies and she said that was up to Evan's caseworker to decide and since they don't release the names of the children's caseworkers, there is no way of asking. So my guess is that Evan will not be coming to live in the Russell house. Regardless, please pray for these three kiddos that they will find great adoptive homes.

Prayer Focus:

1) Pray that Tad can "hang in there" for one more week. At 12 weeks our risk of miscarriage drops by 65%. I get more confident with each new day and each new vomit. You might also ask God to let my morning sickness ease up as long as Tad is safe.

2) We may be praying or Gurt for a LONG time, but pray that regardless of how long it is that God's perfect will is done. Also pray that Gurt is safe and healthy and unaffected by any negative circumstances.

3) Dr. K says that I can go to Mexico on vacation yay! He told me no fish and only bottled water. Which will be easy at our resort. Please begin praying for traveling mercies and that God will keep us from getting sick during the trip. I have never been sick on any of my previous trips but it is even more important to stay healthy now. We are going with my friend Lynnse and her husband Justin. I am not much fun to travel with right now. We hope that they will still want to be friends with us after a three hour car ride to Dallas and a flight to Mexico.

I love you all.

Mindy

Seeing Is Believing

Psalm 139: 13-16
13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

As I have expressed, it strikes fear into my heart to go to the doctor. Very seldom have I went into Dr. K's office to receive good news. Things in the past have been "I'm sorry..." "There's a cyst", "Let's try this drug", "Maybe next month". Never fun things to see or hear. Until recently when it has all seemed to change.

I went to Dr. K yesterday for my second scheduled pre-natal visit. It was exciting because I have never made it this far before. I expected the regular 15 minute visit, but it was not to be yesterday. Ryland knew I was nervous and tried to make me laugh but threatening to document our doctor's visit with his I-phone. I lovingly told him that I would smash his precious I-phone if I saw it out during any point of my exam. He told me that it would be great pictures for the blog. We disagreed. I won. Dr. K measured my uterus and told me that it looked good and it appeared to be growing normally. Yay! He said he wanted to do an ultrasound to confirm that the baby was growing as well. Again, ultrasounds are terrifying because too many times they have given bad news. But not today. We clearly saw Tad immediately. He looks like a real baby. He was waving his little hands and kicking his feet. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I saw my baby. And even as I type, I am still crying. It was a moment that I will never forget. Dr. K showed us his spinal cord and measured him, all 2 inches. I am now 10 weeks pregnant, our due date moved up to February 4, 2009. Good news- all of it. After some routine bloodwork, where a nurse routinely missed my vein, we left the hospital after an hour and a half. We didn't even care, we were too elated.

We will be posting the newest ultrasound picture as soon as we get to a scanner. We want you all to see Tad's cute little alienish face.

As I mentioned earlier, we are still waiting on the list of potential Gurts to look over. We may get it this weekend or on Monday. We are so excited to see it. It feels like we have waited FOREVER! We are anxious to get started.

Prayer Focus:

1) Praise God for the good thing he is doing in me. May I never forget to be thankful even in the throes of the worst pregnancy symptom. God does all things well.

2) Please lift up Tad in prayer. If he can hang in there for 2 more weeks my risk of miscarriage drops by 60%. I am still in a fragile place in the pregnancy. Please pray that Tad stay safe in my womb until he is fully capable of living in me and Ryland's arms.

3) Again pray that God will help us look at the list of possible Gurts and be able to decided which is the right one. Ask that God will guide us clearly. Also pray that Gurt is safe and healthy and being loved. Pray that he is unaffected by whatever took him out of his home and will be open to receive love from us when the day comes.

Thank you again for all of your prayers. I truly can feel them and I saw the results yesterday, and if all goes bad tomorrow, God is good and he's still in control.

Love you all.

Mindy

Update- Branson, A Wedding, 9 Weeks 3 Days

Ryland and I got back from an amazing trip from Branson yesterday with both sides of his family. We stayed with the Bush side in a wonderful resort called the French Quarter. We shared a room with his sister Jilian, her hubby Jon, and my sweet niece, Jaisa. It was wonderful to get to be with another pregnant woman. I thought that maybe I was going insane, that maybe I was the only woman in the world experiencing all the wonderful nauseating side effects of pregnancy. I am sorry she is still feeling bad at 14 weeks, but at least I know that I am not crazy.

We got there last Saturday after a five plus hour drive and invaded the pool. Then had a lovely dinner in. Sunday was lake day. I got up and threw up, which is my morning routine these days. I ate breakfast took a doctor approved nausea pill and got dressed for the lake. I was feeling pretty well and was excited to go out on the boat, but after ten minutes of standing on the constantly moving dock, I promptly got in my car, drove back to the hotel and laid down until the world stopped moving. On Monday, Ryland's Grandma Mary from the Russell side got married to her love, Tom Rose. The ceremony was at Silver Dollar City in the Wilderness Chapel. Mary was paraded into the park by someone carrying a bell, everyone applauded as she made her way to the chapel. Ryland's Dad, Fred, walked her down the aisle in the beautiful old log church. Tom was adorable as he waited decked out in his suit. Mary wore a soft pink beaded dress, and she is a strikingly beautiful woman, but that day she was radiant. The service was short- Ryland and Jilian sang " From This Moment" and then the new husband kissed his bride. Pregnancy hormones got the best of me and I cried through the WHOLE service. The chapel bells rang and Tom and Mary were taken by a horse drawn carriage (complete with a "just hitched" sign on the back) to the reception. We had a yummy buffet and cake (except for me because sweets gross me out right now) in the upstairs room of a restaurant in Silver Dollar City. After the wedding we went in to Silver Dollar City to play for awhile. But by that point I was hot and tired and not at all feeling well, so my darling husband took me back to the hotel and loved on me in the air conditioning. Tuesday we returned to Silver Dollar City. It was much cooler and I was feeling much better. We spent most of the morning with Ryland's uncle, Kent, his wife Georgia and their son, Blake. Ryland and Kent are very close and we enjoyed getting to spend some quality time with them, even if it included watching a Veggie Tales play. (Behold my future!) We left Branson around 4 yesterday and made it home around 10. It was a fantastic trip but we were glad to be in our own beds last night.

Tomorrow is my next doctor's appointment for Tad. Things are going great, I am having all of the side effects, taking my vitamins and using my progesterone but it still scares me to death to go to the doctor. I still struggle with so much fear. We have never made it this far before which is encouraging, but we aren't out of the woods yet. With each day that passes I am growing more and more attached to this now one inch long person growing in my belly and I want so much for this to work. More than anything I want God's will to be done in my life, but it is my heart's desire to have this baby. As for tomorrow, I have no idea what to expect. I don't know what tests will be done or what questions will be asked. All I am praying for is good news.

Ryland and I had a girl name picked out since pregnancy number 2, But we have found out that two other couples that we love dearly have chosen to use the same name. Bummer. So we have decided not to use that name. We have a boy name picked out, but we are now looking for a girl name. And if Jilian's voo-doo pencil test is correct, it predicted that this little one is a girl. An ultrasound later will tell. If you have any name suggestions, please do tell. We will probably not be sharing our names until after the first tri-mester when we are a little "safer". But we want something that has some kind of significance. This baby is part of our testimony and ministry and we want to honor God by attempting to choose a name that brings him glory, though not necessarily a biblical name.

On Monday, Maggie, our caseworker signed us up for waiting children. I should get our list later this week or early next week. Ryland and I are going to prayerfully go through the list and decide which children we want to pursue and which ones we want to turn down. We are so excited to move forward with this. It has been a long process, but a God ordained process where we have been guided every step by the one who is building our family.

Prayer Focus:

1) Please continue to pray for my babies Tad and Gurt. That God would protect them both and give good health and safety.

2) Pray for Dr. K tomorrow as we continue on in this pregnancy adventure!

3) Pray for Maggie that she would continue to communicate well with us about what happens next in the search for Gurt.

4) Please continue to keep my Morgan and her family in your prayers. Their loss is massive and there are so many difficult feelings to sort through. Pray that God would be very present in their home and show himself minute by minute and hour by hour.

5) Selfishly, I am going to ask that you pray for me. I think I am having every pregnancy symptom in the book. I will endure it all if it means that Tad is safe in my womb but I am sure having some miserable moments. Pray that God would give me some relief. I love the reason for all of these crazy things happening to my body, but it sure is not fun sometimes.

I love you all. Thanks for caring about my little rapidly expanding universe. God is so good and I am enjoying sharing it all with you.

Mindy

Update- Tad, Gurt and Morgan's Family

Good news! I have officially passed the 8 week mark. I have made it farther than in any other pregnancy. Bad News! I am sick as a dog. I throw up basically every day and my "morning sickness" , that is a lie if ever I have heard one. I am nauseated ALL DAY LONG! I am happy to feel bad though if it means that Tad is healthy and in February I get to hold him. Please pray that I am one of the lucky few whose morning sickness ends at 12 weeks. Maybe if enough of you are asking God for that He will be merciful on me. For the record He is and has always been merciful to me and I will be sick for as long as He needs me to. It just seems odd that I am losing weight. I thought a pregnancy was all about "blossoming".

If I didn't make it clear, Tad is doing great after our scare last week. The bleeding and cramping stopped the same day and all is well for now. I want to say a huge thank you for all who so fervently prayed for my little tadpole. God is teaching me so much about giving things to him. I have to give Tad to Him everyday, or else I would worry all the time. I am so thankful that there are so many of you lifting my pregnancy up in prayer. Regardless of what happens next, I know that I have so much support from all of you.

Gurt News- Ryland and I are being signed up for prospective adoptive kids this week. Please pray that God guides Maggie, our caseworker, to the names that God would match us up with. We have to trust in her that she knows who we fit with. And we hope that God reveals that clearly to us when the time comes. We will be recieving a list next week that has non-identifying information about the children that we have been signed up for and from there we can accept or reject the choices that have been made for us. Pray that we are sensitive to the spirit and guided in the right direction.

Ryland and I are going to Branson on Saturday to spend some much needed lake time with his mother's family, the Bushes. We are also going to witness the wedding of his Dad's mother, MAry Russell to her sweetheart, Tom Rose. We are looking forward to getting to love on the whole family and enjoy time with them. Please pray that I am a good traveler. I had a very tough time on the road today to and from Carnegie, only and two and a half hour trip as opposed to the six hour drive on Saturday. Please pray that God will give me comfort in our commute. I am nervous about that and really having trouble feeling good during the day. I want to enjoy Silver Dollar City and Boat Rides rather than having to miss out.

I attended Landon's memorial service today. That family is hurting so much right now. It breaks my heart for my friend, Morgan. There are going to be so many hard days ahead. But I was reminded today that at the end of everything these three things remain: faith, hope and love. Faith that Landon had in Jesus Christ- he is in the presence of his creator at this moment. What a blessing. Hope for a bright tomorrow- God has a plan for everything and though it will be hard, hope that God has good things in store for this family. And love, my favorite. I have never experienced a loss of that magnitude, but I know that time and distance and even death don't hamper love. It is truly eternal. I hope that Morgan's family can cling to that love that will always remain. Please keep this sweet family in your prayers. Ask God to increase their faith, hope, and love in Christ.

Thank you so much all of you sweet prayer warriors. Your support and encouragement means more to me and Ry than you will ever know. Please keep my pushy prayer requests in mind. I love you all so much.

Mindy

P.S.- According to my baby development books, Tad lost his tail this week! He is staring to look less like a blob of goo and more like a baby! Praise the Lord!

A Little Scare

Today has been a yucky day. I have been muy sick and Ryland was at Falls Creek. I woke up this morning feeling decent, I went to the bathroom to find that I had started spotting. As you know, I have started spotting before only to lose all three previous pregnancies. So I flipped out, calmed down and called my doctor, then Ryland.

Ryland was offered a vehicle by a sweet friend from church. He headed home immediately. My Mom has been staying with me and she took me to see Dr. K. I got there and headed for the ultrasound room. Again, terror stricken. 1 good one out of 20something bad ones does not make for good odds. Dr. K began and I was ready again for bad news. But none to be had today. Tad is growing and had a perfect heartbeat, good speed and everything. Dr. K's nurse told me it must be a little boy being onery and trying to scare me.

I went into the waiting room where my Mom was waiting. I told her things were fine. She was shocked and we had a good cry right there. We met Ryland at the elevator and I told him that things are fine for right now. He is going to stay home with me tonight and tomorrow before he decides whether or not to head back to Falls Creek.

My bleeding has stopped for now but I am still crampy and that scares me. Please pray that God will sustain this pregnancy. But more than anything pray for his will to be done and for me and Ryland to accept that regardless. Pray also for the bleeding and cramping to stop. We are leaving Tad in his hands. All we can do is pray and wait. But we choose to put our hope in Tad's creator and life sustainer.

Love you all.

Mindy

Funny Little Jaisa

Jaisa, my 2 year old niece has stayed with us the past two nights. I showed her Tad's picture and said, "Do you know what this is?" She smiled really big and said, "Frog!". I guess I was right about calling him Tad...

The plot thickens.....

I don't quite know where to start this post. For one thing, I never thought I'd be posting this. At least, not right now anyways. It is so funny to me that the title of our blog is "we told God our plans and he's been laughing ever since". I had no idea how true that would come to be in our lives. So here we go again.

About two weeks ago I started feeling sick at my stomach. Nothing made it feel better. Everything tasted bad and I had no appetite. (Which is a BIG deal for those who know me well.) I thought that maybe it would eventually go away. It didn't. Last week I was sitting on the couch and it occurred to me that I wasn't sure when my last period was. You see, since we lost baby #3 I kind of swore off all of my obsessive charting, counting and temperature taking. I was ready to let it all go. After all, my sweet Gurt began to become reality. God had called us to adopt, no doubt, and I trusted Him for provision there. I think you can see where I'm going.

I got sick of feeling bad last week. I told Ryland that I thought I had an ulcer or acid reflux because I just couldn't get over feeling sick. Last Friday night we drove to Walgreen's and bought a pregnancy test. I wanted to confirm that I wasn't pregnant so that when I called a doctor to go in for my "ulcer" that there wasn't something else going on. I knew it was going to be negative. I just wanted peace of mind. Guess what. It wasn't! It was a BIG FAT POSITIVE!

I lost it. I cried until I thought I was empty and then I cried some more. Not because I was happy but out of sheer and utter terror. I didn't know when my last period was, I hadn't been taking vitamins, I had taken some medicines and other things, I was panicked! We've been down the road of getting really excited only to have the world crash in on us. But after I regained some composure I told God what I am going to tell him everyday. " I am putting this baby in your hands. It is NOT mine. It is yours and will remain yours whether I meet it in heaven or on earth. I am giving it to you."

I am still scared. I don't know how it will turn out. It could all be over tomorrow. But I have no control over it. Just like I had no control over the life that God so beautifully placed in my body. But I am choosing to rejoice over every pang of nausea and every stretch and pull that I feel in my abdomen. Because God put life there. And He did it all for His glory.

I went in on Monday and had bloodwork done to check for pregnancy and make sure all of my hormone levels are where they need to be. The nurse called me back that afternoon and told me I was "very" pregnant. My hcg level was 62,283 - the highest it has measured in any of my pregnancies. The one I carried the longest was only in the 15,000s. A good sign I should think. My progesterone levels were a little low so I am using a progesterone gel to help my body out. I still had no idea how far along I was though.

I went in today for an ultrasound. D-Day. In the 20something ultrasounds I have had, I have never had a good one. I never once have received good news. I was trying to be ready to receive the worst. I cried in the car on the way there. I cried in the room waiting for the doctor. Dr. K came in and we started. Then we saw it- the most beautiful blob of goo I have ever seen. And Dr. K said, "Look at it's heart, it's beating all over the place." We saw our baby. We saw its heart. Placed there by God for our viewing pleasure. I cried and cried. And even if it is over tomorrow, I will count it as one of the happiest minutes of my life. He told us that I am 6 weeks and 4 days pregnant. Halfway through the first trimester. Our tentative due date is February 8. Two days after Ryland's birthday.

Because you know how I am about referring to a child as "the child or the baby" this little tadpole is going to be known as "Tad" on my blogs from here on out. Tad is making his/her debut today.

I know that you are probably wondering, what about Gurt? Well we feel that Tad is a child conceived out of our obedience to God's call to adopt on our life. God has confirmed through scripture, prayer and other people that now is the time for us to adopt. We see no reason to think that God has changed his mind. Our circumstances, yes. It may not have been how we would have planned it. But God knows what he is doing. His plan is perfect and it all just got a little more complicated.

Prayer Focus:

1) All praise be to the God who is full of surprises and laugh at our plans as He takes them and perfects them.

2) Pray for me and my body. Pray that this pregnancy will be perfect and complete. That my body will have all of the progesterone and nutrients that it needs. Pray for Tad. Pray for a strong heart and that God will knit all of his inmost parts together in the secret place.

3) Pray for Gurt, the baby growing in my heart. That God will bless him and keep him safe. Pray that God guides our every footstep as we find him.

I love you all so much and I have included Tad's first baby picture. I know I am biased but Tad is the most perfect and gorgeous ball of goo that I have ever seen. The dark spot in the middle is Tad and the arrow is pointing to his little heart. I am in love and I hope we get to meet Tad someday.

Mindy