This is Whiny- Be Warned

Okay, for those who think I am too whiny (Mom & Lane amongst others I am sure), you might want to stop reading now. Just fair warning.

I am being selfish.

Ryland and I leave for our vacation on Tuesday night. I am nervous. Last Wednesday I spotted a teeny tiny bit. I immediately rested and it only happened once. No big deal, everything is fine. In the last week I have had 2 migraine headaches. Yesterday it was so bad that I did not get out of bed and I had to take 3 of my (high risk pregnancy doctor prescribed) pills before it worked, which scares me anyways. I don't want to take anything so I wait until I am miserable and usually by that point I am too sick for just one pill to work. Then I feel guilty for taking them, it is a vicious cycle. I threw up twice, which I am not sure if it was from the headache or morning sickness. Luckily, that is the only time this whole week that I have thrown up, so that's a positive. I also have had nosebleeds and dry sinuses about everyday, which doesn't really hurt, its just annoying. Maybe as annoying as my whining.

Anyways, back to me being selfish. I selfishly want to ask for your prayers while we are away. We are going to Mexico and I (again) selfishly want to enjoy myself and not ruin the trip for my husband. If you can squeeze me in this week, please pray first and foremost that God will protect Tad and my body from any germs or food that would make us sick or hurt us. And pray that my morning sickness and migraine issues would be minimal. Mexico is nice and humid, so maybe my sinus stuff will feel better. Also pray for no spotting, I think that if I am that far away I could very easily freak out even if it is over nothing. Pray for my silly anxiety, that God will lovingly remind me over and over that he is taking care of me. And pray for my Gurt, wherever he may be.

PRAISE! I have passed the 12 week mark. I finish my first tri-mester on Thursday. Hallelujah! Now in only 27 1/2 weeks I will hopefully have a sweet little Tad tagging along with me.

Again, my dear blogland readers, I cannot in this lifetime thank you enough for all of your prayers and well wishes. It does my heart so much good to get your e-mails, facebook posts, and encouraging words - I feel more loved than I deserve. Thank you for allowing God to send you as an encourager to me. On my yuckiest days I am so thankful that you accept me in all of my whiny-ness, and that you let me be real and honest about how I feel, even though it is usually not so good lately. I love you all dearly, and I hope my sincere gratitude shows.

I hope you know that even as annoying as all these pregnancy side effects are, I already love the reason (Tad) more than I can ever put into words. I will feel bad everyday if it means this little one comes to me in good shape in a few months.

I apologize for being Debbie downer - thanks for listening and praying.

God IS Love,
Mindy

P.S.- Miriam B. - it did my heart good to talk to you the other day. I hope today is sunny in Guam. I love you.

Things I Love Right Now...

1. Zofran -My morning sickness is FINALLY starting to wane. I only threw up 3 times last week as opposed to 5-6 times per week. Thank you Jesus, keep the good days coming. Zofran is an anti-nausea medication that my Dr. gave me. It is mega-expensive, but if I am feeling bad it almost always works beautifully. And my pharmacist friends tell me it is a category 2 drug which is very safe for little Tad.

2. My new bracelet- My friend from church, Kim, made me a super cute bracelet. It has blue, white and pink beads and says Tad & Gurt's names on it. I have been wearing it everyday and I love when people ask me about it. It gives me a great opportunity to brag on how good God is.

3. Cindy Bergren and her big closet.- On Sunday nights this summer, me and Ry are attending the bible study, "Men are Like Waffles, Women are Like Spaghetti". It is at Steven and Cindy's house and last Sunday Cindy generously took me to her big closet and gave me a ton of maternity clothes. She is short like me and after an hour long try-on session, I will be able to use 90% of it. Why only 90%, because honestly some of it was heinous on me. I figured if it is not cute on my body at 3 months, it won't be cute when I am a giant walrus. So a HUGE thank you to Cindy. Someday I hope I will be returning the favor.

4. My tummy- I woke up last Saturday to discover that I have "popped". I have never made it this far before in a pregnancy, so I haven't experienced the joyous day that everything gets tight. Ryland and my friend Lynnse swear that I don't look different but I am thinking they are just being sweet. It really gets big at night. The only thing is, it doesn't quite look like a baby bump, it just looks like I have been hitting the Krispy Kremes too hard. Oh well, I have never been happier to be a chubber. Someday when I actually like eating again I am sure I will enjoy it.

5. My husband- I have not been the easiest person to live with over the past few months. I am a vomitous, cranky mess a lot. But Ryland has been so sweet and patient with me and all my high maintenance antics. He wakes up and asks me every morning if he can do anything for me. Usually I ask for a bottle of water and buttered toast and he always fetches it for me. He takes very good care of me and I am the luckiest girl ever.

6.Project Runway - Yes, it is back. It is my FAVORITE show and the people on this season are even crazier than usual. I am not fashionable, I do not sew, but I love to see these nutcases make designer gowns out of trash in 2 hours. It is amazing.

7. Kind strangers- Today I blew a tire in my car. Not three minutes later a nice man pulled up and offered to change my tire. In five minutes I was set. I asked if I could pay him, he said no. Not many people will stop on a 100 degree day and change a tire for someone. God bless Marion for his kindness.

8. Baby Boy Crow- My friend Chalea who will be Tad and Gurt's babysitter is expecting a baby boy. This may not seem earth shattering but Chalea has had many of the same pregnancy issues that I have had. Chalea has three darling girls and has experienced a lot of losses. And she is finally getting a boy! I am so excited for this family.

9. Mexico- countdown.. 8 days! -I am so pumped about heading off on vacation with Ryland for 5 nights. I am ready for sandy beaches and lazy days. It will be a great little escape before going back to work.

As always, keep my 2 babies, Tad and Gurt, in your prayers. I hit 12 weeks on Thursday. Have a great week. Love to you all.

Mindy

Update - 11 weeks!

2 weeks until the end of the first tri-mester, YAY!

I promised a new Tad picture. Here it is. My clever little husband has cleverly labeled it so that you can tell what exactly you are looking at.

We have Gurt news as well. Last Saturday night we came home from Barnsdall and found our list of available children in our mailbox. We were only signed up for three children this month. A sibling group that was a one year old girl named Angelina and three year old boy named Brandon. (Brangelina) In my current condition, I feel that I can't take on two children in addition to Tad so I immediately knew that they wouldn't work out. We were signed up for a 14 month old boy named Evan. The only issue is that Evan was the ONLY kid on the WHOLE list that had a stipulation of no pets. Those who know us know that we have three dogs and we like them more than some people. I e-mailed my caseworker and asked if that was negotiable or if he had allergies and she said that was up to Evan's caseworker to decide and since they don't release the names of the children's caseworkers, there is no way of asking. So my guess is that Evan will not be coming to live in the Russell house. Regardless, please pray for these three kiddos that they will find great adoptive homes.

Prayer Focus:

1) Pray that Tad can "hang in there" for one more week. At 12 weeks our risk of miscarriage drops by 65%. I get more confident with each new day and each new vomit. You might also ask God to let my morning sickness ease up as long as Tad is safe.

2) We may be praying or Gurt for a LONG time, but pray that regardless of how long it is that God's perfect will is done. Also pray that Gurt is safe and healthy and unaffected by any negative circumstances.

3) Dr. K says that I can go to Mexico on vacation yay! He told me no fish and only bottled water. Which will be easy at our resort. Please begin praying for traveling mercies and that God will keep us from getting sick during the trip. I have never been sick on any of my previous trips but it is even more important to stay healthy now. We are going with my friend Lynnse and her husband Justin. I am not much fun to travel with right now. We hope that they will still want to be friends with us after a three hour car ride to Dallas and a flight to Mexico.

I love you all.

Mindy

Seeing Is Believing

Psalm 139: 13-16
13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

As I have expressed, it strikes fear into my heart to go to the doctor. Very seldom have I went into Dr. K's office to receive good news. Things in the past have been "I'm sorry..." "There's a cyst", "Let's try this drug", "Maybe next month". Never fun things to see or hear. Until recently when it has all seemed to change.

I went to Dr. K yesterday for my second scheduled pre-natal visit. It was exciting because I have never made it this far before. I expected the regular 15 minute visit, but it was not to be yesterday. Ryland knew I was nervous and tried to make me laugh but threatening to document our doctor's visit with his I-phone. I lovingly told him that I would smash his precious I-phone if I saw it out during any point of my exam. He told me that it would be great pictures for the blog. We disagreed. I won. Dr. K measured my uterus and told me that it looked good and it appeared to be growing normally. Yay! He said he wanted to do an ultrasound to confirm that the baby was growing as well. Again, ultrasounds are terrifying because too many times they have given bad news. But not today. We clearly saw Tad immediately. He looks like a real baby. He was waving his little hands and kicking his feet. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I saw my baby. And even as I type, I am still crying. It was a moment that I will never forget. Dr. K showed us his spinal cord and measured him, all 2 inches. I am now 10 weeks pregnant, our due date moved up to February 4, 2009. Good news- all of it. After some routine bloodwork, where a nurse routinely missed my vein, we left the hospital after an hour and a half. We didn't even care, we were too elated.

We will be posting the newest ultrasound picture as soon as we get to a scanner. We want you all to see Tad's cute little alienish face.

As I mentioned earlier, we are still waiting on the list of potential Gurts to look over. We may get it this weekend or on Monday. We are so excited to see it. It feels like we have waited FOREVER! We are anxious to get started.

Prayer Focus:

1) Praise God for the good thing he is doing in me. May I never forget to be thankful even in the throes of the worst pregnancy symptom. God does all things well.

2) Please lift up Tad in prayer. If he can hang in there for 2 more weeks my risk of miscarriage drops by 60%. I am still in a fragile place in the pregnancy. Please pray that Tad stay safe in my womb until he is fully capable of living in me and Ryland's arms.

3) Again pray that God will help us look at the list of possible Gurts and be able to decided which is the right one. Ask that God will guide us clearly. Also pray that Gurt is safe and healthy and being loved. Pray that he is unaffected by whatever took him out of his home and will be open to receive love from us when the day comes.

Thank you again for all of your prayers. I truly can feel them and I saw the results yesterday, and if all goes bad tomorrow, God is good and he's still in control.

Love you all.

Mindy

Update- Branson, A Wedding, 9 Weeks 3 Days

Ryland and I got back from an amazing trip from Branson yesterday with both sides of his family. We stayed with the Bush side in a wonderful resort called the French Quarter. We shared a room with his sister Jilian, her hubby Jon, and my sweet niece, Jaisa. It was wonderful to get to be with another pregnant woman. I thought that maybe I was going insane, that maybe I was the only woman in the world experiencing all the wonderful nauseating side effects of pregnancy. I am sorry she is still feeling bad at 14 weeks, but at least I know that I am not crazy.

We got there last Saturday after a five plus hour drive and invaded the pool. Then had a lovely dinner in. Sunday was lake day. I got up and threw up, which is my morning routine these days. I ate breakfast took a doctor approved nausea pill and got dressed for the lake. I was feeling pretty well and was excited to go out on the boat, but after ten minutes of standing on the constantly moving dock, I promptly got in my car, drove back to the hotel and laid down until the world stopped moving. On Monday, Ryland's Grandma Mary from the Russell side got married to her love, Tom Rose. The ceremony was at Silver Dollar City in the Wilderness Chapel. Mary was paraded into the park by someone carrying a bell, everyone applauded as she made her way to the chapel. Ryland's Dad, Fred, walked her down the aisle in the beautiful old log church. Tom was adorable as he waited decked out in his suit. Mary wore a soft pink beaded dress, and she is a strikingly beautiful woman, but that day she was radiant. The service was short- Ryland and Jilian sang " From This Moment" and then the new husband kissed his bride. Pregnancy hormones got the best of me and I cried through the WHOLE service. The chapel bells rang and Tom and Mary were taken by a horse drawn carriage (complete with a "just hitched" sign on the back) to the reception. We had a yummy buffet and cake (except for me because sweets gross me out right now) in the upstairs room of a restaurant in Silver Dollar City. After the wedding we went in to Silver Dollar City to play for awhile. But by that point I was hot and tired and not at all feeling well, so my darling husband took me back to the hotel and loved on me in the air conditioning. Tuesday we returned to Silver Dollar City. It was much cooler and I was feeling much better. We spent most of the morning with Ryland's uncle, Kent, his wife Georgia and their son, Blake. Ryland and Kent are very close and we enjoyed getting to spend some quality time with them, even if it included watching a Veggie Tales play. (Behold my future!) We left Branson around 4 yesterday and made it home around 10. It was a fantastic trip but we were glad to be in our own beds last night.

Tomorrow is my next doctor's appointment for Tad. Things are going great, I am having all of the side effects, taking my vitamins and using my progesterone but it still scares me to death to go to the doctor. I still struggle with so much fear. We have never made it this far before which is encouraging, but we aren't out of the woods yet. With each day that passes I am growing more and more attached to this now one inch long person growing in my belly and I want so much for this to work. More than anything I want God's will to be done in my life, but it is my heart's desire to have this baby. As for tomorrow, I have no idea what to expect. I don't know what tests will be done or what questions will be asked. All I am praying for is good news.

Ryland and I had a girl name picked out since pregnancy number 2, But we have found out that two other couples that we love dearly have chosen to use the same name. Bummer. So we have decided not to use that name. We have a boy name picked out, but we are now looking for a girl name. And if Jilian's voo-doo pencil test is correct, it predicted that this little one is a girl. An ultrasound later will tell. If you have any name suggestions, please do tell. We will probably not be sharing our names until after the first tri-mester when we are a little "safer". But we want something that has some kind of significance. This baby is part of our testimony and ministry and we want to honor God by attempting to choose a name that brings him glory, though not necessarily a biblical name.

On Monday, Maggie, our caseworker signed us up for waiting children. I should get our list later this week or early next week. Ryland and I are going to prayerfully go through the list and decide which children we want to pursue and which ones we want to turn down. We are so excited to move forward with this. It has been a long process, but a God ordained process where we have been guided every step by the one who is building our family.

Prayer Focus:

1) Please continue to pray for my babies Tad and Gurt. That God would protect them both and give good health and safety.

2) Pray for Dr. K tomorrow as we continue on in this pregnancy adventure!

3) Pray for Maggie that she would continue to communicate well with us about what happens next in the search for Gurt.

4) Please continue to keep my Morgan and her family in your prayers. Their loss is massive and there are so many difficult feelings to sort through. Pray that God would be very present in their home and show himself minute by minute and hour by hour.

5) Selfishly, I am going to ask that you pray for me. I think I am having every pregnancy symptom in the book. I will endure it all if it means that Tad is safe in my womb but I am sure having some miserable moments. Pray that God would give me some relief. I love the reason for all of these crazy things happening to my body, but it sure is not fun sometimes.

I love you all. Thanks for caring about my little rapidly expanding universe. God is so good and I am enjoying sharing it all with you.

Mindy