2011- Year in Review

Didn’t I just ring in the new year?

I know I say it every year but they just seem to keep getting faster. I heard an aged friend say that
when you believe in Santa Christmas comes every 5 years, when you are Santa it
comes every 5 months, and when you look like Santa, it comes every 5 days. I am
so thankful to “be” Santa right now and I am trying to savor all the sweet
wonder on the faces of my 2 sweet tots in their footy pajamas.

For the past several years I have been writing our “Russell
Family Digital Christmas Card”, it is my attempt at reflecting on and
summarizing the year in passing. So here I go……

In January, I woke up to a dream I had my whole life. I was
at DISNEY WORLD! That’s right, I spent the first day of 2011 in Disney World.
Ryland’s Grandmother Mary (Russell) Rose and her husband, Tom, loaded 40ish
family members onto a charter bus and took us to Florida for a week. In my dreams I probably wouldn’t have planned to take a 10 week old baby, but she was a great little traveler, she napped on and snuggled on her adoring aunts, uncles, grands, and cousins. Isaac was in
complete amazement of the rides, shows, and characters- I cry when I think of
the look on his face watching the light parade on our last night. It was pure
joy. It was one of the sweetest and most precious gifts I have ever been given.
I will treasure it forever. And I NEED to go back! (Praying for an
unrealistically huge tax return!)

We returned home from paradise intact and made plans for a
very special birthday weekend for my two sweet boys on the first weekend of
February. We were supposed to celebrate in Arkansas with Mimi and Poppy but 21
inches of snow and 2 weeks of blizzard like conditions cancelled our plans. We
hunkered down and spent two weeks watching movies and sitting in our pj’s. Isaac celebrated his second birthday and Ryland celebrated his 27th as snow continued to fall.

In March God answered a year- long prayer: our house in
Guthrie sold! We were glad to see it go after putting in piers, fixing a busted hot water
heater, and several months paying both rent and a mortgage. It was a tough
time, but God remained faithful and met all our needs. He’s always good about
that.

April brought our great Easter production at church. And on
Easter morning Isaac woke up with a very high fever which turned out to be the
flu. Which he passed to Hope. Which they passed to me. We spent a lot of time
at home in April. The highlight of April was paying off my student loans. It is
a goal of ours to be completely debt free. This was one step closer. We are one
car away!

In May we used part of our tax return to take a trip to
Branson with Jeje, Pawpa, and Uncle Lane. We swam indoors, Silver Dollar
Citied, showed, ate, and had fun. We traveled to Arkansas to see Ryland’s
sister, Hilary, graduate from high school. From there we took a short weekend
trip to OKC to watch Ryland lead worship for a revival, and we ended the month
at Bigheart Day and my (sigh) 10 year reunion. Yes, I’m old.

June began the camp season. We kissed Ryland goodbye and held
the fort down at home. I worked the summer session at the pre-school, so two
days a week I got to take school age kids on fun field trips, Isaac got to
splash with his buddies, and Hope got to snuggle with her Miss Tonya. Hope
decided she had spent enough time being immobile and started crawling.

July brought the heat. Weeks upon weeks of 100 degree days.
We stayed indoors most of the time, except for a week that we spent in Eureka
Springs with Mimi, Poppy, and our cousins. Mimi took Isaac to an alligator
farm. And we went to a fantastic water/amusement park. Isaac was exhausted, but
blissfully happy. He loves anything that involves his cousins. We had VBS at
church, Isaac loved the music. He is quite a dancer.

August was still hot. Again, we spent most of the time
indoors. I think that the heat stroke has erased most of my memory of this
month!

In September we went back to school…well…preschool, that is.
I am still teaching pre-school music at Grand Central Kids. I love my job. No
lesson plans, short classes, no grading, and cute kids. We get to sing about
Jesus and dance. It is sweet. We took Isaac to see “The Lion King” in 3D. It
was his first movie. He wore his glasses and sang all the songs. He is
enthusiastic about everything. This was no different. He even told his Dad that
Mufasa was his best friend.

October was kicked off at the Tulsa State Fair with Jeje and
Pawpa. Hope loved sampling the local flavors, Isaac rode the ferris wheel with
me. He asked me if he could scream when we went down, and scream he did! We
celebrated Hope’s first birthday, Mimi and Poppy showed up just in time to see
Hope walk across the living room for the first time. I’m afraid she might be
just a bit of a show off. We celebrated her first year and my 29th.
Ryland took me for a much needed overnight trip complete with shopping, movies,
and eating out. I was thoroughly loved.

November was a blur- we spent Thanksgiving in Chickasha, and
we met our new cousin, Dawit for the first time. He arrived from Ethiopia with
his proud new family, Kent, Georgia, and Blake Bush during the summer. Dawit is
in the process of learning English but he said, “baby!” over and over- he
really loved Hope and kept sneaking little hugs and kisses. We went to the
Festival of Light and worked on our Christmas shopping.

And sweet December. Ryland worked tirelessly to put on our
Christmas musical, complete with fog, snow, amazing music, a sleigh, a living
nativity, and a stomp style drum line. It was incredible. I was blessed to be
part of it. It was Isaac’s first time to sit in “big church”. He sat on the
front row and during my solo I could hear his little voice saying, “hi momma,
hi momma!”. We visited Santa at Bass Pro
Shop where Isaac asked for a “Dragon Happy Napper” and Hope screamed in terror
when we handed her to Santa. We also rode the Christmas train where we saw an
account of the life of Jesus. I had a yucky case of stomach flu the weekend
before Christmas and ended up dehydrated! Luckily I bounced back in time to
catch all the holiday fun. We hosted Christmas morning at our house with my
parents and Ryland’s. It was the first time I have ever been in my own house on
Christmas morning. I loved it- I can see why people get so defensive about
being home on Christmas. We traveled to Dewey, Barnsdall, and Chickasha to see
our Granndparents and celebrate. I even spent the wee hours of December 26th
at the hospital in Chickasha, Hope decided to run a high fever and scare me.
Isaac and Ryland snoozed in our hotel room until we returned.

And now here I am, just 24 hours from 2012. Putting to bed a
year that has been challenging and incredibly full of blessings. And in the short term, planning to cook several of our favorite dishes from Bahama Breeze (RIP, but thank God for pinterest!) for my family to ring in the new year.

This year marks the smallest income that we have known as a
couple. But it is also the year where we have paid off the most debts. It is
the year where we have had major needs that we couldn’t afford- but people and
unexpected providers showed up, and in turn we were able to give to many others
this year. It hasn’t been easy, my attitude has been crummy many times. I let
myself get bogged down in things beyond my control, but God is bigger and more
generous than I deserve and I am so blessed more than I deserve. And as we face
another year with no raises, and increasing expenses, I know God will still be
faithful as we strive to be good stewards of the gifts we’ve been given.

I have goals and dreams for 2012. I am hoping that this will
be the year that we become completely debt free. We are close! I pray that my
family stays healthy, that my extended family and friends who are fighting hard
ailments will find healing. And that Ryland and I will glorify God in our
parenting, decisions, and finances. We are going to do our best to plan time
off, and actually use it to rest! We are so bad about using time off to do
extra work. I am planning on doing a 5K before I turn 3o in October. And in the midst of child rearing, I want to remember to keep falling in love with the amazing baby daddy that God gave me in the first place- I love that guy!

My children are growing so fast. Isaac is so smart and
funny. And Hope is a happy little dancer. They bring me more joy than words can
express. I am weepy and nostalgic when I think of them this time last year-
Isaac was only talking a little, and Hope was a newborn. So different from the
two funny little people that I know now. I can’t believe that God thought that
I was good enough to deserve them. I hope I can live up to that responsibility.

I am also hoping to blog more next year. We’ll see…..

Happy belated holidays, beloved. Praying that 2011 was
sweet, and that 2012 holds blessings that are even sweeter.

Tears In My Eyes- Mushy Christmas Musings

After a brief, sweet, cry as I was lost in nostalgia of past Christmases, I had a thought.

Why do memories make us so weepy?

My childhood memories are cluttered with images and sights and smells and people and laughs.

My earliest Christmas mornings in my Grandma's little living room, crammed with gifts, and cousins.

Getting a bride dress up gown and crying when my cousins told me they were going to take me to marry Johnny Smith.

The smell of coffee and biscuits and gravy.

The house littered with air mattresses and pallets and mammie quilts.

Christmas carols sang with much gusto by people of limited talented who were unaware of their limits.

Ornaments that belonged to Great Grandparents that I never met or don't remember.

Red apple ornaments bearing my name and all those I love.

Candies- home made and more wonderful than any ever purchased in a store.

Waiting anxiously as our Christmas baby, Jordan was born almost 18 years ago.

Being so mad that my family wanted to stay up and visit- Santa couldn't come until everyone was sleeping!!!!

Highly inappropriate Christmas gifts being exchanged on Christmas eve, only to be stolen by the right and left family!

The Elmer Fudd Chia Pet that would NOT DIE!

Games of spoons that often resluted in injury and crying.

How beautiful my grandparents were. How blissfully happy. How blessed. How favored by God.

The year that my Grandpa Corky met Jesus in this world.

The year that my Grandpa-in-love Alvin Russell met Jesus face to face in heaven. What a glorious day.

My destructo brother breaking treasured Precious Moments figurines and wisemen.

How my little hometown sparkled with lights on the lamp posts, and a cross shining from a water tower overlooking the town.

My Dad pointing out blinking red lights from plane towers and insisting that it was Santa. I BELIEVED!

Watching my cousins marry and bring a new generation of little ones to take part.

Socks and lifesavers from Grannie Grete or Big Granny as she was known.

The twinkle in the eyes of my Grandpa for who Christmas inspired poetry, pride, and happiness beyond measure.

The year Grannie Myrna burned the rolls and fire marshall Ralph saved the day!

Candlelight services and sweet hymns shared with my church family.

Hmmm.... I just noticed that I never mentioned a gift. Interesting.

I think I know the answer. Why does it make us weepy. I think the answer is simple. In those moments- we just don't realize how good it is. We don't think about the spot in the middle of a green sectional that will be empty, or a laugh that you'll never hear again, or stories that you've heard a thousand times that will never again cross the lips of someone you'll miss until Jesus comes back. I just didn't have any idea how wonderful it was. I do now. And I am so thankful that I had those moments, even if they only exist in my memory now.

But here I am, almost 30. I am Santa now, Mrs. Claus technically. I am orchestrating the memories of two little people that I love more than I ever thought it was possible to love another. And the sweetness continues. I think of my first Christmas as a wife thinking it was so weird to wake up with a boy in my bed! The Christmas we told our families we were preganant only to lose that baby. Being very pregnant with Isaac three years later, very Mary-esque. My first Christmas as a momma, starting a sweet day with my in-laws, and having high expectations that were dashed by 24 inches of snow and ending in a Super8 in Sapulpa with "the bomb" as my Christmas dinner. Then having 10 week old Hope in tow and taking a Griswold Style Christmas vacation on a charter bus to Disney World.

The memories continue. The tears still come.

So mock me if you will when I put up my tree at the first of November, then cry when my fingers find my sentimental ornaments, and laugh for no reason when I hear "Christmas Shoes" or "Where are You Christmas?", or always think that a children's Christmas musical would be better if Miss Debbie was running the show. I'm just getting lost in the past for a minute. I'm sure I'll be back soon, because I need to be present. I don't ever wanna miss anything. I may look back later and realize how good it was.

A Letter to the Birthday Girl

Hopey,

How is it possible that a year has passed since we first met? How did you transform from my tiny baby into such a big girl so quickly? Didn't we agree that you would go slow and stay little?

I will not be able to say all that I want in one post- there aren't enough words for me to tell you how special you are or how blessed I am that God chose me to be your Momma. How could you possibly know that I dreamed and prayed for a daughter and God answered with you- and you are more precious and wonderful than I could even have imagined?!?!?

In a year's time you have been a spring day in the middle of a two week blizzard, and a breath of cool air in two months of desert. You have been joy in the midst of sorrow, and riches in a time of want. You were a smile when there were only tears. You are north on a compass that helps me find the direction of what's important.

You are a beauty. No doubt. But your beauty is not in your sweet little wisps of blonde hair, your long eyelashes, or sparkly blue eyes. Your beauty radiates from inside- I believe that God has given you a truly lovely heart. I hope that I can help you learn how to let your little light shine. Not so that people will love you, but so that people will love who made you- so that people will know your light giver.

You have a laugh that is music! Your giggle is contagious. You are so ready to walk but just haven't quite found your feet. You explore the world with joy, you think that there is no greater treasure than digging through your bubba's toys. You love food (that's my girl!) and will try anything. You are slowly growing 5 teeth (on top of your existing 3!) that will expand the foods you can eat. You love following your bubba and imitating him in whatever way is possible. You two are best friends, a prayer answered for Momma. You can say momma, da-da, bubba, dog, and you can mimic so many cute sounds, especially giggling and fake coughing and laughing.

Tunia, my prayer for both you and your brother is that even now, God is revealing himself to you- that you are already starting to know Him and see Him at work. I pray, more than anything, that you will answer Him when He calls someday, that you love Him with all your heart, and that you'll walk with Him all the days of your life. If this is the case, I'll never have to worry. You'll be in hands that are safer than mine could ever be. I hope I can point you in that direction.

I pray that you love others. I hope that people are more precious to you than beauty or stuff. I hope you see needs in others and rush to help.

I pray that God protects you from people, illnesses, and situations that would extinguish your little light. And that God will help me to protect you as well.

Sissy, a very wise man was quoted as saying, "I didn't want perfect children, I just wanted children." (God bless you Joe Don.) And that is so true! I don't expect perfection- but I hope you will be a "try-er". And there is no mistake or flaw that could ever make me stop loving you. Ever.

You are a gift from God. You are all that I could have ever wanted in a daughter. And on your first birthday, I just hope you know that you are special, you are loved so very much, and Lord willing we will celebrate many more happy years together. I hope we make many sweet memories and that I get to be around to watch as you take your first steps, learn, fall in love with all the sweetness life has to offer, and hopefully get to experience being a mommy someday to someone as wonderful as you are.

Happy Birthday, baby. Thank you for being mine.

I love you,
Momma

So Long, Summer

(Originally written, September 4, 2011)

So Long, Summer

I go back to work tomorrow.

I am looking forward to it. I also look forward to the coolness of fall after 60 some days of 100 degree temperatures.

I have a job that I love. I have great co-workers and I feel tremendously blessed that my job allows me to be with my kids and be a mommy first.

But going back means that summer is officially gone. That always makes me nostalgic. Some of the happiest moments in my life have happened in the summer.

Growing up, my mom worked in the school system. So in the summer she was home with us. And she was fun. She made sure we were busy. She would take us to waterparks, amusement parks, zoos, ballgames, anything. She also joined us and anyone else we dragged along at our pool at home. She kept the fridge stocked, swimsuits and uniforms cleaned, and gas in the car, so that fun-having opportunities were set up for success. My Dad was a fisherman, there were many trips to our local lake in the evenings to fish. I grew to enjoy the quiet, solitude, and patience that I learned during these times. Mostly, like any little girl, I just liked the attention from my dad.

Both sets of my grandparents lived in my hometown growing up. It grieves me that my kids will never know what that is like. I will count that as one of the most precious blessings of my childhood. Anyways, there were tons of family events. There was always a lunch filled with cousins on Sunday after church. And many sporadic visits in between. My grandparents were at most of my sporting events. They were a constant sight in the background of all those memories.

I also went to Falls Creek. My mom started going as a sponsor the summer after I turned 6. I went every summer after that until I was married. God moved during those trips. Friendships were solidly built, God spoke into my life and revealed plans, and in summer 1998 I met a boy.

I went to Falls Creek with FBC Chickasha, the church where my friend Miriam was interning for the summer. Before I ever got there she told me about a boy she thought I would like.

I was immediately repulsed. The boy in question was cute, in a skinny baseball player, not smooth at all in flirting, sorta way. And he was very young, 14. Way to young for a mature 15 year old woman such as myself.

The week went on and the more we talked the more a crush grew in my heart. And at the end of the week, a very innocent, sweet, life altering kiss happened. The likes of which would never be repeated until the summer of 2005 when that skinny, immature, not smooth boy, kissed me again and made me his wife.

Summer past have brought a family trip to Alabama in 1995, the loss of my grandpa Corky and my first trip out of the country to Jamaica in the same week in 2005, the revelation of my pregnancy with Isaac in 2008, and our big move to Owasso last summer in 2010.

This present summer has been precious. Money has been tight. I did not have an income for the first summer ever. And because of cuts in Ryland's job, his bring home income is less than it was when we started here. But God is ever faithful and we have made it as we always do. This was my first summer as a mother of two. Hope started crawling, cruising, talking, and worming her way even more into the hearts of our family. Isaac enjoyed trips to Hot Springs and Branson, swimming, zoos, and playing with his friends and Grandparents. He started speaking in sentences and loving Disney movies. My time with them has been sweet. Ryland did several camps and got me out of the house for several dates all of which I loved.

Tomorrow it's back to work and routine. The dogs days of summer are gone once more. I look forward to what next summer will bring. No doubt it will be eventful.

Thank you God for all the life I have lived in the summertime. You are good.

Have I Thanked You? Fuzzy Wedding Day Memories

Have I Thanked You? Fuzzy Wedding Day Memories

I took a long car trip recently and had a few hours to sit and think. I was driving through Osage county where the ghosts of my past reside. My mind went back to early summer of 2005. I had just graduated from college, was soon-to-be married and was in the process of saying goodbye to my Grandpa who was battling cancer.

As fate would have it, my Grandpa passed 5 days before my wedding. In fact, he told me the last time we spoke that he wouldn't be there. I told him that I understood and that it was ok for him to go.

It was my Grandma's wish that all go on as planned. We would spend Tuesday and Wednesday planning the funeral, we would celebrate Grandpa's life and lay him to rest on Thursday, have the wedding rehearsal on Friday, and get hitched on Saturday afternoon. The term emotional rollercoaster has never been more relevant.

God was good to my family. He gave us the fuel to get through the week. He gave us laughs when we desperately needed them and a tremendous amount of friends to lean on. And best of all- we were together. Something I miss now that two family pillars are missing and my cousins and I are in the throes of relocations and child rearing mania.

I thought of the days leading up to my wedding. Grief is no excuse for bad behavior. I hope I showed my gratitude to the friends and family. I am going to make a late at best attempt to mention some of you here. My sincere apologies if your name is absent. I am sure that there are holes in my memory.

Angie & Teresa- The Aunts everyone wants to inherit by marriage. If you were at my wedding you probably noticed the amazing Kentucky rose floral arrangements, center pieces, cake topper, bouquets, and boutineirres. Angie, Teresa, and Gram Mary worked tirelessly to transform FBC Barnsdall into something even more beautiful than I could ever have imagined or been able to afford. My reception had a custom made gazebo that turned a gym into something insanely lovely. I will never be able to repay their time and love that was put into every detail. They made my day. Everything beautiful was their doing. They created my fairy tale. Thank you.

Douglas Phillips- Hair god. Douglas did my hair and most of my bridal party. We were hotties. He also went above & beyond, he took time off to come to the ceremony and rescued me from a hair emergency when my veil fell off 20 minutes before go time. I also loved that my cousin Leigh and BFf Morgan helped save the day when I discovered my veil had been left at home on the way to have our hair done. Morgan and Carly retrieved it and Leigh & the girls took me to get started. What a fun memory! Thank you.

My MIL Cyndi- The hostess with the mostess. I had a beautiful "Tuscan" rehearsal dinner with candle dripped wine bottles, grapes & cheese, grapevines, and my favorite touch- framed wedding photos of all the married friends/family members in attendance. We ate pastas from Zio's. Speeches were given, tears shed, and two families came together. I loved every minute. Thank you.

Emily Atterberry- the faux bride. The bride never plays herself in rehearsal. I was "Emily" at her wedding so she could watch. Emily stepped in and was me. I grew up wanting to be like Emily, if only in wedding rehearsals, I was! Thanks, Em.

Chris Scully- My cousin/hero. Chris slipped me a wad of money on my way to our get away car and told me to spend it on something frivolous on our honeymoon. Maybe he knew what life is like as a broke newlywed. But I love that he did that. Thank you.

Aunt Glenda and Aunt Karla- Super Aunts. Along with (wo)man power from Grannie B and my cousins, my bridal luncheon was provided for the wedding party. We had chicken salad croissants, fruit salad, and strawberry lemonade. It was beautiful and delicious. It was above and beyond. Thank you. I wish Aunt Karla were here to read my blog. Hopefully it would make her laugh sometimes. I miss her laugh.

Highland Park Baptist Church- Our First. HPBC was our first experience in ministry. Those were the salad days! We loved that group so much. They brought a whole van full of people to our wedding 2 and a half hours away. That was so precious. They were great at support and celebrations. Thank you.

John, Kelly, Jamie, Staci, Jil, Haley, and Cory Lynne- Oklahoma's Got Talent. Thanks for making the trip and making my wedding so pleasant to listen to. It was like being at a concert. As a music lover it was everything I wanted. Maybe it was a little long but worth it! Thank you for preparing & performing. I watch you ever June 18 on DVD.

Kenyon- Reverend Uncle Geezer. Ryland's uncle did our counseling and our ceremony. It was heartfelt and funny. He did skip chapter six in our counseling. There are some topics uncles just don't want to talk about. Thank you.

Mom/Dad/Fred/Cyndi- Thanks for paying!

Maids/Men/Girls/Bearers/Ushers/Lighters- I hope you know we love you. Thanks for finding dresses, renting tuxes, and loving us despite having to stand on stage for 45 minutes.

Hilary- I'm so sorry you weren't a bridesmaid. I will forever regret that. If we ever renew our vows you are guaranteed the maid of honor spot! You saved the candle lighting day, but you are my sister now and I wish I would have had you standing on stage with me.

Steph- You were my sanity. That's all I can say. And we won't talk about what happened in the bathroom. All I can say is- I think we're even, pal.

I know I've neglected someone. I'm sincerely sorry.

To all the attendees, gift givers, supporters, friends- thank you all. I hope if anyone didn't get a thank you six years ago you are thanked now. I'm so glad to have such a sweet day in my memory. It was even made sweeter contrasted against the events if the wedding week. Regardless, God is good. I have more proof than one would ever need.

Magic Moments

Magic Moments

My kids are amazing. Not to say that all kids aren't amazing, because they are. God blessed all humans with such an amazing capacity to learn and develop! Just think, we are born only with reflexes, we are immobile, helpless, unable to communicate, basically blind, and completely dependent on others. But then miraculously, we grow, we get bigger, our fingers begin to grasp, our mind absorbs the world, objects become words, thoughts; everything has a name. Then we learn to have conversations- we express our thoughts in an exchange with another. We learn to love, help, share.

I gush simply to say that my kids are learning life so rapidly and it is my joy to watch them do it.

Hope is 10 months old. She says "momma" and "da da". She is crawling everywhere. She is pulling up and cruising. She is feeding herself table food but wants to try everything on everyone's plate. She is happy. She loves being held. She is still bald. She claps. She waves. She babbles constantly. She thinks her brother walks on water and that her daddy is perfection. She's right. And she is very skinny. At her 9 month appointment she weighed 14 pounds and 15oz. She was under the growth chart. The doctor gave me instructions to fatten her up. I think she perfect. I think she sparkles. She's everything I dreamed a daughter would be and I love her unabashedly. She develops more of a personality all the time and I can't wait to see how she turns out. We are already planning her rainbow themed first birthday party. Tear. It all goes so quickly.

At 2 and a half, Isaac is hungry. In several ways in fact. He eats all the time. His big loves are blueberries, pizza, chicken and fries, and barettos (burritos). He is hungry to learn. He want to know what things are, what you are doing, where we're going, he wants to read read read. I love that! He chooses 3 bedtime books and often chooses one of his several children's bibles. He is always quick to identify the mean guy- like Goliath or Daniel's conspirators. I want to teach him. I always pray that God is showing himself to my kids even now. I believe he'll answer that prayer. We have conversations. It is not just merely a declaration of what he wants- we talk, we exchange. Sometimes we even argue. He also has expanded his love for people. He is crazy about his grandparents, aunts/uncles/cousins, bit he also has friends at church, and his favorite babysitter, Kara, that he talks about and looks forward to seeing. He is a singer! He picks up songs quickly and then performs when he thinks there is no audience. He also has a peculiar case of what we call "pretendonitis". Whether he is playing with stuffed animals or dinosaurs they are always named after someone and there is always a conversation between the toys that ends in violence. 100% boy.

God didn't owe me children who are healthy and of strong mind. And there is no guarantee that they always will be, but in this moment, I am so grateful for the blessings on their lives. I love being their mother. And as these magic moments pass I am trying to be grateful and cram my memory full of the precious snapshots that make up the beautiful scrapbook of these years. All praise be to God. He does all things well.

Project McChubbin

Project McChubbin

I took Hope to the doctor last week for her (tear...) nine month well baby visit.

Hope has been very healthy besides having a few colds and one ear infection. Isaac had 6ish ear infections and got tubes and her age. Needless to say, I had no worries in regards to her health.

Her height and head circumference were in the 55th and 50th percentiles, respectively. But the doctor was concerned about her weight. She only weighs 14lbs and 15oz. For her age she has literally fallen off the chart. My doctor suggested more formula and more protein rich food.

So immediately the mommy guilt crashes down on me. I worry. I feel like I've given her too many veggies, not enough meat, kept her on my waning supply of breastmilk when she needed formula. Then I look at Isaac, who in my opinion, eats a ton, but you can count all of his ribs. What is she going to say about him next time I go in?

I try to do well in feeding my kids. Isaac eats tons of fruit: blueberries, strawberries, bananas, oranges, applesauce. He loves yogurt, cheese, and peanut butter sandwiches. I try to get him to drink at least 24 oz of whole milk a day, and he even indulges on some high calorie items like pizza and burritos. But he's tiny- just like Hope.

So suffice it to say- I have no idea what I'm doing and if it's wrong or right. I sat at the table with Isaac and prayed that God would give me wisdom and would make my kids adventurous eaters. That he would help me to fatten up my little bean poles in a project that I have codenamed "McChubbin". And as I said "Amen" Isaac looked at my plate and said, "Momma, I bite?" with is his way of asking for a bite. He had never tried what I was eating. God gave me a little glimpse of how much He cares even about the smallest things.

So I am putting my little shrimps in God's hands as I try to do the best I can for them, in their diets as well as on every area of their lives.

And I will say it again: I don't know how I got so lucky. God gave me the most incredible kids in the world, even if they are a little bit scrawny.

Cancer, Quitting, and Other Ponderings-Another List of Randoms

Cancer, Quitting, and Other Ponderings - Another Group of Randoms

One of my favorite things is my last "walk through" of my house before I go to bed. I go in my kids rooms to check on them and say one last little prayer before turning in. Seeing them in such a peaceful state, making their sweet little sleep noises, comforts me.

Sometimes I wish I could have another "secret" blog just simply to write about family/work/church/friend/job/whatever stuff that annoys me. You know, the kind of stuff you are feeling when you make a cryptic facebook status update and no one knows what you really mean?Then I could anonymously vent and feel better. I also wish i had a bunch of readers who would take my side and validate all the injustices I experience in the comments: "That is so unfair." "How rude!" "I can't believe that they were so inconsiderate!" My fictional readers would always have my back. (My grannie always said I was dramatic!) Or I could try and be more Christlike and get over stuff. The secret blog idea is probably much easier than the Christlikeness. What's a girl to do?I'm sure I NEVER annoy any of my previously mentioned groups. Ha!

My stinking dogs have fleas and after 3 rounds of flea meds, the little suckers still WON'T DIE! I'm going crazy, help!

I am having the hardest time losing my "Hope" weight. I have 10 pounds that won't budge. I have been training to run a 5k, trying to eat right and it's not moving. It is discouraging. My metabolism is not what it used to be. RIP pre-baby body.

I am one of the 5 people that did not keep up with the Casey Anthony trial. In the court of public opinion she is guilty but she was found not guilty in court. (Major Jesus juking ahead...) I don't know if she did it. I am not her judge & jury & God is the only one who does know. I am sickened that people will get up in arms over this but give no thought to the MILLIONS of women who have now murdered an entire generation of unborn children. It is tragic that any child should die at the hands of a mother who's duty is to protect. I pray the the scales will fall off of the eyes of so many who are deceived by the lie of sex without consequence.

There is only one barbecue sauce: HEAD COUNTRY. All others are posers.

Facebook drama is so dumb. If you are mad at your kid talk to them. I don't need to know your business. But those of you who are certifiably crazy, keep on posting. Your neuroses and paranoia are entertaining!

My uncle has cancer. My heart is broken and the hurt echoes through the people I love. I can't put it into words adequately. But my cousin, Haley, has done a beautiful job. Visit her blog at www.gracefullyfrank.blogspot.com . Please keep my family in your prayers, this is the fourth time my family has faced cancer. We will do it as we always have: believing that God is good, he has a plan for all our days, and that healing will always come- not always the way we want- but it will happen.

My girl is 9 months old today. She laughs, says "Ma Ma and Da Da" and has started crawling and feeding herself, she has growth two little "puppy" teeth this month. She is a delight and I am so thrilled that God gave her to me. I am thrilled/heartbroken at the progress she is making. I can't wait to see who she becomes.

(Men beware) Speaking of Hope, I am going to be weaning sooner than I want to. I am only producing enough milk for about 2 feedings a day. This makes me sad. I was able to nurse Isaac for a year. I love that precious time with her. I wish it could have lasted longer and I'm not sure why it's so different this time. It's frustrating when I've committed myself so much to doing it. But fortunately I have enough of a stockpile frozen that hopefully when I do bite the bullet that I'll be able to supplement with breastmilk.

My big boy gets smarter all the time, he loves to sing, tell his colors, and quiz me on things. For example: "Momma, what's a duck say?" I answer with: "I don't know, Isaac. What does a duck say?" And then he'll proudly quack. He knows so many animal noises: sloths, Pygmy marmosets, tapirs, gorillas, and all the common ones too- thanks Diego. He makes me laugh. I love his curious heart- he wants to know all the answers. I hope I point him to the only one who has them all.

God is good. That's the best thing.

Grace My Feet, And Faith My Eyes

Today I took a trip to my hometown. I go back several times a year to visit my grandmother.

There are times when I look at my old town and tell myself that I've evolved past what lies there. That I have no ties to the sheltered existence where I had no black/Jewish/not from this country/ DIFFERENT people in my life. That there is no part of me connected to the simplicity of the small place where I grew up.

Sure, it's easy to produce negativity. The vast majority of the homes are decaying, there is very little business and commerce to sustain employment and trade, the tap water is terrifying, and town politics can sometimes be laughable. It can be the butt of many small town jokes and fits every tiny town stereotype.

But I drove in today and before I even made it in to town I passed my grandparents old homeplace on the left side of the highway. Memories of three wheeler rides, cow pastures, and my cousin's broken arm from a wild horse flooded back. On the right side I passed my uncle's land where I took fishing trips and Bigheart Day turtles with my Dad. I passed a memorial marker for the man responsible for giving the world my cousins, Heath and Shawn, God rest his soul. I passed the entrance to the dirt roads leading to my best friend's house where I got whiplash on a trampoline and let a sheep into the house when Rusty the wonderdog went on a rampage. I passed a sign where my friend's name was printed after being crowned Oklahoma's Junior Miss. I was less than a mile from the final resting place of my beloved Pa and my Aunt Karla.

I drove in to see both of my childhood homes who are now raising other children. Remembering the wildflowers in many colors that grew across the street in the yard of an eccentric but fun neighbor, and the pool where I spent hours relaxing and listening to the music that is the background to my sweetest summer memories. I drove past my elementary school where I was in the inaugural class, my high school where I was student council president, and the empty lot where my very first school once stood before being demolished. I looked at the church that was built by hands of my father and grandfathers, where I met God for the first time, and where I said, "I do" to my husband.

I can lie to myself and pretend that I am separate. That I am somehow special because I was able to "get out". But the truth is there are ghosts in every corner and alleyway. The very fiber of my being is rooted there. My views, my thoughts, my heart have been shaped by my years there.

I know I can't ever go home again. I completed my time there many years ago. My parents aren't even there. But even when my last familial tie is severed. No matter how far I go or how much I resist, I am connected. And even though I am not always beaming with pride, there truly is no place like home. And I am so grateful that for 18 years, it was mine.

Worth Fighting For

So. In the news this week some actor, that is 51, married a .......wait for it........ 16 year old!

16?!?!?

Yes, not old enough to vote, driving only for a few weeks, can't buy alcohol or a gun, can't work full time, truant officer if not at school, still young enough to spank, 16!!! Not to mention that this pedophile is probably older than her Dad. Blech!

I am repulsed, disgusted, GROSSED out, but mostly angry. And a little confused.

1) Why is she allowed to date solo? Let alone have permission to get engaged and married. I wasn't even allowed to drive to Tulsa at 16.

2) Where is she hanging out that she would even come in contact with a 51 year old predator that would have opportunity to "woo" her into any type of romantic relationship?

3) Where is this girl's Dad? Any 51 year old trying to get into 16 year old Mindy's pants would have had bullet holes in him courtesy of Mike Harmon. My Dad helped a bully tom-cat meet the Lord just for whipping Smoky, the family cat. A pedophile would have met a worse fate, I'm afraid. Actually, any bad intentioned boy would have had a hard time getting close to me, that's what Dads are supposed to do!

In the Peasant Princess sermon series from Mars Hill church (WHICH IS AMAZING-GO LISTEN TO IT NOW!!!), Mark Driscoll talks about defending your daughters and raising sons who are defenders of women. He speaks of Solomon's wife and her young days as a sister. In Song of Solomon chapter 8, verse 9, her brothers say, "If she is a wall we will build a silver parapet upon it. If she is a door we will enclose it with cedar planks."

Basically, there are 2 types of girls: walls & doors.

Girls who are walls can stand firm against those who would do harm. They aren't easily swayed by cute, smooth talking boys. A parapet is a protective wall at the top where Dads and brothers need to protectively watch who and what might be trying to enter.

Girls who are doors are the ones who are more inclined to let trouble in. They aren't discerning about who they date. They buy into lies about where sexual boundaries are. They let in experiences that ought not happen outside of the marriage bed. For these girls the Dads and brothers need to put planks over the door to keep out 51 year old creepers. They are the defense for a girl that has trouble defending herself.

I was (and am) not perfect, but for the most part I consider myself to be a wall. And I was fortunate enough to have had a father who was pacing my parapet, prayerfully scaring away any boys who shouldn't be there.

Several girls that I love were doors- and sadly did not have Dads and brothers enclosing them with cedar planks. And the creepers came in and stole things that were precious. As a Mom, my heart breaks even more for them now. Sure- different choices could have been made, but had they been more protected, they would not have had the opportunity to make a poor choice in the first place. They were let down and paid the price in a weak moment.

As I prayed over my kids tonight. I prayed for my beautiful, bald headed, innocent, Hope. I prayed that her natural inclination would be that of a wall- a wall stronger than I ever was. And if she isn't, I pray that our family unit will defend her with all that is within us. That she won't buy into lies of "its no big deal/there are no consequences/it feels good right now". I pray that there would be a little baby boy out there in the world that will grow into a man worthy of my family's blessing in 30 or so years. :)

And I prayed for my precocious, silly, innocent, curious, Isaac. I fear for him. Statistically, boys are exposed to pornography by age 11, if not sooner. The thought that his innocence can be so easily taken makes me ill. We watched the movie Antz and had to turn it off because one ant eluded to "erotic fantasies". I refuse to allow those notions into his mind in my home. The world will have ample chances soon enough. "Boys will be boys" is not acceptable. I pray that I will be discerning about his friends, movies, and will vigilantly guard his eyes. I am so grateful that Ryland is such a great role model and champion for having pure eyes and a pure heart, he truly exemplifies what is means to love and respect a woman. I pray that Isaac will also guard and protect Hope from harmful boys, in fact he may be able to spot them better than I can. I am also praying for the girl that will be his bride someday. I pray that her family is protecting her.

I know that they are tiny. I know that I don't ever put them in harm's way. It's amazing that my kids grandparents even pass my babysitting requirements! Ok, not really, but I just don't take risks with my kids. Especially when I see things on the news about children being sexually trafficked for drugs. God help this generation!

Maybe it makes me lame, and prude, and conservative- but I want my kids to have every blessing that there is to be had in their marriages. Ryland is my one and only- I wish I had never even kissed anyone else. I wish I had saved even that only for him. I want my kid's choices to honor God, and to keep them safe. Just as my choice to wait only for Ryland honored God and kept my heart and body safe.

Apologies if this is a tmi post. My heart is a deep ocean of concerns for my kids that I have to give to God daily. I'm sorry if this has been too much "real". But it is what it is. My kids purity will always be worth fighting for.

*Happy Late Father's Day to Mike Harmon, who guarded my wall, and helped me receive the blessings of his hard work in my marriage. Thanks for fighting for me, Dad. I love you.*

Worth 1000 Words

Always Chewing.

Mom is #1!!!


Pool Pals.

2 Cuties in A Boat.

Rookie Sunbathing Beauty

First Four-Wheeler Ride

Llama Kiss.

Mooch.

Sleepy.

Sweet.

Exhilarated.

"I love you this much!"

Giggle.

Serious.

Thoughtful.

Coiffed.

Inquisitive.

Naughty.

Faux-hawked.

" I don't know, Momma."

PB&J remnants & snot. Cute.

"I wee!"

Snuggle Buds.

Night. Night.

Isaac and his GCK buddies being sleeping dinosaurs.

Talking religion and politics.

Isaac wondering and Hope watching. This is so them.

Cheetos and Sunglasses. All the World is Right.

I've heard it said that "time is a mother's enemy." I think that it is a true statement. My two formerly tiny babies are growing before my eyes. I hope you enjoyed my two blessings in photos. Real life is even sweeter. I'm off to enjoy that now.

Mindy

100th Blog!

Yet again- The Quick and Dirty List Update

1) The Graduate- Ry's baby sister, Hilary, who was a spit-fire 5-year-old when I met her 13 years ago, is graduating. Hilary is a hard worker, is insanely beautiful, is smart, and is pretty in her heart more than anything. School hasn't always came easily for her but she has persevered. She is college bound and is capable of anything, if you ask me. I hope she uses these next years well. They are some of the most care free and fun, and they only last about 10 minutes. Congrats Hil, my sister. I love you and I am PROUD of the woman you are and I am excited to see where you go.

2) Hope- My sweet baby girl is 7 months old today. For a month she has been sitting up on her own. She loves her big brother, eating any and everything, and pulling hair. She is a serious snuggle bug, and is finally a good sleeper. She still doesn't have much hair on her head but luckily her back hair seems to have decreased. She is tiny like Isaac, not quite 14 pounds yet. She also has my little feet, she is still in a size 1 and they are big! She is 7 months old wearing 0-3 month shoes. She can wear 3&6 month clothing in the waist but needs 9 month pjs for her toes not to be squished into the footies. She is a dainty little thing. I was made to have a daughter. God uses her to remind me of how much He loves me. Time has flown so quickly, but I can't seem to remember life without her in it.

3) Igick- This is how Isaac says his name. Igick. It's so funny! I know I'm his mom. I know it's probably normal. But his vocabulary amazes me! I know I look at him through mommy goggles but I think it is incredible how much he says and comprehends. We just put him in his big boy toddler bed and he has done great! He stays in and has only fallen out once. I did catch him putting animals in his bed and turning on the tv during nap the other day- nothing a little "attitude adjustment" on his hiney didn't fix. He is also really into his bible or "Jesus Book" as he calls it. We read it every night before bed. He likes to read stories with animals or a mean guy. I love his hunger to hear stories and I love that I get to share it with him. May this love stay with him all his life!

4) A year in a nutshell- next week marks a year since I finished my job in Edmond and officially moved to Owasso. I got a new job, had a baby, sold a house after a crazy long wait, cried a lot, laughed a lot, had some HARD financial blows, but I'm still standing, because God was holding me up. I was reading Isaac the story about Elijah, the widow, and the oil and flour. It reminded me of what I have known all along: God is always faithful to provide when you are obedient. I am home, finally. 

5) Branson - We took a long weekend and went to Branson with my parents and brother. We stayed in a resort with a waterpark, went to SDC, saw an amazing pets show, ate ate ate, played mini golf, outlet mall shopped, and fed sharks & stingrays. It was a great little short trip. We had a wonderful time. I feel so blessed that my kids have taken trips with both sets of grandparents in less than 6 months. I never did that! 

6) High School Daze- Holy cow, I'm old. In 2 weeks I celebrate the 10 year anniversary of my high school graduation. Wow. That was quick. I am still sorting out my feelings. I haven't seen most of these people in years. We were in a small school and spent so many years together. I know I am not the person I was 10 years ago. I sincerely hope they have all found God and happiness and peace. I'm interested in the conversations that will happen. Looking forward to hugging & remembering with these long lost pals!

7) Summer- I have one week of work left until my summer break. Ryland will be gone most of June and I am babysitting for my friend's daughter 2 days a week in July and August. Looking forward to some pool time, lazy days, and not having to bear the heat in a pregnant body. Last summer dragged/flew by. I had so much on my mind that I didn't enjoy a lot of it. I am going to enjoy the normalcy & predictability of this summer. Can't wait!

8) Easter- My amazing husband had a custom projector screen built, made an amazing video, and lead our church in beautiful worship. You should check out our video at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lfcHitl_L-Y&feature=youtube_gdata_player

9) Goals before 30- I am saying them out loud. Well, I'm typing them out loud. This is scary. This is putting it out there where people will be able to see if I fail. Here goes nothing: before I turn 30, in 17 months, I want to run in and complete a 5k, and I want to be debt free. I haven't competed in any athletic anything since high school. I am not an athlete and frankly I hate running. This is a challenge for me. If I can find discipline in putting feet to pavement I think I can find the will power to do a lot of things. And debt free-ness, Ryland and I have been working since we got married to get here. We are paying off my student loans & Hope's birth next week. That ONLY leaves our car payment. Our goal is to pay it off & pay cash for any subsequent vehicles. My hardcore runner buddies & already debt free pals may think these are small potatoes, but I really want to try. We'll see. I'll let you know.

10) Temporarily Deaf- It started with my brats getting the flu the week of and after Easter. Then Ryland and I both started getting sick. We were snotty, we lost our voices, and were just cruddy in general. My sinuses plugged up so much that one of my ears plugged up and is still messed up. I have had a steroid shot & am finishing a round of antibiotics. I am waiting to finish the antibiotics before I go back to the doctor. My state high risk insurance is crappy at best and it is about $200 just to see a doctor. I can't hear out of my right ear and haven't been able to for 2 weeks and it is driving me crazy! Anyone know of any good home remedies? Don't say ear candles!

11) Baby Food Mama- I am the opposite of a crunchy mom. I always thought of making your own baby food as a crunchy mom thing. I have reconsidered.My friends Tonya & Erin have inspired me to make Hope's baby food. I decided to try for 2 reasons: 1) It sounded (and is!) really easy & quick. 2) It is crazy cheap! There is a great website that has recipes and directions. And my grandma bought me a fun new blender to use for purée-ing. I cook it (bake or boil) throw it in the blender, freeze it in ice trays, and defrost as needed. I am feeding Hope non-processed, organic baby food for a fraction of the cost of jars. If I can do it, ANYONE can. Seriously.

12) Bestie Babies- My two lifelong bestiest besties are due to have baby boys in June. One is having her first. One has an older daughter and is having this baby following a miscarriage and an insanely horrible year. I love these two like sisters and I can't wait to hold their baby boys, and have play dates, and sniff their newborn baby heads. This June may be the only thing that could derail my 5K dreams- baby fever could strike hard! I am praying safe deliveries and boatloads of blessings on my 2 pals. Can wait to meet to their cute little men!

13) Superstition, BIG 100! - Since today is Friday the 13th AND My 100th BLOG, I am going to celebrate by telling you, my friends, thanks for the prayers, the love, and the support over these years and trials. I don't plan on going anywhere. God is good and I plan to keep on talking about it here. Thanks for reading and being part of my bloggy family. 

Love you all!

Mindy

God bringing home a son

Ryland's aunt & uncle are waiting today. Kent & Georgia Bush are waiting for a phone call. A call to get on a plane and head to Ethiopia to get their son. Their son Dawitt is just a few documents away from legally being theirs. God calls us to care for orphans and widows- Kent and Georgia have answered this call and have blessed my life and countless others with their bravery, faith, and perseverance. This is a story that I will never be able to justly tell. Please follow the link to read the story- if you feel lead I can happily point you to ways you can help raise funds- not for this adoption, but for aid & help for those orphans who haven't been given a family yet. If you only read one look at "Unable to Forget the Orphans Cries". Reality hurts, but hopefully we can be the hands & feet of God to help & heal.

http://www.augustagazette.com/search?q=ethiopia&submit=Search

Closing

Today is closing day on my house in Guthrie. 

The house that took forever to sell. The house that sucked our savings dry. The house that had a stupid pipe burst when were totally broke. The house that had to have stupid piers put in because the stupid foundation was bad. 

But as I make the 2 hour drive today to sign that house over I am teary and nostalgic. After all, that was the first home that my young husband and I bought together. We decorated it and made it ours. We brought our first child home to that house. We celebrated, grieved, healed, and prayed beautiful prayers in that house. We made memories there that we sweet- like being snowed in with ALL of Ryland's family for a few days one winter, Isaac's first tornado scare not to mention his first steps, finding out we were expecting Hope, new jobs, grieving loved ones, and knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that God was there with us. 

Luckily that doesn't change just because you move. 

But that tiny little starter house was home. 

I look at our 2 renters that have lived in since. Both are wonderful in their own way but I still don't feel like I have been able to settle & grow roots yet. Lord willing that will come in time. My prayer is that God will help me to be content in all circumstances. That home can be wherever I am. Wherever my husband and kiddos are. Wherever I can unpack a suitcase.

I am thankful for our time in Guthrie. But as we sign it over & close that chapter of our lives, I pray that I can move forward, fondly remembering what is behind, but looking forward with hope to what lies ahead. 

Goodbye 1616 E shadycreek. You were good to us.

Closing- A Haiku

Home closing Friday?
Please please please please please please God!
Sanity come back.

I Am Stingy- And Not Really Sorry

I am stingy when it comes to my kids. I admit it.

I have an extremely difficult time sharing them.

It's not that I don't trust others with them. I just feel that God gave them to me & I take the responsibility for their care & well being very seriously. It is MY job- and I may not be the best at it but I want to be the one doing it.

I hate leaving them with anyone. I worry constantly. I worry that I'll miss something, that they'll need me, that someone won't do it right. Or worse, that they'll do it better than me & win a piece of my kids' hearts that formerly was occupied by me. Whatever "it" is.

Next to my salvation & my husband- they are my treasure. It is scary to love like I love them. It is painful to think of a life without them- here or in eternity.

So don't be offended that I hold them too close or don't solicit bavysitters or won't let you help me out when one is screaming and the other is covered in a body fluid & I am carrying 5 bags. They are my responsibility & my privilege. And I am stingy when it comes to them.

10 Things I Love Today- The Munchkin Edition

1. She rolls. Both ways.

2. He knows the noises that a tapir, sloth, humpback whale, jaguar, and cotton top tamarin make. Do you know what noises they make?

3. She is so so so bald.

4. He can kill the ABC song.

5. She gnaws my face & giggles about it.

6. He tackles me when I lay on the floor defenseless.

7. She has one tiny set of rolls on her thighs.

8. He gets in the car as we leave school, waves, and says, "bye, friends."

9. It took her 4 months, but she now sleeps like a champ.

10. He is amazingly good at saying stegosaurus.

Miss Mess- A Haiku

It's been FOUR WHOLE MONTHS
Hope does not sleep through night
Mom is so tired

I am so sleep deprived that I actually thought that would be a funny and cute way of expressing my exhaustion .

But now that it's done I'm too tired to delete it and write a real post about it.

Oh, well.

You're welcome, world.

Blue Morpho Butterfly

Okay, I know every mother thinks this, but my little boy is brilliant.

No, really.

We were at the pediatrician's office and our doc was doing a few developmental tests- block stacking, pointing to body parts, jumping, (all of which my little Einstein totally rocked!) then she showed him animals and asked him to name them. He got every one. Until she came to the butterfly. He looked at it and without skipping a beat said, "blue morpho butterfly".

Thanks to Diego my little guy thinks all butterflies are blue morphos. Some would say this is a wrong assumption. I think it showcases his brilliance.

Also, his head circumference is in the 95th percentile. I think it's because his little pumpkin head is full of big brains.

Seriously, I don't know how his 10th percentile in weight body holds it up.

Why Not Me?

"Why not me? " Beautiful words spoken by a friend of mine who is fighting breast cancer for a second time. Instead of asking "why me, Lord" she asks "why not me?". In a moment that will forever be etched in my heart, my sweet friend spoke of how through her storm, she would have an opportunity to know God in a way that others around her wouldn't.

I thought of my house experience. Of how it is such a small thing in comparison to fighting cancer. But I have spent ENDLESS hours asking "why me?". Not to mention the crying. The weeping. The wailing. The gnashing of teeth. There has been nothing I could have physically done to make this house sell. I looked at the money in the bank that slowly disappeared in the costs of paying bills on, and maintaining two homes. I got to see God provide financially in a situation that looked impossible. It's not a way that I wish those I love will have to learn God's love and provision, but I am so fortunate that God got to hug me close, give me good gifts, and provide in ways I am unable.

Why not me? Indeed.

This Month

In February:

Isaac's Birthday $$

Ryland's Birthday $$

Repairs on the Guthrie House $$$

Closing on the Guthrie House $$$

Foundation Inspection $$$

Foundation Repair and Piers $$$

Broken cell phone replacement $$

Car Tag & Late Fees (I didn't know they weren't sending the reminders anymore!)$$$

Unexpected House Costs $$$

Rent & Mortgage $$$$

All of these things add up to one month of financial impossibility.

Our monthly income is not enough $$$$ to cover all of these things.We had some extra money in savings, but not enough. Not even close. But then God showed up. Ryland had a gig and brought home more than twice the amount he was supposed to. Then our church family came to our rescue once more. We would have been okay. I was planning on cashing in some annuities from my teaching career to cover it all with no debt.(Dave Ramsey would have had a cow!) But God provided, 2 times before we even knew we had a need. To those nameless people who lovingly provided for us: Thank you. I can't even type without tears in my eyes. It is too much and I hope God blesses you a hundredfold for your generosity. My pride never would have allowed me to ask for help, but I am not too proud to humbly say thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. You have been the hands and feet of God to us. We will never forget God's faithfulness and how you allowed God to use you in blessing us.

A Letter "2" My Baby Guy

Dear Sweet Sonno,

Today we are snowed in under 21 inches of snow. We were supposed to head to Arkansas to celebrate your birthday with your Mimi and Poppy. Sadly, those plans were changed by God and Mother Nature. So instead of a fun party planned by your Mimi, you'll have to settle for a homemade cake from me and a small, party of 4, birthday celebration in our living room.

I am bumfuzzled. I cannot believe that 2 years have passed since I held you in my arms and saw your face for the first time. My whole world has changed since then. I have changed jobs, location, family size, and clothing size since then. The time has raced by at breakneck speed.

You have grown up so much, you are such a big boy. You can say anything. Sometimes you are silly and do things for a laugh- like tickle your sister. You are tender hearted- when I cry you are very sweet to come and pat me with your sweet little hands. You are a hugger and a reluctant kisser. You love to sing and dance. You love animals, mostly dinos. You throw fits when you are frustrated and don't get what you want- but who doesn't. You are so beautiful. Your eyes sparkle, and your smile melts my heart. The thought that you will fall in love with some other woman someday hurts me!

In the coming year you will learn how to use the potty, transition to a toddler bed, speak in complete sentences, and learn more than you will at any other time in your life. I am so blessed that I get to be home with you to witness all of these things.

I hope that you know that I treasure you. You were a prayer answered and a promise from God fulfilled. I hope you know that God has a special plan for you- I pray that I am capable of preparing you. You are a miracle. You are a gift. And no matter where you go or what happens- you were so wanted.

Isaac, I love you more than I can ever tell you. Happy second birthday. I am so proud of you, and I always will be.

Love, Momma

Long Overdue

Sometimes it takes a snowday to be able to form a coherent thought. Much less write it out. So here are some brief thoughts/updates as of late.

1) The house- Are you sick to death of me blogging about it yet? I am too. But praise God, we are under contract & pending an inspection Friday we will finally have it sold. This has without a doubt been the most challenging financial/spiritual/ emotional/ pride shattering situation I have encountered in a long time. We dropped our price $12,000, we will not make a penny on the sale of our home, and we have lost every cent we have ever invested into it. God has used many from our church to provide for us when there has been no other way we could make it. It is insanely humbling to have to ask for help, but I am so grateful that we have had church family members that will stand up for us, even though the price has been great. You know who you are. Thank you for standing in the gap for us. There is something gut wrenching about needing financial help. My heart has been humbled and God's provsion through individuals has been sweet beyond measure.

(Post script- inspection went well except for some cracks that the inspector wants a structural engineer to look at. We are praying that they are cosmetic, or else we will be throwing more money we don't have at this house!)

2) Isaacs singing voice- My son has found his voice. He loves to sing with his shows- Barney, Diego, Dora, Elmo- he sings with all of them. As his music teacher at school I also get to watch him learn the songs and motions to the songs I learned as a kid, as well as some new ones. He really likes a song called "We Are the Dinosaurs" where we march, eat our food, take a nap, and roar. As a Dino lover, it's right up his alley.

3) Milestones- My "not such a baby" boy turns two in 2 weeks. That means his age is no longer measured in months. That means that all traces of "baby" are gone. That means that he is one step closer to kindergarten, his high school diploma, getting his doctorate, and leaving me forever. I miss him already. Waaaaaaaa! Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself a little- I guess I'll let myself worry about that a little more once he's potty trained.

Speaking of milestones, my beautiful little daughter is somehow 3 months old already. How on earth is that possible? She smiles, giggles, holds her head up, and melts my heart. Everything about her makes me proud. I am so grateful that God gave me a daughter. I am thinking of piercing her ears now while I can easily clean them & let them heal without her grubby little hands touching them. I might regret this but- thoughts & opinions? I intend to research it with my pediatrician as well as my pal google.

4) Disneyworld- Ryland's wonderful grandma, Mary Russell Rose, invited us to go on an all expense (and I mean all!) paid vacation to Disneyworld. We rode with 40 family members to & from Orlando, Florida in a charter bus and spent 5 truly magical days at Disneyworld. I loved getting a vacation. We hadn't been on a REAL vacation in so long. I have good intentions of posting pics soon, but here are a few mental picture I will never forget:
* Seeing my kids love on & play with their cousins
* Isaac's first big boy ride- the triceratops ride at Animal Kingdom
* Isaac meeting Oso and Handy Manny
* Going out in the freezing cold with 5 little ones and spending a wonderful morning with Mimi, Poppy, and the Gardners
* Isaac's first 3D movie
It was amazing. I will never be able to thank Gram Mary and Tom for the memories that I will always carry of my kids.

5) Oh Lardy- After Isaac was born I lost all of my baby weight pretty quickly with very little effort. Hope is now 3 months old and I have only lost a little over half. I am not feeling very cute. And honestly I haven't tried very hard. I need to get serious & put down the Oreos. I think the stress of the last few months has made me hungry & hopefully my stress appetite will disappear with the Guthrie house.

6) Back to You- As I established a few posts back, my blog is my honest attempt to leave a legacy to my children and to chronicle what God has done for me. In any relationship with God or man, there are valleys and mountaintops. Sadly, the last few months have been a valley of my own makings. I have been far from where I need to be. I have been out of God's word, my prayers have been shallow, and I have been practicing my favorite sin of telling God how I want things to go. Sometimes He says no, and sometimes He gives me exactly what I want- which isn't always for my own good. One of the great thyings about being God's child is that if you are truly his- he will always call you back. Well, I am listening. I started a new bible study by Beth Moore called "Stepping Up" it deals with the psalms of ascent which are psalms written about a pilgrimmage to Jerusalem and the many fears, anxieties, and blessings along the way. I think it has not come at a more perfect time in my life. This whole year has been a pilgrimage for me. And as I said, I try so hard to find help and answers on my own but I am learning again, as if for the first time- "my help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth." Beth challenged me during this study to daily get on my face before God. I am rediscovering the power we have in prayer and the freedom in submitting to God's will. I am finding joy that has sadly been abesent for far to long.

7) Health Insurance- Another topic that has been the cause of much anxiety. I have finally found something that I think will work. If you have been rejected by 2 or more health insurance carriers on the basis of pre-existing conditions and cannot be added to a group policy (me!) then the state of Oklahoma offers insurance through the Oklahoma high risk pool. It is a little more expensive and not a phenominal plan, but it is insurance! I am working through the application process and am thankful that this many months long struggle is about to be over!

Thank you sweet blogosphere, for listening. My heart has been heavy, my joy has been absent, and I am not out of the woods yet. But I am facing whatever happens next in the arms of my protector who does not sleep or slumber, and who has not forgotten or missed one detail of the hard things we have lived through. I ask that you would pray for us over the next weeks that we can finally be free of our old house and that God would provide financially and fill in all the holes where we have needs.