Hope: The Third

Sissy,

Three birthdays. I can't believe it. My baby is three.

You've had one incredible year, baby. A few weeks after you turned two you gave me the surprise of a lifetime by potty-training yourself. I would catch you going in the bathroom, undressing yourself and going! I'm so proud of you. You even mastered staying dry overnight in a matter of weeks. I love that about you. You are so determined.

You are a lover of all things girly. You love pink and purple. You love princesses. You love tutus, sparkles, bows, ribbons, nail polish, dress up clothes, and big girl make-up. We catch you in frilly dresses all the time. Every day after you get dressed you run to your Daddy to spin for him and show him your outfit. You are the apple of his eye. His affection makes you sparkle. I love the way you two love each other.

You really enjoy your friends from pre-school, especially Michaela, Burel, Parker, and Kalob. You love your teachers and love learning. You are a participant in life. You don't want to miss anything- games, conversations, or food. You are brave and love to try new things.

You are a song bird. You love music and often sing yourself to sleep or sing during play. You love Dora songs, the "Sofia the First" theme song, Katy Perry's "Firework", and any funny song. You have a sweet, chirpy voice that I love. And sometimes I even catch you lip-syncing in the back seat. Your animated facial expressions are equal parts adorable and hilarious.

The only thing in this world that you truly hate is bedtime. You are a professional at finding reasons to get up- water, flashlight, one of your two noise-machines, potty-break, missing babies, you name it. You are grumpy and very seldom go to sleep without tears. But once you are down you sleep for a good ten hours. You still nap during the day for a few hours too. Keep napping strong!

You love to "paint" in your imagine-ink books. You are also becoming very interested in drawing, coloring, and stickers. You have started tracing your name. I'm amazed at how your fine motor skills are progressing so quickly.

You are hilarious. You have the most expressive little face. You can sass, you can make jokes with perfect timing, and you can break hearts when you cry. You are both sweet and spicy. You are one of my favorite people, and I love your personality. Even when you get bossy and wag your finger, forcing me to retreat somewhere to laugh before I scold you. You have a magnetism that draws people to you. And I hope you are a leader who loves people.

I am excited for the next leg of our journey as a family. You've been my baby for three years, and in just a few weeks you'll hand that title to your new sister, Eden. I will always cherish the season where you were my baby. I love the way you like to snuggle up to my belly and talk into my belly button to Baby Eden. You tell her how you are the big sister, you sing her songs, and you "baby talk" her, just like you do our dogs. You also pray for her without fail every night. You are going to be an amazing big sister. I can't wait to see you two girls, my two girls, together. And you are excited to tell EVERYONE that you and Eden have matching rainbow swimsuits.

Hope, I'm so proud of you. I'm proud of how you let your light shine. I'm proud of your confidence and bravery. And I'm proud that you never let fear keep you from doing life. I am honored to be your mom, and even though mistakes are inevitable for us both, I will always love you. God gave me exactly what I needed when he gave me you. You will always be my big girl. I love you so much more than words can express. Happy third birthday.

Love,
Momma

31 Week Eden Update

I went back to the doctor today after my scary visit to labor and delivery a week ago.

I had an ultrasound first thing. We found out that Eden weighs 3 pounds and 11 ounces, she has her daddy's super kissable lips, and she was practicing her breathing. I cannot believe how clearly we can see her. It's incredible. Her EIF is still present, but no medical person seems to be concerned.

I saw my doctor who told me that he does not think that pre-eclampsia is an issue for me. My pee jug test came back within normal limits for a preggo. My blood pressure was still elevated but had gone down by the end of the visit. My cervix is still closed. Hallelu.

Since I tested positive for the fetal fibronectin protein, my doctor wants to see me weekly, with a weekly ultrasound to check for fetal well-being and growth. To me, that sounds very expensive. Anything for Eden. I was also released to work as long as I promise to sit every chance I get and to rest when I have contractions. I also have to rest after work days. Like lay down in the evening rest. He said we will take it week by week. He said that Eden's chances of survival are good if she were to come today, better in a week, and great if we can keep her in for 5 weeks. He lectured me on keeping my blood sugar in order and resting a lot.

I am optimistic that my high maintenance baby girl will come to us healthy and ready for life on the outside. I am so blessed to have problems that are this small. And even more blessed that my hope lies in hands more capable than mine. Eden's creator has already handled all that is out of my control. I am so thankful to be able to carry this darling girl, even though there are some inconveniences. Love is inconvenient- just ask my husband. But the reward at the end is so worth it. I find so much irony in Eden's name. Paradise. These last few weeks have been far from it, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. The end of this pregnancy and the beginning of Eden's life on the outside will be sweet.

Today I'm looking forward to what is to come, with great expectations.

And Along Went The Little Orange Jug

*Warning: If you are squeamish and easily offended by talk of lady things or body fluids, go play on facebook and don't read this. For real. I warned you.*

First, I want to thank my wonderful friends and family. There were too many texts, e-mails, and facebook messages for me to answer, so I hope you'll forgive me for not personally answering them all. Thank you for the concern, the offers of food, help and childcare, and mostly the prayers. I am so thankful for you. Honestly. It's humbling, and I don't deserve love like that, I am grateful.

The snowball started 2 weeks ago when I went in for a routine gestational diabetes test. I failed it.

No big. I failed with Isaac. Pass the cookies.

I re-tested doing the 3 hour fasting test the following Friday.

On our way to test drive minivans last Tuesday (oh the glamour!) I received a call that I had failed again and was thus labeled and diagnosed with gestational diabetes. Awesome. Things could be worse.

Last Thursday we bought a minivan. And I'm in love with it. Seriously. I'm embarrassed by how much I love it. It's huge. I do not have to lift a child in or out. The doors open and close at the push of a button. It's freaking wonderful. Even if it's a van. I love it.

 

 

Then came yesterday. I went in for my regularly scheduled, third tri-mester, every 2 week OB appointment. I had experience lots (and lots) of contractions yesterday, and had decided to ask my doctor how "normal" it was at this stage.

 

The nurse checked my blood pressure, it was elevated. She checked it again in ten minutes. Still elevated. Doctor Cox checked my cervix, it was closed. He tested me for a certain protein that is usually present after 34 weeks on the cervix, but can be an indication of pre-term labor in women early in the third tri-mester. I was whisked away to the lab for blood work and given a huge orange jug. Why you ask?

 



 

Because for the next 24 hours I was to pee in it and keep it refrigerated. Barf. The contents of this jug will help determine if I have pre-eclampsia or just high blood pressure. My doctor told me to take it easy yesterday because of the contractions and plan to see a dietitian and nurse to help me form a game plan for the gestational diabetes. I called my boss to tell her I'd be taking a day off.

 

So after an evening, night, and morning of jug peeing, I woke up, got dressed, and went in to take care of a few things at work today. I tried to hurry, so that my little orange friend wouldn't need to go with me. I returned home, and after an hour or so of mindless daytime TV my phone rang. The caller ID showed my doctor's office. "Great." I thought. "The call to tell me that the crazy cervix protein test is negative."

 

And the voice on the other end was a man's voice. Crap. No male nurses. It was my doctor. It's never good news when your doctor calls you in person.

 

Dr. Cox informed me that the dreaded cervical protein was present and due to the frequency and severity of the previous day's contractions that he wanted me to come in and be monitored. If going into labor was imminent, he wanted me to take a steroid shot to help Eden's lungs develop. And I was instructed to take this week off from work. So I hung up and went into freak out mode. I am only 30 weeks! I want Eden to be fully cooked before she pops out of my oven. I called the hubs to meet me at the hospital, put my pee jug on ice and hopped in my new van to go to the hospital. I called my mom to tell her what was going on and called my boss to arrange for a sub for the week.

 

I got to labor and delivery and God reminded me that he was still with me. My beloved former OB that delivered Hope, Dr. Gibbens, who devastated me by closing her practice, was the attending physician at L&D emergency today. I cannot tell you how glad I was to see a familiar, trusted face. After an hour of watching my blood pressure jump up and down, and seeing virtually no contractions, I was released with my orange jug to see a dietician for the gestational diabetes.

 

After nearly two hours of education on carbs, proteins, lancets, and glucose,  I returned to the lab from the previous day to bid good riddance to my orange jug. What a crazy 24 hours it has been.

 

So here's where I'm at, here are the prayers I'm asking for:

 

1) I have gestational diabetes. Please pray that I can manage it well, that I will not need insulin for it, and mostly that it won't affect Eden.

2) Pre-eclampsia. I won't know until later this week if I have it. Pray for my blood pressure to go down and stay down. Please pray that I don't have pre-E, but if I do that it can also be managed well, and won't hurt Eden or cause her to have to be born early.

3) Pre-Term Labor- Of all the things I don't want this is the biggest. Please pray that Eden stays in as long as possible. And that if she is born early that she'll be okay, and cared for by a team with the wisdom to keep her safe.

4) Bed rest- I want to be at work. I love my job. I love the support at my job. My family depends on the income from my job. Please pray that I can continue to work, but if I can't that God will provide for us financially, and in the inconvenient day to day, like child care, and keeping up my home.

 

As a sweet friend reminded me today, God is bigger than all these things. He made Eden. He knows her and loves her in ways greater than I can imagine. He is for her. He is her refuge and strength, even when my body fails, He will sustain and protect her. Pray that I can dwell on His strength and peace, rather than the shortcomings of my own body and the stress brought on by the dreaded "what-ifs".

 

And if it all goes south tomorrow, at least I won't be carrying around a jug of pee in a lunchbox full of ice. So I have that going for me...

 



Milk Comes From Cows!

My darling preschoolers bring me so much joy and laughter. There are a hundred funny and joyful moments during any given today. This sweet little conversation was the "gem of wisdom" for today.

The scene takes place in my music class with a precocious group of three-year-olds.

Tyler: Miss Mindy. Do you have a baby in your tummy?
Me: Yes! I'm going to have a little girl named Eden. She'll be here around Thanksgiving time.
Sam: Miss Mindy, whatcha gonna feed your baby?
Me: I'll feed her milk.
Sam: Oh, from your breast?
Me: (Flustered, not wanting to explain breast feeding during music time) Um....well..... I'll be feeding her...er,um, mommy milk....from my......body.
Presley: (Exasperated) Sam! (Rolling eyes) Milk comes from cows, silly!

 

 

Gotta love innocence, and correct anatomical vocabulary.