Of Health Insurance and Perspective

I have such good intentions. I really do. I have great ideas for blog posts, I roll them around in my mind, I plan what I want to say, then reality hits. There are things to do, places to go, bills to pay, diapers to change... and then the "freshness" of the idea is gone and I am left with a dusty idea that once seemed like much more fun. But I wanted to write today. I need to commemorate a special event and I need the therapy of being able to send a frustration out into the blogosphere where maybe the 10 people who read this will send out a prayer on my behalf.

First the frustration: As you know, I resigned my position as a third grade teacher last spring because me, the hubby, and my 1.5 children relocated. In resigning, I also forfeited my right to the free health insurance that Oklahoma teachers are entitled to. My coverage runs out on August 31. No problem, I thought. One of the many fantastic benefits to the hubs new job is that our family is provided with health insurance. All I have to do is apply and be added, afterall it is a group policy, no one is ever turned down. I thought wrong.

I have since been denied health care coverage by this not to be named company, not once, but twice. My first thought was obviously my pregnancy, which on a group policy should not be regarded as a pre-existing condition. But I was not rejected (ALLEGEDLY) because of my pregnancy. Wanna guess why? It's a really scary and expensive medical condition. Oh, and its very rare and exotic. C'mon guess. No, sicko. Not that! My condition (that allegedly has nothing to do with pregnancy) is: (Drumroll...)

Migraines.

Wow, wasn't that exciting.

This insurance company has denied me twice because I have migraines. I had my first migraine in elementary school. Every woman in my family has them. And honestly, it is probably one of the best ailments to have if you have to have one. (I just jinxed myself and will have a bad one within the week, I'm sure.) I have made a few (like, maybe 4) trips to the ER over the course of the last 17ish years for a shot when they get to be unbearable, but 99% of my headaches are cured by taking my prescription as soon as I feel it coming. That's it! Very rarely have I missed work or life because Of a headache. And for an insurance company, it is a cheap condition for me to have. I get my prescription filled about 3 times a year, and the meds are so inexpensive that insurance usually doesn't cover any of the cost. I have disclosed this plus a lot more detailed information to the insurance company along with 2 statements from my doctor, and I am still receiving the run around.

I am 10 weeks from my due date and am seriously flipping out at the thought of not being covered. Ry's job has assured us that we will be taken care of but I do not understand turning me away on the basis of a migraine. I think there may be some other reason why there is discrimination toward me. (PREGNANCY!!!!)

I am frustrated beyond belief, I am jumping through every hoop I can, but I cannot even discuss this without being completely in tears. If it weren't for my sweet Hope coming, this would not be a big deal. But a baby changes everything.

Just like it did 18 short months ago.

(segue)

18 months ago today I met Isaac for the very first time. He was so alert and wide-eyed. It was as if he really recognized that he was seeing the world for the first time. He watched and listened and completely captivated me. I was hooked. I was madly, deeply, crazy in love with that little blonde headed, pink, mullet that the doctor handed me. That was the tip of the ice berg. I have blinked and a year-and-a-half has passed at break neck speed. We have lived through the sleepless nights, a year of nursing, first holidays, sicknesses, words, steps, milestones, and hurts. We have seen a curious, playful, and always joyful little boy grow from that tiny baby. We have had our hearts break with him when he has felt pain, and been overcome with happiness when he is happy. He has been a magnifying glass to every emotion. He has made me fall in love with his Daddy in ways I never knew possible. And he made me want to have more babies much quicker than I could have ever anticipated. And now my child, no longer a baby, is going to be someone's brother. My heart is torn by the excitement and the love that I feel for Hope, along with the mourning for the days of only Isaac. I have prayed all along that even before they see each other that God will grow love in their hearts for each other.

I've heard it said that our siblings are our longest earthly relationship. We have them before we meet our friends and we have them after we lose our parents. It's no coincidence that the bible explains our savior as "closer than a brother". I want Isaac and Hope to be each other's best friends and to have a bond that will last a lifetime. I am scared of what having two kids will do to them both. I want them to have all of me that I can give. I pray I can do my best and make them both feel loved and secured.

As I count down the next 10 weeks to Hope's entry to the world, there are still blanks to fill in: Will I have insurance? What will this whole birth experience be like? Can I REALLY do this? Will she look like her brother? Will I have what I need?

Regardless, my perspective needs to be that I am blessed despite the insurance company's stupid policies, I am blessed despite the toll this all takes on my stress level, I am blessed despite the shortcomings I have as a mother. I begged God to give me children, and He poured out His love with a little boy 18 months ago and will do it again in 10 weeks. Who am I to complain about the small stuff? So many would trade places with me in a moment.

Perspective. It is a strange beast, but one I need more of on days like today.