The plot thickens.....

I don't quite know where to start this post. For one thing, I never thought I'd be posting this. At least, not right now anyways. It is so funny to me that the title of our blog is "we told God our plans and he's been laughing ever since". I had no idea how true that would come to be in our lives. So here we go again.

About two weeks ago I started feeling sick at my stomach. Nothing made it feel better. Everything tasted bad and I had no appetite. (Which is a BIG deal for those who know me well.) I thought that maybe it would eventually go away. It didn't. Last week I was sitting on the couch and it occurred to me that I wasn't sure when my last period was. You see, since we lost baby #3 I kind of swore off all of my obsessive charting, counting and temperature taking. I was ready to let it all go. After all, my sweet Gurt began to become reality. God had called us to adopt, no doubt, and I trusted Him for provision there. I think you can see where I'm going.

I got sick of feeling bad last week. I told Ryland that I thought I had an ulcer or acid reflux because I just couldn't get over feeling sick. Last Friday night we drove to Walgreen's and bought a pregnancy test. I wanted to confirm that I wasn't pregnant so that when I called a doctor to go in for my "ulcer" that there wasn't something else going on. I knew it was going to be negative. I just wanted peace of mind. Guess what. It wasn't! It was a BIG FAT POSITIVE!

I lost it. I cried until I thought I was empty and then I cried some more. Not because I was happy but out of sheer and utter terror. I didn't know when my last period was, I hadn't been taking vitamins, I had taken some medicines and other things, I was panicked! We've been down the road of getting really excited only to have the world crash in on us. But after I regained some composure I told God what I am going to tell him everyday. " I am putting this baby in your hands. It is NOT mine. It is yours and will remain yours whether I meet it in heaven or on earth. I am giving it to you."

I am still scared. I don't know how it will turn out. It could all be over tomorrow. But I have no control over it. Just like I had no control over the life that God so beautifully placed in my body. But I am choosing to rejoice over every pang of nausea and every stretch and pull that I feel in my abdomen. Because God put life there. And He did it all for His glory.

I went in on Monday and had bloodwork done to check for pregnancy and make sure all of my hormone levels are where they need to be. The nurse called me back that afternoon and told me I was "very" pregnant. My hcg level was 62,283 - the highest it has measured in any of my pregnancies. The one I carried the longest was only in the 15,000s. A good sign I should think. My progesterone levels were a little low so I am using a progesterone gel to help my body out. I still had no idea how far along I was though.

I went in today for an ultrasound. D-Day. In the 20something ultrasounds I have had, I have never had a good one. I never once have received good news. I was trying to be ready to receive the worst. I cried in the car on the way there. I cried in the room waiting for the doctor. Dr. K came in and we started. Then we saw it- the most beautiful blob of goo I have ever seen. And Dr. K said, "Look at it's heart, it's beating all over the place." We saw our baby. We saw its heart. Placed there by God for our viewing pleasure. I cried and cried. And even if it is over tomorrow, I will count it as one of the happiest minutes of my life. He told us that I am 6 weeks and 4 days pregnant. Halfway through the first trimester. Our tentative due date is February 8. Two days after Ryland's birthday.

Because you know how I am about referring to a child as "the child or the baby" this little tadpole is going to be known as "Tad" on my blogs from here on out. Tad is making his/her debut today.

I know that you are probably wondering, what about Gurt? Well we feel that Tad is a child conceived out of our obedience to God's call to adopt on our life. God has confirmed through scripture, prayer and other people that now is the time for us to adopt. We see no reason to think that God has changed his mind. Our circumstances, yes. It may not have been how we would have planned it. But God knows what he is doing. His plan is perfect and it all just got a little more complicated.

Prayer Focus:

1) All praise be to the God who is full of surprises and laugh at our plans as He takes them and perfects them.

2) Pray for me and my body. Pray that this pregnancy will be perfect and complete. That my body will have all of the progesterone and nutrients that it needs. Pray for Tad. Pray for a strong heart and that God will knit all of his inmost parts together in the secret place.

3) Pray for Gurt, the baby growing in my heart. That God will bless him and keep him safe. Pray that God guides our every footstep as we find him.

I love you all so much and I have included Tad's first baby picture. I know I am biased but Tad is the most perfect and gorgeous ball of goo that I have ever seen. The dark spot in the middle is Tad and the arrow is pointing to his little heart. I am in love and I hope we get to meet Tad someday.

Mindy